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I can’t stop ruminating.

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Markness said:
I literally can’t stop ruminating every day of my life. Even when I wake up in the morning or while I am driving the car, I have streams of negative memories coursing through my mind. Listening to music doesn’t make the thoughts go away nor does anything else other people do to occupy their minds work for me either. All the years of being bullied, rejected, and denied have probably damaged my psyche beyond repair.
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Exactly the same with me. It's like I have PTSD or something.
 
Reading through this thread about rumination reminds me that a comfort zone can be very toxic, very self-destructive and the only reason that we sometimes do not break out of a comfort zone is that it gives comfort in the form of repetition, an echo. Thoughts in that connection can be visualized as a waterfall, while you back away from them, into a grotto, and as you walk further away, you can realize, with time, that they are just thoughts, and some thoughts don't help in any way, they just nail you to the same spot over and over. So to go to that grotto and find the exit, truly leaving the waterfall, is a useful metaphor, when leaving a "comfort zone" that is anything but really comfortable. Maybe this can be helpful.
 
Cryptid said:
Are you expecting only pleasant responses? Life is not like that -- you have to take the harsh with the pleasant.
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On an online forum for autistic people? Yes, you should be expecting pleasant responses. That doesn't mean people agreeing with everything you say, but yes, it should be pleasant. We're here because it's a place where we can process real life.
 
Markness said:
When I get harsh responses, it makes me wonder why whoever is doing it despises me so much.
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No one despises you. But, since this is a forum for people with autism, you should expect to receive some direct, blunt responses to your posts. We want you to succeed and be happy, Markness. Please don't mistake direct and blunt responses for expressions of something mean and hateful because they aren't the same thing.
 
Mary Terry said:
No one despises you. But, since this is a forum for people with autism, you should expect to receive some direct, blunt responses to your posts. We want you to succeed and be happy, Markness. Please don't mistake direct and blunt responses for expressions of something mean and hateful because they aren't the same thing.
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I’m sorry but I really don’t think that’s the case. I’ve had some people tell me they don’t like me.
 
MNAus said:
On an online forum for autistic people? Yes, you should be expecting pleasant responses. That doesn't mean people agreeing with everything you say, but yes, it should be pleasant. We're here because it's a place where we can process real life.
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Let us keep it real. Sometimes, people need a good, heavy dose of the truth, no matter how unpleasant it may be.
Markness said:
I’m sorry but I really don’t think that’s the case. I’ve had some people tell me they don’t like me.
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Who are these people? Are they members of this website? What are their names?
 
Markness said:
I’m sorry but I really don’t think that’s the case. I’ve had some people tell me they don’t like me.
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A.
Were these people for whom you had deep feelings? That you live with? Who are related to you?
That you see every day? That you work with? Relative strangers you encountered at an event
or while shopping? People you've never met but 'conversed' with on-line?

What relationship exists/existed between you and these people?

B.
What will happen if there are some people who don't like you ?

Non-rational belief: I must receive love from someone for whom I really care.
13 Irrational Beliefs (Albert Ellis) - Mindfulness Courses Ireland - Padraig O'Morain
https://albertellis.org/wp-content/uploads/2021/09/Techniques-for-Disputing-Irrational-Beliefs-5.pdf
 
Markness said:
I’m sorry but I really don’t think that’s the case. I’ve had some people tell me they don’t like me.
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Everyone has had people tell them that they don't like them. It's part of life, you cannot please everyone all the time, and you shouldn't care what "those people" think. What matters is what you think about yourself.
 
It still can hurt and even damage you to have people saying bad things about you online. That's why forums have people moderating.
 
Misty Avich said:
It still can hurt and even damage you to have people saying bad things about you online. That's why forums have people moderating.
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There is a difference between an unhelpful response, an unpleasant response, and an outright insult. Example:

Delicate question: "Does this make me look fat?"
Unhelpful response: "Not at all! You look beautiful no matter what you wear!"
Unpleasant response: "Well, it does seem a little snug around the waist and hips."
Outright insult: "That doesn't make you look fat; being fat is what makes you look fat!"

See that difference?

The 'unpleasant' response may actually be helpful even though the recipient may perceive it as an insult. Even worse, the recipient may perceive anyone who does not give an 'unhelpful' response as a detractor -- the person may be looking only for empty praise and bland encouragement . . . over and over again.
 
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Well the people that upset me online weren't saying things to be helpful. They were just offended by everything and made me out to be a bad person. It killed the little self-esteem I had. Five different people each had an accusing insult for me and they'd keep reminding me time and time again instead of just leaving me alone.

Yes I know I got offended by what they said to me but that was because it was direct personal attacks. I never gave them direct personal attacks, I just had different opinions and they decided to become offended by them.
 
Misty Avich said:
Well the people that upset me online weren't saying things to be helpful. They were just offended by everything and made me out to be a bad person. It killed the little self-esteem I had. Five different people each had an accusing insult for me and they'd keep reminding me time and time again instead of just leaving me alone.

Yes I know I got offended by what they said to me but that was because it was direct personal attacks. I never gave them direct personal attacks, I just had different opinions and they decided to become offended by them.
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The same people attacked me, too, and I witnessed what they did to you so you aren’t lying. Even when we attempted to make amends to them, they still made us out to be the scum of the Earth.
 
Did you report your 'attackers' to the moderators? If so, what action was taken?

If you have not reported them, then you are enabling them.
 
Misty Avich said:
The other forum. The mods here on AF don't have favourites. They treat everyone exactly the same, no double standards at all.
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I've never looked at WP but have read many negative comments about it from members here, like you and others. It must be a toxic place.
 
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