I can't let go of wanting a girlfriend

[Markness]

Man, I wish I could sell you on online dating. It's full of people like us who don't want to socialize, lol

I'm pretty sure my wife contacted me because we both 'swiped up' or something really silly. But it worked

I’ve given online dating many attempts. I never got a date using the websites and apps.

It’s not so much I don’t want to socialize. I just want my social experiences to be better.

 

[Markness]

Even paying a matchmaking business didn’t get me into a relationship. I really do make attempts but they either fizzle out quickly or are unproductive.

I sometimes feel like I should just put myself out of my misery.

 

[Slime_Punk]

Even paying a matchmaking business didn’t get me into a relationship. I really do make attempts but they either fizzle out quickly or are unproductive.

I sometimes feel like I should just put myself out of my misery.

Are there any of those for people who are on the spectrum? That seems like it would be really cool if it exists.

Also, don't harm yourself, please! I think you're going to find someone if you keep trying, and I don't think you're going to want to miss that part!

 

[Markness]

Are there any of those for people who are on the spectrum? That seems like it would be really cool if it exists.

Also, don't harm yourself, please! I think you're going to find someone if you keep trying, and I don't think you're going to want to miss that part!

I don’t know. One thing I wish happened but it’ll probably never come to pass was the late Dr. Gilmartin’s concept of practice dating.

I don’t want to miss out. I just wonder how much longer I’ll have to walk this path of loneliness.

 

[Slime_Punk]

Dr. Gilmartin’s concept of practice dating.

Is that where you ask a bunch of people out with no real intention of following up (mainly to get used to rejection)? I've heard of that being a pretty good means of therapy for a lot of people, and there's even a 'rejection game' that's based on the concept (and the book Rejection Proof was even based on the game).

I'm kind of a wuss when it comes to that level of embarrassment, but I envy anyone who tries that. I sincerely believe that's the way out of social anxiety, awkwardness and all of those social problems. But admittedly, I still have some of my own that need to be worked out as well so I like any of those 'exposure therapy' ideas.

 

[Mr. Stevens]

Become at ease with yourself and focus on your self-esteem first. Your current attitude will turn people away. Once you enjoy yourself more, you'll be less inhibited with people. You can smile at women in public, get a good response, and initiate contact if appropriate. Then see what happens.

 

[Rodafina]

It would look like living the rest of my life looking unhappy and suffering internally until I die.

I had hope and didn’t know about gender roles, dating expectations, and how much more stressful socialization was going to become.

I understand better now. Thank you for explaining.

 

[Markness]

@GypsyMoth, I’ve undergone a lot of things in my attempts to establish a romantic relationship. I’ve made profiles for dating sites/apps, attended two speed dating events, called a dating agency only to get denied because I only work part time, paid money as well as wrote out forms to a matchmaking service only to be told that they thought I needed to be in a better mental space, attended social groups as well as events, and even tried meeting people through online communities.

 

[Markness]

I don’t understand how not looking for a relationship is somehow the answer to my struggles.

 

[Slime_Punk]

@GypsyMoth, I’ve undergone a lot of things in my attempts to establish a romantic relationship. I’ve made profiles for dating sites/apps, attended two speed dating events, called a dating agency only to get denied because I only work part time, paid money as well as wrote out forms to a matchmaking service only to be told that they thought I needed to be in a better mental space, attended social groups as well as events, and even tried meeting people through online communities.

But you stopped? I think that's the issue right there, most of us will just keep going until it works. Call me desperate or whatever, but I'd just keep going if it's something I wanted.

I do this with everything and honestly, it pans out every time. Sometimes it takes like a year, but whatever.

I don't believe in the law of attraction per se (like, sitting on your ass and waiting for something cool to happen), but if I look back upon my life I've gotten literally everything I've ever set out and tried hard to get. Take that for what you will.

And to put it in perspective, I'm like a solid 5. Women aren't flocking to me or anything. I think you've got a really good shot at this, too.

 

[Markness]

But you stopped? I think that's the issue right there, most of us will just keep going until it works. Call me desperate or whatever, but I'd just keep going if it's something I wanted.

I do this with everything and honestly, it pans out every time. Sometimes it takes like a year, but whatever.

I don't believe in the law of attraction per se (like, sitting on your ass and waiting for something cool to happen), but if I look back upon my life I've gotten literally everything I've ever set out and tried hard to get. Take that for what you will.

And to put it in perspective, I'm like a solid 5. Women aren't flocking to me or anything. I think you've got a really good shot at this, too.

I’ve actually been told to do the opposite and I don’t understand that logic. Someone here even said I shouldn’t even socialize until I am “ready” but they now hate me and don’t care if I ever become “ready” or not.

 

[Slime_Punk]

Yeah, in my experience the only way to become 'ready' is to do it, fail a few times, and try again. You can't overcome mistakes that you never make to begin with, imho. I don't get that logic, either

 

[Markness]

The fact I am 34 and still can’t even get a simple date feels so abnormal.

 

[tree]

A *simple* date?

If dating were simple, why would there be so many
thousands of words devoted to explaining the process
to those wanting to do it?

 

[Markness]

A *simple* date?

If dating were simple, why would there be so many
thousands of words devoted to explaining the process
to those wanting to do it?

I may have meant casual dating. I can’t do that at all despite my best efforts.

 

[Slime_Punk]

I agree with @tree, people write books about this kind of stuff, and definitely not because it's easy for everyone.

I know it doesn't seem like it, but this is a very common struggle for a lot of guys.

 

[Luca]

I agree with @tree, people write books about this kind of stuff, and definitely not because it's easy for everyone.

I know it doesn't seem like it, but this is a very common struggle for a lot of guys.

Yes, I agree with tree as well.
And not just guys, it's not like people are lining up to ask me on a date either lol... if I wanted to date, I would have to do it online because I don't think anyone in my town would touch me with a 10 foot pole.

 

[Rodafina]

Yes, I agree with tree as well.
And not just guys, it's not like people are lining up to ask me on a date either

I am the same way. This idea that it is so easy for women and that people are constantly throwing themselves at us is simply not true in my experience. Connecting and dating is very far from simple in my life.

 

[Markness]

Yes, I agree with tree as well.
And not just guys, it's not like people are lining up to ask me on a date either lol... if I wanted to date, I would have to do it online because I don't think anyone in my town would touch me with a 10 foot pole.

That sounds hurtful.

 

[Luca]

That sounds hurtful.

It is a bit hurtful... but I don't really feel the need to be in a relationship, although it does hurt my self-esteem.