Hiding it with alcohol?

[AspieChris]

Did you mention to them you'd be happy to take cancellations?

My wife got me the appointment. She said the person on the phone could tell it was serious and they said that they would call if there were any cancellations.

 

[Fatamsimth]

Oh I had to go to AA. Determination was useless. I tried everything but AA for 4 years (therapy, yoga, medication, changing jobs, changing girlfriends etc) until I realized I was avoiding the thing that treats what I have, which is alcoholism.

 

[AspieChris]

I couldn't live without it either, but it was definitely going to kill me. Ironic.

Funny thing is that I got hurt at work a couple of years ago. 5 surgeries and 20 screws in my back. Lots of bloodwork and countless Dr’s appointments. Even after almost 30 years of heavy drinking, I’m actually very healthy.

The stress is what’s going to kill me. The knowledge that there’s a bottle waiting for me at home is what keeps me from driving my car into a telephone pole on the way home.

 

[Fatamsimth]

I can't tell you what would be right for you. It's a self-diagnosed thing. All I know is that a Homer Simpson quote summed up a lot of what I was going through at the time: "Alcohol, the cause of, and solution to all of life's
problems."

But I can say that the more I drank to take the edge off of stress and other problems, the less I was able to cope with stress and other problems without drinking. They sort of fed each other until I couldn't cope with anything at all.

 

[AspieChris]

I can't tell you what would be right for you. It's a self-diagnosed thing. All I know is that a Homer Simpson quote summed up a lot of what I was going through at the time: "Alcohol, the cause of, and solution to all of life's problems."

No kidding. That’s exactly what I’m dealing with.

 

[Rodafina]

It should be a picture of a man drowning inside of that bottle.

It seems that the more I understand about my condition, the more stress I feel and the more I’m drinking. I swear that it was easier to quit the last couple of times because I thought that I was just an a-hole who needed to get his life together. This time it feels like it’s medication and I am scared of tomorrow if I don’t get my pills today. I wish sometimes that everyone around me knew I was on the spectrum, but I didn’t. I know it’s stupid but it’s as if my life would be better if I was far less functioning and didn’t understand.

Life is hard. Harder when everything ALMOST makes sense. Ignorance is bliss right?

Oof. This one hits hard. Understand perfectly what you are describing.

 

[AspieChris]

Oof. This one hits hard. Understand perfectly what you are describing.

I tried describing it once to a therapist: If I couldn’t understand the danger and incredible power of a nuclear bomb, then it wouldn’t be possible to worry about WW3. No fear of an enemy launching nukes at us, and us retaliating by launching ours at them.

Knowing exactly what is wrong with me is miserable. Especially when I know that there’s no way to change it. Everything hurts today and I already know that tomorrow will be no better.

So…. why not have a few drinks tonight and forget about it for a few hours? Tomorrow is going to suck anyway. Might as well be happy tonight. Besides: I made it through another day, so I deserve some relief.

 

[Fatamsimth]

Totally get all that. The question to ask yourself is whether you can enjoy and control your drinking. If both, there's no real need to stop. If you can control it, but no longer enjoy it, then you'll stop anyway. If you can't control it, but still enjoy it, you won't be motivated to stop. For me, I could no longer enjoy it or control it

 

[Rodafina]

Might as well be happy tonight.

If only the medicine you speak of actually made us happy.

Besides: I made it through another day, so I deserve some relief.

You definitely deserve relief and even happiness.

 

[Kaliwax]

I can never ever use or touch alcohol to cover and hide things up. I've seen my auntie have strokes and become really ill and in a nursing home now because of alcohol, she never recovered from her father rejecting her and she hit the bottle ever since. Its really sad, buts its made me realise to never use or drink it

 

[MNAus]

Knowing exactly what is wrong with me is miserable. Especially when I know that there’s no way to change it.

Do you mean your injury? If so, I can only imagine. I'm not 100% sure of how medical support works in your country, but over here I know there are decent clinics for chronic pain management that, although they don't have a magic wand, can help immensely. Perhaps something might be available.

If you mean the fact that you're ASD, I'm going to disagree. Of course we are who we are, and some aspects of ASD are not desirable, but I don't think there's anything wrong with you. I don't think there's anything wrong with me. I'm of the opinion that we've needed to have strategies all our life, and these need an update. We've been a minority in a world of NTs. Imagine if roles were swapped and the way THEY think was the minority "Why won't anybody talk to me about celebrity weddings??? Wahhh!!!" They'd have some pretty unhealthy strategies too. Be kind to yourself. Your ASD doesn't need fixing.

 

[AspieChris]

Do you mean your injury? If so, I can only imagine. I'm not 100% sure of how medical support works in your country, but over here I know there are decent clinics for chronic pain management that, although they don't have a magic wand, can help immensely. Perhaps something might be available.

If you mean the fact that you're ASD, I'm going to disagree. Of course we are who we are, and some aspects of ASD are not desirable, but I don't think there's anything wrong with you. I don't think there's anything wrong with me. I'm of the opinion that we've needed to have strategies all our life, and these need an update. We've been a minority in a world of NTs. Imagine if roles were swapped and the way THEY think was the minority "Why won't anybody talk to me about celebrity weddings??? Wahhh!!!" They'd have some pretty unhealthy strategies too. Be kind to yourself. Your ASD doesn't need fixing.

Every day feels like I’m a black man in a room full of white supremacists. There’s nothing wrong with being black, but wouldn’t life be easier if I could ‘fix’ my skin and blend in?

I don’t mean to say that I’m broken. 20 screws in my back will always be there, so will my Autism. But all of us live in a world that sees differences as problems to be fixed. So, decades later, I’m just used to seeing myself as broken and looking for a ‘fix’.

I agree. If we were the majority, then ‘Neurotypical’ would be a diagnosis, and there would be a pill to ‘fix’ it and make them rock back and forth in a chair and avoid eye contact.

Or maybe they would all just be alcoholics.

 

[AspieChris]

My back. 20 screws, 3 cages, 2 rods. 5 surgeries. Totally sucks.

Did I mention that I climb telephone poles and lift 110lb (50kilo) equipment every day. Sometimes I have to lift 2000lbs of batteries into my van, 110 lbs each.

 

[AspieChris]

Totally get all that. The question to ask yourself is whether you can enjoy and control your drinking. If both, there's no real need to stop. If you can control it, but no longer enjoy it, then you'll stop anyway. If you can't control it, but still enjoy it, you won't be motivated to stop. For me, I could no longer enjoy it or control it

I really enjoy it, but seem to have no control over it anymore. If I lived alone, I wouldn’t need to quit.

 

[Fatamsimth]

Yeah that's a tricky spot to be in. I probably wouldn't have quit until I moved in with my girlfriend (now wife). But at my rate I don't know that I would have lived very long either.

 

[ra49]

AspieChris, dear - sending an air hug because that's all I have but my heart breaks for you
I have a dear friend who has been actively involved in AA more than half his life and credits it with saving his life and his relationships.
Please don't give up on yourself, your life, or your family

 

[MNAus]

My back. 20 screws, 3 cages, 2 rods. 5 surgeries. Totally sucks.

Did I mention that I climb telephone poles and lift 110lb (50kilo) equipment every day. Sometimes I have to lift 2000lbs of batteries into my van, 110 lbs each.

Mate, you're half man, half robot! (Aspie joke, sorry, you may shout at me if that's in bad taste). But seriously, that's some impressive hardware you've got in your back. I bet you have fun at airport security. It's super impressive you still deliver your role with all that going on. Are the surgeries all done for now?

But all of us live in a world that sees differences as problems to be fixed. So, decades later, I’m just used to seeing myself as broken and looking for a ‘fix’.

I agree. If we were the majority, then ‘Neurotypical’ would be a diagnosis, and there would be a pill to ‘fix’ it and make them rock back and forth in a chair and avoid eye contact.

I think that's the double whammy. Here's my idea. It's a bit of a ramble, and a lot is about me, because I don't want to presume how you feel. But maybe you can pick some bits out that help? If not, happy to delete the post or move it.

So I think we're the type of people that want to fix everything around us. I don't think it's a coincidence there's a high comorbidity with OCD. But even if we don't have that, we might tend to problem solve everything, to bring harmony, and peace, and everyone happy and calm. I think that might be a big driver behind that need, for me, because I don't like the intensity of angry, disappointed, etc. It overloads my brain and feels super uncomfortable.

So what happens if we classify ourselves as the disharmony causing the noise? I think that although I might get angry about unfairness, etc. deep down I see NT's as the "correct" version of human (hello black/white thinking, again) and, therefore, myself as being the problem that needs fixing to avoid all the uncomfortable friction and grief. I intensely dislike it when I say or do something and strong emotions come back in reply. You may as well be scraping nails down a chalkboard. So I'm like "what do I do, what do I do?" I avoid that by problem solving EVERYTHING.

For me personally I never consciously thought "well me, you're the one out of place here so you are the one that needs to change" but I DID have this underlying nagging feeling that not fitting in was not a good thing. That didn't come from a direction of wanting people to like me, it came from a feeling of being the problem in a very practical sense: a thing that needed fixing.

You know this could easily slip into a Taylor Swift song, but for me it's far more practical than that. It's not about not being able to look in the mirror or anything, it's literally about a practical need to not be the problem. Does this make any sense?

My assertion is that though we are untypical, the rest of the above is actually a thought pattern we could, and should, disrupt. It's based on incorrect assumptions, black/white thinking and a bit of our ASD spice thrown in. IF we could embrace the crazy of grey, rather than black and white, we'd be less likely to see ourselves broken and in need of fixing.

That's why I think a psychologist is so useful, because we can challenge that mindset. Speaking personally again, I have to admit that I'm seeing things wrong and I can change that. If any of the above makes any sense to you you have to know that a) you're fine as an autistic person and b) that the pain it's bringing you can be helped. If we understand what's driving this behaviour we can work out strategies. For me avoiding the brain overload of emotional responses appears to play a strong role, so I need to find practical things that stop me needing to avoid that.

We're strong and capable, learning new ways of seeing things should be a doddle, right? I have absolute faith that someone like you can work through this. Someone who is clearly an absolute bad ass fighter, who despite a disability can adapt and excel, who I would want on my side when society collapses. Chin up mate, you're an unstoppable force. It's not the path you chose, but you're a survivor. You've got this.

 

[AspieChris]

Mate, you're half man, half robot! (Aspie joke, sorry, you may shout at me if that's in bad taste). But seriously, that's some impressive hardware you've got in your back. I bet you have fun at airport security. It's super impressive you still deliver your role with all that going on. Are the surgeries all done for now?

Titanium hardware. Shows up on xrays but doesn’t set off metal detectors for some reason.

Hopefully I’m done with surgeries. It was hell.

 

[AspieChris]

Mate, you're half man, half robot! (Aspie joke, sorry, you may shout at me if that's in bad taste). But seriously, that's some impressive hardware you've got in your back. I bet you have fun at airport security. It's super impressive you still deliver your role with all that going on. Are the surgeries all done for now?



I think that's the double whammy. Here's my idea. It's a bit of a ramble, and a lot is about me, because I don't want to presume how you feel. But maybe you can pick some bits out that help? If not, happy to delete the post or move it.

So I think we're the type of people that want to fix everything around us. I don't think it's a coincidence there's a high comorbidity with OCD. But even if we don't have that, we might tend to problem solve everything, to bring harmony, and peace, and everyone happy and calm. I think that might be a big driver behind that need, for me, because I don't like the intensity of angry, disappointed, etc. It overloads my brain and feels super uncomfortable.

So what happens if we classify ourselves as the disharmony causing the noise? I think that although I might get angry about unfairness, etc. deep down I see NT's as the "correct" version of human (hello black/white thinking, again) and, therefore, myself as being the problem that needs fixing to avoid all the uncomfortable friction and grief. I intensely dislike it when I say or do something and strong emotions come back in reply. You may as well be scraping nails down a chalkboard. So I'm like "what do I do, what do I do?" I avoid that by problem solving EVERYTHING.

For me personally I never consciously thought "well me, you're the one out of place here so you are the one that needs to change" but I DID have this underlying nagging feeling that not fitting in was not a good thing. That didn't come from a direction of wanting people to like me, it came from a feeling of being the problem in a very practical sense: a thing that needed fixing.

You know this could easily slip into a Taylor Swift song, but for me it's far more practical than that. It's not about not being able to look in the mirror or anything, it's literally about a practical need to not be the problem. Does this make any sense?

My assertion is that though we are untypical, the rest of the above is actually a thought pattern we could, and should, disrupt. It's based on incorrect assumptions, black/white thinking and a bit of our ASD spice thrown in. IF we could embrace the crazy of grey, rather than black and white, we'd be less likely to see ourselves broken and in need of fixing.

That's why I think a psychologist is so useful, because we can challenge that mindset. Speaking personally again, I have to admit that I'm seeing things wrong and I can change that. If any of the above makes any sense to you you have to know that a) you're fine as an autistic person and b) that the pain it's bringing you can be helped. If we understand what's driving this behaviour we can work out strategies. For me avoiding the brain overload of emotional responses appears to play a strong role, so I need to find practical things that stop me needing to avoid that.

We're strong and capable, learning new ways of seeing things should be a doddle, right? I have absolute faith that someone like you can work through this. Someone who is clearly an absolute bad ass fighter, who despite a disability can adapt and excel, who I would want on my side when society collapses. Chin up mate, you're an unstoppable force. It's not the path you chose, but you're a survivor. You've got this.

Everything you said is spot-on same as me. But my problem strems mostly from things beyond my control, like all of the b.s. at work that is also angering absolutely everyone I work with (including my boss). Los Angeles traffic, raising a son who is also ASD.

The sociological stuff is there too, of course. But even if it could be wiped away, the other crap still exists. And it’s all getting harder and harder each year as technology leaps forward.

Ex: 20 years ago I would give my boss a paper timesheet. I could put whatever I worked on and there was really no way for management to verify how true it was (I’m a field technician at a big phone company). Today, there’s GPS on my vehicle and my timesheet is online, with software that cross-references my GPS with my reported work for the day. And discrepancies = suspicions or worse. So now I spend the whole day stressed about making my timesheet match my GPS.

You’re right about the people I see in my daily life and the stress of how I interact with them. But now I have software ruining my life from thousands of miles away.

 

[Fatamsimth]

Oof. Los Angeles traffic. Did that for 13 years. Enough to drive anyone to drink