Feeling suicidal.

[Thinx]

Hi Tony, this all sounds tough. The pandemic has been very wearing and difficult for us. But remember, the masks are only being used to stop the spread of infection. That is their only purpose, but it's important. Alongside that, there is vaccinations, which are progressing fast. This and other measures means we are well on our way out of this tunnel.

Soon, masks will be off and we will be out and about. Really you probably need to focus yourself on getting ready for that. There is plenty you can do even if you don't feel like going out at present.

Therapy is a great option for getting support, and seeing if you need any different help with your depression.

Maybe your weight issue can be addressed by starting to lessen snacking and portion sizes, eat more healthily, and do exercises in your room or home. Because you are going to want to get out and about when this all lifts, so now is the time to gradually prepare. Everyone mostly has put on weight in the pandemic, we all have to start losing it and getting fit again for normal life. Try finding some fun exercises on u tube.

Also, I don't believe God purposefully tests us, but I do think he relies on us to try our best to manage challenges. Here you have some difficult challenges, and he won't be wanting you to roll up at the pearly gates, I think he'll be wanting you to get yourself feeling better, and fitter, using whatever help and support you can.

We are here for you, and so are your cats. Think about getting out and about soon, and start getting ready!

 

[Aspychata]

It's people like you that bother me and it's the reason why masks will never go away. Too many people like wearing them.

If you want to know I see them as hopeless and a threat. I think that they are going to attack or hurt me.

When I was 2 years old I nearly died and was surrounded by doctors. I keep wishing I would have died then.

I am so glad you are talking about this. l guess if you understood that l feel threatened and thats the reason for the mask, then you can see we both feel threatened. Didn't know you had such early trauma life. Its horrible that parents have given up on you. I come from a family that chose to act like l didnt exist. Here this forum listens to you and doesnt judge you. l always enjoy reading your posts.

 

[Aspychata]

Sir:
How about a plan of action?
Would your parents sign you up for a weight loss clinic? Can the church offer some assistance?
Can you slowly start on the road to part-time work?
If you can come up with some ideas to help ease the funk you are in perhaps, maybe brainstorm with your therapist? l had to do this on my own. I came up with exercise and it really was a starting point. It's slow getting weight off so you need support. Perhaps a doc can steer you on this road. I relied on much caffeine to drag myself to the gym. l also use it to work doubleshifts, which can be difficult as a senior citizen. l do see many overweight cashiers, so that is an excellent part-time job. Perhaps your parents would start to support you if you take responsibilty for yourself. Just hoping the best for you.☺

 

[gaffaglow]

Tony, I'm so glad you're alive and contributing to this forum where you help others with what you post. I'm so glad that you live and experience another day on this Earth, even though it's not what you want right now. I trust that there is a better plan for you. I hope to be able to read your posts for a long time to come.

 

[paloftoon]

Hey Tony. At least you know your relatives aren't capable of supporting you (emotionally, anymore.) You still have yourself that you can always depend on. These are your emotions- you are in control of not only feeling them, but working with them to find ways to help improve your own situation.

Your family must care about you because you are able to post on here from a computer in their home, but they are also at their wit's end. So, they want to consider committing you because they are at the point where they no longer are able to help you out.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

Too bad my therapist cancelled tommorow. I am even more irritated.

I prayed to God last night to die in my sleep so I can be in heaven. Don't get me wrong I am not taking anything to make it happen just for it to naturally happen.

 

[Aspychata]

did they reschedule?

 

[Tony Ramirez]

did they reschedule?

Thursday morning which is my normal time.

 

[Aspychata]

Can you make it till Thursday?

 

[Tony Ramirez]

Can you make it till Thursday?

I will. I am not going to take anything. Although I use to enjoy it I am not going out either.

 

[Aspychata]

Thats good. Maybe do a list of things you need to change. Then start doing just one thing a day to reach your goal. This will get easier to do. l had to pull myself out of the depths of extreme low. Just one thing at a time. What is the most important thing to change right now in your life?

 

[Tony Ramirez]

I guess exercising again although those videos make me tired I can do them.

 

[Gift2humanity]

I felt suicidal on Wednesday as I wanted to take 90 sleeping pills and wake up in heaven.

I been feeling really depressed. I have an major problem or phobia seeing people wearing face masks. I also have an hearing swearing phobia which through the years got worse until last year I got it more under control.

Then lockdowns and seeing my friends only virtual made it worse. I the started to walk alot last summer. Seeing masks did not faze me much until I spotted more and more after which 9/10 were wearing them it affected me mentally.

Now it seems worse than the swearing. I meltdown if I see one face mask online, punching the wall and screaming. If I am outside I start to run away from people saying get away sometimes screaming.

Since my last instance on Tuesday I have not been out since even not going over to my friends house. I want to leave the house but I am afraid.

I feel like an lost cause and I am tired of suffering with more phobias than before.

You are not a lost cause.
This is a very distressing time, especially for those with mental health problems.

God is glad you did not take those pills.
Contemplating suicide is a sign of despair, which I hope you can find a way out of as soon as possible.

Summer is on it’s way and you may be able to get out.
Maybe you can see what’s behind the fear of masks.

As a kid I used to fixate on surgeons all dressed up with masks.

They didn’t scare me, it was just an Aspie thing.

I had to see a surgeon in his office two years ago as I needed an exploratory operation.
Then he appeared at my hospital bedside with his scrubs and mask on and it took me back to my childhood fixation.

You won’t catch COVID if that’s what you fear, I promise, hopefully if COVID is at the root of your mask fear I hope I put your mind at rest.

I see many people without masks and I haven’t caught it.

Swearing is not nice, I have been using alternative non swear words as I want to stop.

Has your face mask phobia started since COVID?
Phobias are a sign of deep rooted issues that can be worked through with therapy.

There is no talk therapy in the uk anymore that goes deep, however there may be some where you are if outside the uk.

Here they just dish out toxic antidepressants that don’t work as they just mask symptoms, which are nature’s way of alerting us to issues to resolve.

I used to feel suicidal until I realised that when we die by suicide, we only lose our body, we still feel mental pain, we become ghost like, no one sees us as we don’t have a body, yet we can see the people we left behind. God wants you to live.

please get help, keep posting on here.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

Thanks. No my mask fear started last summer during Covid and gotten worse to the point now I don't want to really live anymore.

 

[Gift2humanity]

It's hard to continue on. My friend talked me out of it on Wednesday night. I meant to say I wanted to take the pills on Wednesday night. In my life group which is virtual I had to hear about all there success stories, relationships ones engaged and another will be soon.

Then seeing that face mask on a stupid selfie of someone reviewing a phone pushed me over the edge.

Can you share your feelings with the group?
Life group sounds like they would not want you to be distressed.
Masks are just something we have to wear.
The surgeons masks I wear are light and comfy, hardly know it’s on.
Life group will not want you to be so distressed.

 

[Gift2humanity]

I have. I am seeing my therapist which even that is not in person and my medical doctor by phone.

I’m glad you have a therapist, please tell them everything. I know phone and video makes it harder for us autistics.

 

[Gift2humanity]

It's people like you that bother me and it's the reason why masks will never go away. Too many people like wearing them.

If you want to know I see them as hopeless and a threat. I think that they are going to attack or hurt me.

When I was 2 years old I nearly died and was surrounded by doctors. I keep wishing I would have died then.

Awwww no wonder you feel the way you do, you had a bad experience so young.
Remember that the doctors made you better, you associate the masks with being poorly and pain.
This phobia can be sorted so masks are no longer a bad thing for you, and you will want to live. You just need to share your fears with your therapist.
Best of luck.

 

[Gift2humanity]

Thanks for not posting the images.

As for dating last year I was starting to branch out even though 90% of the people at my local church were couples and few 20% single by choice so my odds were against me.

Now I am in much worse shape. I am afraid to even look out my window how am I suppose to face girls when I can't even literally see there faces.

Also at home I have no support. My uncle and mother want to commit me and just tell me get over it.

My weight is getting worse as I use to enjoy going for walks and to parks but now that's worse gaining weight.

I also don't sleep well either sleep little or over sleep to around 3pm.

How can anyone want to live a life like me. Why is it so difficult to just die and be with the father.

Almost forgot during Zoom they don't wear masks except only a few times and I left insulting in the chat the person. They apologized and left their camera off.

Please tell somebody that you are suicidal and why.
There is hope for you.
It may not seem like it right now but please pluck up the courage and tell your therapist and your group.
People who attempt suicide and fail are glad that they survived.
They nearly died they thought they wanted to but when they were dying They realised they didn’t want to die.

 

[Aspychata]

I guess exercising again although those videos make me tired I can do them.

Exercise is such a good pill for me. I can't tell you how many times it lifted my spirits. I started out in 2001 hitting the gym treadmill. l started a light jog for only 20 mins. It was incredibly hard. l went several times a week. Here it is 2021, and l love to run or jog. It help me get thru a horrific marriage and a horrible divorce. I lost everything but exercise gave me the push to keep going. I hit hard times, and a couple of people had to stand me up and tell me to keep moving. So l say great that you are exercising. Now you can maybe research online what you should do next? A bike, swimming, just getting out and walking 20 mins every day might motivate you.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

If I go out and walk I see masks which makes me more stressed, angry and scared. I liked walking. Use to go to the parks and walk. Then when I got a bit tired I would sit and look at the scenery but now it looks like death, crime and hopeless.

I can do exercises at home but it's hard without equipment. If I had a treadmill I would go on it a few times a day but my uncle said no to it.

This is why I am so depressed. I don't ever see the masks going away and with the vaccine everyone is betting on the virus will keep mutating so that the vaccine won't work anymore and the socialist government and scientists will still force physical distancing and masks.

So what kind of life can I live. I have ASD buy I crave social interaction and not with my family who drives me nuts but friends outside my family.