Guys, don't get attached to women you meet online.

[Vanadium50]

It wouldn't surprise me if things pick up for you if and when you do move to a much more cosmopolitan location.

Being stuck in any perceivable "cultural wasteland" puts yet another negative spin on things socially when you really don't relate to rural locals on much of any level. I'd have been another "square peg" in such a place myself. Luckily I've always managed to live not too far from metropolitan areas in most cases to avoid that scenario.

That would be a good advice for me as well. I happened to be moving from Mississippi to Albucurque NM, so who knows maybe things would be better over there. On a pessimistic side, I used to be in Minneapolis and I was ostracized there as well; in fact when I first arrived to Mississippi I felt a lot more welcome than I used to feel in Minneapolis, but when the welcome wore off over the months I realized that both places fit the same exact pattern: I feel welcome when I arrive, and that welcome wears off as time goes by. Big city vs rural area didn't change it a bit when it comes to comparing between Minneapolis and Mississippi. But then again maybe I haven't taken full advantage of Minneapolis being big: I was just sticking to the few places I was going to and when I gave up I went on dating sites. So maybe in order for big city to make any difference I should actually be going to many different places the big city has to offer: instead of having to move somewhere I can simply switch from one church to another, which is something I wouldn't have been able to do in small town. Will see in a couple of months how much it helps.

 

[Judge]

That would be a good advice for me as well. I happened to be moving from Mississippi to Albucurque NM, so who knows maybe things would be better over there. On a pessimistic side, I used to be in Minneapolis and I was ostracized there as well; in fact when I first arrived to Mississippi I felt a lot more welcome than I used to feel in Minneapolis, but when the welcome wore off over the months I realized that both places fit the same exact pattern: I feel welcome when I arrive, and that welcome wears off as time goes by. Big city vs rural area didn't change it a bit when it comes to comparing between Minneapolis and Mississippi. But then again maybe I haven't taken full advantage of Minneapolis being big: I was just sticking to the few places I was going to and when I gave up I went on dating sites. So maybe in order for big city to make any difference I should actually be going to many different places the big city has to offer: instead of having to move somewhere I can simply switch from one church to another, which is something I wouldn't have been able to do in small town. Will see in a couple of months how much it helps.

Could well be.

When I lived in the San Francisco Bay Area are one of my insurance agents had tapped into the Russian community. It was quite lucrative for her and the company I once worked for. One of the most cosmopolitan parts of the entire country. Where people tend to more often than not be accepting of all kinds of nationalities and cultures. I often felt in working in the financial district of downtown San Francisco as if I was working at the United Nations. I liked it. Of course I've lived other places where comparable tolerance seemed rationed at times.

 

[Vanadium50]

Could well be.

When I lived in the San Francisco Bay Area are one of my insurance agents had tapped into the Russian community. It was quite lucrative for her and the company I once worked for. One of the most cosmopolitan parts of the entire country. Where people tend to more often than not be accepting of all kinds of nationalities and cultures. I often felt in working in the financial district of downtown San Francisco as if I was working at the United Nations. I liked it. Of course I've lived other places where comparable tolerance seemed rationed at times.

Since you mentioned Russian community, does it mean you are from Russia yourself? I am asking because I am. I came from Russia when I was 14. How about you?

Anyway, my mom lives in Berkeley, CA, and I used to live with her until I moved away to graduate school. Some of her Russian friends do live in San Francisco, so I am well aware of Russian community over there. I don't think I ever felt ostracized when I was living with her at Berkeley, but that could be because I was naturally friends with whoever is my mom's friend; that, plus also back then I weren't that despertate to make friends anyway, which is why my perceptions were different. Right now as an adult I want independence from my mom, which is part of why I am at other places, so I have to look for other avenues of finding peope to communicate with.

 

[Judge]

Since you mentioned Russian community, does it mean you are from Russia yourself? I am asking because I am. I came from Russia when I was 14. How about you? Anyway, my mom lives in Berkeley, CA, and I used to live with her until I moved away to graduate school. Some of her Russian friends do live in San Francisco, so I am well aware of Russian community over there. I don't think I ever felt ostracized when I was living with her at Berkeley, but that could be because I was naturally friends with whoever is my mom's friend; that, plus also back then I weren't that despertate to make friends anyway, which is why my perceptions were different. Right now as an adult I want independence from my mom, which is part of why I am at other places, so I have to look for other avenues of finding peope to communicate with.

Nope...I'm an American. But I've lived in various parts of the country and abroad to know that all sorts of tolerance varies...

 

[ChurchTheArtist]

She probably couldn't think of other things on the spot but there is a lot more than just sex when it comes to reasons why in person is better than online. I, for one, don't want sex before marriage; yet when I had long distance relationship that lasted for two years I still felt lonely. I guess I couldn't exactly hang out and go for movies, as well as see the friends of my partner when it comes to long distance thing. Maybe you don't realize it because you already have normal interactions in person (as evident from the fact that the above conersation took place in person) while I don't. To me, the relationship is crucial when it comes to making my life normal, which is what makes in-person part crucial as well. Incidentally, who knows, maybe if I was as successful as you are in life, I won't even care taht much about relationships on the first place. But I am not: I have nothing going for me other than having ph.d. for which I don't make much use of anyway as I can't get a job and my mom pays my bills. I need a relationship in order to improve my self esteem; you don't need that because your self esteem is high as it is.

I do see where you are coming from. The reason why I didn't really consider that to begin with was because it didn't really seem a big thing in my long distance relationship. For instance, I bought Skype Premium which allowed us to share screens and my gf and I often watched movies and TV shows together all the time. We shared our different nerd shows like Dr. Who and Star Trek and explored each other's odd movie tastes together online. Even when we visited each other, we didn't go out much; we liked to cook for each other and just talk on the couch and stuff. We did well because it didn't put a financial strain on us to have to go out all the time. There wasn't an issue with hanging out with friends because she didn't have any close friends at the time and all my friends are Vietnam veterans and farmers who are all 50 years old or more (I surround myself with real tough men to help me get over some of my fears and timidness). When we did the LDR it really helped us get that socializing in without having to involve a lot of people and since it was just us, every day it was great practice. We actually worked with each other in coaching through some aspie stuff and with no NTs there, we made progress.

There are pros and cons each way for sure. But just a year ago, I wasn't too different from how you described yourself. I lived with parents and had a useless degree and worked a couple of crappy part time jobs struggling to make bills and that was it. Most of my success actually developed the last 11 months ever since my GF and I broke up. I used the break up to spring-board my motivation. Within just a couple of months of the break up I quit my job and got to work building my house saying "I'm not going to stop until I can live in this house." I figured if I wanted a great life and a great relationship, I should get started on it now and by the time the next girl comes around, I'll have my act together. I couldn't expect a great relationship unless I was willing to change myself into a greater man. We can't change others and we aren't owed anything in life; the only thing you have control over is your mind and attitude so that's where I started. I focus on making myself the person I want to be and I figured that when it starts to come together, the relationship will fall into place like everything else. So far I've had a lot of success and I am far more comfortable with myself.

Example is like my boat: I got my new (old) boat recently from an old friend. Her father had passed away and they were getting rid of things. They knew that 1: I worked really hard to keep my car clean and running smoothly through constant care and maintenance and 2: I was always willing to help out and do hard work on their farm when I visited. They let me come and do half a week of labor and take the boat home as payment. It was a nice boat to say the least. I was a hard working, honest man they could count on with many skills and abilities that turned out to be useful; I was available, willing and helpful. When I was ready for that role, I was given the role; when I completed the role, I was rewarded the boat. Had I been a lesser man, the task and reward may not have been offered nor would I have been capable of doing it... but I was. I had been studying car mechanics all year, not for this one job but for my future. It was just providential that I had prepared for the job without knowing about the job and I ended up fixing their long dead truck as well as other things. It's all about cultivating yourself for your own sake and then along the way when you are ready for the role, you will have been prepared. This works for relationships as well. I tell people you can't start being a good boyfriend or girlfriend only when you start dating; you have to learn to work at it while you are alone so when you do find someone, you have a better chance of doing the right thing.

If you want some practice interacting, start some conversations here. It helped me a lot to just make friends for the sake of practicing both my socializing skills, self awareness and self validation. This would be a great place to look around for people to talk to because most of us are aspies and people can coach you and encourage you through that learning process. Life never gets easier, you can only work to become stronger.

 

[Vanadium50]

Nope...I'm an American. But I've lived in various parts of the country and abroad to know that all sorts of tolerance varies...

Yeah thats another interesting question. When I was in Mississippi and was complaining people don't like me, some of them said "well its because you are down south". Then I pointed out that I am both White and Christian, but they said that its not what they are referring to. Well what else? I mean if you are liberal then you are bettter accepted up north, if you are conservative than you are better accepted down south. If you have Asperger then how can you possibly tell where you will be better accepted UNLESS you make an ASSUMPTION that people with Asperger are liberal -- which is very unfair assumption to make. But is this what people assume anyway?

And speaking of Russian community, thats another interesting question. One thing I tried to point to southerners is that Russians are far better Christians then Americans because of all this gay marriage thing. The only response to this I got was change of subject. But now that you have implied the same thing by talking about Russian community in San Francisco, I can't help but ask whether you also see them as liberal, and if so, why? I guess San Francisco has liberal stain on it because of gay community, but Russians have nothing to do with gays, and the fact that San Francisco has both communities is what makes "San Francisco" implication pretty confusing

Now that we are on the subject, I can't help put point out that a lot of members of said "Russian" community are not Russians at all, they are Jews. Americans have that misconception that being Russian refers to where you are from and being Jewish refers to religion. But, from Russian perspective, both is referred to genetics. Someone can be born all the way in Australia and never even visitted Russia, but still be Russian because of Russian genetics. And someone can be born and raised in Russia but NOT be Russian because of Jewish gentics. And someone can be Christian or atheist or what not and still be a Jew from genetics point of view. This being the case, a large proportion of immigrants from Russia are Jews (which brings a wedge between Russians and Jews on more practical level: statistically Russians are quite patriotic of their country, while Jews living in Russia are basically traitors that would side with America on every step, which is why Jews are a lot more likely to actually immigrate to America as well, hence the Jewish presence in "Russian" communities across the states, San Francisco included). Now, speaking of Jewish religion, I won't call it very accepting either, but you have to make a distinction between Orthodox, Conservative and Reform Jews. Only few Jews are Orthodox. The vast majority of them went liberal. This is evident from how 80% of Jews vote democrate despite the fact that family values that Republican party shares come from Old Testament, Republicans are far more pro-Israel than democrats are, and Republicans support rich while Jews are rich. The fact that the Jews ingore those three things and still vote 80% democrat shows that the Jews are infected with a type of desease that cloud their thinking and make them vote democrat, the same kind of desease liberals are infected with. Well, this being the case, the tenets of Jewish religion is no longer relevant (after all they no longer believe in Jewish religion anyway, as evident from the fact that they vote 80% democrat and many of them eat pork), so no wonder they are very accepting despite the fact that Jewish religion teaches otherwise.

Anyway, back to the point I was making: the way I understand it, the liberal desease affects only Jews but NOT Russians. In fact ethnic Russians are quite conservative, as evident from the contrast between Putin's and Obama's policy on gays. So I would like to ask you: the members of "Russian" community in San Francisco that you found accepting, were they Russian or were they Jews?

But then again, as I mentioned in the beginning of this post, the liberalism shouldn't even be relevent here: since being aspie doesn't make you either black or gay or liberal or anything else. But since telling me that southerners are "less accepting" makes a false identification between aspie-ness and liberalism, the logical next question to ask is whether Russian communities are liberal for accepting aspies. But said false identification is unfair because it essentially excommunicates me, as an aspie, from Christian conservative community, which I don't want to happen. Hence the other point I made at the beginning of the post.

 

[Judge]

Yeah thats another interesting question. When I was in Mississippi and was complaining people don't like me, some of them said "well its because you are down south". Then I pointed out that I am both White and Christian, but they said that its not what they are referring to. Well what else?

Simple xenophobia. The smaller the community, the more apt it's something you'll run into. Of course coming from Russia has its own issues, in all honesty. Some people haven't gotten past Cold War prejudices. Things that are potentially likely to be as far-reaching as prejudice and misunderstandings of autism.

I could keep "watering this down", but it wouldn't be doing you any favors.

 

[Vanadium50]

Simple xenophobia. The smaller the community, the more apt it's something you'll run into. Of course coming from Russia has its own issues, in all honesty. Some people haven't gotten past Cold War prejudices. Things that are potentially likely to be as far-reaching as prejudice and misunderstandings of autism.

I could keep "watering this down", but it wouldn't be doing you any favors.

I am not asking to water it down; on the contrary I am asking to sit down and look at it closely. Here are some very obvious things they seem to not think about -- and when I point them out they tend to ignore my questions:

Since we are talking about prejudices that are more common down south than up north, it has to somehow be linked to either race, or religion. Right? If so, then

1. Do they consider that Americans are Whiter than Russians? If so, why? Whiteness goes back several generations, on the other hand America is a very young country. So by moving to another continent they haven't changed their race to the slightest.

2. Why do they consider Americans to be better Christians than Russians -- especially considering all the pro-gay laws in America and anti-gay laws in Russia? I realize that southern states aren't promoting such pro-gay laws, but still they do end up recognizing same sex marriage even down south because Washington "forced them" to. In other words, Washington just raped Mississippi and Alabama up their ass. Russians would have never let that happen, but Mississippi and Alabama did. They didn't have enough balls to secceed, Russians on their place would have at least tried to. Alright I realize seccession is difficult, but the question is: why do the authorities down south actually enforced those laws pushed by Washington? If Russians were on their place they wouldn't have complied with such laws, but Americans don't know how to not comply.

3. Why are southerners less accepting of aspies than northerners? Does it imply that aspies can't be good Christian? I mean that is the only logical connection I can think of. And it is unfair connection: as an aspie Christian I don't want my eternal destiny to be compromised due to Asperger. But apparently thats exactly what they think IF you try to force them to be logical which I haven't been able to so far.

 

[Judge]

I am not asking to water it down; on the contrary I am asking to sit down and look at it closely. Here are some very obvious things they seem to not think about -- and when I point them out they tend to ignore my questions:

Since we are talking about prejudices that are more common down south than up north, it has to somehow be linked to either race, or religion. Right? If so, then

1. Do they consider that Americans are Whiter than Russians? If so, why? Whiteness goes back several generations, on the other her hand America is a very young country. So by moving to another continent they haven't changed their race to the slightest.

2. Why do they consider Americans to be better Christians than Russians -- especially considering all the pro-gay laws in America and anti-gay laws in Russia? I realize that southern states aren't promoting such pro-gay laws, but still they do end up recognizing same sex marriage even down south because Washington "forced them" to. In other words, Washington just raped Mississippi and Alabama up their ass. Russians would have never let that happen, but Mississippi and Alabama did. They didn't have enough balls to secceed, Russians on their place would have at least tried to.

3. Why are southerners less accepting of aspies than northerners? Does it imply that aspies can't be good Christian? I mean that is the only logical connection I can think of. And it is unfair connection: as an aspie Christian I don't want my eternal destiny to be compromised due to Asperger. But apparently thats exactly what they think IF you try to force them to be logical which I haven't been able to so far.

You're looking far too deeply into such prejudices. It has nothing to do with race or religion. The reality for many is incredibly simple. You are a foreigner. Even worse in some parts of the south, where in my time a few folks would have either just said, "You're just a funny-talking Yankee" or asked which directorate of the KGB you work for.

Sorry to be so blunt, but there you have it. Don't look for logic in this equation. Your physics background won't help you.

 

[Vanadium50]

You're looking far too deeply into such prejudices. It has nothing to do with race or religion. The reality for many is incredibly simple. You are a foreigner. Even worse in some parts of the south, where in my time a few folks would have either just said,"You're just a funny-talking Yankee" or asked which directorate of the KGB you work for.

Sorry to be so blunt, but there you have it. Don't look for logic in this equation. Your physics background won't help you.

Interesting how you first said you didn't want to water it down, and now you are saying I look too deeply into it. Well if we don't water things down then nothing should stop us from looking deeply.

 

[Judge]

Interesting how you first said you didn't want to water it down, and now you are saying I look too deeply into it. Well if we don't water things down then nothing should stop us from looking deeply.

Well, you pushed me for an answer. Nothing clever about it. We try to keep confrontation at a minimum here. Of course it doesn't always work out that way. Excessive arguments aren't a virtue. More of a liability. Something I have learned only as a result of being self-aware that I am on the spectrum of autism. I'm a work in progress in this respect, as I've posted elsewhere in this forum.

But the point in this context is about simple and conditional prejudice. That you don't need to look deeply into that. Simple xenophobia. Something that will likely vary depending on where you choose to live. Of course when compounded by autism, there are other factors to consider. I'm just apt to believe that if people are basically xenophobic about someone, their autism may not matter. Not at all fair, but that it simply "is what it is", IMO.

 

[Vanadium50]

Well, you pushed me for an answer. Nothing clever about it. We try to keep confrontation at a minimum here. Of course it doesn't always work out that way. Excessive arguments aren't a virtue. More of a liability. Something I have learned only as a result of being self-aware that I am on the spectrum of autism. I'm a work in progress in this respect, as I've posted elsewhere in this forum.

There are different types of arguments. One is when you are simply trying to hurt someone and the other is where you are trying to logically discern things. I think the former is bad the latter is good. Too bad people confuse the two. But I think logic is a good thing: if people were to use logic more then they would have been willing to resolve things and actually make the interaction into positive one instead of just giving up on someone and walking away. And the same goes for prejudices. Their prejudices would have been made a lot more reasonable and rational if they were to logic through them.

I'm just apt to believe that if people are basically xenophobic about someone, their autism won't likely matter.

Not sure what you mean by that. In my experience autism compounds the problem. Or are you saying that it doesn't? In other words, if someone from Russia without autism came down south will they also be ostracized to the extreme level that I was?

 

[Judge]

There are different types of arguments. One is when you are simply trying to hurt someone and the other is where you are trying to logically discern things. I think the former is bad the latter is good. Too bad people confuse the two. But I think logic is a good thing: if people were to use logic more then they would have been willing to resolve things and actually make the interaction into positive one instead of just giving up on someone and walking away. And the same goes for prejudices. Their prejudices would have been made a lot more reasonable and rational if they were to logic through them.



Not sure what you mean by that. In my experience autism compounds the problem. Or are you saying that it doesn't? In other words, if someone from Russia without autism came down south will they also be ostracized to the extreme level that I was?

Yes, autism compounds the problem. But if xenophobia is involved, I'm just saying that's the first issue for you to consider apart from your autism. However it's not necessarily one you can do much about other than to change your physical and social environment.

Your logic is of little value over their prejudice determined by your place of birth. You can fight such a dynamic, but don't expect to change many minds. There's enough of that going on in our election cycle.

 

[Cali Cat]

long distance relationships are a waste of time

I must disagree also. I've had two long-distance relationships that brought me a huge amount of satisfaction, even if they didn't last ... well, one is still on the fence actually; but, both were (are) very meaningful to me. Just because something doesn't last, doesn't mean it's a waste of time IMO.

I think it all depends on the individual and his/her expectations.

 

[Cali Cat]

I respectively disagree. I have had one that, though ended abruptly, I would never consider a waste of my time. Wasting of one's time means the good experience had was far outweighed by the lack of one did not get. It would infer that one would have been better off not spending time with someone online and being alone. That's a pretty tall order there. Even in the bad relationships I have had, I always look to take something out of them as a learning experience so's not to have wasted anything.

People have often told me that long distance relationships can't work and I ask them "why" and they start to give these flimsy reasons. Here is one conversation I had with a woman in one of my painting classes:

Person- "Well, two people can't get to know each other without being next to one another."
Me- "Sure they can. These days we have video chats that allow us to see and hear the other person in close to real time. I can pick up on their verbal queues as well as their body language and it's very nice."
Person- "But it's not the same. You can't get the full experience."
Me- "You mean I can't smell them, therefore it's all wrong?"
Person- "No, it's just... you can't... everyone needs the warmth of another person eventually."
Me- "Long distance relationships do visit in person as often as they can."
Person- "No, that's not enough. You can't go without having someone else there."
Me- "Why not? I can spend hours every day with someone online in video chat, talking and enjoying their company as well as the charms of their personality. What's wrong with that?"
Person- "It's not enough! Everyone needs the touch of another person to feel the affection. You can't get that close when it's long distance."
Me- "Oh, you are talking about sex. You think long distance relationships don't work because they can't have sex regularly?"
Person- "Well, it is a critical part of being in a relationship and you can't go without it."
Me- "Maybe you can't go without sex but I have no problem with it. And I will also remind you that just an hour ago you claimed to be Christian when it was relevant to the conversation and now you are telling me that I can't even date someone unless I have lots of sex. That's a bit hypocritical don't you think?"
Person- "Well... I... um..."
Me- "Sex does not make a relationship work; dedication, communication, trust and respect does. I've lived most of my life without 'physical warmth of another body' and I haven't died from lack of sex yet. The fact that someone dedicates a lot of their time to spend with me is the essence of dating. We communicate better than most people even in close relationships and we have learned to trust one another. We have worked through things far easier and greater than most relationships because ours is based on communication instead of sexual attention. I'll take good communication and trust over sex any day."

Thing is- Everyone is different and there are people out there who prefer the quiet personal time of dedication with another person that can be achieved on Skype and don't need to be physically up each others' armpits all the time. There are even couples who get married but keep separate rooms just because both are autistic and prefer their own space; yet they are happily married and make it work. You may think it's a waste of time because it doesn't give you what you need or want but others would disagree. I would prefer to have a relationship where I delay the physical meeting until I know the person better.

This is the brilliance of this open discussion; because everyone is different. Robertsomerville, it would be great if you could articulate your opinion so others can learn where you are coming from and why. I think it would be good to hear the "why" after the opinion.

You echo my sentiments exactly!

Another thing I'd add is that some people may be too complacent to try and make things work in a long-distance relationship. It can be challenging, especially if you find you want to remain together and change your living arrangements.

I tend to be the type of person who can move mountains, and have managed some incredible logistics to be with my loved one. I'm not put off by having to do the mental gymnastics sometimes necessary to make things work, so that might color my perception of the experience.

 

[robertsomerville]

I must disagree also. I've had two long-distance relationships that brought me a huge amount of satisfaction, even if they didn't last ... well, one is still on the fence actually; but, both were (are) very meaningful to me. Just because something doesn't last, doesn't mean it's a waste of time IMO.

I think it all depends on the individual and his/her expectations.

from my experience long distance relationships are doomed to fail.It's different for each person,I can only speak from my own personal experience

 

[ChurchTheArtist]

I am not asking to water it down; on the contrary I am asking to sit down and look at it closely. Here are some very obvious things they seem to not think about -- and when I point them out they tend to ignore my questions:

Since we are talking about prejudices that are more common down south than up north, it has to somehow be linked to either race, or religion. Right? If so, then

I would LOVE to try and shine light on this if you don't mind. I am from Alabama and have had years of experience dealing with Mississippi both as a kid and as a working adult. I would love to point out many things that people don't want to say as long as you are going to hear this for the straight-forward, non "watered down" explanation you seem to want.

I preface by saying this is not my personal rant or speech of hatred against any individual or the like. I am not "getting something off my chest" or "venting" when I say the following things but you are curious about these dealings with the three keys: American, Southerners and Christians and my 29 years of careful observation of these three things may help you if you will listen with your brain and not your emotion. It's going to get a bit rough from this point.

First off: The operative word for your problem is not race, religion, autism or geography... it's culture. I was born and raised a prisoner to the Southern Christian American culture and I will tell you that it is not to be trifled with. Now, I like a lot of people down here, don't get me wrong but the primary flaw in the Southern Christian American (SCA for short) culture is the over rating of the personality quality known as "nice." Everyone is "nice" or "not nice" in the south; they are either Christian or Heathen, nothing in between. I've seen how these "nice" people will betray their brothers and sisters and live destructive lives in the long run simply because they are brainwashed as Americans to believe they are the coolest and bestest nation of people.

Rule number 1: If you are not from Mississippi, do not date anyone from Mississippi unless they are extremely out of place there and was home schooled. MS has it's own sub-southern culture. I grew up going to school there, worked many jobs in MS and I have studied the culture and people for decades. Do not date any of them, especially if they look attractive. To put it bluntly: In all American statistics, MS is the all time lowest rated IQ average, standard academic placement, graduation rate, job retention rate, education standard state in all of our 50 and it has been that way for a very long time. It doesn't matter how "nice" a person may be, they are most likely living definitions of "insane" or as they like to call it "sought in 'eir ways." It's so obvious to someone who isn't a slave to the need of pleasing everyone to see that the SCA culture is all about breeding the thickest athletes in the obsessive pursuit of sports worship. The attractive people- statistically are most likely to have little moral standards as they haven't had to "want" for anything in their life; attractive people are given a lot of length down here due to the breeding aspect. All of the worst parents I have seen are Mississippians, same goes for drugs, pregnancies, statutory rape, incest and all drinking violations. MS is one of the two states that have the most lenient laws to punish drinking and driving, often leaving repeat offenders with little more than a slap on the wrist. If you want more specifics, I don't mind writing them out but to put it blatantly... Mississippi is by far the grossest state in America filled with the statistically proven dumbest people and concatenated health problems. Most people above a certain age and almost always after marriage end up becoming grossly unhealthy and overweight. I've seen many of my childhood crushes go from natural beauty to burger queen almost immediately after they snag a guy to marry them (mostly to cover the pregnancy) Even the nicest people I have met in MS are just downright ridiculous when it comes to doing anything smart or remotely moral in lieu of change. Do not have relations with anyone until you've had them tested because STDs are mind blowing down here. Also, do not date anyone if their parents are engrossed in this culture; guys and girls alike can pretend to not be this bad for a while but time will tell the truth. Always trust time over promises. I have dated a few people from MS and they are just... don't even... just don't.

Now, Alabama has it's heavy pitfalls in a similar way in certain areas but that's based on a different, non politically correct way of categorizing the geographical statistics that I won't go into. To verbalize this point, I met with a girl from Bolivia and we talked over tea about how the SCA culture here was so backwards, illogical and hypocritical compared to what she is used to over seas. Many intelligent foreigners either are appalled at this culture or they fall fast into the drain of the culture such as the High School exchange students who are sent back to their countries after dozens of sexual partners including multiple statutory rape cases and contracting an STD all within a few months of being in MS. If you are reading this post and think that the response of "you find bad people everywhere" is somehow revolutionary... don't bother, that's excusism and it's how people sweep cultural decline under the rug. While it IS true and I agree with it; it is a useless statement that doesn't do anyone any good, especially when people are trying to figure out what's wrong with their situation. Do not excuse this stuff because it doesn't do anyone any good.

Next point: America in general is really like a fat, spoiled, brainwashed child compared to other nations. It's the Eric Cartman of nations. But instead of me divulging a lot of text on this point, I'll just leave this brilliant video link that explains this:

to be continued...

 

[ChurchTheArtist]

...continued

Third Point: Christianity in this culture is, for lack of grace and tact, garbage. Now, I am a Christian by studied choice and only barely. I cannot stand being in the same label as the people who have drug the term through the mud. What you see most often these days are what I call the "Starbucks Christians." I coined this term because people walk around with empty Starbucks coffee cups because it holds status in the culture, even though the coffee is gone and the cup is empty. Christianity is used the same way here; it's a status symbol with a pious attitude and often empty once you pop the lid. NO, hypocrisy is NOT standard in Christianity nor is it biblical to just rely on grace and mercy without really trying to improve. SCA culture has degraded into what I call Excusism because everyone just makes excuses like "well, we all fall short of the glory of God" or "no one can earn God's love" or "your best efforts are like bloody rags to God" and these are all non-biblical concepts taken from poorly misread, small, excerpts from the crappiest of readings. Let me make this simple, though I'm not going to make any friends by saying this: Most southern Christians only use the term and go to church because it's what their parents did; it was how they were raised- to think that was the thing to do. Those who get into it later on do so because they have hit rock bottom and are looking for a way out of the sex, drinking and drugs (not a bad thing by the way, power to them). Rarely in the south do you see people who actually come IN to Christianity having not somehow grown up in it and when they do, there are major problems with establishing solid faith due to poor culture. You rarely find people who are Christian by choice after they have studied many religions and actually know science. Christianity is set out like a free hand-out, easy feel good ticket with little to no follow through or depth. The majority of SCA culture is based on "feel-good" and shallow "fortune cookie" dogma, not rooted in study or apologetics. This is coming from someone who has studied countless religions- new, old and dead. I study transformational philosophy and have texts and tomes for more religions in just my Kindle alone than ALL of the culture of MS has even heard of (grand statement, not factual but used for imagery). You can read C.S. Lewis' prolog to "Mere Christianity," just the prolog gives perfect examples how the idea of "Christianity" is lost to a decadent society. Here in the SCA culture, those in the church are blind to their own damnation simply because they excuse their sin as if it weren't real; they don't really believe they can be held accountable. Their actions prove that while they say they believe, they don't really believe; belief is evident through change which is an avoided concept down here. Culturally they break multiple commandments as a society-wide given. It is rare to see any Christian household or even a pastor's office that wasn't more decorated with their sport idolatry. Here, Alabama is the number one culprit in America for sport idolatry. Culturally, the second commandment is as ignored as the doctor telling them to eat healthy.

Part of the reason why aspies have such a hard time understanding social interaction is because (and I could spend hours proving this) modern culture, especially the SCA culture, is held together on a widespread understanding of lies and deceit that are known as "white lies." I am currently counseling my own mother as she is just realizing in her mid 50's what I've known all along: that our culture is built on lies and this is how innocent people suffer and bad people prosper. It all can be pointed to this culture of white lies.

These are harsh statements, I know. But I am not without my logical observations to serve as both proof and reason to these statements. One of the books I'm currently writing goes into grand detail on how and why each of these "generational curses" work throughout our culture. Often you will see my posts and I am not shy in stating that I am out of place here in the south... in America. There are so few people here in the south that can actually carry on an intellectual conversation, backing their beliefs with facts and having respect for those who can do the same. Most people I spend time with are above the age of 50 and often not sucked into this culture. One of my favorite cultures to see in religious circles is the Messianic Jewish culture (another explanation for another time).

I have countless lectures, Bible studies and short books all based on the decadence and weakness of the very three topics you point out: Southerners, Americans and Christians. This is all from the right to speech from someone who was born in raised in the American South in a Christian household. I can give you more constructive and comprehensive criticisms of these three topics than ANY person from the outside because I have real experience. I am a scientist who holds to the scientific method; I hold strong to psychology and the subcategories therein; I have studied the origin of the "Christian" culture and its evolution through the past 18ish centuries. I do not take this stuff lightly and I couldn't care less about my own personal opinion- I seek statistical truths and provable facts regardless of what would make me popular in any circle. These statements are grossly summarized as well, often more broad and all encompassing but they are not a comprehensive ruling to the extent of my belief. Instead it is more of a basic warning message to point out severity where it is otherwise ignored.

In conclusion: Don't bother too much with the culture down here. Make friends for sure. There are nice people but finding a good person is rare and relationships have been perverted and bastardized in America overall. It's not a hopeless errand to look but that's like saying you can technically find food by sifting through dumpsters. Every location has a culture and this one is just... far gone. Many of us who are not a part of the American culture simply sit back saying "it's too late, they are too far gone." This however, is harder on the few of us who are young and alone.

I do not say any of this hatefully! I am more like a dry robot who couldn't care less about lying to be popular with a culture that already ostracized me for being autistic. I have my own personal hopes and prayers for better things in this world but this is pulled from the pages of my dry, gray, calculating book.

 

[Chris34]

I started a thread not long ago about this subject, online relationships I mean. It was because I had doubts with a girl I met online and with whom I exchanged letters, gifts, etc. She was too good to be true, beautiful, smart, funny, everything I could wish for. I was afraid of two things: getting too attached to the point of getting my hopes too high, and also screwing up with her by saying or doing something awkward. I asked her to Skype with me, she accepted gladly
Now, she messages me asking me to Skype every weekend, which is something we have as a routine now. We spend hours talking and getting to know each other. She's the most amazing person I could have ever met! I feel so lucky that I found her. And we're making plans to meet each other for Christmass at her place in France

So, everyone out there who has doubts or is skeptical about long distance relationships, don't be afraid, just let time tell if that person will be the right one for you. Don't rush anything. And always and more importantly, be yourself. It may sound like overused, but it's true, no one is going to feel attracted to someone who pretends to be someone else.

Go with your gut feeling

As Cali Cat said. Time is your best friend in this matter

 

[Gabi]

I started a thread not long ago about this subject, online relationships I mean. It was because I had doubts with a girl I met online and with whom I exchanged letters, gifts, etc. She was too good to be true, beautiful, smart, funny, everything I could wish for. I was afraid of two things: getting too attached to the point of getting my hopes too high, and also screwing up with her by saying or doing something awkward. I asked her to Skype with me, she accepted gladly
Now, she messages me asking me to Skype every weekend, which is something we have as a routine now. We spend hours talking and getting to know each other. She's the most amazing person I could have ever met! I feel so lucky that I found her. And we're making plans to meet each other for Christmass at her place in France

So, everyone out there who has doubts or is skeptical about long distance relationships, don't be afraid, just let time tell if that person will be the right one for you. Don't rush anything. And always and more importantly, be yourself. It may sound like overused, but it's true, no one is going to feel attracted to someone who pretends to be someone else.

Congratulations Chris!!! Sounds awesome