Corrupt A Wish

[Butterfly88]

Granted, but you get drunk.

I wish 2015 would have been better.

 

[Reedstorm17]

Granted. I don't even want to corrupt that wish, because I wish the same thing.

Well, I guess I have to.

2015 is a better number than 2016 because it is a multiple of 5 and I like the number 5.

I wish everyone would delete Adam Lambert off their phones and he would stop singing.

 

[Skylar]

Granted. Everyone now has Adam Lambert on their tablets and he now screams all of his songs instead.

I wish that time would go faster.

 

[OrSomething]

Granted, time goes so fast that your life ends before you know it.

I wish my brother would stop yelling.

 

[Reedstorm17]

Granted. Everyone else yells instead.

I wish time would SLOW DOWN.

 

[Skylar]

Granted. Time gets slower by a quarter of a millisecond.

I wish that I wasn't bored.

 

[Reedstorm17]

Granted. You soon will be, though.

I wish my family didn't leave me on the second floor of the museum.

 

[Butterfly88]

Granted, but you all get stuck in the elevator.

I wish there was one day a month where I could eat whatever I wanted without gaining any weight.

 

[Flinty]

Granted. Whatever you want is apparently a bunch of sand.

I wish the Annual New Year's Domestic Argument would occur farther away than right outside my apartment.

 

[Ste11aeres]

Granted. The Annual New Year's Domestic Argument now occurs two blocks away. The Fortnightly Domestic Argument has taken up the vacant spot by your window.

I wish I had a salad with me right now.

 

[Flinty]

Granted. Wolfgang Puck brings it to you by throwing it in your face.

I wish I knew that Chicago were playing on a good New Year's special.

 

[Reedstorm17]

Granted. You know that you missed it.

I wish I didn't have gym today.

 

[Frixion168]

Granted, but you will have gym every day for the next year.

I wish I could get my assignments done in a more timely manner.

 

[Flinty]

Granted. Now that you are getting your assignments done more quickly, you have a lot of time afterward being bored. So now you have solved world hunger, world energy, and sea pollution. All of that means that the black helicopters will be visiting soon.

I wish I knew what the next important event in my life would be.

 

[Reedstorm17]

Granted. That event is your death.

I wish I could skip Wednesdays.

 

[Asenath]

Granted. Now you have a second Monday in the middle of every week, instead.
I wish I could sleep for eight hours straight.

 

[tree]

WISH GRANTED:
Sleep is no longer an issue.
You are a pretzel now.

I wish inexpensive, easy, ecologically appropriate
climate control was possible for areas
as large as 5 acres.

 

[Reedstorm17]

Granted. One acre is added to every area, except areas that are currently four acres.

I wish I didn't feel like I have no purpose so much.

 

[Flinty]

Granted. It's no longer a feeling.

I wish that my department had, you know, staff right now.

 

[Reedstorm17]

Granted, but they're lazy and you're about as well off as you were before they came.

I wish I could focus on taking notes for World History.