I attended a speed dating event today

[thejuice]

Yes, definitely. I don't care how many women would argue against that, doesn't make it any less true lol.

I've not seen stats on ASD relationships specifically, but I have seen studies on the gender disparity of success in attaining relationships.

Yes, the hard data aligns with the attitudes and personal, subjective experiences shared here.

Common sense prevails. However don't take this to mean forever alone cases don't happen to women, or that women don't have their own struggles.

 

[Misty Avich]

Common sense prevails. However don't take this to mean forever alone cases don't happen to women, or that women don't have their own struggles.

Yes, it isn't an all or nothing thing. Some autistic men find relationships, some autistic women struggle. But generally I think dating seems to happen more for autistic women than it does for autistic men.
I'm good at seeing patterns and using my imagination to put 2 and 2 together, and usually I'm right with these things. Also common sense and intuition can prevail.

 

[FeatherBird]

I've not seen stats on ASD relationships specifically, but I have seen studies on the gender disparity of success in attaining relationships.

Yes, the hard data aligns with the attitudes and personal, subjective experiences shared here.

Common sense prevails. However don't take this to mean forever alone cases don't happen to women, or that women don't have their own struggles.

Yeah, the male population in general tends to struggle more. Men with ASD have amplified struggles.

 

[FeatherBird]

Yes, it isn't an all or nothing thing. Some autistic men find relationships, some autistic women struggle. But generally I think dating seems to happen more for autistic women than it does for autistic men.
I'm good at seeing patterns and using my imagination to put 2 and 2 together, and usually I'm right with these things. Also common sense and intuition can prevail.

Right. There are cases where a woman struggles to attract a man, just like there are cases where a smoker lives past 90.

But the exception doesn't change the norm.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

A girl can ball her eyes out and she gets tons of support even from strangers but if a guy does it especially if he has autism right away they want to commit him.

 

[Misty Avich]

Yes, crying seems to be forbidden in men. There's a guy at work who I'm pretty sure is autistic, and I heard people saying that he was crying his eyes out in the office the other day because someone had upset him. The people who were talking about him were quite judgemental, criticising about "a grown man crying like that". Where as I've been in the office crying my eyes out countless times, and so have other women I work with, and it just seems acceptable for some reason.

If men have a socially acceptable reason to cry then it's tolerated, but if they cry due to weakness like us women do, then it is deemed socially unacceptable for a man. God help me if I were a man, because I cry all the time.

Edit:. Socially acceptable reasons to cry may be due to a loved one dying, for example

Crying due to weakness may be due to someone upsetting you

 

[Steelbookcollector217]

I've not seen stats on ASD relationships specifically, but I have seen studies on the gender disparity of success in attaining relationships.

Yes, the hard data aligns with the attitudes and personal, subjective experiences shared here.

Common sense prevails. However don't take this to mean forever alone cases don't happen to women, or that women don't have their own struggles.

"On the facebook autism dating groups there is like 20-30 guys for every girl in the group. The few girls that are in the groups completely ignore me, and talk to other guys.

there is such a disparity between autistic guys and girls. Autistic girls often find their partner pretty quickly, though not as fast as the neurotypical counterparts, but still pretty quickly, whereas autistic guys including people who are AMAB and are non-binary like myself are almost always perpetually single."

Yeah, i will always agree with this mindset, some people say that men are naturally by default in scarcity with women, but women are naturally by default in abundance with men, women naturally by default always have lots more options for simply just existing.

Yeah, even guys, men, who are not ugly at all, the first thought you think when you notice him "he's not ugly at all", its still more possible for a guy like that to be forever single than a woman who is his equal physical attractive counterpart

 

[Steelbookcollector217]

I think that might just be nature. Autistic or not. For example, if my sister and I go out on the town on a Saturday evening, she will get a lot more attention than me. Guys will line up to hit on her. There is no line of women hitting on me. It's just the way it is.

yes, that goes to the explaining why some people say, that women by nature, by default, are in abundance with men for just existing, women by default have options for just existing, men are by nature in scarcity with women since even handsome decent looking men normally don't have women throwing themselves at them

 

[Misty Avich]

yes, that goes to the explaining why some people say, that women by nature, by default, are in abundance with men for just existing, women by default have options for just existing, men are by nature in scarcity with women since even handsome decent looking men normally don't have women throwing themselves at them

That's probably because men feel they have to make the first move.

 

[Steelbookcollector217]

That's probably because men feel they have to make the first move.

or because women just stubbornly adamantly expect men to do that, my gut intuition tells me, womens instinct of expecting men to approach them or make a move on them is stronger than the instinct, desire, of men making a move on a woman, because if that was the case, approach anxiety would not exist.

Reminds me of this twitter post from a guy who gives dating advice for men:

"A lot of women, or just many women, cannot understand, will not understand, how someone(a guy, man, human male) cannot be desired or doesn't have any dating options, or has never dated or never been with a woman before by a certain age, unless something is seriously wrong with them. They(women) get desired and wanted, sought after, by default have dating options, always have choices, opportunities, get attention, just for existing and being a normal person, so they assume that's how it is for men, but it's not., women who think that way are completely
delusional

never truer words have been said or spoken."

 

[Tony Ramirez]

Society for men sucks rotten eggs. It actually sucks being born a man in 2024.

 

[Misty Avich]

Well it's probably more down to women having an easier time flirting. When we flirt, men like it and it's seen as cute or funny. When men flirt, sometimes women can get creeped out and accuse them of sexual harassment, and it always comes down harder on the man.
I used to flirt a lot with men when I was single, and men liked it. But if I was a guy trying to flirt with different women, I'd probably have gotten a bad name. So that's why it makes it so much harder for men, unless they're really confident and popular and have lots of charm, whether their intentions are ill or not. But even NT men can lack that.

I don't get creeped out when men flirt or pay attention to me or look at my breasts, etc. It has always given my poor self-esteem a boost. But I do know what I'm doing, I wouldn't let myself be lured into anything I didn't want, and I don't let myself be groomed either. And, being so I'm in a relationship, I would never be disloyal to my partner. But if a guy at work says dirty things to me, I don't report him. I'd rather be flirted with than be shouted at.

 

[Steelbookcollector217]

Well it's probably more down to women having an easier time flirting. When we flirt, men like it and it's seen as cute or funny. When men flirt, sometimes women can get creeped out and accuse them of sexual harassment, and it always comes down harder on the man.
I used to flirt a lot with men when I was single, and men liked it. But if I was a guy trying to flirt with different women, I'd probably have gotten a bad name. So that's why it makes it so much harder for men, unless they're really confident and popular and have lots of charm, whether their intentions are ill or not. But even NT men can lack that.

I don't get creeped out when men flirt or pay attention to me or look at my breasts, etc. It has always given my poor self-esteem a boost. But I do know what I'm doing, I wouldn't let myself be lured into anything I didn't want, and I don't let myself be groomed either. And, being so I'm in a relationship, I would never be disloyal to my partner. But if a guy at work says dirty things to me, I don't report him. I'd rather be flirted with than be shouted at.

yes, its a reminder of what women can get away with but men can't get away with, mens awkwardness or ineptness, or just not doing well socially, can backfire with women resulting in him being labeled creepy or making women uncomfortable, the reverse is not true though.

 

[Misty Avich]

Maybe the world is easier for women, I don't know. I do know that it's socially acceptable for women to be tomboys but not for men to wear skirts (except Scottish kilts) or dresses. But I do know that just wouldn't look right. Maybe because men were originally the 'dominant' gender, so any women wanting to be like a man was seen as cool or confident, while men wanting to be like a woman was seen as stepping down and being weaker or something. Makes sense I guess.
And the social structure of men making the first move originates from when men used to have to make the first move and do everything to get the woman's attention while the woman sat there under a sun umbrella, gazing at him.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

Going up to a women who was crying for prayer at the last church since she was bullied like I was I was pushed away from the group and branded as a creep and predator. I was lecture by this married guy there who always put me down blaming me it's all my fault.

It was so bad I was on the verge of suicide, ended up in the hospital all day, that my current pastor helped me through at my current church I should have always been and fighting with church hopping between the old one I was 5 years and the new one 2 months which took 5 weeks of being ostracized before I was noticed by people mostly married men, very few married or relationship women zero single women except the one I was shunned from, all leaders beside the male pastors not the wife's.

 

[thejuice]

. I do know that it's socially acceptable for women to be tomboys but not for men to wear skirts (except Scottish kilts) or dresses. But I do know that just wouldn't look right. Maybe because men were originally the 'dominant' gender, so any women wanting to be like a man was seen as cool or confident, while men wanting to be like a woman was seen as stepping down and being weaker or something. Makes sense I guess.

I've often pondered that, I think you've probably nailed it. It's also the same for a man having any stereotypically feminine interests or being sensitive. Even appreciating expressions of femininity in the arts and such. It's ridiculed. It felt frustrating and constraining to only be allowed to live in your masculine energy. Perhaps part of the reason why I just live in my own world.

 

[thejuice]

"A lot of women, or just many women, cannot understand, will not understand, how someone(a guy, man, human male) cannot be desired or doesn't have any dating options, or has never dated or never been with a woman before by a certain age, unless something is seriously wrong with them. They(women) get desired and wanted, sought after, by default have dating options, always have choices, opportunities, get attention, just for existing and being a normal person, so they assume that's how it is for men, but it's not., women who think that way are completely
delusional

never truer words have been said or spoken.

Absolutely. There is an empathy gap there.

 

[FeatherBird]

"On the facebook autism dating groups there is like 20-30 guys for every girl in the group. The few girls that are in the groups completely ignore me, and talk to other guys.

there is such a disparity between autistic guys and girls. Autistic girls often find their partner pretty quickly, though not as fast as the neurotypical counterparts, but still pretty quickly, whereas autistic guys including people who are AMAB and are non-binary like myself are almost always perpetually single."

Yeah, i will always agree with this mindset, some people say that men are naturally by default in scarcity with women, but women are naturally by default in abundance with men, women naturally by default always have lots more options for simply just existing.

Yeah, even guys, men, who are not ugly at all, the first thought you think when you notice him "he's not ugly at all", its still more possible for a guy like that to be forever single than a woman who is his equal physical attractive counterpart

It doesn't help that ASD is far more common in men.

 

[FeatherBird]

Yes, crying seems to be forbidden in men. There's a guy at work who I'm pretty sure is autistic, and I heard people saying that he was crying his eyes out in the office the other day because someone had upset him. The people who were talking about him were quite judgemental, criticising about "a grown man crying like that". Where as I've been in the office crying my eyes out countless times, and so have other women I work with, and it just seems acceptable for some reason.

If men have a socially acceptable reason to cry then it's tolerated, but if they cry due to weakness like us women do, then it is deemed socially unacceptable for a man. God help me if I were a man, because I cry all the time.

Edit:. Socially acceptable reasons to cry may be due to a loved one dying, for example

Crying due to weakness may be due to someone upsetting you

Even taking crying out of the equation, there are all sorts of things a man gets judged for that a woman doesn't (or at the very least, a woman doesn't get judged to nearly the same degree)

-Shyness
-Inability to handle stress
-Panic attacks
-Being bad at fistfights
-Being a non-driver
-Getting financial assistance from parents
-Attempting suicide (As a survivor of an attempt 6 years ago, the idea that men who attempt suicide are weak really ticks me off. Making a serious attempt to end your own existence takes a tremendous amount of courage. I guarantee anyone calling us weak would never have the courage to attempt suicide)

 

[FeatherBird]

yes, that goes to the explaining why some people say, that women by nature, by default, are in abundance with men for just existing, women by default have options for just existing, men are by nature in scarcity with women since even handsome decent looking men normally don't have women throwing themselves at them

On that note, many a woman thinks if a man struggles romantically/sexually, there must be something severely wrong with him (because since it's practically unheard of for a woman to get no attention, it's hard for her to fathom how different it is for men)

As you said, even men with decent looks are prone to struggling.