Do You Have Empathy?

[SUM1]

Should we be? People die all constantly. I don't think we or anyone else should be expected to care about everyone. I think it's perfectly natural to care about people you have a close emotional connection to, or people you can identify with.

Most others I know do. How can you expain "9/11 never forget" or "prayers for Boston" etc???

Maybe their concerns are only legitimate 20% of the time? We can't be expected to care about all the stupid crap people get sad about.

No, when people are upset about genuine things, not "crap". Even then I can't empathise. The 20% was supposed to mean things I can strongly relate to OR someone I genuinely love (outside of/not including my family).

 

[Ste11aeres]

Most others I know do. How can you expain "9/11 never forget" or "prayers for Boston" etc???



No, when people are upset about genuine things, not "crap". Even then I can't empathise. The 20% was supposed to mean things I can strongly relate to OR someone I genuinely love (outside of/not including my family).

Yeah, I would be willing to do things to help anyone, but I only feel when it's my best friend or a small child/baby. I don't feel pain if the baby/child is in physical pain, only if he/she needs love but is neglected, or is panicked at being separated from a parent/caregiver. And I don' usually feel actual pain on my friend's behalf, instead I just have feelings of tenderness and love which lead me to show the same nurturing, or perhaps more, than if I felt actual pain. So I only feel pain if a small child feels emotionally abandoned.

 

[Jeff]

Yeah, I would be willing to do things to help anyone, but I only feel when it's my best friend or a small child/baby. I don't feel pain if the baby/child is in physical pain, only if he/she needs love but is neglected, or is panicked at being separated from a parent/caregiver. And I don' usually feel actual pain on my friend's behalf, instead I just have feelings of tenderness and love which lead me to show the same nurturing, or perhaps more, than if I felt actual pain. So I only feel pain if a small child feels emotionally abandoned.

Yes, that is how I am as well. I remember viewing other children at my school in distress while I was young myself and I would really feel sad for them, more than other people did even. Because I knew how they felt.
I admire you for caring for children in that way. I don't think everybody does.

But sometimes it's hard. I want to care and... but for the last 4 years I've been in so much pain. I feel like I want to become a psychopath but I never do, I continue to feel. It's really distressing to still want to care but feel totally neglected myself, and without people. It creates problems in the way I perceive my own morality and values. I think I'm meant to be a sensitive and caring person but I've been crushed by society, and too scared to make the emotional connections to show that I care. Really hurts.:unhappy:

 

[Licorice]

Re: Do You Have Empathy? yes

While I don't like labeling people as "autistic vs. normal" (I find it too divisive for my taste; we have enough problems in the world that are exacerbated by labels), I understand why some of us do it. But I think mutual understanding is more likely to occur when we don't point fingers at each other and say, "You don't understand!"

I'm reminded of a funny wall hanging in my kitchen that was a present to my father from one of his sisters. It reads:

"Why is it that when I don't understand, I'm not listening, but when you don't understand, I'm not communicating?"

It's been around for as long as I can remember (and thus prior to my diagnosis) but it resonates with me even more now that I know I'm on the spectrum. It reflects the need for better communication between people on the spectrum and people who aren't. We're still all human beings, no matter what labels we might stick on ourselves.

This kind of mindset has helped me to improve things for myself quite a bit. It's still difficult, of course, but at least I'm not running through the world trying to find a "match" like I'm a lost puzzle piece.

 

[tryingtoregister]

I feel like I want to become a psychopath but I never do, I continue to feel. It's really distressing to still want to care but feel totally neglected myself, and without people. It creates problems in the way I perceive my own morality and values. I think I'm meant to be a sensitive and caring person but I've been crushed by society, and too scared to make the emotional connections to show that I care. Really hurts.:unhappy:

Hey man I here what your saying.. sometimes it seems it would be easier if I would actually be the way so many people around me are perceiving me.. as just uncaring, conceited, arrogant type of person. Then I wonder if I should be careful what I wish for.. those types of people are happier the way they are, but won't appreciate the beauty of an emotional connection if they could ever find one.. Think of it like the guy who lives in Colorado vs the person who sees the Rockies for the first time as an adult. The person who finally has a chance to see the majesty of something so naturally amazing and beautiful will appreciate it and cherish it so much more then someone whos had it around them their whole lives.. at least that's what I keep telling myself

 

[Judge]

I have empathy in my heart, however I don't always project it in a manner consistent with how Neurotypicals want or expect it.

 

[IbiPatria]

I think it is good to mention that a.) those with antisocial personality disorder (psychopaths/sociopaths as they were/still sometimes are called) utterly ar thought to be devoid of any empathy.

Enter ASDs. Lack of empathy isn't meant as total lack and it also has 2 components. There is affective and cognitive. The empathy that often is lessened or 'lacking' is the affective one. This also does not mean one can't sympathise. Another huge factor is the gender one identifies and how that affects one's ASD symptom demonstration.

The ability to mimic and girls often not being as encouraged to be loud/aggressive (esp. in play) makes for a difference that by now has started to be the subject of many an article/forum post.

Also, levels of anxiety and over stimulation plus any sleep deprivation will all lead to more 'numbing' in a way, heightened aggressiveness (even a little), impulsiveness and less empathic capabilities.

 

[Nestmc]

I'm think I do not have emphaty, but I'm not sure. I can't put myself in the place of the other people, when the others feel pain or happiness or sadness I can't fell it like the neurotypical. I often feel like I'm using my family and friends, because I can't connect with them and share they feelings.

 

[Ste11aeres]

I think it is good to mention that a.) those with antisocial personality disorder (psychopaths/sociopaths as they were/still sometimes are called) utterly ar thought to be devoid of any empathy.

Enter ASDs. Lack of empathy isn't meant as total lack and it also has 2 components. There is affective and cognitive. The empathy that often is lessened or 'lacking' is the affective one. This also does not mean one can't sympathise. Another huge factor is the gender one identifies and how that affects one's ASD symptom demonstration.

The ability to mimic and girls often not being as encouraged to be loud/aggressive (esp. in play) makes for a difference that by now has started to be the subject of many an article/forum post.

Also, levels of anxiety and over stimulation plus any sleep deprivation will all lead to more 'numbing' in a way, heightened aggressiveness (even a little), impulsiveness and less empathic capabilities.

Actually, it's said that ASD causes a deficit in cognitive empathy, but normal or sometimes above normal levels of affective empathy. Although the issue is complicated, and there is much disagreement. Autist's Corner: Simon Baron-Cohen Responds to Criticism from an Autistic Blogger - Part I
There are individual differences among Aspies in regards to the degree of affective empathy, but such individual differences exist also even among NTs.

I personally think that the thing that distinguishes us is not that we all have too much or that we all have too little...I think it is that we operate in extremes. But what extreme exactly an Aspie is on depends on the individual. So just as one Aspie might have sensory hypersensitivity, and another might have hyposensitivity (or the same person might be hypersensitive to some things and hyposensitive to some others)...one aspie might never stop talking, another might never stop...likewise with empathy...some Aspies tend to be clueless in regards to what others are feeling, others are extra sensitive and perceptive. Some feel little emotional empathy, others feel a lot, more than others do. I feel no emotional empathy much of the time, but if something happens to one of the few people I really really love...I will be totally obsessed with trying to help them, unable to think of anything else.
I feel no empathy for bad news events but sometimes I will hear or read about less-publicised bad things happening to people I don't know (for instance the emotional trauma and exploitation of women who work in the porn industry, or the use of gentle pit bulls as "bait" for those other dogs being trained as fighters) and I will think of nothing else.

I felt no emotional empathy before the age of seventeen. Then I developed a little bit of it. Within the last two years, I developed a lot more.

 

[checkered past]

On Asperger's tests that I have taken my empathy quotient scores are always very low. I tend to objectify people and have become misogynistic. The amount of compassion I feel toward others has a lot to do with how closely connected they are to me, with my children being the most important people in my life, followed by my parents, after that I suppose my extended family comes next and then people of my same ethnic group. Once you get outside of my race, I don't really feel any sense of connection at all to people beyond that point, their inherent difference makes them beyond the extent of my caring about them one way or another. A lot of people dislike that about me, but that is who I am and I feel no need or desire to change.

 

[Ereth]

It's too bad you feel that way about people who aren't of your ethnic group, though I can't determine if it's honest-to-goodness racism or just an Aspie tendency to prefer the familiar to the unfamiliar. Obviously I don't know you, so I can't say which it is. We're all people, though, and our similarities far outweigh the skin-deep differences.

 

[Sparticus]

I have too much empathy...I feel pain when too much sadness is shared and it affects me. Though many people told me I'm a great listener!

 

[checkered past]

It's too bad you feel that way about people who aren't of your ethnic group, though I can't determine if it's honest-to-goodness racism or just an Aspie tendency to prefer the familiar to the unfamiliar. Obviously I don't know you, so I can't say which it is. We're all people, though, and our similarities far outweigh the skin-deep differences.

I think the two things most people (sighted ones at least) notice when they encounter a person for the first time is that person's race and their gender - a lot of people may be uncomfortable admitting this about themselves (especially if they are left-leaning politically), but I still believe that it is true of everyone, even those who try to pretend that they don't due to their desire to appear "politically correct."

I'm no fan of political correctness myself and although I am not a believer in a god, I am pretty old fashioned and traditional in my ideas about how things and people should be in order for society to be a decent place to live and raise children in.

 

[Biblio-Love]

I have too much empathy...I feel pain when too much sadness is shared and it affects me. Though many people told me I'm a great listener!

I think I am this way too. People describe me as cold because I put up walls, but I do this to protect myself because I feel way too much. Many things affect me deeply so I avoid the news, emotional movies, and sometimes avoid taking an interest in people's lives because I can't turn it off (ever). I found that the best way to avoid emotional turmoil is to avoid other people and just be in my own little world. So some people think I am cold because I am uninterested, but the opposite is true. I am overly empathetic. And, since I know that a stranger crying in the supermarket can spiral me into a 2-month depression... yeah, sometimes I don't want to know.

 

[Ereth]

I think the two things most people (sighted ones at least) notice when they encounter a person for the first time is that person's race and their gender - a lot of people may be uncomfortable admitting this about themselves (especially if they are left-leaning politically), but I still believe that it is true of everyone, even those who try to pretend that they don't due to their desire to appear "politically correct."

I can only speak for myself, of course, but for me, it's not about being politically correct---it's about being a decent human being. My family has demonstrated its share of prejudices throughout my life, and from a very early age I vowed not to be like that.

 

[checkered past]

I can only speak for myself, of course, but for me, it's not about being politically correct---it's about being a decent human being. My family has demonstrated its share of prejudices throughout my life, and from a very early age I vowed not to be like that.

Your notion of decency may well be my idea of degeneracy.

 

[Ereth]

Maybe it is. But in that case I imagine I'd like to remain my filthy degenerate self. But don't worry---I keep to myself.

 

[Flinty]

I think I had an empathic experience once. I didn't particularly care for it.

Mind you, I think a lot of people who used to be in my life aren't particularly worth empathizing over.

 

[LittlePuff]

I am way too empathetic, even for people I don't know. I cry extremely easily, anywhere. It's a real problem when you do it at work. I wish I could be the other extreme.

 

[Aspie510]

I appear un-empathetic because I don't have the prototypical emotes written across my face. Also, too much emotion shuts me down. So I have a hard time acting on the information.

But, you put me in front of a string pulling tear jerker and I'll cry with the best of them. IMO, that's because there's no demand on my response. I can just let go and be myself.