tlc
The Mackinac Bridge and U.P. is my happy place.
Back after I graduated college and got a house, I got married and had a kid because well that's what people are supposed to do. Her NT 12-pack-a-day family was hell to deal with from day zero, starting most of the family court BS I've had to fight off over the last 11 years but that's for another time.
Anyway, I didn't get into the whole cute spoiled thing, I raised her (what I could for the first 2 yrs till her mom left, then all my time after that) as what I thought was right, even if it wasn't the most fun or convenient. No spoiling and saying stuff's ok and cute for so long then trying to tear them from it when it's time to teach them right and wrong. (which I believe is what causes terrible 2s and mine had none). I believed in total consistency from day one. I treated her very well but always stayed within limits which she respected. I played music for her in the belly and crib. I taught her about all sorts of things around the house. I had no problem changing diapers or whatever, no worse than car grease. She loved me like crazy, called me dee-dee. She loved books and so I would read to her, but I would ad-lib to joke about inconsistencies in the words or pictures (we still do this today). She spoke clearly and full thoughtful sentences easily by age 2. She never really threw tantrums because she never learned how it was like to be spoiled to begin with.
Age 2 her mom left for her folks, has moved like 9 times since then 150-175 miles away range. I did most of the driving the first year and all of it for the last 10 so she's 13. I've never dumped out on her due to work, horrible storms, broke car, whatever and I pride myself on that. Most of the time I work an 8 hr day then immediately do the drive which during storms has been 10 hrs. Then take her back 1.5 days later. She's here 50% till school then 50% summers and breaks, and every other weekend during school. She would much rather be here and has told others but again another time.
At age 2 she happily walked 2 hours with me to trick or treat in the rain then lined up her candy by type on the floor. I've been honest with her about everything all the time even if it's above her age level. She knows what life is like. She hates money because of what it does to the world. She happily works with me on everything that's important, doesn't fuss. She has always been the rop reader in her class, every report card is nearly all A's. Amazing artist. Understands how things work. Thinks all the time, has her phases of collecting things, loves tradition (for example eating in the same seat, filling the drink the same way, saying the same things, every time we go to eat). She has so many of my traits she really is a mini me. She has a couple close friends who she really gets talking with but is terrified to play with others she doesn't know. She is very quiet and very sensitive to light, touch, sound. Unfortunately she got my acid problems too. She loves going places with me to get away from people and noise. Loved the junkyard since stroller years. Extremely patient, considerate. One of the smartest, best behaved kids you will find. She gets nothing but praise from teachers and caregivers. She does have some AS traits but the fact she can and loves to read and write fiction makes her a bit more NT, but still more AS I think. I make sure she has things she needs and appreciative things here and there but she feels zero desire to keep up with the joneses. Actually when we go into places and kids are out of control and parents are totally inconsistent, she points it out to me quietly and kinda laughs, then laughs more about it when we are on our way in the car.
Maybe sad but honestly I don't know what I would do if she wasn't so much like me. I don't so much feel like a parent as like a little team with her and it feels awesome. We are often thinking the same thing, finish each other's sentences. She's more like me than anyone I know. Not much to say except she's the best kid I could have ever hoped for, even better than I imagined.
And I've had several relationship prospects say "Oh you're such a great dad, I've got a son whose dad walked out and I want somebody to be that dad, and that's why he's so messed up, can you help me fix him?" Sorry, yes unfortunate for him but not my duty to be dad charity to the world, I've got enough on my plate. I couldn't even begin to do that anyway. Let alone I don't know if I could raise a typical NT kid from day one. Hard to say if my daughter turned out from genetics, or from how I raised her, or both.
Anyway, I didn't get into the whole cute spoiled thing, I raised her (what I could for the first 2 yrs till her mom left, then all my time after that) as what I thought was right, even if it wasn't the most fun or convenient. No spoiling and saying stuff's ok and cute for so long then trying to tear them from it when it's time to teach them right and wrong. (which I believe is what causes terrible 2s and mine had none). I believed in total consistency from day one. I treated her very well but always stayed within limits which she respected. I played music for her in the belly and crib. I taught her about all sorts of things around the house. I had no problem changing diapers or whatever, no worse than car grease. She loved me like crazy, called me dee-dee. She loved books and so I would read to her, but I would ad-lib to joke about inconsistencies in the words or pictures (we still do this today). She spoke clearly and full thoughtful sentences easily by age 2. She never really threw tantrums because she never learned how it was like to be spoiled to begin with.
Age 2 her mom left for her folks, has moved like 9 times since then 150-175 miles away range. I did most of the driving the first year and all of it for the last 10 so she's 13. I've never dumped out on her due to work, horrible storms, broke car, whatever and I pride myself on that. Most of the time I work an 8 hr day then immediately do the drive which during storms has been 10 hrs. Then take her back 1.5 days later. She's here 50% till school then 50% summers and breaks, and every other weekend during school. She would much rather be here and has told others but again another time.
At age 2 she happily walked 2 hours with me to trick or treat in the rain then lined up her candy by type on the floor. I've been honest with her about everything all the time even if it's above her age level. She knows what life is like. She hates money because of what it does to the world. She happily works with me on everything that's important, doesn't fuss. She has always been the rop reader in her class, every report card is nearly all A's. Amazing artist. Understands how things work. Thinks all the time, has her phases of collecting things, loves tradition (for example eating in the same seat, filling the drink the same way, saying the same things, every time we go to eat). She has so many of my traits she really is a mini me. She has a couple close friends who she really gets talking with but is terrified to play with others she doesn't know. She is very quiet and very sensitive to light, touch, sound. Unfortunately she got my acid problems too. She loves going places with me to get away from people and noise. Loved the junkyard since stroller years. Extremely patient, considerate. One of the smartest, best behaved kids you will find. She gets nothing but praise from teachers and caregivers. She does have some AS traits but the fact she can and loves to read and write fiction makes her a bit more NT, but still more AS I think. I make sure she has things she needs and appreciative things here and there but she feels zero desire to keep up with the joneses. Actually when we go into places and kids are out of control and parents are totally inconsistent, she points it out to me quietly and kinda laughs, then laughs more about it when we are on our way in the car.
Maybe sad but honestly I don't know what I would do if she wasn't so much like me. I don't so much feel like a parent as like a little team with her and it feels awesome. We are often thinking the same thing, finish each other's sentences. She's more like me than anyone I know. Not much to say except she's the best kid I could have ever hoped for, even better than I imagined.
And I've had several relationship prospects say "Oh you're such a great dad, I've got a son whose dad walked out and I want somebody to be that dad, and that's why he's so messed up, can you help me fix him?" Sorry, yes unfortunate for him but not my duty to be dad charity to the world, I've got enough on my plate. I couldn't even begin to do that anyway. Let alone I don't know if I could raise a typical NT kid from day one. Hard to say if my daughter turned out from genetics, or from how I raised her, or both.
(much to my brother's consternation).
