Hiding it with alcohol?

[AspieChris]

I was functional with being an alcoholic for 3 years . I had to drink everyday ,at every family function ,at every interaction with people . Never to get trashed but to relax all my anxiety and to help sleep and try to help me be social. And if there was problems in my relationship, instead of learning how to communicate I just drank .

I realized I was going down a dark path and quit cold turkey . I had bad shaking and felt like I was dying for a few weeks . It eventually went away .

I won’t lie Alcohol worked very well for me . I realized this is only temporary solution, but the dependency was the problem . I realized this will get very dangerous very fast . There is so much more I wanted to do with my life at that point instead of being dependent on alcohol to function .

I didn’t drink for a few years after .
Now I can have a drink on occasion and enjoy myself .

As much as I drink (drank…still drinking) I never got the ‘shakes’.

If you’re comfortable with me asking: We’re you drinking in the morning before you quit? I only ask because it makes no sense that I’m in this situation and I can stop for a few days without any withdrawals. I’m putting away enormous amounts of alcohol and it hasn’t negatively affected my life except for the concerns my wife has for my general well-being.

 

[AspieChris]

All that I have for all of us today is

I haven’t figured out how to do anything here but type. All of the fancy stuff is confusing.

But “air hugs” to you!

 

[AspieChris]

Part of my problem is that I actually live in the bar and I’m the bartender, and my wife was/is my best customer since we started dating. For the price of a burger fries and a milkshake, we can both get destroyed (and did for 25 years). It’s fun, exciting, and I get to feel uninhibited. I’m the guy who loves to create new things and she loves my creativity. So last night was gin, club soda, crushed raspberry, and a mint leaf (raspberry and mint from my garden).

The question of the day is this:
How does one change everything when 99% of the situation will never change?

 

[Human Avatar]

As much as I drink (drank…still drinking) I never got the ‘shakes’.

If you’re comfortable with me asking: We’re you drinking in the morning before you quit? I only ask because it makes no sense that I’m in this situation and I can stop for a few days without any withdrawals. I’m putting away enormous amounts of alcohol and it hasn’t negatively affected my life except for the concerns my wife has for my general well-being.

I drank every night as soon as I got home from work . And on the weekends starting first thing in the morning. Would usually stop in the afternoon on the weekends because had to go play a gig .

Would play the gig , drive home and then drink again before going to bed Never went out to drink in bars.
On occasion would drink 1 beer before a show.

It was a very private thing I hid from most people. But people sure did like me more . Not so much now.

But it’s worth it not to be destroying my body and killing my brain cells.
And feeling horrible all the time when not having alcohol in my system.

Everyone is different I guess. The shakes lasted for awhile and started fairly rapidly after quitting.

 

[ra49]

That is so sweet. It's the thought that counts!
I know this is off-topic but I wanted to tell you I think your profile picture is adorable!!

thank you! it is me for sure

 

[ra49]

AspieChris, not sure this will make sense but: if your mindset can change and her mindset can change to different perspective and different choices, then the 99% shifts somehow. My personal belief is that Heaven helps but many have different belief systems.

I am not judging choices, we all have made the best we can of what we were given all along our various journeys. I am 30 years further down the road than you. Having 7 years of marriage to a bad man first, the last 33 married to a good man have made all the difference.

You are so fortunate to have a wife love you so much and work so hard alongside you to create a family and a life worth having. Lean into that together and think that direction. Not thinking so much about what you should not do or cannot do. More focus on where you are together and your long term plans and goals.

The world`s best intentions won`t get you to Colorado if the map you use is Florida.

sending love and best wishes to all as always, ra49

 

[AspieChris]

It was a very private thing I hid from most people. But people sure did like me more . Not so much now.

I know the feeling. People like me a LOT more after a few. Not so much when I’m on the wagon. I’m pretty good at hiding my misery though. Be it from social burnout or a hangover.

I have always been honest about my consumption. Probably too honest. It’s kind of funny when I’m running circles around my coworkers and I top it off with “and I’m nursing a hangover!”

Funny thing is this: I hate going out into the world. I feel like I see and hear everything and it’s overwhelming. Part of being on the spectrum. A hangover means I’m struggling just to get my work done and I can’t focus on stuff that doesn’t matter. I told my wife, long before I knew I had Asperger’s, that I actually look forward to my hangovers. Can’t be burned out from the noise of the world when I can’t hear it, even if it takes a nasty headache to achieve that.

 

[ra49]

will this help? hope so. They posted to a different thread a few minutes ago xoxo

My takeaway is that the past doesn't exist anywhere but in your brain. People drag the past around with them; it does no more good than a ball and chain. Fretting over the wrongs you've suffered can't eliminate the wrongs, but it sure keeps them alive in your life. You suffer them over again each time you think about it.

Accept them and decide they don't matter. Not a skill picked up easily. Can take months to learn and may never be a complete process.

Yup. That happened. Oh well, just water under the bridge.

Another takeaway is the importance of accepting that which cannot be changed. The past is one of the things that cannot be changed but, usually, so is the present. If that airline flight is canceled or you don't get the job, getting upset over it will not uncancel. Getting upset over it is what hurts.

In every situation that arises, either there is something you can do to make the situation better, or there is nothing you can do to make it better. Instead of getting angry or depressed or fearful, look for ways to improve the situation. If there is something to be done, do it. If there is nothing to be done, keep calm and carry on.

Most of life's problems are unfixable. Accept them and move on - or don't and feel miserable.

 

[AspieChris]

AspieChris, not sure this will make sense but: if your mindset can change and her mindset can change to different perspective and different choices, then the 99% shifts somehow. My personal belief is that Heaven helps but many have different belief systems.

I am not judging choices, we all have made the best we can of what we were given all along our various journeys. I am 30 years further down the road than you. Having 7 years of marriage to a bad man first, the last 33 married to a good man have made all the difference.

You are so fortunate to have a wife love you so much and work so hard alongside you to create a family and a life worth having. Lean into that together and think that direction. Not thinking so much about what you should not do or cannot do. More focus on where you are together and your long term plans and goals.

The world`s best intentions won`t get you to Colorado if the map you use is Florida.

sending love and best wishes to all as always, ra49

I appreciate your kind suggestion. I do have faith in a higher power. However I believe that real change for me means making a decision because I believe it’s what is best for me. Not in a selfish or arrogant way, just that it needs to be something I do for myself instead of someone or something else. Otherwise I’ll be angry when I want alcohol and take it out on the people I care about. I speak from experience (tried quitting before and I was miserable).

As you know, there’s a solution to every problem and each one is unique. Mine is a tricky one because the medication that has probably saved my life (suicide), is probably killing me.

Either way, thank you for your input. I need all that I can get!

 

[Human Avatar]

@AspieChris

I exactly know the feeling . The hangover even feeling drained blocked lots of noise and sounds for me .

Also when drinking It would block all the sensory issues I was having . Especially in bands people playing very loud etc was painful .

But I found other healthy ways to deal with sensory issues . Earplugs in public places when I am having issues, fidget spinners etc.

There are other routes you can take if you choose to not rely on alcohol.

One thing I noticed very quick after quitting is my mind came back I felt my imagination from when I was a child came back stronger , my imagination became more intense I could focus like a machine again on things I loved . I could write music again , I could hear all the different tones and rhythms from the birds again . When I was consuming alcohol in never heard birds forgot all about them .

I would never go back to drinking like that . It’s been over 10 years for
Me . After quitting I did not drink one drop for a few years . And then over time I could have one drink here and there and be very content and don’t need .
I may have a drink on a Saturday evening , Sometimes not at all don’t have a drink for
Months sometimes . I have showed the booze I am in charge now .

I know I am rare In this scenario . But also my struggle drinking was only 3 years which is nothing compared to some people.

But I am positive I drank enough for a few lifetimes in that small period .

It is one of the few times my black and white thinking helped me . It made me quit.

 

[AspieChris]

will this help? hope so. They posted to a different thread a few minutes ago xoxo

It’s close. I do carry around all of my past experiences, and they play in my head like it happened yesterday.

My real problem (I’m learning recently) is social burnout and extremely elevated sensory sensitivity. Lights, sounds, even the wind passing across my ears drives me insane. It all builds up until the dam is about to burst. It happens every day at the middle of my day, right about the time I get off work. Then the drive home pushes me right to the brink of disaster.

My real problem is that my only hope of not hurting myself or someone else is alcohol. It’s that subconscious hope that there’s a relief valve, and I can be at peace for a few hours while still getting my chores done at home.

 

[AspieChris]

@AspieChris

I exactly know the feeling . The hangover even feeling drained blocked lots of noise and sounds for me .

Also when drinking It would block all the sensory issues I was having . Especially in bands people playing very loud etc was painful .

But I found other healthy ways to deal with sensory issues . Earplugs in public places when I am having issues, fidget spinners etc.

There are other routes you can take if you choose to not rely on alcohol.

One thing I noticed very quick after quitting is my mind came back I felt my imagination from when I was a child came back stronger , my imagination became more intense I could focus like a machine again on things I loved . I could write music again , I could hear all the different tones and rhythms from the birds again . When I was consuming alcohol in never heard birds forgot all about them .

I would never go back to drinking like that . It’s been over 10 years for
Me . After quitting I did not drink one drop for a few years . And then over time I could have one drink here and there and be very content and don’t need .
I may have a drink on a Saturday evening , Sometimes not at all don’t have a drink for
Months sometimes . I have showed the booze I am in charge now .

I know I am rare In this scenario . But also my struggle drinking was only 3 years which is nothing compared to some people.

But I am positive I drank enough for a few lifetimes in that small period .

It is one of the few times my black and white thinking helped me . It made me quit.

I tried earplugs. But I have to carry two cellphones at work and they ring constantly. I even have to keep my bluetooth on so I don’t miss calls while driving. And I spend on average 2 hours driving in Los Angeles traffic each day in a large box truck. It’s a whole day of multitasking, phone calls, stressing in traffic. Like sitting in an airplane with a dozen screaming babies.

I get off the plane every day at 3:00 and head straight to the bar.

And I have a couple of fidget spinners. One even that is stainless steel that will spin (I timed it) almost 5 minutes after just one good push. Paid $75 for it and it doesn’t help at all. It’s fun to play with, but doesn’t help with the sensory issues, or anything else. Too bad for me. I know those things help a lot of us on the spectrum. It’s awesome that it works for you.

 

[AspieChris]

I am positive I drank enough for a few lifetimes in that small period .

I have drunk enough to kill a large elephant, 10x over (and that was yesterday.) I shouldn’t be alive, and yet….. blood tests and life say I’m still healthy.

All of this makes no sense. I guess I’m proof that there’s an exception to every rule. I’m pretty sure that I’ll discover that the rule “drink now, die tomorrow” may not be exactly true. But the “drink” and “die” parts are accurate. It’s just the “tomorrow” part that needs an adjustment.

 

[MNAus]

My real problem (I’m learning recently) is social burnout and extremely elevated sensory sensitivity. Lights, sounds, even the wind passing across my ears drives me insane. It all builds up until the dam is about to burst. It happens every day at the middle of my day, right about the time I get off work. Then the drive home pushes me right to the brink of disaster.

How's your sensitivity to negative emotions in other people? Not in a "are you an empathetic person" way, but how are they to receive? I've found out that although I have sound sensitivity, I am HIGHLY sensitive to emotion as an input. Not the reaction, but the sensation of perceiving. It's turned up too loud for me. As a result I try to fix everything so things like irritation, disappointment, anger, etc. don't arise in my environment. And I got so good at it I started to apply it to future events too, planning and anticipating to avoid that over-stimulation. Again, not my RESPONSE to it, but the actual sensation itself overloads. So I lived my life like a mother to a crying newborn, doing everything in my power to avoid that input.

 

[AspieChris]

How's your sensitivity to negative emotions in other people? Not in a "are you an empathetic person" way, but how are they to receive? I've found out that although I have sound sensitivity, I am HIGHLY sensitive to emotion as an input. Not the reaction, but the sensation of perceiving. It's turned up too loud for me. As a result I try to fix everything so things like irritation, disappointment, anger, etc. don't arise in my environment. And I got so good at it I started to apply it to future events too, planning and anticipating to avoid that over-stimulation. Again, not my RESPONSE to it, but the actual sensation itself overloads. So I lived my life like a mother to a crying newborn, doing everything in my power to avoid that input.

Same experience for me. One person in the room gets angry, even though I’m not even involved, and I instantly go into fight-or-flight mode. It totally sucks. I can’t think. All I can do is try to get away. And if a woman or child is crying (cause men don’t cry of course), I’d cut off my arm to help. And I definitely try to anticipate, so that I can diffuse in advance.

I have learned over the years to suppress my outward emotions so that nobody can tell, usually. Buy yeah…. It’s turned up as far as it can go. I even feel it when I see two cars on the freeway that are cutting eachother off. Somebody’s pissed off and I can feel it even though I can’t even see their faces.

It takes a surprising amount of my energy. Rearranging deck chairs on the Titanic every day, trying to anticipate an iceberg.

 

[AspieChris]

I have extreme sensitivity to lights, sounds, touch, textures in food, odors…. basically everything imaginable. Alcohol turns all of them down to normal. If a mouse farts in China, I can hear it, smell it, and probably taste it in the air. Forever I thought that it was ‘normal’ and I couldn’t understand why nobody else cared. And of course alcohol makes that go away.

 

[MNAus]

If a mouse farts in China, I can hear it, smell it, and probably taste it in the air.

OMFG, hahaha. Fantastic.

Forever I thought that it was ‘normal’ and I couldn’t understand why nobody else cared.

"What, you mean you don't taste mouse fart? Are you quite sure?"

Hahaha, wonderful.

 

[MNAus]

Same experience for me. One person in the room gets angry, even though I’m not even involved, and I instantly go into fight-or-flight mode. It totally sucks. I can’t think. All I can do is try to get away. And if a woman or child is crying (cause men don’t cry of course), I’d cut off my arm to help. And I definitely try to anticipate, so that I can diffuse in advance.

I have learned over the years to suppress my outward emotions so that nobody can tell, usually. Buy yeah…. It’s turned up as far as it can go. I even feel it when I see two cars on the freeway that are cutting eachother off. Somebody’s pissed off and I can feel it even though I can’t even see their faces.

It takes a surprising amount of my energy. Rearranging deck chairs on the Titanic every day, trying to anticipate an iceberg.

Sounds very familiar. So here's what I've been assigned to do. It's cut in two pieces.

First, build up tolerance to that overwhelming firehose of input from something like, say, my wife appearing to be in a bad mood about something or other. And given that feels like 10 bikers revving Harleys at 8000rpm in the living room that's hard work.

Second, is cut myself free from the response of "fuuuuu**, calm it down calm it doooown" - which means "solve that problem right now" which either comes from guilt (if I believe I did something wrong) or a genuine feeling of "everyone will be much happier if I turned off this circular saw operating at full volume". Instead I have to say to myself "it's fine, they are allowed to be angry, sad, disappointed, scared" or whatever. Must. Not. Say. "What's wrong?"

I'm not very good at it. Yet.

EDIT: It's also difficult to get people to believe that I actually receive this stuff at emotional overload volume 11. Everyone say stuff like "ohhh, yeah, I'm empathetic too". I have no idea if I am, I'm too busy trying to stop my brain from shattering from the intensity. My "What's wrong?" question is the same as an NT saying "What the f*** is that noise?" when their lunch is disturbed by a 110db high pitched scream from the abyss.

 

[AspieChris]

Sounds very familiar. So here's what I've been assigned to do. It's cut in two pieces.

First, build up tolerance to that overwhelming firehose of input from something like, say, my wife appearing to be in a bad mood about something or other. And given that feels like 10 bikers revving Harleys at 8000rpm in the living room that's hard work.

Second, is cut myself free from the response of "fuuuuu**, calm it down calm it doooown" - which means "solve that problem right now" which either comes from guilt (if I believe I did something wrong) or a genuine feeling of "everyone will be much happier if I turned off this circular saw operating at full volume". Instead I have to say to myself "it's fine, they are allowed to be angry, sad, disappointed, scared" or whatever. Must. Not. Say. "What's wrong?"

I'm not very good at it. Yet.

EDIT: It's also difficult to get people to believe that I actually receive this stuff at emotional overload volume 11. Everyone say stuff like "ohhh, yeah, I'm empathetic too". I have no idea if I am, I'm too busy trying to stop my brain from shattering from the intensity. My "What's wrong?" question is the same as an NT saying "What the f*** is that noise?" when their lunch is disturbed by a 110db high pitched scream from the abyss.

I do the same. I tell myself that it’s normal for them to be angry, it’s not my fault or responsibility, and it will pass. But it wears me out.

And I agree. Nobody gets it. Somehow I’m expected to understand when someone is afraid of heights or spiders, but when I try to describe my terror when a person gets angry…. I’m obviously exaggerating my fight-or-flight response. And sometimes they even start almost yelling at me in an attempt to convince me that they get it.

 

[Lisa1970]

Thankyou for posting this, I thought I was on my own