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Feeling suicidal.

Tony Ramirez said:
If I go out and walk I see masks which makes me more stressed, angry and scared. I liked walking. Use to go to the parks and walk. Then when I got a bit tired I would sit and look at the scenery but now it looks like death, crime and hopeless.

I can do exercises at home but it's hard without equipment. If I had a treadmill I would go on it a few times a day but my uncle said no to it.

This is why I am so depressed. I don't ever see the masks going away and with the vaccine everyone is betting on the virus will keep mutating so that the vaccine won't work anymore and the socialist government and scientists will still force physical distancing and masks.

So what kind of life can I live. I have ASD buy I crave social interaction and not with my family who drives me nuts but friends outside my family.
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While these feelings are valid because they are yours there are negative thoughts associated with them and this is why, what once looked beautiful now looks threatening and ugly.
It is how we feel inside of our selves that Governs how we perceive the world around us.
Opening up about your fear around masks will help.
Therapists have heard all sorts of different fears about all sorts of different things, you will feel lighter once you have shared this troublesome thing that you are holding inside of you.
None of us can control what the government will do but we can control fears like this.

I used to be extremely scared of dogs. I would not go within metres of a dog. I used to jump out of my skin if a dog behind the gate barked.

I had the belief that they were dirty and vicious and wanted to bite and jump up at me.

I now love dogs. Dogs have even come and sat by me when I was anxious depressed and out with friends. It was as if the dog sense I needed comfort and allow me to stroke them which was very therapeutic.

This was unimaginable when I had my fear.

What got me over my fear?
Dogs got me over my fear. Dogs did not like me being scared of them, this is why they barked. I know masks are inanimate objects but phobias are phobias and they can be got over you just need to share just like I shared my fear of dogs.
 
Tony Ramirez said:
If I go out and walk I see masks which makes me more stressed, angry and scared. I liked walking. Use to go to the parks and walk. Then when I got a bit tired I would sit and look at the scenery but now it looks like death, crime and hopeless.

I can do exercises at home but it's hard without equipment. If I had a treadmill I would go on it a few times a day but my uncle said no to it.

This is why I am so depressed. I don't ever see the masks going away and with the vaccine everyone is betting on the virus will keep mutating so that the vaccine won't work anymore and the socialist government and scientists will still force physical distancing and masks.

So what kind of life can I live. I have ASD buy I crave social interaction and not with my family who drives me nuts but friends outside my family.
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I so understand you better. Like so many of us at this forum- toxic family! l see a lot of it here. I think you have to tell your uncle, you want to lose weight and a treadmill is cheaper then joining a gym. And you maybe motivated to work once you have more energy. You have to sell him. But you have to commit to using it. Do you get an allowance? Save it up. Start researching treadmills to see what is functional. l have a crappy one but l go to the gym to use their treadmill. I may go in sad or frustrated, but after treadmill, l am singing and smiling. Or is there a cheap gym near you? I agree, the parks use to be a safe place but now they have changed.
 
These sound like made up fears just for the sake of having fears, the manifestation of some psychological need to be filled. It's the emotional reasoning of a 4-year-old.
 
These fears are not made up they are real. No one understands what my mind goes through seeing an masks. Also I don't like the comment that I think like an 4 year old
 
Tony Ramirez said:
These fears are not made up they are real. No one understands what my mind goes through seeing an masks. Also I don't like the comment that I think like an 4 year old
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I am sorry about whoever said that. Your feelings are very real and you have a right to express how you feel. Alot of us with toxic families are not allowed to express our feelings. I wasn't allowed feelings much less express them. Your feelings are valid, l feel you are entitled to how you feel about masks. It can be scary because we can't rely on facial clues at all to tell what a person is really thinking. Could your church possibly ask any members if they had a treadmill to sell? You never know. Call the adminstrative office, tell them you are struggling to lose the weight; do they know where you can get one. Maybe they will come thru and support you. I went one day and asked for a job at a store out of the blue. You know what, they gave me a job. Sometimes you need to try asking. Or ask your church is there anything you can do to earn money for a treadmill? Or start a gofundme page and ask for help.
 
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Going off of Gift2Humanity's experience and when I once read about how to deal with a dog phobia from a link I posted in response to such a thread on here some time ago, I have an idea.

Tony, you can consider using a cloth as a mask on a doll and in your own room, put it on the doll yourself. Maybe a doll that you feel is friendly to you. If it annoys you, you can immediately take it off because this would be under your control. Each day, you can train yourself to do this once a day, and then each day, keep spending as much time as possible next to the doll with the mask on it without taking its mask off if it doesn't irritate you. Start with this and let us know about your progress.
 
Gift2humanity said:
While these feelings are valid because they are yours there are negative thoughts associated with them and this is why, what once looked beautiful now looks threatening and ugly.
It is how we feel inside of our selves that Governs how we perceive the world around us.
Opening up about your fear around masks will help.
Therapists have heard all sorts of different fears about all sorts of different things, you will feel lighter once you have shared this troublesome thing that you are holding inside of you.
None of us can control what the government will do but we can control fears like this.

I used to be extremely scared of dogs. I would not go within metres of a dog. I used to jump out of my skin if a dog behind the gate barked.

I had the belief that they were dirty and vicious and wanted to bite and jump up at me.

I now love dogs. Dogs have even come and sat by me when I was anxious depressed and out with friends. It was as if the dog sense I needed comfort and allow me to stroke them which was very therapeutic.

This was unimaginable when I had my fear.

What got me over my fear?
Dogs got me over my fear. Dogs did not like me being scared of them, this is why they barked. I know masks are inanimate objects but phobias are phobias and they can be got over you just need to share just like I shared my fear of dogs.
Click to expand...
I wonder if he can remember what happened at the time he first saw a face mask ?
 
Tony Ramirez said:
It's people like you that bother me and it's the reason why masks will never go away. Too many people like wearing them.

If you want to know I see them as hopeless and a threat. I think that they are going to attack or hurt me.

When I was 2 years old I nearly died and was surrounded by doctors. I keep wishing I would have died then.
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So try to attach this when you are hyperventilating, you can't be completely 2 years old again, it's not physically possible, you can't be in that place where you died again,try to read a children's book on fear as they have an explanation that is more suited to the way you learn ,read the psalms verses related to fear, there are more than one ,also the Aaronic blessing in the book of numbers 6 v24-26 it works as mindfulness and the peace (Shalom means health, wholeness,prosperity)at the end is for mental health ,sorry I can't give any more than this I'm very tired.
 
[Shinji]
Host has had feelings of suicide before. During these times, their mind essentially gets in a whirlwind of harmful intrusive thoughts where they can't focus on anything.
When that happens recently, one of us system members takes over the form so to speak, typically Kaneki, as he is one of their guardians.
Depression isn't something to be taken light heartedly. It is an extremely bad, crippling feeling, that can make one feel like they're at the edge of a dam with water about to burst making them feel like they're trapped and there's no way out.
We as a system send virtual hugs. There's going to be a while before you'll feel good again, but there's always others out there who will support you. The current situation with the lockdowns certainly don't help at all, but they will resolve one day. Time continues to drag on, even though it may seem impossible that it does sometimes.
 
Thanks for your mostly kind words. I am just tired of my friends all having better lives and better things happening to them even during these hard times. For me as I get a bit better with one phobia another one forum which is much harder to avoid as I used to like going out.

Also, I believe that if someone life is so bad I think they should not suffer and have the right to end their lives. What gets me is that people who are happy, successful, married or in relationships have the nerve to talk someone who has none of that out of suicide annoys me. They have no idea what the suicidal person is going through.
 
Truly people have no time to try to demean others. People demeaning others either don't realize it, or don't know how to help you out. For some things, no one else can ultimately help you, but you. Others can guide you, but in the end, it's up to you.

You can post on here. So, that means you have the ability to reach a place where you can mesh well enough with others who seem to have that "happy life". Also, remember, don't make it a competition. Focus on yourself only. What someone else is or has doesn't have to affect you. If it is negatively affecting you, you might have to walk away (not yell) from that person if that person is being constantly disrespectful to you.
 
It's just all the people my friends who talk me out of suicide their lives are going great. They have hope that the pandemic will end

For me I got more things taken away my uncle died on Thanksgiving the same day someone in my life group announced their engagement. Then my aunt died in January.

Now my Grandmother died in February. She was the only one in the family who understood me.
 
What you're experiencing is envy. It's a sin. The only problem here is your relationship with Jesus. You desperately need to focus on that. It's not about you and definitely not about your friends. Your mind should be focused on Jesus. He is the bringer of healing, peace, and joy. God loves you dearly and does not want you to suffer in this way. He does not want you to end your life. All things work for good in the life of a Christian. What you are experiencing is good for you, because God loves you and only gives you what is good for you. You have nothing to be afraid, because you have the Holy Spirit dwelling within you. You have a bottomless well of joy and thanksgiving to tap into. Thank God for all that you have. We deserve nothing, yet God gives us something. Have a heart of gratitude and rid yourself of coveting. You are a creature of joy and love and have a relationship with your creator that transcends all worldly difficulties. Focus on God's love and Jesus' presence. They love you wholeheartedly. Perfect love casts out fear. Your answer is in Jesus, it's in the Bible, it's in God. Rely on your faith. Christians are obligated to live in joy. It's a wonderful obligation. Enjoy it.
 
Its ok tony, it really is. We all have bad days. There is some truth to what fino says. There is a bit of the " poor me" in what you say, thats ok too. I am going to post an old thing here called the desiderata, its important, try reading it thru a few times. Not a bad idea to print it out and put it up somewhere you can see it.
Lets try and avoid comparison to others and focus on more healthy themes. Its spring out there, how about plant a few seeds somewhere? Get out of your scene somehow, just for a few hours. Learn to change your head, the mind is a weapon.
20210202_101635.jpg
 
[Armin] We are adding in another post here because host themselves switched from being an atheist to part agnostic after they were diagnosed with depression and it has helped them cope with things. Sure life is meant to be wonderful as well as existence, but sometimes there are points in it that may make someone feel so bad that they don't see that there is a way through. There is a way through because others care for you, among other things, that you may not even know of so many may try to help by saying what they think will help as life is precious and one should try to continue existing if they can.
Humans are meant to be good and to feel good. We have known people who are extremely religious in the past as there are many near where host lives and they portray this very often by saying that something bad is a sin and needs to be helped by being more religious if one is already religious which sometimes works. Mental health is important though. Take care of yourself and feel free to do anything that might help you feel better. There are others that care. We send virtual hugs.
 
Tony Ramirez said:
Thanks for your mostly kind words. I am just tired of my friends all having better lives and better things happening to them even during these hard times. For me as I get a bit better with one phobia another one forum which is much harder to avoid as I used to like going out.

Also, I believe that if someone life is so bad I think they should not suffer and have the right to end their lives. What gets me is that people who are happy, successful, married or in relationships have the nerve to talk someone who has none of that out of suicide annoys me. They have no idea what the suicidal person is going through.
Click to expand...
Hello

I have been depressed since toddlerhood.
I am now 54.

I didn’t know I had Aspergers until I turned 54, I just knew I had problems Aspergers explains a lot.

I have felt suicidal many times, sometimes chronically, long term death wish, made concrete plans.
Never again though, God doesn’t like it, trust me.

A few years ago I took a drug, forgetting I had taken another drug earlier that day. Both drugs together are apparently potentially lethal.

I never bothered calling emergency services when I started feeling drowsy, I just wrote a note saying “This is an accidental drug overdose not a suicide” for those who found me, should I die, at the time I didn’t care if I died.
I passed out, THANK GOD I woke up.

I’m single, it’s ok.
When I was younger I craved a partner and none came, when I was OK being single, they did.

I’m not in work. I’m not well off financially, but it’s ok, honest.

Read my post about my long term dog phobia, I’d never imagine rolling around in grass letting a dog lick me, but I did.

I don’t like balloons. I don’t like cobwebs.

I’m on a drug that causes depression, that’s ok.

Sometimes hospitals make me cry, I cried six months ago when there, it was very embarrassing. I even cried in my doctors surgery today. Maybe it’s medical places.

I need to phone for a GP appointment next week, I had a medical problem that returned, I may need to go back to hospital for a scan, that’s OK.

It’s ok if I cry. It’s ok if I feel embarrassed.

Strangers have been sympathetic.

These are challenges life throws at us.

No way am I even going to consider suicide ever again.
I know it would be THE biggest mistake EVER.

You can do it, have faith in yourself, rally your support.
Keep posting here.
 
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