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Corrupt A Wish

Granted. However, every time you do, you are knocked down by a large group of thirsty children.

I wish that I could go to Las Vegas next spring.
 
Granted, but for some strange reason there is a winter-like storm and you are trapped in Las Vegas for days without food.

I wish my business was more successful.
 
Granted. You made three extra dollars today! Enjoy a mediocre cup of coffee!

I wish that it were five degrees warmer in my living room.
 
Granted, but it is 5 degrees warmer all year long, even during the hot summers.

I wish Starbucks wasn't expensive.
 
Granted. Enjoy a mediocre cup of coffee!

I wish that I could be the President of the USA.
 
Wish Granted.
You are the 2nd President of the United Soccer Association.
Good luck with that.

I wish some people wanted quilts for their cats so I could
give them quilts for their cats.
 
Granted but cats hate quilts so scratch them to pieces.

I wish my neighbors would stop their rabbit escaping.
 
Granted. You didn't know this but your neighbours have an underground bunker where they have been building a space rocket with the idea of sending the first rabbit into space. Launch is today. Unfortunately they have tied you to the rabbit.

I wish I had a new kitchen
 
Granted but they got the measurements wrong and none of the drawers or doors will open.

I wish my dogs didn't trek mud everywhere after we've had lots of rain.
 
Granted. Unfortunately they also forgot to put bottoms in all the drawers and cupboards.

I wish my dogs wouldn't try to catch rabbits when we're on space missions.
 
Granted. They try to catch cats instead.

I wish my glasses would stay together.
 
Granted but you have to eat it for every meal from now on! (Happy Birthday BTW :))

I wish it would stop raining so I can take my dogs for a walk.
 
Granted. They walk you to Brisbane.

I wish I could get a job with the North West Company.
 
Granted. You will be stacking shelves for the rest of your life.

I wish I could wind the clock back about 40 years.
 
Granted. You wind the arms back once, twice (that's two days) again until you've done it about 365x40 times. You're still the same age, you didn't travel back in time, but your hands are tired.
I don't know why you didn't stop after one day.
Oops you forgot the leap years. Is that why it didn't work? You start all over again.

I wish I knew which vegetable was the murderer
 
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Granted. He doesn't appreciate being called a "vegetable" and is thus now after you.

I wish I had a printer that is functional, has the correct connections, and has toner and paper.
 
Thank you @Fitzo for the birthday wishes.

Granted, but you can only print in black ink and can only find black printer paper so printing is pretty pointless.

I wish the US Postal Service offered carrier pickup for First Class Mail shipments.
 
Granted. But the size can only be no bigger than 4cm square.


I wish I could remember to water the plants that the rain doesn't reach.
 
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