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From a neurotypical's perspective

Simply this, there was no social media where we could share differences. Social media opened up awareness, acceptance, and all that good stuff. This in turn opened up an interest in Autism. But there still are many uneducated people out there that still are very negative. l have encountered this with my mother who couldn't be any more a high functioning autistic person if she tried. And she hates me because l suggested that we may fall in the ND area.
 
My sons mother in law, keeps thinking she is being helpful asking me to look her in the eye, socialize more when at a gathering together. She has no idea her grandson may be on the spectrum. She should spend more time educating herself for her grand sons sake, then getting into my business. I turning 70 in a few weeks know how to live my life.
do not need her help.
 
Ronald Zeeman said:
My sons mother in law, keeps thinking she is being helpful asking me to look her in the eye, socialize more when at a gathering together. She has no idea her grandson may be on the spectrum. She should spend more time educating herself for her grand sons sake, then getting into my business. I turning 70 in a few weeks know how to live my life.
do not need her help.
Click to expand...
Double empathy problem. Many NTs can't put themselves in an autistic person's shoes and respect their personal preferences. And it's not only autistics that may struggle with eye contact, non-autistic people with social anxiety or PTSD or Fragile-X syndrome can also have the same struggle. So it's not like lacking eye contact is strictly unheard of.
 
She demands I look her in eye, fortunately my wife was in washroom at time. I Do not like causing issues with my sons in laws, can only bit my tongue for so long. This lady lost her husband, recently. Daughter likes getting us together I'm trying to hold myself together in her presence.
 
First of all, I would like to thank everyone for sharing their experiences.
Regarding the identification of autistic individuals: I thought that elementary school teachers are instructed to identify POSSIBLE signs of autism, and then advice parents to take their kids to a professional to see if a child is autistic or has some other condition.
Now, about the eye contact -- it seems to me that autistic individuals were taught incorrectly how to make it. The incorrect information makes eye contact difficult for everyone, including neurotypical people like myself.
When done correctly, the eye contact should last for about 2 seconds in the very beginning of a conversation. That's all. After that you look in person's direction, preferably at his/her face, but not in the eyes. Don't look at person's shoes, though, this is kind of unusual and complicates the communication .You might make another eye contact after 5 minutes of conversation, but don't do it frequently.
I would like to know if someone received eye contact instructions different from my suggestions. Depending on the response, I might post a separate thread on the topic of eye contact.
 
I love looking at my wife's and daughter's pretty eyes/faces. (I dote on both.)
Less so, if they are angry with me.
 
The only time any body has ever said anything about looking them in the eye is my sons mother in law, I guess my son must have mentioned to her I most likely am on the spectrum and she thinks she is helping me I just think she is an idiot. What she does not know is I suspect her grandson is on the spectrum. I will quietly help him.
 
Ronald Zeeman said:
The only time any body has ever said anything about looking them in the eye is my sons mother in law, I guess my son must have mentioned to her I most likely am on the spectrum and she thinks she is helping me I just think she is an idiot. What she does not know is I suspect her grandson is on the spectrum. I will quietly help him.
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I 'm sure you're doing fine. I 'm a data analyst. In my qualified opinion, one person's viewpoint means nothing. I wonder what she would say about my post.
 
My sister in law a teacher just a few months ago realized her husband my brother is on the spectrum after a seminar
I just told her I know knew it all along as was my older brother and sister. I love visiting my brother best man at my wedding His special interest currently is making money on stock market, he nailed it Has insights every body else missed. hope to see him again in 2 weeks. We have the most interesting conversations.
 
Outsider said:
When done correctly, the eye contact should last for about 2 seconds in the very beginning of a conversation. That's all. After that you look in person's direction, preferably at his/her face, but not in the eyes. Don't look at person's shoes, though, this is kind of unusual and complicates the communication .You might make another eye contact after 5 minutes of conversation, but don't do it frequently.
I would like to know if someone received eye contact instructions different from my suggestions. Depending on the response, I might post a separate thread on the topic of eye contact.
Click to expand...
Interesting. I do it exactly like that and I was given the feedback that I don't make enough eye contact, but most people wouldn't comment it (up until last year or so?), it was autism-related feedback? I look at someone's face, when I want to see their expression for more context for sure
 
vergil96 said:
Interesting. I do it exactly like that and I was given the feedback that I don't make enough eye contact, but most people wouldn't comment it (up until last year or so?), it was autism-related feedback? I look at someone's face, when I want to see their expression for more context for sure
Click to expand...
My brother had received an incorrect information about eye contact, so you're not alone in doing something right and then being told the opposite. I wonder where the false information comes from. My best guess is that some psychologists live in an ivory tower, so to speak, and have their own theories about eye contact that have nothing to do with the reality. But this is just a guess...
Anyway, if there is an NT psychologist or social worker in this forum, who thinks that I'm wrong about the eye contact, I would like to have a chat with him or her.
 
Outsider said:
My brother had received an incorrect information about eye contact, so you're not alone in doing something right and then being told the opposite. I wonder where the false information comes from. My best guess is that some psychologists live in an ivory tower, so to speak, and have their own theories about eye contact that have nothing to do with the reality. But this is just a guess...
Anyway, if there is an NT psychologist or social worker in this forum, who thinks that I'm wrong about the eye contact, I would like to have a chat with him or her.
Click to expand...
Hmmm, my psychologist didn't comment my eye contact at all, but it was more in the autistic community. I do have periods of time when I'm tired and I find eye contact extremely distracting or I just prefer to be side by side or look elsewhere for mkst of the time. But it's not always. It depends. I also mostly look at people's noses and eyebrows, nobody notices a difference and I'm not sure if it's something NT people do or not.
 
vergil96 said:
Hmmm, my psychologist didn't comment my eye contact at all, but it was more in the autistic community. I do have periods of time when I'm tired and I find eye contact extremely distracting or I just prefer to be side by side or look elsewhere for mkst of the time. But it's not always. It depends. I also mostly look at people's noses and eyebrows, nobody notices a difference and I'm not sure if it's something NT people do or not.
Click to expand...
Yes, I look at people's noses, lips, chins, etc. Sometimes I even look at the surroundings without moving my head, so they wouldn't think that I lost interest in the conversation. Your psychologist doesn't think that something is wrong with your eye contact, this is why he/she doesn't comment on it.
 
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