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I can’t stop ruminating.

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Markness said:
What he doesn’t get is that bullying didn’t stop in my childhood. It continued even into my adolescence and in my adulthood at work as well as at home.
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Same here. The bullying that my so-called friends did to me was something I seemed to get over quicker, but the cyberbullying I faced on the other forum seems to have cut me to pieces. I think I'm very slowly beginning to pull myself together from that but I still have a long way to go and I'm still seething from the unfairness and name-calling I had to put up with, but I blame the site owner and I think knowing what a [can't think of family-friendly swear word] he is, the behaviour from the maggots that feed off him are just brainwashed by his rules he made up. I'm trying to come to terms with this, although it is difficult and I'm not going to scream "I'm getting over it!" so readily but I think, maybe, I might be beginning to at least turn a small corner. Please take that with a grain of salt before holding out any optimism lol.
 
Oh, I get it, Markness. Somehow, you allow people to bully you as an adult. Stand up to the bullies and push back, or get away from them permanently.

I did both, and the bullies no longer bully me.
 
Cryptid said:
Oh, I get it, Markness. Somehow, you allow people to bully you as an adult. Stand up to the bullies and push back, or get away from them permanently.

I did both, and the bullies no longer bully me.
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It wasn't easy to stand up to the bullies who bullied me, and some of them bullied Markness too. They just laughed at my "histrionic reaction" and the mods sat back and let it go on. It's why I'm so sensitive to any negative attitude towards me on this site, I've become nervous and on my guard.
 
Misty Avich said:
It wasn't easy to stand up to the bullies who bullied me, and some of them bullied Markness too. They just laughed at my "histrionic reaction" and the mods sat back and let it go on. It's why I'm so sensitive to any negative attitude towards me on this site, I've become nervous and on my guard.
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A lot of those bullies also refused to stop even when stood up against. They remained persistent because they thought they had a purpose.
 
Markness said:
A lot of those bullies also refused to stop even when stood up against. They remained persistent because they thought they had a purpose.
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Yup.
The "purpose" was to bully ppl off the website that didn't follow their way of thinking.
It happens a lot on other websites, also.
Nothing new or unique. :cool:
 
Misty Avich said:
We did but they are seemingly out to get us. It appears to be a small internet after all...
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You probably should not have stayed.
https://xkcd.com/386/
@Jonn is right about their motivation: many groups, and some entire sites, are all about enforcing their own groupthink.
You don't have to put up with it, but if you don't like "high temperature exchanges" and/or the collective pressure, just leave.

Participating in a "Purity Spiral" is bad for people's mental health. So the best "revenge" is to drop in every few months, and track how far down the rabbit hole they've gone, and what it's done to them.
 
Markness said:
They didn’t want me to have a girlfriend and even accused me of hating women. What the Hell?!?
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Since you asked:

1. Why should anyone else want you to have a girlfriend? Either you want one, or there's nothing to discuss.
2. The opinions of crazy people ("they") aren't worth close scrutiny.
But you should definitely ask yourself how they were able to put that argument together well enough that you still remember it.

You sometimes indirectly indicate that you "deserve" a girlfriend.
This is part of a "playbook": it's considered to be a strong indication that the person has numerous bad attitudes and beliefs, and is inclined to bad behavior IRL.
 
Hypnalis said:
@Jonn is right about their motivation: many groups, and some entire sites, are all about enforcing their own groupthink.
You don't have to put up with it, but if you don't like "high temperature exchanges" and/or the collective pressure, just leave.
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Two reasons I didn't:

Firstly, like some on the spectrum, I am stubborn.
I hate bullies and I am not intimidated by them.

Secondly, I was good friends with one of the mods who was fair-minded.

That experience was bad...very bad...
But it strengthened me.
"Me strong like bull, now." :cool:
 
Hypnalis said:
You probably should not have stayed.
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I did take a few breaks but they just put it down to me wanting attention or sympathy, which was not true. I took breaks in the hope that me and the bullies would cool down and we can have a fresh start.
Also I'd been there for many years before the bullying started and I find it hard to leave a place I've been at for so long.*

I wish we were allowed to have a whole thread where we can bash that site. It's what it deserves.

*It was a similar experience when I was at one of my old volunteer jobs (when I was still unemployed). I'd been there a while and so it was so familiar to me. But I began getting bullied there by the manager and one of the volunteers. My friends said I should leave and try a different volunteer job but I was reluctant to. I did take a break but felt bored at home so I came back. But the bullying continued to the point where I was sometimes arriving home in tears, and then the job centre put me on a 6-week work training course, which was great because that gave me a reason to stay away from the volunteer job for a while. I enjoyed the course and met other people there, and by the time the course ended I didn't want to go back to the volunteer job at all, and I found the confidence to try a different voluntary job, where I was treated much better.

Back to the sites, I'm happier on this site except for some of the baffling double standards but we won't go into that here.
 
Jonn said:
I hate bullies and I am not intimidated by them.
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I understand and it's important. But not being intimidated doesn't mean they're worth your time. "Stubbornness" is good sometimes (the "perseverance" style is a virtue), but allowing your behavior to be shaped by a need to push back is a weakness.

Personally I've had a lot of fun engaging in flame wars with lunatics of various stripes (I never use those techniques here BTW), but I have some defensive principles that are relevant here (the first two are also life principles):
1. You cannot be insulted by someone you don't respect (since you don't care about their opinions :)
2. You can't fix crazy, so don't try.
3. If you start to care about the result (as opposed to the game itself), disengage immediately

So (1) is "pushback management", (2) is to help keep your objectives clear, and (3) is a self-protecting stopping rule so you don't catch yourself in a loop.

In general, you can't be controlled by something you can walk away from. So be able to walk away from people who aren't good for you at any point.
 
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