Did you ever have problems with relationships..

[Aspychata]

As @Shamar says, l can't have relationships in the traditional sense of that definition, so l have relationships with people l really like that can't have relationships also, though l really became attracted to my last one. My long enduring relationship is one of long-lasting friendship, platonic, that's what they prefer. No judgments, we don't argue and it's a *relationship*. Once you free yourself from the confines of what a relationship may or may not be and just call the shots of what is successful for you, then relationships work out. I have been in platonic relationships before, and people can truly care but not want the other. Too many people label my relationships, now l realize they will never get me or the beautiful souls l care for.

 

[Judge]

As @Shamar says, l can't have relationships in the traditional sense of that definition, so l have relationships with people l really like that can't have relationships also, though l really became attracted to my last one. My long enduring relationship is one of long-lasting friendship, platonic, that's what they prefer. No judgments, we don't argue and it's a *relationship*. Once you free yourself from the confines of what a relationship may or may not be and just call the shots of what is successful for you, then relationships work out. I have been in platonic relationships before, and people can truly care but not want the other. Too many people label my relationships, now l realize they will never get me or the beautiful souls l care for.

I just settle for telling NTs, "It's complicated." And struggle to leave it that.

 

[Aspychata]

Face it, being on the spectrum, l need help because l do struggle with things, and l get to many who want the other from me in jobs, and it's tiring to encounter, so not working feels like breath of fresh air. I don't have to continually say no, l don't, no, not today. Lol.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

just someone who is fun to be with a little

That is what my spouse and I saw in each other. Right after we met on real life we were off on a road trip, had adventures, and enjoyed each other's company. Like this morning kayaking the Betsy river with friends, we are still adventuring. I still adore her.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

As @Shamar says, l can't have relationships in the traditional sense of that definition, so l have relationships with people l really like that can't have relationships also, though l really became attracted to my last one. My long enduring relationship is one of long-lasting friendship, platonic, that's what they prefer. No judgments, we don't argue and it's a *relationship*. Once you free yourself from the confines of what a relationship may or may not be and just call the shots of what is successful for you, then relationships work out. I have been in platonic relationships before, and people can truly care but not want the other. Too many people label my relationships, now l realize they will never get me or the beautiful souls l care for.

Platonic friendships /relationships are nice. I do not hide such from my spouse and we have a significant level of trust. Last year I had traveled to Thailand to visit a nurse and her husband that I had met on a professional discussion board about Sars-CoV-2. I am hoping that she will visit us and have provided a letter of recommendation to the US Embassy for her visa. She and her husband took me to Ayutthaya, and night markets, among other experiences and insisted that I eat like a native. It was wonderful.

 

[All-Rounder]

Nope, I seem to be even on tests more so NTish regardless of my autism, in the Rship area. This has made dating most other autistics disastruous, and I ended up having the same issues like the NTs who would come to the forum complaining about their autistic partners. My partners were also narcissistic and had anger issues and they were usually the ones who struggled with commitment and spending time in the relationship and many have cheated.

Thankfully right now I'm dating a sweet soul who is sustainably craving of my attention even though he wouldn't admit it. @Jonn

We share a lot of things together, some really important things to me are religious beliefs (or lack thereof), I wouldn't want my partner believing I'm deserving of hell or a sinner, that's horrible, being indoctriated changes a lot of people's views in ways that I really dislike and belief farthers them from critical thinking. Another view we share is antinatalism, where we have a lot of views which are extremely similar. Also our view on life, afterlife matches perfectly. And our political acceptance (or rather annoyance with extremes).

My extensive dating adventures left a very bitter taste in my mouth, I've seen the worst the world has to offer and I have become broken and tired, I'm still healing.

I didn't do types, I was for a long time exploring variety and quite naive about people's selfish intentions, and I noticed nobody really does types either, I could have anyone I wanted, and I would deny that I was everyone's type. Professional dating coaches do suggest shopping based, or type-based dating doesn't allow people to gain the long term success of their dreams, by applying the shopping outlook to dating, it's up more for failure rather than any progress.

I was always very open minded about people and I valued less superficial things about people, so that advice was never needed to me, but I have really needed some advice on knowing personalities of people and hard judging them before letting myself get attached. My lack of judgement was stupidly deep.

 

[All-Rounder]

The spectrum has rendered my perfectly capable brain pretty useless in sensitive matters due to its enhanced emotional capabilities, and it was very hard to make the big decisions. I ended up hating my exes with a passion that is hard to produce in any real life settings. It took a toll on my mental health having to suppress all that heavy burden in my relationships. That was the only thing that allowed me to dump them, though.

My childhood issues had made the letting go of toxicity hard, and also had made me high maintenance with extremely low expectations, not a great mix. I spent 4 years and 7 months in a toxic online relationship regardless of real life good proposals, I'm not even sure if I regret all aspects of it, being so alienated from physical encounters, but also uncomfortable due to pregnancy fears. I was led on for many years being told "I love you" without being provided any evidence, until literally 5 mins before being broken up with and left for a new coworker. My only shame remains, the ability to date all these horrible people, but I wouldn't blame myself given my issues I did all I could possibly do and more. I truly believed in love.

Regardless of always being in a relationship, I have never desired to be in one. And I had zero reason to, it made no sense to me, except emotionally. But right now I'm happy.

There are horrible people in all areas of humanity, with all seeming kinds of personalities, and judging based on these qualities is not productive. Also people wear a lot of masks to cover up their issues. To get to the truth takes extensive digging.

 

[Xinyta]

It is hard, I think some physical and emotional attraction is important, more so emotional because looks can get old.
I have things I am attracted to and struggle if they are not know there, I like artistic types, intellectual types, some confidence and stability in self and people who are positive.
And I really am more attracted to kindness as time goes on, meanness gets so challenging and old. It is nice when the person wants to be kind to you and is there for you.
Mean people are in abundance these days though, hard to find a kind soul.

Cruelty is unfortunately a part of the human condition. There will be nasty folks in the world no matter how much we despise that fact. Evil must exist for good to flourish, and vice-versa. Like light and shadow.

But I do not disagree. People who allow for kindness in thier hearts are worth having around. Though the kindest souls have also suffered the worst life has to offer. Kindness tempered by cruelty. Love blazing brightly in the dark halls of hate.

 

[Aspychata]

Oh dear. I could say l don't do types, but l have a serious type, and it's even more specific now, due to the (type), l fell head over heels with. Lol. But l can dream about him, for the rest of my life.

 

[All-Rounder]

Oh dear. I could say l don't do types, but l have a serious type, and it's even more specific now, due to the (type), l fell head over heels with. Lol. But l can dream about him, for the rest of my life.

I could fall in love with anyone, maybe it has to do with my pansexuality, lol. Or panromanticity. But that's been annoying as hell.

But also I've seen a lot of people come with their type of a favored individual then throw it all out the door once they fall in love with someone that has nothing to do with it lol.

 

[lovely_darlingprettybaby]

The relationship with my spouse has been a dance. It has had its ups and downs and it is nice when we support each other. We started out on an adventure and are still having them.

You mentioned that you want adventures @lovely_darlingprettybaby . That is great. I have seen too many NTs that go from their parents house into relationships (marriage) without developing a life of their own. I am happy to have avoided that because the relationships I then developed were meaningful and not driven by need (except for the aspect of intimacy.) That let me recognize the specialness of my spouse and I have been committed to her.

I am very proud of a niece who has worked hard to be independent. She enjoys the various things in the places she works and likes wilderness hiking. She has wanted a fossil collecting adventure and so this November I am treating her to a trip into Morocco's Anti-Atlas.

Yes it is hard I have been very unwell and confined, sometimes I just wish I could have adventures with friends or go out to some parties and chat to some men before I settle down.
Have some fun, do some art classes.

Cruelty is unfortunately a part of the human condition. There will be nasty folks in the world no matter how much we despise that fact. Evil must exist for good to flourish, and vice-versa. Like light and shadow.

But I do not disagree. People who allow for kindness in thier hearts are worth having around. Though the kindest souls have also suffered the worst life has to offer. Kindness tempered by cruelty. Love blazing brightly in the dark halls of hate.

Wow, I love that quote, it is very poetic.
Yes and cruelty is a part of life, no matter how much it hurts.

 

[lovely_darlingprettybaby]

The spectrum has rendered my perfectly capable brain pretty useless in sensitive matters due to its enhanced emotional capabilities, and it was very hard to make the big decisions. I ended up hating my exes with a passion that is hard to produce in any real life settings. It took a toll on my mental health having to suppress all that heavy burden in my relationships. That was the only thing that allowed me to dump them, though.

My childhood issues had made the letting go of toxicity hard, and also had made me high maintenance with extremely low expectations, not a great mix. I spent 4 years and 7 months in a toxic online relationship regardless of real life good proposals, I'm not even sure if I regret all aspects of it, being so alienated from physical encounters, but also uncomfortable due to pregnancy fears. I was led on for many years being told "I love you" without being provided any evidence, until literally 5 mins before being broken up with and left for a new coworker. My only shame remains, the ability to date all these horrible people, but I wouldn't blame myself given my issues I did all I could possibly do and more. I truly believed in love.

Regardless of always being in a relationship, I have never desired to be in one. And I had zero reason to, it made no sense to me, except emotionally. But right now I'm happy.

There are horrible people in all areas of humanity, with all seeming kinds of personalities, and judging based on these qualities is not productive. Also people wear a lot of masks to cover up their issues. To get to the truth takes extensive digging.

Wow, it is hard for me too. I want to be with men a bit, to find comfort, to find intimacy and closeness.
To feel Attractive, to have attention.
I am not sure I want to be with one man or monotonous my whole life.
I'm not sure how I see relationships or where I belong and I am having issues with belonging.

 

[lovely_darlingprettybaby]

Nope, I seem to be even on tests more so NTish regardless of my autism, in the Rship area. This has made dating most other autistics disastruous, and I ended up having the same issues like the NTs who would come to the forum complaining about their autistic partners. My partners were also narcissistic and had anger issues and they were usually the ones who struggled with commitment and spending time in the relationship and many have cheated.

Thankfully right now I'm dating a sweet soul who is sustainably craving of my attention even though he wouldn't admit it. @Jonn

We share a lot of things together, some really important things to me are religious beliefs (or lack thereof), I wouldn't want my partner believing I'm deserving of hell or a sinner, that's horrible, being indoctriated changes a lot of people's views in ways that I really dislike and belief farthers them from critical thinking. Another view we share is antinatalism, where we have a lot of views which are extremely similar. Also our view on life, afterlife matches perfectly. And our political acceptance (or rather annoyance with extremes).

My extensive dating adventures left a very bitter taste in my mouth, I've seen the worst the world has to offer and I have become broken and tired, I'm still healing.

I didn't do types, I was for a long time exploring variety and quite naive about people's selfish intentions, and I noticed nobody really does types either, I could have anyone I wanted, and I would deny that I was everyone's type. Professional dating coaches do suggest shopping based, or type-based dating doesn't allow people to gain the long term success of their dreams, by applying the shopping outlook to dating, it's up more for failure rather than any progress.

I was always very open minded about people and I valued less superficial things about people, so that advice was never needed to me, but I have really needed some advice on knowing personalities of people and hard judging them before letting myself get attached. My lack of judgement was stupidly deep.

I have made some stupid choices and always end up feeling used and abused, sick of it. I do not know why people prey on innocent people and have had my fair share of jealous women stab my back.
Autistics have really hard issues, I have felt attraction to the wrong people.
I can never win, you cannot just feel attracted to the wrong people forever.
I am a Christian and I have had difficulties with my faith too, I do not like to think I am not enough or a sinner either or deserving of hell.
I have had a lot if difficulty with faith, I love God but I have found it very hard.
I am grieving at the moment about the wrong attractions I have and I do not know how to fix these,so it turns out well for me.

 

[lovely_darlingprettybaby]

Face it, being on the spectrum, l need help because l do struggle with things, and l get to many who want the other from me in jobs, and it's tiring to encounter, so not working feels like breath of fresh air. I don't have to continually say no, l don't, no, not today. Lol.

Me too, I need help and,support, not easy finding the people who understand

 

[lovely_darlingprettybaby]

As @Shamar says, l can't have relationships in the traditional sense of that definition, so l have relationships with people l really like that can't have relationships also, though l really became attracted to my last one. My long enduring relationship is one of long-lasting friendship, platonic, that's what they prefer. No judgments, we don't argue and it's a *relationship*. Once you free yourself from the confines of what a relationship may or may not be and just call the shots of what is successful for you, then relationships work out. I have been in platonic relationships before, and people can truly care but not want the other. Too many people label my relationships, now l realize they will never get me or the beautiful souls l care for.

I cannot tell you how much I am struggling with my definition of relationships and,how much I pay for not seeing these things normal.
I have no idea,how to make my relationship s normal or if that is how it is,supposed,to go but I'll pay,for it

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

Evil must exist for good to flourish

I refuse to believe that. Cruelty and kindness are choices we make. There are cruel, selfish people and I have been hurt by them, sometimes severely. I know that economic choices I have made have likely resulted in some being treated cruelly and that makes me sad. But when I have good knowledge I try to avoid choices that result in human suffering. The trajectory of my career was done with the intention of being of service to others.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

I have made some stupid choices and always end up feeling used and abused, sick of it. I do not know why people prey on innocent people and have had my fair share of jealous women stab my back.
Autistics have really hard issues, I have felt attraction to the wrong people.
I can never win, you cannot just feel attracted to the wrong people forever.
I am a Christian and I have had difficulties with my faith too, I do not like to think I am not enough or a sinner either or deserving of hell.
I have had a lot if difficulty with faith, I love God but I have found it very hard.
I am grieving at the moment about the wrong attractions I have and I do not know how to fix these,so it turns out well for me.

We have issues with trust, @lovely_darlingprettybaby, but we can learn. I had to learn to recognize accepting people and have had people treat me generously. The users, I avoid. I have treated people with respect, but sometimes I was so concerned with disrespecting them that I was afraid to do much. My respect for girls/women was exaggerated like that and so I had felt ashamed to profess my interest in them. I feel regret that it kept me from connecting with some nice people. The boys/men I tended to avoid because I had been hurt by their cruel words to me, but now have some very accepting friends.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

Yes it is hard I have been very unwell and confined, sometimes I just wish I could have adventures with friends or go out to some parties and chat to some men before I settle down.
Have some fun, do some art classes.

I hope that you find your heart's desire for adventure. Have you tried involvement with interest or activity groups? When I was starting to learn to be social, I found that interest and participation counted for more than neurology. It was through Sierra Club outings that I met my spouse. She was hoping to meet a man she could do outdoor activities with and I was desiring the same in a woman. We hit it off in a big way.

 

[Tom]

Although a Christian, I also often look to nature for inspiration. I'll see something and think 'I like, or respect that'.

Gentoo Penguins are one such for me. I find their lifelong monogamy touching, and their sharing of duties incubating the eggs and gathering food fair minded. Also I like how they stick together in the most difficult environments.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

I go for a walk with my wife once a day. Really enjoy it.