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Dating: How can I get a girlfriend?

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Markness said:
My detractors do not want me to have a girlfriend and I wish they would stop lying when they say they don’t think that way.
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Are these people in your every day face to face life?

Family members?
People you refer to as friends?

Random strangers you pass by on the way to WalMart/Dollar General?

Please don't name names , but where are these detractors?

People on-line you've never met?
Or what?
 
I am also very curious. Eventhou some of us here think different things will work towards your goal does not mean people here don't want you to find a girlfriend. We would just go about it differently. Are these detractors people you choose to see, or is there a way to see them less? Since they do not seem like people that would benefit you.
 
Yes, l feel as a collective whole, we all wish you to succeed and be successful at whatever you chose to do.
So we all have different ideas to offer. Because we all come from different paths. Definitely finding a girlfriend is a possibility and you can set out everyday with this desire, with a open heart and a open mind. If you let go of your negative feelings, and biases, you may get closer to a girlfriend or a great female friend. But this won't be a cure-all for the other things in your life, such as independence and a less intrusive mom, no matter how great her intentions are. But it seems you are taking more control of your life, and feelings, and asking your mom to respect your boundaries. You will need these life skills in dealing with all friends. Great job by the way. You definitely are changing and l like how you are bring yourself and your passions to the forum. There are quite a lot of younger forum ladies that probably have similar interests. Maybe another possibility.
 
Markness said:
My detractors do not want me to have a girlfriend and I wish they would stop lying when they say they don’t think that way.
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These detractors....what sort of control do they have over you?

Where do you encounter them?

What positions do they hold that make them a prominent feature
in your thoughts?
 
@tree , I think these are online people on other blogs. Their negative comments are handy excuses to do nothing to grow. "Why should I work to change myself when people will only tell me I'm worthless?"
 
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I’ve been dealing with many of my issues since 2006. You’d think by now I would be able to manage them but the constant disappointments, setbacks, non-starters, false hopes, and failures have kept me in a vicious cycle.

I will be turning 35 this year. I worry that I am long past the cut-off age.
 
My youngest so just became a father today it took him a while to get a girlfriend, in his thirties turns 38 in a couple of months. So no reason to put undue pressure on yourself. I think he was 35 when he met his first girlfriend, now on second. He met his girlfriends by giving tours of Toronto ironically. Through his mother he is descendent of the original settlers of Toronto unknown to him at the time.
 
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I understand you feel that way. But there is no cut-off age. Eventhou things can get hard. Giving up is never the answer. If you don`t shoot you can never score.
 
Markness said:
I will be turning 35 this year. I worry that I am long past the cut-off age.
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Why do you think there’s a cut off age?

No way! No such thing. There is still time to do many interesting things in life and meet different types of friends. I am learn how to have friends just now at 42.
 
Markness said:
I’ve been dealing with many of my issues since 2006. You’d think by now I would be able to manage them but the constant disappointments, setbacks, non-starters, false hopes, and failures have kept me in a vicious cycle.

I will be turning 35 this year. I worry that I am long past the cut-off age.
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From what you have written, when things do not work out you stop trying. You were turned down for a coffee date and then you do not try again. You are not going to make progress when you nail your shoes to the floor. Then you complain about a lack of success.
 
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Also, you don't get if you don't ask, and practice makes perfect, and you can't win if you don't play. I wish I could help you. I really feel for you. The older I get The more I see how easy it is to form a relationship. Both my sons showed me this one a ladies' man, the other had to more effort into it.
 
My wife best friend lost her husband a few months ago now I have to keep two women entertained with a social life me being a loner both ladies like to party.
 
Rodafina said:
Why do you think there’s a cut off age?

No way! No such thing. There is still time to do many interesting things in life and meet different types of friends. I am learn how to have friends just now at 42.
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I think it partly has to do with reading stories from other men who are much older than me who are still single and alone.

I also remember someone telling me “Don’t wait too long! You’ll run out of time!” and there are probably other incidents that made me buy into the belief that there is a cut off age.
 
Markness said:
I also remember someone telling me “Don’t wait too long! You’ll run out of time!” and there are probably other incidents that made me buy into the belief that there is a cut off age.
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A guy I know got engaged to his new girlfriend last week. He's 75. I don't think there's a cut-off age.

Is there any sport you are interested in? Sport can be a good way to meet people, sports bars and such. Or even taking part in sports. Lots of people are into sports. I met a lot of people because of skiing (that's the number one sport here) and when people share an interest like that they naturally get along sort of. You have something in common and a burning interest for it.
 
Markness said:
I think it partly has to do with reading stories from other men who are much older than me who are still single and alone.
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It sounds like your beliefs are impacted by selection bias.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Selection_bias
If you're posting about and looking at/for discussions of those who are single/alone, naturally, those who are single/alone are more likely to post and comment on them than those who are not single/alone, and so the samples that you are drawing from to form your conclusions is skewed.

Additionally, I notice that you generally have a tendency to have a bias towards the negative. Not that there's anything wrong with that per-se: a glass half empty and a glass half full are both equally valid ways of describing the same thing. But I feel that you are discounting examples provided that run counter to your beliefs, which would be a form of confirmation bias.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Confirmation_bias
 
VictorR said:
It sounds like your beliefs are impacted by selection bias.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Selection_bias
If you're posting about and looking at/for discussions of those who are single/alone, naturally, those who are single/alone are more likely to post and comment on them than those who are not single/alone, and so the samples that you are drawing from to form your conclusions is skewed.

Additionally, I notice that you generally have a tendency to have a bias towards the negative. Not that there's anything wrong with that per-se: a glass half empty and a glass half full are both equally valid ways of describing the same thing. But I feel that you are discounting examples provided that run counter to your beliefs, which would be a form of confirmation bias.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Confirmation_bias
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+100 His negative vibe is probably warning off potential connections.
 
Forest Cat said:
A guy I know got engaged to his new girlfriend last week. He's 75. I don't think there's a cut-off age.

Is there any sport you are interested in? Sport can be a good way to meet people, sports bars and such. Or even taking part in sports. Lots of people are into sports. I met a lot of people because of skiing (that's the number one sport here) and when people share an interest like that they naturally get along sort of. You have something in common and a burning interest for it.
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I honestly don’t find team sports interesting and the fandoms for them tend to be toxic. Texans are especially nasty when it comes to sports. Football (Handegg) fans tend to be very dismissive of soccer and even associate it with race which makes the toxicity even worse.
 
OK.

So you don't care for team sports.

You do like anime, on the other hand.
And, to some degree, assembling model figures.

And writing.
 
Markness said:
I honestly don’t find team sports interesting and the fandoms for them tend to be toxic. Texans are especially nasty when it comes to sports. Football (Handegg) fans tend to be very dismissive of soccer and even associate it with race which makes the toxicity even worse.
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Ok, I just thought of sports because it's something people bond over and it can make it easier to meet people. I still think looking for groups of people you share an interest with can be a good idea.
 
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