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I attended a speed dating event today

FeatherBird said:
I've been rated an 8.5 and a 9 on the looks scale before

But the problem is a man with ASD is never going to be sexually exciting to a woman, no matter where he stands on the looks scale.
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Ummm.
It worked for me 46 years ago. :cool:
 
FeatherBird said:
Asking if she believes in casual sex would have been better, yeah. Unfortunately, I'd still run the risk of ending up in the same position (making an unwanted move on her) had she said she believes in casual sex.

It's quite possible she believed in casual sex; just not with me.

Agreed we have a hard time with social interactions in real time. I need time to think through my response. Unfortunately, that's not conducive to romantic/sexual (or even platonic) relationships.
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That was a bit of a disaster lol 😆 luckily she was nice about it. Bit of an over share on her part too to be fair. I've had a cringe, awkward moment in my youth too. 'Learning on the job' so to speak. It's like we're totally lost in a foreign place with a map that's upside down and inside out.

Sounds like you had the added complexity of being very immature for your age. Boys in general are a year or two behind girls in developmental stages as it is. 'The game' takes quite a bit of social sophistication, doesn't it. As a socially isolated type I didnt have the advantage of learning from other people's clangers or learning appropriate cues. I had to just figure it out through negative feedback.

One of the features of ASD can sometimes be hypersexuality, with no natural gift to act on It in a socially acceptable way. Life seems like a cruel practical joke for some on the spectrum. Who do you learn from? One of the antisocial, exploitative charlatans off of YouTube trying to make a quick buck?
 
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Steelbookcollector217 said:
men, who never had a girlfriend until late in life, when i heard of some men never having a girlfriend until their early 40s, and some early to mid 30s.
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My ex's sister adviced someone not to date a man who hadn't had a relationship before because he must be weird and there must be something wrong with him. So the stigma grows the older you get. She was not a nice character.
 
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thejuice said:
My ex's sister adviced someone not to date a man who hadn't had a relationship before because he must be weird and there must be something wrong with him. So the stigma grows the older you get. She was not a nice character.
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yeah, since cases like that are not unheard of for lots of guys, men, i'm sure they happen to men more than women, because of that cruel reality, its like nature owes women relationships but never owes men.
 
'Nature' is fundamentally impassive, stark and brutal. Human societal systems cushion the blow. The only thing that ultimately matters is the propagation of the species. If it takes just one man to provide the genes, it's all the same. However, we can make our own meaning in a universe full of ambiguity.
 
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thejuice said:
That was a bit of a disaster lol 😆 luckily she was nice about it. Bit of an over share on her part too to be fair. I've had a cringe, awkward moment in my youth too. 'Learning on the job' so to speak. It's like we're totally lost in a foreign place with a map that's upside down and inside out.

Sounds like you had the added complexity of being very immature for your age. Boys in general are a year or two behind girls in developmental stages as it is. 'The game' takes quite a bit of social sophistication, doesn't it. As a socially isolated type I didnt have the advantage of learning from other people's clangers or learning appropriate cues. I had to just figure it out through negative feedback.

One of the features of ASD can sometimes be hypersexuality, with no natural gift to act on It in a socially acceptable way. Life seems like a cruel practical joke for some on the spectrum. Who do you learn from? One of the antisocial, exploitative charlatans off of YouTube trying to make a quick buck?
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Yep, the game requires social sophistication (and you made a good point: there was no need for her to share with our extracurricular club that she had an IUD)

I was a complex character in college. Generally immature socially/emotionally (it's common for those of us with ASD to be several years younger socially/emotionally, even if we have a high IQ). Yet at the same time, even the college-aged version of me was (in a way) a grandpa on the inside (In the sense that I had no interest in partying. Lack of interest in partying is another common feature for those of us with ASD)

You're also right when you point out that a lot of us with ASD are hypersexual, yet lack the social grace to get our needs satisfied in a socially acceptable manner. That totally described me in my younger days.

As an aside, what's interesting is asexuality also appears to be overrepresented in the ASD community.

I'm ecstatic about the fact my sex drive has severely decreased (even though I'm not tremendously old, being 33, my sex drive is nothing like it was at 20-21). While a lot of men would probably love to be 20-21 again, I'd have to be paid a massive sum of money to go back to those days. Those were dark days for me. I hated being a slave to my early 20s sex drive, with relatively few opportunities for a release.

When I was living at home after college, I got into some of the online charlatans you mentioned. I'm glad I've since come to realize they're full of BS. Their "advice" is basically to make a move on every woman you cross paths with until one finally accepts.
 
FeatherBird said:
And in most cases, the men who get called entitled don't even feel entitled; all they want is equal opportunity.
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Unattainable and what's the alternative, government providing an equal distribution of relationships? We can't change biological reality, that men on the whole are drawn to beauty, women on the whole to status.
 
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yellow_blue_betta_dragon_by_snowifer_dcz62i3-pre.jpg

"Speed dating is still a thing...? Hah, down here the closest thing might be a Chat Horde, but it isn't even an effort in romance."
 
thejuice said:
Unattainable and what's the alternative, government providing an equal distribution of relationships? We can't change biological reality, that men on the whole are drawn to beauty, women on the whole to status.
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Jordan Peterson has proposed we go back to the days when there was immense social pressure to stay with one partner for life.

He calls it enforced monogamy (Not literally enforced by laws; merely social pressure)

Jordan Peterson is convinced social pressure alone would largely solve this problem (which, by the way, impacts plenty of neurotypical men too)

He has a point. Pre-1960, society was set up so that just about every man paired up with a woman long-term.
 
FeatherBird said:
Jordan Peterson has proposed we go back to the days when there was immense social pressure to stay with one partner for life.

He calls it enforced monogamy (Not literally enforced by laws; merely social pressure)

Jordan Peterson is convinced social pressure alone would largely solve this problem (which, by the way, impacts plenty of neurotypical men too)

He has a point. Pre-1960, society was set up so that just about every man paired up with a woman long-term.
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Pre-1960s, i assume what you are getting at is, arranged marriage was the norm for most of civilization? i think that didn't require the man having to approach the woman, i could be wrong though
 
Steelbookcollector217 said:
Pre-1960s, i assume what you are getting at is, arranged marriage was the norm for most of civilization? i think that didn't require the man having to approach the woman, i could be wrong though
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I don't know off the top of my head how common arranged marriages were in the 1950s. I believe they were more common in the 1800s (in western society). I would imagine arranged marriages don't require the man to approach the woman (I'm pretty sure the parents arranged the marriages)

Even in the pre-1960 20th century, however, there was the social stigma against having multiple partners. So even if a man had to approach a woman to get a relationship, he'd at least be far less likely (compared to 2024) to get "nexted" the first time he did something that rubbed her the wrong way.

One problem I run into is getting "nexted" in the instances where I initially secure a woman's interest.
 
FeatherBird said:
Jordan Peterson has proposed we go back to the days when there was immense social pressure to stay with one partner for life.

He calls it enforced monogamy (Not literally enforced by laws; merely social pressure)

Jordan Peterson is convinced social pressure alone would largely solve this problem (which, by the way, impacts plenty of neurotypical men too)

He has a point. Pre-1960, society was set up so that just about every man paired up with a woman long-term.
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It could be a solution to the hoarding of relationships by the winners of the genetic lottery or generational wealth. I think the horse has bolted as we become more secular, combined with the easy availability of prophylactics. Perhaps the potential of a 'post antibiotic age' could be the only motivation to row back this lifestyle. I don't see it happening.
 
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thejuice said:
It could be a solution to the hoarding of relationships by the winners of the genetic lottery or generational wealth. I think the horse has bolted as we become more secular, combined with the easy availability of prophylactics. Perhaps the potential of a 'post antibiotic age' could be the only motivation to row back this lifestyle. I don't see it happening.
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To build upon your generational wealth comment, I must really be a loser. My parents are wealthy, yet I still have a hard time getting a woman.
 
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