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Corrupt A Wish

Granted. They pay for you to have an exclusive two-week vacation in a special place called Flintyville. You have a fairly high opinion of yourself, not arrogant, but a righteous opinion of a righteous man who tries his best to do good deeds, but since everyone in Flintyville constantly imitates you, to the point of dressing up like you and altering their vocal chords to sound like you, you begin to hate yourself, and have the most miserable Christmas you could contemplate. The good news is, when you return home, you make peace with all your old enemies, even though you still well know their faults, for the sole reason that they don't look or sound like you. You gradually recover. You are completely well by Easter, and you begin having the desire for an Easter vacation, even going so far as to ask the aid of your friends on this site...

I wish I could go to Flintyville, but only for three days.
 
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Granted, you enjoy imitating flinty for three days but he loses patience and kills you. You go to a nether world where your only consciousness is revealed in this thread.

I wish I could afford the fancy bread
 
Granted. But now everyone can afford the fancy bread, so there is none left.

I wish I could understand why commercial radio stations make you disable your ad blocker to listen to them.
 
Granted, but you understand so well now all radio stations require you to disable ad blocker.

I wish people carved tofu for Thanksgiving instead of turkeys.
 
Granted. Turkeys have become extinct because no one will farm them anymore. And the presidential pardon of soybeans doesn't exactly draw viewers.

I wish I had somewhere nice to spend Christmas.
 
Granted, you can spend Christmas somewhere really nice of your choice, but with the most awful and annoying company that will make your life a living hell, they will also take everything you own, leaving you with absolutely nothing, not even anywhere to live once Christmas is over.

I wish they'd ban Christmas altogether lol!
 
Granted. You are now living under Shariah law. Enjoy.

I wish there were fewer American Idol clones on TV.
 
Granted, but all of your favorite shows are now off the air and have been replaced with 27 new variations of The Price is Right, including a stamp collecting edition.

I wish people were more understanding of autism.
 
Granted. Two people have dedicated themselves to full-time study of the subject.

I wish for no one to ever have to listen to The Little Drummer Boy again.
 
Granted you will be forced to an eternity of repeatedly listening to Max Bygrave's Christmas Medley instead and if you don't sing along you will be prodded with an electric cattle prod. Oh and you MUST laugh at his cr**y jokes at the end each and every time too or suffer dire consequences.

Lets get you started:

(Can you spot @Flinty on the drums, see 2:19, 2:56, 3:02, 3:34 for a close up? Oh sorry it's not this thread.)

I wish someone would donate at least £1,000,000 to my Christmas fund so I can look forward to Christmas for once.
 
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They did, they definitely did. I saw them do it. Then i took it. I'm having a great xmas thanks..

I wish I was the man who kept saying 'turkey' in the final of Family Fortunes/Family Feud when it was hosted by Max Bygraves.
 
Granted. Your family is not speaking to you, and Americans keep calling you "Indian" for some reason.

I wish I could be a contestant on a North American version of Pointless.
 
Wish Granted.
The $100M turns out to be play money which is
slightly valuable due its being antique so you can barter
with it for what you hoped would be a Pilatus PC-12
but turns out to be politically correct pilates classes
suitable for ages through 12 years.

I wish the refrigerator would stop giving weather reports.
 
Wish granted. The refrigerator has stopped giving weather reports, but now the refrigerator doesn't work anymore, and now you must purchase a new one.

I wish salads were lower in price than hamburgers.
 
Granted! A hole has been drilled from the center of the earth into your basement and the heat from the center of the earth has evaporated the water! But, it has also melted the rest of your house.

I wish and an unlimited amount of wishes.
 
Granted on account of you losing all liquid in your body, so now your eustation tubes aren't off balance, but you look like a Halloween mummy.

I wish I was able to survive and not end up homeless.
 
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