Do You Have Empathy?

[Judge]

I'd think projecting empathy even in what might be perceived in a very selective manner is still empathy.

I've come to believe that a real "lack" of empathy implies that one doesn't express or project or even think about it under any circumstances.

Autism is assessed for communications and socialization deficits in a Neurotypical environment. I accept that from their point of view. However this does not preclude us from having feelings. We're just apt to express them in a different manner depending where we are on the spectrum.

I used to question my own ability to empathize. I think I've figured that one out...

 

[ExplosiveTMT]

When someone who means a lot to me is upset, I feel very strongly for them.
In the past, there were times when my friend would get upset, then I would get upset myself because of how bad I felt for the person.
So, I guess I have very strong empathy towards others.
I've learned to not go really upset and instead offer as much help as I can.

So I guess I have very strong empathy.

 

[Anon88]

I'm under the impression my emotional spectrum is limited, and empathy in general is absent. That being said; I do agree with Spinning Compass in that I don't tend to go bully people for showing of how much I don't care about something. I'm indifferent about a lot of things (if not all)... especially if they're not things that affect me personally.

For an indication of my limited emotional spectrum; the last time I actually cried is about 4 years ago (and it was because it affected me personally)... deaths of family members don't seem to faze me at all. I often think that the way I express myself towards certain situations, has little to do with being emotional (or emphatic for that matter), but has more to do with my personal form of "common sense". I don't get emotionally involved over, say... animal cruelty. But it still feels pointless and that's what I will address.

Perhaps it's good to be as limited as I am... I don't know if I would really want all this feeling on top of what I have now. Even the small amounts of feeling I have now, annoy me at times.

Yeah I've mentioned in other threads on AC that family deaths just don't faze me. To me it's like the person's gone and that's that. Tears will never form unless I'm trying to put on a good show for my mom who's extremely emotional about any death including a celebrity. Same with the animal cruelty thing. These are all emotions where I understand the concept of it being sad and wrong but it's just never sparked any type of emotion in me. The only empathy I've ever really possessed is that fact that I feel bad when my loved ones are hurting (kinda sorta). I just don't really care about the circumstances that put them in that state of pain. And the rare times I do find myself genuinely empathizing with someone and becoming emotional, like Ste11aeres said above, it dominates my ever thought. Which I find annoying because I just know if the situation was reversed these ppl wouldn't give a crap about me.

 

[Keith]

If you lack empathy, be careful around Rick Deckard.

I empathize with people very easily. I understand why people don't like Eclipse and Brain Damage being played separately on Pandora, e.g.

 

[GallacticGorilla]

I can easily disconnect from people , ideas, problems that are not directly mine. Why waste the bandwidth thinking about unneccesary crap.

However, Anything within a say 30 foot direct radius of me, I feel ALL of that too much. LIke every room and every group of people has a type of "emotional temperature" that can be hot, cool , nervous what have you. If it is direectly in front of me, I am often overwhelemed with the emotional temperature that is happening directly in from of me, and to me that seems like empathy, but not a normal form of empathy

 

[toothless]

am autie,not aspie and completely lack both forms of empathy.
having LFA am extremely disconnected from people so lack the empathy as well but do have a sense of sympathy- for animals,vulnerable adults and young children,possibly because am able to relate to them all better.
have got very high levels of moralness and following laws/rules and am the total opposite to a horrid pyschopath in every way, hate the way lack of empathy is always seen as a positive marker for pyschopathy by the general public.

 

[Hidden]

I don't know. I thought I did, but my parents keep calling me a psychopath, both in jest and when they are really angry at me. And I don't feel particularly strongly about death either. Sometimes I force myself to cry just to prevent people from wondering.

I usually think about how I'd feel in their place, and empathize with them based on that. The problem with this, is that it turns out they don't feel what I would, so it ends badly....does this even make sense?

 

[Sal26]

I think I can safely say I lack empathy.[emoji53]

 

[LittleFiddle05]

I think what aspies are supposed to lack is COMMUNICATED empathy, not empathy itself. By which I mean, we have a hard time making it seen that we're empathizing, but that doesn't mean that we don't; some do, some don't, just as the same variation exists in NT's. I've also heard that it's common for aspies to empathize MORE than NT's do, because once we understand something we often obsess over it.

As for myself, I think I empathize too much but I get there in reverse order of how NT's do. I think for NT's, it's instinctive to empathize and if asked why they feel as they do they could rationalize it, analyze what emotion they're feeling and why. For me, I have to think about what the other person is going through, then figure out what they're feeling, but then I empathize far too much. The trouble is that I'm pretty naive in the identifying of what they're feeling; I'm definitely biased towards interpreting the best version of a person, so I'll often be unrealistically optimistic and empathize with an emotion they're not actually feeling, generally resulting in a very bad situation for myself. But that doesn't mean I'm not empathizing with something, I just have to rationally analyze what emotion to empathize with, and then I might be wrong if I analyze in the wrong way.

 

[zurb]

Simon Baron Cohen has a TED talk 'The erosion of empathy'. In his talk, he divides empathy into cognitive and affective. He says aspies are typically low on cognitive and high on affective.

 

[Mattymatt]

am autie,not aspie and completely lack both forms of empathy.
having LFA am extremely disconnected from people so lack the empathy as well but do have a sense of sympathy- for animals,vulnerable adults and young children,possibly because am able to relate to them all better.
have got very high levels of moralness and following laws/rules and am the total opposite to a horrid pyschopath in every way, hate the way lack of empathy is always seen as a positive marker for pyschopathy by the general public.

A lack of empathy, is only ONE characteristic of sociopathy, not so much psychopathy. A true sociopath not only lacks empathy but is a shrewd actor and master manipulator. The sociopath is fully aware of having these traits and derives extreme pleasure from them. A sociopath is purposefully patient, cold, and calculating. I've had the benefit of a few college classes in criminology and deviant behavior. Also, the true sociopath would find morals and scrupulous behavior at best, humorous, and at worst, rage producing. It's amazing how often psychopathy and sociopathy are easily confused.

The psychopath truly cannot determine right from wrong. The sociopath is fully aware that his actions would not be condoned by society at large: he just simply does not care,

 

[Mattymatt]

My college professor in criminology described sociopathy best in the following example: "A sociopath might experience the same emotional reaction in committing homocide as he would drinking a beer or having sex."

 

[Structrix]

I have tons of sympathy and empathy. Don't let me watch shows where people are suffering and you will have a puddle on your hands. But, I do have a problem expressing that sympathy and empathy in that if I have to comfort someone and say comforting words I am at a TOTAL ABSOLUTE loss as to what to say at the time. The most I can come up with is is "I totally understand how you must feel." That's about it. Not very comforting at all.

 

[Mattymatt]

I have tons of sympathy and empathy. Don't let me watch shows where people are suffering and you will have a puddle on your hands. But, I do have a problem expressing that sympathy and empathy in that if I have to comfort someone and say comforting words I am at a TOTAL ABSOLUTE loss as to what to say at the time. The most I can come up with is is "I totally understand how you must feel." That's about it. Not very comforting at all.

Sometimes not saying anything at all but just sitting next to someone means the world to them. I don't think you need to get caught up in words. Sometimes just being present and with someone whom is upset does wonders.

 

[wyverary]

Paul read one of my survey responses in this episode (in the section before the interview). You can probably guess which one.

The Mental Illness Happy Hour
// Pia Glenn

 

[Spinelli]

I have a serious lack of empathy. I have trouble with looking at another person's problems as if they're my own, and therfore it is hard for me to experience their emotions.
It often times probably looks like I don't care about what a person has to say when talking about maybe a personal issue that they're upset about, but I do, it's just that I don't know how to express my empathy.

 

[gonz]

Simon Baron Cohen has a TED talk 'The erosion of empathy'. In his talk, he divides empathy into cognitive and affective. He says aspies are typically low on cognitive and high on affective.

This describes me. I've always thought of it in terms of empathy vs. sympathy, though a lot of people seem to equate the two. It's not that I don't care about other's emotions, it's that I can't tell what they are feeling and often don't understand even when I've been told. And I have a strong tendency to assume that others must feel the same way I would in that situation, which is often very different than what they actually feel. But that is not the same as not caring.

Unfortunately, very few people have the patience to explain their emotions to me in a way that I can understand. Which, depending on what's going on and how they are feeling at the moment, may be completely reasonable. But, once I understand it, I care very much. Especially so if it is someone I feel close to or think well of, but even a complete stranger's feelings can affect me pretty strongly if I am able to understand them.

 

[Andrew_Collins]

I think what aspies are supposed to lack is COMMUNICATED empathy, not empathy itself. By which I mean, we have a hard time making it seen that we're empathizing, but that doesn't mean that we don't; some do, some don't, just as the same variation exists in NT's. I've also heard that it's common for aspies to empathize MORE than NT's do, because once we understand something we often obsess over it.

As for myself, I think I empathize too much but I get there in reverse order of how NT's do. I think for NT's, it's instinctive to empathize and if asked why they feel as they do they could rationalize it, analyze what emotion they're feeling and why. For me, I have to think about what the other person is going through, then figure out what they're feeling, but then I empathize far too much. The trouble is that I'm pretty naive in the identifying of what they're feeling; I'm definitely biased towards interpreting the best version of a person, so I'll often be unrealistically optimistic and empathize with an emotion they're not actually feeling, generally resulting in a very bad situation for myself. But that doesn't mean I'm not empathizing with something, I just have to rationally analyze what emotion to empathize with, and then I might be wrong if I analyze in the wrong way.

I agree we just don't show it, as much, i think we are more empathic,like you said. I read a lot of biographies and true stories and i really feel for these people who I don't even know,

Also when i hear about death and bombings or even child abuse, i don't agree with it but at the same time i don't understand the hysterical reactions about it. On the other hand i can't stand animal abuse of any kind and it really upsets me to see how china treat animals and how chicks are treated in the chicken and egg industries.

 

[Harrison]

I think what aspies are supposed to lack is COMMUNICATED empathy, not empathy itself. By which I mean, we have a hard time making it seen that we're empathizing, but that doesn't mean that we don't; some do, some don't, just as the same variation exists in NT's. I've also heard that it's common for aspies to empathize MORE than NT's do, because once we understand something we often obsess over it.

This makes sense to me, certainly in the way I feel/react and from the feedback I get from NTs.

Sometimes I think my ability to empathise is selective depending upon the situation and how close to my personal zone it it.

 

[Tia Maria]

I'd say I have a fair amount of empathy, though I do have a tendency to be self-centered. In my experience, it's been the NT's that lack empathy. People on the spectrum don't go around bullying people to the point of suicide and then post afterwards, "XXX killed themselves and I don't give a #$&%." People on the spectrum don't go out of their way to deliberately hurt someone and then laugh about it. But we're the ones without empathy. Go figure.

Some or maybe even many NT's lack empathy, but it is not the "norm". I'd say that the NT's who lack empathy lean towards the especially selfish & self centered personality types, up to full blown narcissists & sociopaths both of which are really personality or character disorders. There's also the difference IMO between someone who cannot "feel" the emotions of empathy &/or be unable (incapable) of "expressing" or showing empathy, vs. someone who has sadistic tendencies & derives pleasure from hurting or seeing others hurt.

The behavior you described " ... bullying people to the point of suicide and then post afterwards, "XXX killed themselves and I don't give a #$&%." is wicked. (Evil?) It's inexcusable. Pathetic losers. Those are horrible people who don't represent the majority, & I cannot see how they would ever amount to much later in life.

Bullies are a PIA. Lots of theories how someone got that way but in the end if someone is bullying me or someone I know, I really don't care why they became a bully. I just want them to STOP & get lost.

Separately, I will also add that in my own personal experience, in any work environment, probably due to the pace, stress & competition; people tend to try be DECENT, but do lean towards being more selfish & self centered. There are only so many hours in a day. People are trying to stay focused, accomplish something & then get home to their families ... leaving little leeway to extend themselves emotionally or otherwise to their work colleagues.

Take for example, an oncologist. Most have empathy but try to remain somewhat detached so they can continue to treat their patients. If they allow their emotions to run free they would be overwhelmed by all the loss & sadness, & be unable to carry on their work or help anyone.

Maybe NT's seem inconsistent to Aspies. I guess NT's can be complicated. But the majority of NT's are not bad people & most mean well. Well, there are some crappy people out there too! But if an Aspie correctly deems an NT to be a crappy person, other NT's would (or should!) agree! Disliking a terrible person is pretty universal. The same goes for condemning bad behavior regardless of the source.

Think about this ... Aspies are very mysterious to NT's. Someone wrote that when they "came out" some neighbors 'quietly detached'. I don't know anything about their situation, their history together, etc.. so of course I don't know why they responded that way. If they truly detached & behaved differently, one possibility is that they were fearful. Or just didn't know how they were supposed to respond. Because Aspies seem very complicated to NT's.