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Dating: How can I get a girlfriend?

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Owliet said:
I am fully aware that this is a “English website” forum (whatever that means And why would that be relevant?). and that Markness is from the USA as I have been here for almost 2 years.=) But also, wouldn’t the behavior of the dating culture in the US matter more than a European one? Although, from what Markness has mentioned previously about his state’s culture, it’s quite a challenging situation.
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Yes but in the particular area I live in, the dating culture is rough even by US standards. It’s very pro-“alpha male” and if you don’t fit a certain mold, you either hope maybe there will be someone who isn’t buying into those expectations or you might have to move.
 
I don’t want to have my 30’s pass me by without having a girlfriend come into my life. I want my 30’s to be happier than my 20’s were and I am experiencing torschlusspanik since I am turning 35 this year. But what do I need to do to in order for to avoid that fear from becoming reality?
 
Try to find people "in your league" so to speak. If you don't like people in a similar position to you, work on changing your situation so that you can become more independent. Also, go to in-person meetups. You can do online, but use it as a tool to meet people online and stick to people who are local to you only. If someone non-local is bugging to meet you, tell them they can come to you only at your convenience and offer them a date, time, and place you planned on being regardless if they show or not.
 
I understand what @Markness. I too only encounter woman with similar interests already have boyfriends or husbands. I really hate meeting their significant other. I am polite and smile at them but I am cringin inside.

I have been talking to this girl new from the city I meet at lifegroup. The problem is that she also does yoga but whenever I try to talk to her I always get interrupted by someone else then I end up standing on the side while she ends up having a deep conversation with that person. As you said my conversation s fizzle out.

However since doing yoga on the weekdays my mood has been better. Maybe you should try to exercise by getting out of the house.
 
I actually gave up in this, (for now) i know is not realistic in my state of things (maybe life surprises me idk) but to expect having a relationship, also if you look at channels like "Mark Hutten ma" which in my opinion is a good channel, on youtube, you realize we can be a pain for other people sometimes in relationships, so i am optimistic in a way but also aware that this can be hard.
 
You have to work thru to get to the solution. Ask woman out for a couple of times, see what develops.


That's how it happens, you have to go out at work at it. The more you say negative things, the more you establish that reoccurring thought pattern, then you just stay in that defeatist mode, and you no longer push yourself to seek out a friend first, maybe a girlfriend later down the line.


All my relationships were work. And hard work. Yet l have only had a handful of relationships. You should spend sometime telling us what you did each day to meet someone. Talk to older ladies at the library and ask if they have a daughter who would like to see a movie or meet for coffee. Go to the coffee shop and sit down with a coffee and look around to see if there might be a nice person to approach. Go to special events in your town, often times you seen single woman there. Get a dog and go to the dog park, lots of people will talk to you when you take your dog for a walk. But make sure you are ready for the commitment of owning a pet. Learn to be a DJ or a photographer, and advertise to do events on your off days.
 
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Definitely "worrying" isn't going to do you any good.

What sort of stuff does she suggest, as far as working on
yourself?
 
tree said:
Definitely "worrying" isn't going to do you any good.

What sort of stuff does she suggest, as far as working on
yourself?
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She encouraged me to meditate, walk, challenge my thoughts, and do pleasurable activities or try to find new joy in the activities I used to do.
 
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