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Corrupt A Wish

Granted. You are one attometer taller.

I wish that people would stop caring about royal families.
 
Granted, but you and your family become royal and people care so little about royal families they refuse to even speak to you.

I wish loud noises didn't stress me out so much.
 
Granted. It's all those dropping pins now.

I wish my nose would stop dripping.
 
Granted. The fault underneath your therapist's office has caused a large earthquake. One half of the office is now one foot closer to your house. The other is nine inches farther away. Net gain of three inches.

I wish for class tomorrow to end around, say, noon.
 
Granted but you get chosen to stay until everyone else in the building leaves and then go round and clean every class room.

I wish someone would come over and do all my half finished landscaping jobs.
 
I came and perfectly maintained your yard, but I expected three blueberry pies, a mince pie, an apple tart, and some peeled kiwis in return. Kindly you obliged, but my kids showed up and, like little locusts, ate whatever else you had in the house.

I wish I had a nice boat to go around in.
 
Granted. Your wish appeared to be spaced incorrectly, so I will give you an ice boat that you can go around in. However, the only place you can go around is Antarctica.

I wish for a nice night's sleep tonight.
 
Granted, you sleep beautifully for ten hours, having dreams that you win the lottery and are cuddling with lots of cuddly forest creatures. You wake to find someone has stolen your wallet and placed a colony of fierce bees near your bed.

I wish I could morph into a singing, stinging butterfly.
 
Granted, but your sleep must decrease an additional hour each consecutive night and before you know it you are stuck being up all night.

I wish there was world peace.
 
Granted...until Donald Trump wins a second term as he takes credit for it.

I wish I never had to hear a single note of Shape of You ever again.
 
Granted, you never have to hear that particular song again. But, you have a constant soundtrack to your life following you wherever you go, to the movies, the gas station, to a restaurant. The song that follows you everywhere is Coldplay's Yellow. You used to like the song and be well liked but everyone shuns your new unwelcome accompaniment and you find yourself friendless and alone.

I wish I could walk on REALLY tall stilts.
 
Granted. You forget your spacesuit. Goodbye.

I wish I could have a free ticket to the World Curling Championship.
 
Granted, you didn't just allude to curling inside a barn, let's forget it was ever mentioned.

Wish my spouse would stop complaining about his singing voice after he smokes that one cigarillo every day.
 
Granted. He now smokes a full cigar before complaining.

I wish I knew then what I know now.
 
Granted, before computers there were actual heavy books to look up things in, remember rubber book-straps.

Wish I could travel quickly without taking a plane, if I had a frigate birds wings.
 
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