Feeling suicidal.

[Fino]

Do you pray often? Have you been praying for your fear to be taken away? I pray for you. I've been praying for you for a long time. You seem like a great guy, and you make the forum more interesting and fun.

 

[Gift2humanity]

I did not attend the in person Church service today. I would not be able to handle it. Just thinking about it is making me nervous.

I also had a dream I attended and I freaked out in the service screaming and running out into traffic. Not like the traffic thin g could happen but I am not taking an chance.

I am talking to my medical doctor tomorrow about going on anxiety medication. Just worried about dependent and side effects.

I have been depressed today. Just got up at 2:30 pm did not want to watch the virtual service. I really wanted to be there but I wanted to not see masks. The TGC folks would all look like criminals too me and I would not feel safe. Don't want to be committed on Easter.

Also missing the park gathering they are having. There was nothing in the announcements. But the last time I went I nearly lost it and got in trouble calling my then alive Grandmother who went down the stairs to my mother which I got in trouble for as she could have fell.

Hi @Tony Ramirez

So you did not attend the in person church service today.
I am getting that you wanted to, however, now is the time to be kind to yourself and just accept you didn’t go, this is not a failure.

Your dream is reflecting the current fear you have developed partly due to masks, and Covid, which you have allowed to build up on existing fears.

This is not a criticism from me.
Many people have allowed this time of covid to bring out, magnify, etc, current states of mental ill health, they had before it even started, you are not alone.

You are right to be aware of medication’s side effects and dependency issues, as these drugs are toxic, and all have withdrawal symptoms, albeit some much worse than others, they all just mask the issue, so that you are not dealing with it.

Talking it out to the therapist, who will have heard all sorts of different fears, responses to fears, and pain is better than drugs.

I am sorry you felt so depressed you got up at 2.30pm, you are not alone, I have spent a lot of my past in bed, because I, not only didn’t want to face the world, I did not want to face what was happening in my own mind.

The masks themselves are not troubling you, it is the beliefs you hold about these masks.
Again, this is not a criticism, you had a bad childhood experience, and, if unresolved, can mutate and grow just like yours did. Remember my fear of dogs? That grew until I addressed it.

I am sorry I do not know what TGC is.

It’s good that you are coming here and talking.
It shows you are reaching out, and that you do want to prevent your world from becoming smaller.

 

[tree]

@Tony Ramirez
"The TGC folks would all look like criminals too me and I would not feel safe."

What is TGC?

The Gospel Coalition - Wikipedia Or what?

 

[Tony Ramirez]

Trinity Grace Church.
Trinity Grace Church Park Slope

 

[Gift2humanity]

Trinity Grace Church.
Trinity Grace Church Park Slope

I’m not a church goer, I believe in God, may you successfully tackle these current challenges, and feel well, as soon as God wills.