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I can't let go of wanting a girlfriend
- Thread starter Markness
- Start date
- Status
I was thinking more along the lines of it just never happening no matter what one does.
I was recommended hiking by @Magna but it didn’t lead to romance at all, even though women were the majority in the group. However, most of the women were married.
Ugh, hiking is a big thing here in the lesbian community for some reason or it is obscure artsy stuff that I don’t entirely click with But what I did learn with one woman who liked that sort of thing that it opened me up to different interests and experiences. You may not 100% click with someone, even on the friendship path but if you try things with zero expectations, you can reach enrichment for yourself. I don’t have a girlfriend either, although to be fair I’m not 100% stable for one emotionally at the moment. I have a lot of regrets there because there was a potential but it was starting to happen, so this shows that things can happen. Just don’t expect to get an immediate result. It doesn’t happen like that.
contrary to what you may think Markness, I want you to get a girlfriend, and all what may come with the relationship. I want you to have all happiness in every area of your life. But you also can’t give up as soon as something fizzles out. Do dating sites/apps again, join clubs. Im Going to join a club myself because it will hopefully open me up to people again. If more comes from that, that’s great if not it’s okay too.
Dont go into something hoping that you’ll get a girlfriend.
I’m a woman, I don’t like it when I’m pressured by People, guys or ladies. It makes me uncomfortable, it pushes me away, the vibe I get (and granted I’m not always 100% quick with this) is full of desperation and it’s scary. I’m not saying you’re scary. I’m saying that the desperation feeling is something that I block off as a safe guard. I had a woman who continuously messaged me a few months ago to the extent that when I had to focus during a busy period and told her why, I got her giving me an ultimatum Which It’s off putting.
I thought that you didn’t because you rated the posts by Kalinychta and Callistemon that were directed at me in a harsh way positively. Those two do not want me to have a girlfriend nor ever have children and I don’t ever want to look up to them.
I would join clubs if there were any in my area. As far as I know, there aren’t any. There’s just churches, gun ranges, sports centers/fields, and bars.
I’ve gotten conflicting views on this. On one hand, I am told that if you don’t show any romantic interest, women will think you only want a friend. But on the other hand, showing romantic interest from the get go makes women wary. It confuses me.
Markness,
Everyone here wishes well for you and wants to see you happy, whatever makes you happy.
That being said, we all have different capacities to deal with demands and stressors, and sometimes people can get burned out if they're called upon too much to provide support, especially if that support is only flowing in one direction.
I want to clarify that as I recall, no one has ever wished for you to not have a girlfriend or that you shouldn't have children. But I do recall statements, which I broadly agree with, that you have some work that you need to improve yourself and your attitude, part of which seems to be impacted by depression and/or a mood disorder.
Not that you can't go out and find someone while doing so (and if so, all the power to you), but it'd likely be easier and best for both yourself and a potential girlfriend if you try to solve or improve on your issues first.
And as some posters have noted, is it truly a girlfriend that you seek? What exactly are you seeking? By looking inside, it's possible that you may find there may be and likely are other things that might bring you contentment or joy. Keep in mind that a girlfriend isn't something that is certain, like owning an book or a toy. They're a person, with their own needs, desires, and dreams, which might not necessarily align with yours. And when I look at divorce rates today, and how they've increased, it reflects that people are more willing to admit when a relationship isn't working out. Why am I saying all this? Because I'm concerned that if you get a girlfriend and they break up with you, that it might send you into an even further depression loop than the one you're in right now.
Also, I've said this before, but you really should consider the possibility of relocating if you find that the culture of your current residence doesn't work well for you.
And I'll preempt your expected response of "I don't have the resources to relocate" by saying that there's resources available for you to reach out to, and as always, if you ask here, your fellow members here might be able to provide tips and guidance as well.
In closing, I'd like to note that there's been times where I've been upset by your posts and your tendency to seemingly ignore excellent guidance that you've been given, and that I've considered ignoring your posts.
But I recognize that we're all human, and that we're not perfect, and if I can offer a reality check, lend a hand or offer some words of encouragement, I'll try to do so.
Take care.
Everyone here wishes well for you and wants to see you happy, whatever makes you happy.
That being said, we all have different capacities to deal with demands and stressors, and sometimes people can get burned out if they're called upon too much to provide support, especially if that support is only flowing in one direction.
I want to clarify that as I recall, no one has ever wished for you to not have a girlfriend or that you shouldn't have children. But I do recall statements, which I broadly agree with, that you have some work that you need to improve yourself and your attitude, part of which seems to be impacted by depression and/or a mood disorder.
Not that you can't go out and find someone while doing so (and if so, all the power to you), but it'd likely be easier and best for both yourself and a potential girlfriend if you try to solve or improve on your issues first.
And as some posters have noted, is it truly a girlfriend that you seek? What exactly are you seeking? By looking inside, it's possible that you may find there may be and likely are other things that might bring you contentment or joy. Keep in mind that a girlfriend isn't something that is certain, like owning an book or a toy. They're a person, with their own needs, desires, and dreams, which might not necessarily align with yours. And when I look at divorce rates today, and how they've increased, it reflects that people are more willing to admit when a relationship isn't working out. Why am I saying all this? Because I'm concerned that if you get a girlfriend and they break up with you, that it might send you into an even further depression loop than the one you're in right now.
Also, I've said this before, but you really should consider the possibility of relocating if you find that the culture of your current residence doesn't work well for you.
And I'll preempt your expected response of "I don't have the resources to relocate" by saying that there's resources available for you to reach out to, and as always, if you ask here, your fellow members here might be able to provide tips and guidance as well.
In closing, I'd like to note that there's been times where I've been upset by your posts and your tendency to seemingly ignore excellent guidance that you've been given, and that I've considered ignoring your posts.
But I recognize that we're all human, and that we're not perfect, and if I can offer a reality check, lend a hand or offer some words of encouragement, I'll try to do so.
Take care.
I live in the middle end of a Swiss countryside where there’s hardly anything around except for a women’s club that has members of 50+ In age and all they do is boring things. It’s definitely not for me, so I look elsewhere even if I have to travel to the city I have to look somewhere else. The nearest interesting thing my little village has is a cat for a mayor. As a result of looking closer to the bigger towns and the city, I’ve so far found an Irish pub that does events, a church in the center of the city that does active events, sports centers that do events and clubs. I’ve found an archery and badminton club. I’ve found bars that if I liked going to them anyway, I’d go. Maybe I will eventually.
I mention this because it’s a struggle to even get out and socialize for me right now. I’m dealing with my own form of depression and have lost purpose which has completely demotivated me. Whilst I have yet to attend any of these events or join the clubs, the fact that I’ve actively searched them out and have given thought to joining some is a good posititve step. Some of them may not work out, and it may be deflating but there are things out there. Even if you have to travel to them.
As for women. I get the confusion if you’ve received conflicting views. I can’t speak for every woman but ill give you a little story. Back when I had social media, I had almost everyone I met in life from university and cons on Facebook. sometimes I would chat with them and it was great. Until I met this one guy from con. The chat was pretty normal at first and then he mentioned my post about pride and my “coming out of the closet”. My mom is very homophobic. It was difficult to accept myself and I was pretty proud of myself that I was able to do this even If it was to uni friends and con mates. They accepted me. It was really helpful and validating. Then he commented in private. How it was such a shame that I was a lesbian, that I just hadn’t met the right man to show me that I was wrong. And how he could show me what was right, if only I gave him a chance. I was 23. It’s scary to come out, especially if you’ve got family who all your life have said disgusting homophobic things. You internalize that and start to think that youre that too. You also hide it and try To be “normal“ Because you think its a phase and it’s easier to just clamp it down to save peace. So, having this was really upsetting. I had also tried the man route to make my mom happy and I was taken advantage of by how he would strangle me during the act. I never enjoyed it but the strangling was dangerous and scary. I ended it, ended up “ghosting” and felt a lot freer as I just embraced what I am. My mom wasn’t happy but in this case I had done something to be normal for once and that was anything but normal even if I was straight. Only for this guy who I had only been sporadically speaking to, who had a girlfriend already (apparently she wouldn’t have minded), and Because I had been nice to him think that being nice = me and him possible relationship. And my coming out, pushed him to become a “nice“ homophobic guy who thought conversion therapy would be helpful for me to see the light.
he is one of the more extreme cases but I’ve had guys who just by being nice to them think that I mean I am interested in him and become nasty if they don’t get what they want. it makes me wary, because my worry is is do they expect more from me that I can never give them and when they find out that they’ve had their time ”wasted”, they become nasty Nice guys.
Best relationships I’ve seen are those that start off as a friendship. And become something more.
Wish I could give you more rewards. You’ve said it perfectly.
Usually, when a girl says that, it is because, she herself is attracted to the person. Although saying that, I had a guy once tell me, when we were children, that I am so ugly, I will be alone all my life. However, instead of reacting sensitivily, I did scratch his face and told him that was the cruelist thing to say and guess what? He ran to his mother crying. I, though, have no recollection of what happened after that, but I have had a few boyfriends and married now for 31 years, so that idiot was certainly wrong and my husband considers me beautful.
I am like you, though, that I take people's words to heart; or, at least, I used to be like that and now learning that it is their problem.
I am like you, though, that I take people's words to heart; or, at least, I used to be like that and now learning that it is their problem.
@Forest Cat
@Owliet
That happens here, too.
Post #150 in the thread
https://www.autismforums.com/threads/post-a-crazy-or-funny-news-story.2078/page-9
23 April, 2022
HELL, MI - A cat known for her oversized eyes and wonky feet is about to become the mayor of a small Michigan town.
https://www.mlive.com/life-and-cult...da3-e29d-402f-abb7-6eba8f2698f3.1650767461191
@Owliet
That happens here, too.
Post #150 in the thread
https://www.autismforums.com/threads/post-a-crazy-or-funny-news-story.2078/page-9
23 April, 2022
HELL, MI - A cat known for her oversized eyes and wonky feet is about to become the mayor of a small Michigan town.
https://www.mlive.com/life-and-cult...da3-e29d-402f-abb7-6eba8f2698f3.1650767461191
I saw the mayor coming back today. We are a good little village.That is outstanding.I love it, so funny. I assume dogs are banned there?
And the biggest industry is catnip prouduction?
I love this, thanks for sharing @tree.
@Markness
I would join clubs if there were any in my area. As far as I know, there aren’t any. There’s just churches, gun ranges, sports centers/fields, and bars.
https://web.templechamber.com/organizations-associations
https://www.meetup.com/find/us--tx--temple/social-activities/
You could try searching *secular groups* in the area.
That results in non-church gatherings, mainly humanists
and atheists.
I would join clubs if there were any in my area. As far as I know, there aren’t any. There’s just churches, gun ranges, sports centers/fields, and bars.
https://web.templechamber.com/organizations-associations
https://www.meetup.com/find/us--tx--temple/social-activities/
You could try searching *secular groups* in the area.
That results in non-church gatherings, mainly humanists
and atheists.
@Markness
On one hand, I am told that if you don’t show any romantic interest, women will think you only want a friend. But on the other hand, showing romantic interest from the get go makes women wary. It confuses me.
That's because you're approaching the idea from an *all or nothing* point of view.
It's possible to be friendly and for the friendship
to gradually develop to another level.
It's not a situation of immediate and irrevocable choice.
On one hand, I am told that if you don’t show any romantic interest, women will think you only want a friend. But on the other hand, showing romantic interest from the get go makes women wary. It confuses me.
That's because you're approaching the idea from an *all or nothing* point of view.
It's possible to be friendly and for the friendship
to gradually develop to another level.
It's not a situation of immediate and irrevocable choice.
Not true at all. I've had friendships with women where romance was never an objective, but that the friendship simply grew into something more over time. That was my reality....and I think it can potentially be anyone's.
Like so many other things in life, you have to work at friendship. Like other relationships, at times it simply isn't enough to approach things on a 50-50 basis. I suspect there are plenty of folks in this community who can tell you that at times it pays to be prepared to give much more.
Try to think of it as an emotional investment. Not a game with a scorecard.
And you survived.
Do I just have to keep persisting?
You miss every shot you don't take,
I've heard.
By that I mean, don't expect results by
failing to act.
I feel like I’ve made attempts. I just don’t know why I don’t get the results I want.
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People in the media who are diagnosed with neurodiversity.
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