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Do You Have Empathy?

Hey wait a minute! :-) I'm supposed to be "too sensitive." But from what I am reading you got me beat...I'd be visiting you to cheer ya up...but then I'd be crying out of empathy too! :D

Empathy can feel like real physical pain to me...but then again I can feel someone's heart and soul thru their hands or a hug. Are we better off, a higher being or just overwhelmed in a modern world? Great post and sad that you feel the intense feelings I feel. Amazing... I wonder why we feel this?

"And, since I know that a stranger crying in the supermarket can spiral me into a 2-month depression"


I think I am this way too. People describe me as cold because I put up walls, but I do this to protect myself because I feel way too much. Many things affect me deeply so I avoid the news, emotional movies, and sometimes avoid taking an interest in people's lives because I can't turn it off (ever). I found that the best way to avoid emotional turmoil is to avoid other people and just be in my own little world. So some people think I am cold because I am uninterested, but the opposite is true. I am overly empathetic.

And, since I know that a stranger crying in the supermarket can spiral me into a 2-month depression...

yeah, sometimes I don't want to know.
 
Sometimes too much of something (empathy) can make it seem like you have the opposite to others. For instance if you are feeling someone else's pain so strongly that you shut down...the other person sees it as you not feeling empathy when in reality you are paralyzed from having too much of it!
 
Sometimes those who don't understand us imo write posts that have little empathy or feelings for us. WE are not little children to be constantly lectured. But brighter and more intelligent than the dim bulbs who don't understand us. But try to profit off of us.
 
Yeah, I would be willing to do things to help anyone, but I only feel when it's my best friend or a small child/baby. I don't feel pain if the baby/child is in physical pain, only if he/she needs love but is neglected, or is panicked at being separated from a parent/caregiver. And I don' usually feel actual pain on my friend's behalf, instead I just have feelings of tenderness and love which lead me to show the same nurturing, or perhaps more, than if I felt actual pain. So I only feel pain if a small child feels emotionally abandoned.
Ste11aeres,
My son's response on empathy:
Quote.
I can most certainly relate with this, empathy could jitter my vein through those really random and unexpected moments. This might be grief and helplessness of a starving beggar, plight of a mother seeing her child in pain or sudden realization that a close family members wants a shoulder to find comfort. I may fit into their shoes, and see what they are going through, however, my challenge is my inability to communicate my concern to them in very clear and expressed way. Probably, I may feel scared in approaching them, or it could be lack of belief in myself to console and be able to provide shoulder of comfort to them. Nevertheless, I also believe that we are always in a state of evolution, where we continually transform , adapt and modify into something newer. My professional career has strongly evolved from personal orientation and interest, in following a trail and niche which is written and defined by what i feel, gather and understand. I have often thought of myself as a creator, innovator and a strategist.I may not relish routine managerial tasks and duties as I am always preoccupied with the broader picture, a canvas or avenue where newer colors are to be filled and new transformations allay with my thought processes. I think that i have adapted to a lot of things, which a routine life demands, but my broader orientation still stems from a very abstract and unbounded definition of what reality is??
Un Quote..
 
Hey wait a minute! :) I'm supposed to be "too sensitive." But from what I am reading you got me beat...I'd be visiting you to cheer ya up...but then I'd be crying out of empathy too! :D

Empathy can feel like real physical pain to me...but then again I can feel someone's heart and soul thru their hands or a hug. Are we better off, a higher being or just overwhelmed in a modern world? Great post and sad that you feel the intense feelings I feel. Amazing... I wonder why we feel this?

"And, since I know that a stranger crying in the supermarket can spiral me into a 2-month depression"

We'll give each other cyber hugs :)
 
Well, i am unsure exactly how to describe empathy. I mean, it is difficult to understand the emotions of someone without any way to know what they are, and then being able to know how to react to it?
If i know the person, it is easier to work out how they are feeling, but sometimes it is hard to actually "connect"
But I feel bad if i hurt someone, so i guess that counts for something.
 
I have empathy in my heart, however I don't always project it in a manner consistent with how Neurotypicals want or expect it.

Yeah. I'm the same way. I think it, feel it a bit. I just can't do it very well. I have a habit of saying to someone... my kids or my wife... "Go give them a hug". Encouraging others to do the deed.

And, I think sometimes I can see situations where empathy is needed better than the Straights. They seem so caught up in their own emotional complications that they don't pick up that someone else is in trouble.
 
Almost too much; I feel unreasonably sorry for someone if they just missed out on dessert or something.
 
I think they state those with autism may lack empathy, is because empathy usually requires putting yourself in someone else's shoes to understand what they are going through. This sometimes requires realizing that the way something would effect you is not the same as it would effect someone else. I understand this, but often don't understand how to think about it in their shoes.

So basically I have empathy for someone who loses a job, loses someone they love, or has financial problems because I understand them. I don't generally have empathy for someone who has problems in a relationship or a marriage, because I have never been in a romance and don't want to be, so usually I just tell them I really have nothing to offer them from personal experience.

Usually a complete lack of empathy comes with antisocial personality disorder. They have a complete disregard for the feelings of someone else, because they care about making their life goals come to pass, so generally don't care about who they hurt by lying, cheating, and stealing in order to get it. They aren't all criminals, but most of them would have no problem committing a crime if they knew they could get away with it, but going to jail would interrupt their life long dreams of power and money or something else.

Most sites I read with symptoms of autism spectrum disorders say appear to lack empathy, because they don't lack it entirely, but may not be able to understand certain things, so might not always have empathy. Other people have called me a sociopath before, simply because I didn't understand how things I have said or done hurt people, and when I was told they did, I would ask why it would bother someone that I said that, because it wouldn't have bothered me if someone said it to me.
 
It is a common misconception that you can't have empathy and have asperger's syndrome.
Empathy is not only about having to understand someone's feelings. It plays a major role in understanding how we are being perceived by the others and vice versa, our perception of others. Aspie's major challenge is to pick social cues and understanding body language, this basically stems from lack of empathy. That said, I firmly believe "Empathy" can be developed with strong support..
 
i feel like i have way way way too much empathy. I just feel everything too much, and it is overwhelming and uncomfortable. As a consequence of this, people can think Im kind of cold and too blunt.

It seems to me, ironically, that i come off as cold because i am actually overwhelmed with empathy. Im very guarded. I am very selective as to who or what i allow myself to feel? If that makes sense?
its like i cherry pick where my empathetic attention should go. OF course in life, you cant always cherry pick what you feel.

However- just cause i feel it, it doesn't necessarily mean that i care. Its not sympathy, its empathy.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________
Do any of yall know what an empath is ? i think this article is amazing, and led me to actually having the courage to be honest with myself about excepting my ASD.

This was posted in the other Empaths Alike group: groups.myspace.com/empathsalike
by Prince of Plasma

However the theory behind being an empath I see is actually quite an illusion. There is actually a medical term for our condition. It is a form of Autism known as Asperger Syndrome.

Empathy is really like the mythological counterpart to Asperger Syndrome (AS). Whereas AS is a medical term, Empathy is a mythological term. People with Asperger Syndrome (Aspies) have very deep-thinking brains and are very sensitive to their environment. Basically, regular brains can think lightly about lots of different topics at once, but Autists can only think deeply of one thing at a time. Whereas a regular brain skims lightly across a multitude of subjects, Autists think so deeply, we are often said to be living in our own world or on cloud nine. As a result, we learn a lot more about things than regular brains, and often have an above-average intelligence. But because we focus so deeply on our topics of interest (called Obsessions) then other facets of life which involve more dynamic thinking are difficult to us, such as functioning in groups, holding a regualr job and social life comfortably, or even washing every day. We are so focused on our obsessions that these "every day" activities are put aside in second place.

Now, because our brains are so deep, we notice so many things that a normal brain does not. We hone in on facial expressions, body language, words, objects, everything. We get a lot more information from any situation than an ordinary person needs. As a result, if there are too many people present, or situations start to proceed when we are not expecting it, we experience a sensory overload, which often turns to anxiety, confusion, fear and anger, or alternatively, extreme excitement. We are very easily affected by our surroundings, because we see so much in the simplest of things, whereas other would only see a simple and uninteresting thing.

(Both types of brains are useful for different tasks, together we can work as a team, but in order to do that, both types need to be officially recognised for their strengths and weaknesses.)

It is why we empaths can be so emotional, cry at the sunshine or rain, or at movies, because the simplest little things mean so much to us.

The trouble is, that this level of sensitivity isn’t always good for us socially, because where other people don’t see it, and if we are not understood for having the gifts we have, it can cause pretty bad social situations for us, we can become very twisted, hurt and mistrustful of people, and we can even be outcast from society completely if we put too many feet wrong. It’s not ours or other peoples fault, we both just have very differently-thinking kinds of brains. Both are necessary to a complete society and are perfectly natural states of mind. People who promote that these differences are a good thing, promote what is known as Neuro-diversity, a bit like cultural-diversity.

(This is all documented medically as a form of Autism. In official descriptions, it can sound a bit boring and vague, but once you start talking to others with the condition, reading about the subject and peoples experiences, you will soon realise like I have that Empathy and Asperger’s is one and the same.)

Now a big trouble we often encounter socially is when we express out theories of how we think other people think and feel, to normal people who have quick thinking dynamic brains as opposed to our slower deep-thinking brains. While we are often correct, other peoples brains simply do not go deep enough to be able to compute this information. They will often have a bad reaction if we are too forthright with them. In good cases we will be locally respected as a wise, considerate person who is able to solve problems.
 
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This subject always confuses me a lot... I'm not entirely sure about how much empathy I have. I find that as long as someone's negative emotions have nothing to do with me, I'm fine. If someone tries to drag me into their issues, I get flustered and don't know what to say, so then that's where it becomes a problem for me. I can't honestly say that I feel bad FOR other people, and I can't connect with them.

Right now everyone in my family is very upset because my great grandma has ovarian cancer and is probably going to die soon. I find that the strongest emotion I feel about this entire ordeal is annoyance with the fact that no one payed attention to her or cared about her existence until this news came out. Other than that, I'm not concerned with the situation. I've never been one to become upset with death, and I'm not sure why. It doesn't matter how close I am to someone - if they die, I don't mind, because I just think like... their death doesn't take away the memories I have of them. I just think of it as a permanent vacation. So because of my views about death, I can't relate to anyone being upset, and I can't offer any comfort. Is this a big sign that I may not have much empathy?

I try to empathize with others, though. I do try. It just never seems to happen the way it should.
 
I have empathy.....but it seems to totally differ from most of the people that I know. (The "normal" people?)
If somebody dies that I know (excluding close family) then I don't feel sadness, it's just more of an event of interest to me but nothing more. Yet when I watch a movie where somebody dies of cancer (for example) I cry my eyes out.
Especially if it's a young mother or a child....
I generally don't have a lot of empathy for people in general, (except for my husband or children) but I do find myself feeling sorry for old people, especially if they're poorly off in some way.
I have ALOT of empathy for animals, too much sometimes because I can't stand to see or hear about them suffering at all - it haunts me and bothers me much more than human suffering.
 
I've heard that Aspies usually feel MORE empathy than neurotypicals, its just that we often don't recognize it cos we don't pick up on cues that someone's upset, or we just don't know how to respond.
 
I've pondered this for a long time. Before I even knew what aspergers was, even though I had been diagnosed a decade earlier, I was concerned I was developing psychopathy. I do have empathy but since I do not understand the foundation of 99% of people's views/habits/behavior it is just very rare.

I had one of these rare moments last night and it felt good to feel that emotion.
 
Empathy is not only about having to understand someone's feelings. It plays a major role in understanding how we are being perceived by the others and vice versa, our perception of others. Aspie's major challenge is to pick social cues and understanding body language, this basically stems from lack of empathy. That said, I firmly believe "Empathy" can be developed with strong support..
Actually I think you have the cause and effect the wrong way around. The demonstrated lack of empathy is caused by the lack of understanding of social cues.
 
I think the lack of empathy we supposedly have is accurate to a point. I don't know about others but I can't put myself in someone else's shoes. Instead of trying to see things from someone else's perspective, which I can't imagine, I project what I would feel in their situation onto them and sympathize with them based on that. I have strong empathy for people that have experienced the things I have but can't see it from any point of view but mine.

Also, I'm very unattached about death. My next door neighbor who was like a grandmother to me died and I didn't bat an eye, same for my grandfather and anytime I hear about my dying grandmother. It sounds bad but I'm just like okay, yeah they aren't here anymore. It bothers me more that I don't cry or grieve, that it's really just an unavoidable adjustment to me, nothing else.
 

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