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Hiding it with alcohol?

Fatamsimth said:
Oof. Los Angeles traffic. Did that for 13 years. Enough to drive anyone to drink
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It’s WAY WORSE now. During the pandemic, police stopped policing the traffic. Nobody getting tickets. And it’s still like that now. My guess is that everyone just got used to doing whatever they want on the road. Stop signs and speed limits are now just a ‘suggestion’ that everyone ignores. And I’m not exaggerating when I say that 1/2 the people on the freeway are looking at their cellphones. Not to mention the Uber drivers just double parking wherever and whenever they want, blocking driveways and busy streets like they have a special permit to park wherever they want.

I’m a rule follower, and 1/2 my job is driving a large vehicle where I’m above cars and I can see what everyone is doing. It’s absolutely maddening.

Glad you got paroled. Driving here is like a prison sentence for a person on the spectrum.
 
Wife cut me off yesterday. I’m going to have to get through today with no hope of relief tonight. It’s going to be difficult to keep a meltdown at bay.
 
Thinking of you, AspieChris. Hope you are okay in this moment and all the moments that follow this evening. Here for you if you need to vent or rage or break down here.
 
Rodafina said:
Thinking of you, AspieChris. Hope you are okay in this moment and all the moments that follow this evening. Here for you if you need to vent or rage or break down here.
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Thank you.

I’m basically shut down. No withdrawals. Just shut down instead of melting down. My routine has been disrupted. I know from experience that something as simple as switching from a cold soda with dinner to a soda in a glass with ice can be difficult for me. Three days and it gets better. I’m on day 2.
 
Pure grit and endurance now. You have these things inside you.
Rage, cry, or just stare here if you have to.
 
Man I wish I had advice, but this really hit home -- " a life to pretend I’m enjoying." I am dealing with a lot of this as well. If I had known years ago what I know now, things would look a bit different. I had a therapist once tell me, "You have to find a way to mourn the life you don't have and accept the one you have." Easy for her to say. I will say that having a direct conversation with my wife about my needs recently was helpful. I spent a decade trying to keep up with everyone else's while ignoring my own. Wasn't a pretty picture.
 
@AspieChris I am trying not to post much right now, but I do want to at least say this. I understand at least a portion of what you are going through. It is not easy to give up a routine, especially when the body is involved as it is with alcohol.
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So, my heart is with you even though my words aren't really at the moment.
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(editing so there are at least enough words) - what I am saying is that I have struggled with alcohol as well.
 
AspieChris,

If you feel like checking in this morning or today, I hope you know many of us are wishing you well and rooting for your sanity. You are understood here, and I think some of us can feel the pain that you are in because we have felt our own version of the very same thing.
 
Rodafina said:
AspieChris,

If you feel like checking in this morning or today, I hope you know many of us are wishing you well and rooting for your sanity. You are understood here, and I think some of us can feel the pain that you are in because we have felt our own version of the very same thing.
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Thank you.

I actually don’t miss alcohol at all. Zero withdrawals. Sleeping fine. It’s something nobody would believe, particularly because of how MUCH alcohol I consumed. Must be because I never drank from 9pm to 3pm the next day.

I just miss the stress relief, like going for a massage (which I absolutely hate by the way). I have nothing to keep me going through the day. Like knowing you have vacation planned for next month when your boss is being extra asinine

I’m going to have to rearrange my life and marriage now. No more birthday parties that I never wanted to go to anyway, and eating breakfast when I want to. I feel like I made everyone else get what they want by having booze to soften the sharp edges. I think it’s going to have to be my turn now to have it more ‘my way’
 
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Fatamsimth said:
Man I wish I had advice, but this really hit home -- " a life to pretend I’m enjoying." I am dealing with a lot of this as well. If I had known years ago what I know now, things would look a bit different. I had a therapist once tell me, "You have to find a way to mourn the life you don't have and accept the one you have." Easy for her to say. I will say that having a direct conversation with my wife about my needs recently was helpful. I spent a decade trying to keep up with everyone else's while ignoring my own. Wasn't a pretty picture.
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This is exactly why I started this thread. I’m tired of feeling alone, and I wanted others to realize that they aren’t the only ones suffering in silence.
 
I had a long talk with my wife yesterday. Alcohol is a prescription for me that solves my social burnout problems each day. I allow myself to be blasted by the world for the first half of my day because I know that my prescription is going to help me decompress enough to make it through the second half. So she is going to work with me (as a doctor would) and put strict limits on when and how much I use. I know I sound like a drunk who is just trying to get his fix, but I am certain now that this is not the case.

If I quit all together. Then I went to a Dr for help. I tell him that I’m stressing, he prescribes me Clonidine. I can’t sleep, I get Valium. I have panic attacks, Ativan. I’ll wind up with a pile of pill bottles. Three pills in the morning. Two in the afternoon. Two more at bedtime. Every one of them with instructions on the bottle and I am not allowed to go beyond the prescription or I’ll run out and be completely screwed at the end of the month.

The new plan is to treat alcohol as a combo-medication. No more unlimited prescription. Strict limits on what I get or I’ll be screwed. If I need more then I’ll talk to my Dr (wife). If I need less then great, I’m doing better.

I have absolutely no withdrawals after 3 days of zero alcohol. No cravings for booze, even at night. I was really just over-using my script because I was the one writing my prescription and then crossing out the numbers each night.

If it fails… she’s going to tell me. If it fails…. I’ll tell her. If it works…. then awesome.

I’ll keep everyone posted on my progress. 3 days to a new routine.
 
AspieChris
So glad that you have support and that you and your wife are in this together. Thanks for keeping us posted with such honesty as you tackle this struggle head-on with courage and determination. Wishing both you and your wife peace of mind and success.
 
Fatamsimth said:
Curious to hear how it works out. I was all or nothing. As I heard someone once say, "If I wasn't an alcoholic I would drink all the time!"
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Funny sayings:

“I’m not an alcoholic. I’m a drunk…. Alcoholic’s go to meetings”

“I’m not drunk…I’m still drinking!”

“I’m not a quitter”

“I don’t smoke. The cigarette is smoking. I’m just a sucker”
 
AdamG said:
I hope this works out for you, and you can keep to the prescription model.
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I always believed that I was never an alcoholic. Before I even knew that I was on the spectrum, 20 years ago, my mother in law called it my medication (old Mexican family). It was just accepted that I was a great guy when I was ‘relaxed’. Maybe she had some intuition into my situation.

Doctors have prescribed me WAY worse and stronger substances than alcohol. Crap that you need medical gloves just to open the package (like fentanyl). But good luck getting a script for Gin, right?

And most people don’t know this, but in 1900…. ambulances carried a bottle of whiskey, to treat accute pain while on the way to the hospital.
 
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