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Feeling suicidal.

Thanks for the kind words. Good to hear not to commit suicide from someone who is also struggling. Maybe my life is not so bad.
 
There are people who don't have a computer to use or a home to live in. They are starving. Some of them have no job and there aren't enough jobs to go around for everyone. There are people trying to sneak in to the US including children. The children don't mind being detained in some random, overcrowded facility in the US because it is worse from whatever country they came from. Not that I would wish anything bad on anyone, but we are doing better than any of the people I am describing.
 
Hope you feel a bit better soon, Tony. Hopefully talking things through with your therapist will help, and may lead to some ideas that will be useful.
 
Tony Ramirez said:
Thanks for your mostly kind words. I am just tired of my friends all having better lives and better things happening to them even during these hard times. For me as I get a bit better with one phobia another one forum which is much harder to avoid as I used to like going out.

Also, I believe that if someone life is so bad I think they should not suffer and have the right to end their lives. What gets me is that people who are happy, successful, married or in relationships have the nerve to talk someone who has none of that out of suicide annoys me. They have no idea what the suicidal person is going through.
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But everybody has been single at one time and no-one knows what they contemplated :|
 
Tony Ramirez said:
Thanks for the kind words. Good to hear not to commit suicide from someone who is also struggling. Maybe my life is not so bad.
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Think you for posting this
It feels much better that you think that maybe life is not so bad.
As a fellow depression-club member, I am learning that problems are challenges.
Challenges can make us stronger.
It’s ALWAYS worth coming on here to share overwhelming feelings of hopelessness.
Keep away from the posts that do not uplift you.
Re-read those that strike a chord with you in a good way.
You are not alone.
 
paloftoon said:
There are people who don't have a computer to use or a home to live in. They are starving. Some of them have no job and there aren't enough jobs to go around for everyone. There are people trying to sneak in to the US including children. The children don't mind being detained in some random, overcrowded facility in the US because it is worse from whatever country they came from. Not that I would wish anything bad on anyone, but we are doing better than any of the people I am describing.
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While it is true that there is always some one worse off than us, as someone who has, in the past, experienced despair, I just felt worse when contemplating the plight of the more unfortunate.

I needed something positive to life me out of my own personal thoughts and feelings.

Gratitude for the little things is good.
Thinking of all the little good things, independently of the less fortunate.
I try to help them when I can, donations, signing petitions etc, they do work, I get emails of successes from organisations who sent me petitions, who I donated to.

I think of how strong I must be to have made it to 54 without committing suicide, and boy, am I glad I woke up from that accidental drug overdose.
 
paloftoon said:
There are people who don't have a computer to use or a home to live in. They are starving. Some of them have no job and there aren't enough jobs to go around for everyone. There are people trying to sneak in to the US including children. The children don't mind being detained in some random, overcrowded facility in the US because it is worse from whatever country they came from. Not that I would wish anything bad on anyone, but we are doing better than any of the people I am describing.
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I don't have a job. Could not get one because I do not have a college degree. It is depressing and boring afternoons.

I am lucky that my family supports me otherwise I would be in the same situation.
 
Tony Ramirez said:
I don't have a job. Could not get one because I do not have a college degree. It is depressing and boring afternoons.
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If there were no obstacles like money or degrees what would you like to do?
I’d like to be an artist, make stuff, write, counsel people.
I haven’t got a job, or a degree either.
I know lots of people without degrees and they have got jobs.

I don’t feel ready for work yet though.
It would be nice to feel ready for a job I love, I accept it is what it is, right now though.

I know what you mean about boredom, I was depressed for ages playing pointless computer games.
Now, it’s better if I can do something, doesn’t have to be exciting or expensive, even if it’s little, so I can tell myself I’ve done something, baby steps for me.

Clearing my place makes me feel better. It was a mess, still not finished, ended up doing some more tonight. Helped me feel better.

Chipping away, sorting it out, little by little. My support worker is taking me to the recycling centre to recycle stuff, I’ve been putting stuff out for council rubbish. I can find stuff now, before I was too depressed to search for stuff.

Also, hobbies, I don’t have to be good at stuff, I just want to occupy my mind and calm myself down.

I’m housebound but I’m taking a little picnic out tomorrow, just sandwiches, fruit, drink, and sitting in our communal garden, just for a little bit, vitamin D helps depression, weather getting better.

I’ve been stuck in a few years, depressing. I’m only going outside my flat, not far.

I hope you can share your mask fear with your therapist.
I’ve told my psychiatric nurse some really weird sh1t about myself, and got it off my chest, he was great about it, and I felt better.
Being in that profession they hear all sorts of stuff, from loads of people, so it doesn’t faze them one little bit.

It’s worth it to get it off your chest.

Stick with it. We will get there.
 
It's hard when everyone I know not in my family but friends have all degree's and jobs. Makes me feel like I could not do it, college.
 
Tony Ramirez said:
It's hard when everyone I know not in my family but friends have all degree's and jobs. Makes me feel like I could not do it, college.
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Yeah my two sisters have got degrees and good jobs, yet I have neither.
My eldest brother had a good job but got pensioned off through ill-health.
My younger big brother hasn’t got a degree but he has a good job.
I think I can see how you feel. You’re not alone.

If we focus on what we haven’t got, though, I find it depresses me more.
If I focus on what I did wrongly, that brings me down too, so I am learning to make the best of the “here and now”. It’s helping overall.

If I look around and think of all the little things I have got, which I normally take for granted, doesn’t matter little, so long as it’s positive, it helps me feel better.
This I’d because I normally don’t think of them, so when I bring them to mind I feel thankful.

Does that make sense?
Could you do that?

It’s amazing all the little good things, I wouldn’t normally think about when depressed, there’s loads, and I’m not financially well off.
 
Tony Ramirez said:
I don't have a job. Could not get one because I do not have a college degree. It is depressing and boring afternoons.

I am lucky that my family supports me otherwise I would be in the same situation.
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Look for ways you can volunteer. Build your resume up.
For college, take one course at a time if you have to, and take it over and over again until you pass if you have to. Then, if you think you can do more than one course in the future, do that. It will make life less boring, allow you to do more things, meet more people, and maybe some girls will start to get interested in you.
 
I have not been out of my house in 9 days. My therapist is going to call me tommorow when I try to go out. I am nervous.
 
Tony Ramirez said:
I have not been out of my house in 9 days. My therapist is going to call me tommorow when I try to go out. I am nervous.
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The very best of luck with your therapist.
Please, do, share your fears, they will understand.
Professionals have heard it before.
I mentioned in my earlier post, telling my psychiatric nurse weird stuff, he understood, I felt glad I told him.
As for being housebound, you are not alone.
Can you go into your garden?
Vitamin D is gained from sunlight. I am trying to get more sunlight this year, I have communal gardens, not one of my own, unfortunately, yet, they are lovely. It is needed for depression.
 
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Gift2humanity said:
Yeah my two sisters have got degrees and good jobs, yet I have neither.
My eldest brother had a good job but got pensioned off through ill-health.
My younger big brother hasn’t got a degree but he has a good job.
I think I can see how you feel. You’re not alone.

If we focus on what we haven’t got, though, I find it depresses me more.
If I focus on what I did wrongly, that brings me down too, so I am learning to make the best of the “here and now”. It’s helping overall.

If I look around and think of all the little things I have got, which I normally take for granted, doesn’t matter little, so long as it’s positive, it helps me feel better.
This I’d because I normally don’t think of them, so when I bring them to mind I feel thankful.

Does that make sense?
Could you do that?

It’s amazing all the little good things, I wouldn’t normally think about when depressed, there’s loads, and I’m not financially well off.
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I can't remember what gratitude does in the body which chemical it produces
 
I did not attend the in person Church service today. I would not be able to handle it. Just thinking about it is making me nervous.

I also had a dream I attended and I freaked out in the service screaming and running out into traffic. Not like the traffic thing could happen but I am not taking an chance.

I am talking to my medical doctor tomorrow about going on anxiety medication. Just worried about dependent and side effects.

I have been depressed today. Just got up at 2:30 pm did not want to watch the virtual service. I really wanted to be there but I wanted to not see masks. The TGC folks would all look like criminals too me and I would not feel safe. Don't want to be committed on Easter.

Also missing the park gathering they are having. There was nothing in the announcements. But the last time I went I nearly lost it and got in trouble calling my then alive Grandmother who went down the stairs to my mother which I got in trouble for as she could have fell.
 
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