Everyone online, stop using stupid phrases like "you will find your tribe" or "your people".

[Judge]

I never told them that in the new group. I did not say any personal stuff or trauma dump. I acted normal and was still ignored.

Under such circumstances if your observation is accurate, then your use of the word "group" and being "ignored" may involve something you have no control over. That you aren't part of that group, and more to the point that you aren't intended to be. That you may be attempting to interact with a clique, and not just any "group" of people. A situation which if the case, is one you have little to no chance of improving upon. Where such people not only don't owe you anything, but don't want anything from you at all.

Something to think about. Unfortunately in real-time I doubt much of anyone can read a group of people to determine whether they are genuinely sociable or not. Where it's much like being in business attempting a "cold call". Whether you might make an inroads with them, or simply "crash and burn" on the spot. Knowing full well that the latter is much more likely to happen. One thing for sure. As long as you approach complete strangers, don't expect them to owe you anything. Not even common courtesy. Not when you are unknowingly approaching a clique of any kind.

Sadly I can only say that from my own point of view, I've learned to steer clear of any group that even remotely appeared like a clique. For me it's another form of pattern recognition. One that can often take time and scrutiny to accurately identify and avoid.

Ironic to consider that I could see such people telling you that, as a veiled way of really saying, "Go away". That your tribe whatever it may be, is not their tribe.

 

[velociraptor]

I acted normal and was still ignored.

Well, what you think is normal may not be normal to others. I am in my late fifties and still struggle with how much eye contact to maintain in group settings and I know I don't get it right a lot of times. Perhaps you are still accidentally behaving abnormally?

 

[Tony Ramirez]

Perhaps you are still accidentally behaving abnormally?

Man you really have it out for me. No I acted normal. 5 1/2 years of socializing getting out of my comfort zone the same damn day I registered on this forum BTW if you go all the way back on my post history so I have experience going to so many social groups I lost count. I am mentally going back on more medication my spiritual journey is non existent going now from devoted to agnostic to soon atheist and now physically insomnia is coming back as is cramps, headaches and body pain. Also family household debit because of me wasting money trying to improve myself to try make one damn female friend.

 

[tree]

You're meeting with your therapist sometime this week,
aren't you, @Tony Ramirez ?

 

[velociraptor]

Man you really have it out for me.

This is not an unreasonable question. There have been many occasions when I thought I was doing well in a social situation and it turns out I was mistaken. This is an advantage (?!?) of having a wife because you are guaranteed a thorough review of your interactions with their friends/family after an event.

I am considered VERY high functioning by most including my therapist and psychiatrist and I still get things wrong a lot of the time. All of us can do this. I'm just saying don't always assume you're passing for normal, we autists are not the best ones to be the judge of this.

 

[Judge]

This is not an unreasonable question. There have been many occasions when I thought I was doing well in a social situation and it turns out I was mistaken.

Exactly. How many times have so many of us unintentionally walked into a social minefield?

When we optimistically and naively hoped for interacting with friendly people, only to slowly discover low-level hostility and rejection. Which frankly I believe is common as dirt.

It's part of who and what we are. Where more often than not, we have to learn and adjust through such bitter experiences. To either wear a thicker skin, or try to avoid such people, even though that may be asking more than we are capable of.

 

[Aspychata]

Yes, l remember when l thought l mastered being social, and l asked this lady when she was due, someone in passing, and she told me she wasn't pregnant. I remember speed walking to get away from her. Now l realized it was a honest mistake, but l never assume anything anymore.

 

[Judge]

Yes, l remember when l thought l mastered being social, and l asked this lady when she was due, someone in passing, and she told me she wasn't pregnant. I remember speed walking to get away from her. Now l realized it was a honest mistake, bbut l never assume anything anymore.

Oddly enough, I just saw such an interaction. Not for real, but in a new medical tv show on Max called "The Pitt". Only in this instance, it was a woman who didn't seem pregnant by looks alone. At least not from my perspective.

Yet the woman who is a doctor, was indeed pregnant and determined to keep it a secret, in which her motivation for doing so has yet to be established. The interaction understandably unnerved the woman. Though the woman making the observation didn't have a clue about the circumstances socially speaking.

Art imitating life I suppose.

 

[Masked Man]

I imagine that what you are trying to do is randomly join a group of people with the expectation that you will just automatically be included with the group, just by being there.

You would be wrong in this. Joining a group of people, especially strangers, is difficult even for social folks. There's a delicate "dance" that you have to be able to do, and even with socially skilled folks, may not always be successful.

Like I'm trying to understand exactly what groups are you trying to join and how you're going about it. Because a few of the previous examples you gave sound to me like strangers in a coffee shop. Not to mention, it's basically bad form to butt into a group that you don't even know and try to shoe horn yourself into their conversation. That's just never going to work for anyone.

I could be wrong about this and if I am, my mistake, but I think you're expecting something unrealistic.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

It's damn groups for people that are new introverts that don't know people and are shy what else is there. No it's my damn level 1 autism. As I said all I meet IRL are fake introverts that once they get comfortable become extroverts. The only real autistic people I meet IRL are level 3 that can't even say words just noises and disturb the peace.

 

[Masked Man]

It's damn groups for people that are new introverts that don't know people and are shy what else is there. No it's my damn level 1 autism. As I said all I meet IRL are fake introverts that once they get comfortable become extroverts. The only real autistic people I meet IRL are level 3 that can't even say words just noises and disturb the peace.

Okay but how do you know of them? How do you know about the group? How did you find out about the group and the meetings?

 

[Judge]

It's damn groups for people that are new introverts that don't know people and are shy what else is there. No it's my damn level 1 autism. As I said all I meet IRL are fake introverts that once they get comfortable become extroverts. The only real autistic people I meet IRL are level 3 that can't even say words just noises and disturb the peace.

You seem to claim this problem with most groups of people you've met. If so, deductive logic alone would indicate that you are consistently doing something to offend others. Whether it is related to your autism we cannot be sure, as we don't know what it is that truly offends or repels so many that you meet. Especially if they are total strangers from the outset. The odds of multiple group of strangers independently disliking you for whatever reasons just isn't realistic. However the odds of them collectively disliking you for specific reasons is quite possible.

You also have to consider in the event of an organized social meeting, what kind of people such a process draws, and the possibility that they have something in common amongst each other you are unaware of or cannot or will not attempt to relate to.

It's not advisable to assume or be angry over a cursory social meeting with strangers who is truly an introvert and who is not. I can think of a lot of introverted people like myself, who have the capability of loosening up and becoming more sociable with certain people, whether they are introverted or not. Particularly if and when there are no issues of threats or leverage. (I always thought the ritual of dating was too stressful, with too many expectations in this respect.)

This makes me neither an extrovert, nor a hypocrite. It's flawed thinking to believe everyone is either one or the other. Just as the reciprocal is also possible. Persons who appear to be extroverts under most circumstances, who may shrivel under some social conditions and persons they don't feel comfortable with either.

You keep saying it's not your autism. You may be right. We can't say for sure. However under the circumstances you have presented, it seems evident that you are doing something wrong to consistently evoke such reactions from different groups of complete strangers. You need to come to grips with it all after so much time here, that we have no way of knowing just how accurate or biased your account of so many social encounters really is. Let alone what it is that is causing you so many problems and with perfect strangers.

At this point, IMO you'd probably be better limiting your discussion of the same issues to your therapist, who at least sees you in person, and may have a much better chance of putting it all together to help you. We simply don't have the resources to really help you beyond what people have said over a very long time. Which continues to frustrate you, but also frustrates us in the process.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

Friends, yea right I know through Meetup.com
Autism is a curse. Suicide is the cure. I mean it. I'm doing it this year. No one stop me.

 

[velociraptor]

I can think of a lot of introverted people like myself, who have the capability of loosening up and becoming more sociable with certain people, whether they are introverted or not.

This is me. Hard to get going, but I can relax and have some fun in the right place with the right people. Very hard on my system, though. I pay for it the next day or two.