• Welcome to Autism Forums, a friendly forum to discuss Aspergers Syndrome, Autism, High Functioning Autism and related conditions.

    Your voice is missing! You will need to register to get access to the following site features:
    • Reply to discussions and create your own threads.
    • Our modern chat room. No add-ons or extensions required, just login and start chatting!
    • Private Member only forums for more serious discussions that you may wish to not have guests or search engines access to.
    • Your very own blog. Write about anything you like on your own individual blog.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon! Please also check us out @ https://www.twitter.com/aspiescentral

How do you feel about having kids?

Same here. Sadly it's just too late. My current economic status as a kind of hippie drifter/science student wouldn't be at all fair on children. If miraculously I came into money and stability, then, that would be different.


Geordie said:
I'd love to have kids, but today's environment in my country (and many others) of having 'trophy kids' really bothers me.

If I have a steady income of US$80,000 or 90,000 per month, I can consider having a child. It's always good to spend all the time, money and effort just for the child(ren) I want to spend my time with. I expect nothing but the best for my child. I'd want the best of everything: enrolling in the best school (Singapore American School or Anglo-Chinese International School), driving the best car (Maserati Granturismo), living in a 'cool' area (Woodgrove or Holland Village), wearing the best clothes (Guess! or OshKosh Kids come to my mind), etc. Oh, I have to add, I don't mind being a full-time house-husband to a pop princess like Rihanna, despite my status, and I can do anything for my love and my child...

Haha, some parts are ridiculous, but you get the idea. Nothing but the best for my child.
Click to expand...
 
I've never wanted kids and I'm perfectly happy with that. They're not for me and I can't handle screaming, getting up in the middle of the night, spending that kind of money or having that kind of responsibility. I'm just fine with my rabbit - he doesn't cry or scream, he's low maintenance, affordable, always cute and always happy to see me :)

I don't think females should be shamed for not wanting children, it's a decision everyone should be able to make for themselves. I also have a horrific fear of childbirth and pain, and used to have nightmares about it. I also have lots of older family members who got married very young and had multiple children, so they're always asking why I'm not married and when I'm going to start having children; when I say I don't want any they say "yes you do, it's natural" or "of course you'll have one soon". No.
 
I have two daughters whom I love dearly, but I can't pretend that my Asperger's hasn't made a difference in our relationships. I wasn't a cold mother, but I also didn't show my love in hugs and kisses as much as I did by doing things for my girls. I am a 56 year old grandmother now, and I'm still very uncomfortable with physical expressions of affection. I'm so grateful for my diagnosis, because it allowed me to forgive myself, and to let my children know why I am this way.

Still, I would have liked more children, but my (ex)husband only wanted two. I would still love to work with Children's Aide by providing emergency care for infants. I am more relaxed around babies than the older children. Unfortunately, my Social Anxiety Disorder disqualifies me.

I am glad it is acceptable now for women to decide they don't want children. Not every woman is fitted best for motherhood. Some of them are better suited for other endeavours. Both are equally important to society.
 
I would like to have kids, and I have already proven myself to be loving, responsible, and nurturing when caring for children to whom I was not biologically related.
However, I'm kind of bad at social stuff, and it is unlikely that I'll end up anything other than single. So kids are not likely.
Although I would genuinely like a family, I am still able to be very happy in my life as it is.
 
Hazelle said:
For much of my life I didn't really think about whether or not I wanted kids. It was more like a given that at 25 I'd be married and starting a family because that's what people did. But the thing is, I have never felt maternal and don't know how to relate to kids, despite being a big kid myself. I smile at the little girls who blurt out comments about my colorful hair and love buying toys for kids, but the reality is that I probably won't have any of my own. It's still up in the air because things can change in a matter of years. I could meet someone who inspires me to start a family with him... or maybe something will accidentally happen and I'll love that little accident! But I do struggle to take care of myself. I'm often overwhelmed by what's currently on my plate. I require a lot of private me time and silence. Just thinking about parenting makes me want to have a meltdown. So now that I've gotten older and social norms have loosened slightly, I feel like it's ok to admit that I might not ever be a parent and there's nothing terrible about that. I'm sure that some others find it very rewarding though and props to you for surviving parenthood!
Click to expand...

Incredible!! This post sounds EXACTLY like what I was pretty much going to write, except that I am a guy and I don't have colorful hair. :P
 
Yeah I thought he was like 50+ or something. My brother (who is NOT an aspie btw) had his first child at 35 and his second at 37.
 
I like the idea of having kids, but i dont know if i could handle the reality. I am so wracked by worries i might smother them. My dad has aspergers and he loves us kids but he hurt us so much i dont want to do that. Plus do i really want to bring an aspie child into the world? I like myself ok now, but there were years and years of hell before that. Also they are expensive. We get by but dont really have anything extra.
 
They are ok as long as they aren't mine! I think kids are more fun to be around than adults anyway. Mostly because they dont mind excentric people like me! Really normal adults care way too much about how other people think of them. Live and love.
 
I worried that I didnt have any strong feelings about having kids. Once I had a son tho, it all changed. If filled something missing in my life and gave me purpose. He has Asperger's as well, which bonded us, in a way that saved me. All im saying is, some ppl have a strong maternal want, and some dont. When it becomes a reality, it can be life changing. Story of my life-- Hard to convince me to go somewhere, but once im there Im having a ball.
 
I dont think i will have kids. I have always felt ambivalent, and now i am 31 and about the age when i need to either do it or not. My boyfriend has never wanted kids, but i pressed him recently and he would be open to it if we were a bit more secure financially. Part of me fears that i will really regret not having children someday. However, we are very set in our ways, and our lifestyle is not kid friendly. I have enough trouble making it through the everyday stresses of the work week, and when i come home i am not good for anything more than heating up a frozen burrito, sucking down a couple of beers and watching stupid movies on netflix. See what i mean about not child friendly? As for having an AS child, i think that would be more or less inevitable. On my dad's side there are 5 cousins to two brothers. My father and uncle are textbook AS, as is my brother. My two cousins are diagnosed with AS, as am I, and my brother is undiagnosed but, seriously, textbook. So 4 out of 5 cousins with AS, and my boyfriend also has a lot of these traits, although not nearly so severe. While i think i could, knowing myself, be a better parent to an AS child than my parents were to me, I also clearly remember how god-awful it was growing up that way. My life is manageable now, but i came to it the hard way. Could i feel good putting a child through that? Not sure
 
I would like to have a mini Me, but I don't know if I have the patience. I have a pretty strict routine and I don't like surprises. Something tells me that a mini Me would be throwing me a whole lot of unexpected surprises - I'd really have to stock up on Calgon products!!!!
 
This is an issue I've always been unsure of.

Unlike many women, I've never gotten 'clucky' around kids. I don't know how to act around children, and I've never had that sudden maternal urge to be a mother.

I have been told I'd make a good mother, and will agree with that, but also feel that I won't have children simply for the sake of having children.

I've had a pretty hard time sorting myself out most of my life, that I'm a little behind with most normal people. This means for me to have a child, would seem irresponsible, as they would not have a worthwhile childhood, and everyone would struggle.

In saying that, I think I would like to give raising a kid a go; I've even thought about adoption, but I'm not sure if it'll ever be the right time or circumstances to do so, and am still unsure whether it's what I really want...at least right now. Right now, I'm still focused on getting myself sorted, so kids aren't really on the table anyway.
 
Last edited:
I suppose there could be satisfaction into pushing a brand new human out into the world and raising it, but I'm pretty sure that my maternal/paternal instincts would involve eating my young, so I think the idea of spawning is permanently off the table.

Plus, I'm asexual, and have no desire for a partner, so raising one would be close to impossible.
 
I struggle with children. The two hardest parts are:

1) The noise. It overwhelms me, and I get angry because I cant escape it. It isn't their fault that Im sensitive and it isn't right to make kids be quiet all the time, so we have a long term issue which causes me big problems.

2) They are demanding. I struggle to give them attention for more than a few minutes and conversations are difficult partly because I get frustrated that they are not expressing themselves in a way which I find suitable/understandable, and partly because they have issues in expressing themselves. I find it immensely difficult to give emotionally to kids.

Being a parent is hard work.
 
S0093679 said:
I struggle with children. The two hardest parts are:

1) The noise. It overwhelms me, and I get angry because I cant escape it. It isn't their fault that Im sensitive and it isn't right to make kids be quiet all the time, so we have a long term issue which causes me big problems.

2) They are demanding. I struggle to give them attention for more than a few minutes and conversations are difficult partly because I get frustrated that they are not expressing themselves in a way which I find suitable/understandable, and partly because they have issues in expressing themselves. I find it immensely difficult to give emotionally to kids.

Being a parent is hard work.
Click to expand...

S0093679, those are exactly the reasons why my wife and I chose not to have kids. I mean, like you say, it's not right to make kids be quiet all the time, and I know from watching my sister's kids (three boys, the youngest of whom are twins) how demanding they can be. The nice thing about them is, I can be "Uncle Robert" when I see them, but then they get to go home with my sister and her husband! (And I head for the aspirin bottle as soon as we get home!) :)
 
I LOVE my son!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Best person I ever met. We have had so much fun when the Witch didn't interfere [ex-wife.]
 
Funny how my situation has changed so much since I first posted this thread. I was worried about parenting with one particular person, and more specifically parenting potentially an AS kid with an NT. Now that I'm with someone a lot more like me I'm really not as worried about how I (and he) would do. I'm still not really thinking about having them, we're not in a place either with our relationship or finances to be making that kind of a change, but it's nice to think now that maybe I could handle it if it came up.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

New Threads

Top Bottom