I messed up again

[tree]

What I wanted to become I was denied.

You frame your life experiences with
yourself as object, rather than actor.

 

[jsilver256]

What I wanted to become I was denied.

That's an interesting way of framing. Can you elaborate?

I mean, to some extent all of us are denied what we want to become. I'm not a billionaire, for instance.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

Please @Markness stop obsessing over trying to get a girlfriend. I did. It will consume you and just make you more miserable. Try to make more positive friends by going and doing more positive things as we all recommended here. If you want female friends don't look at them as possible girlfriends. Just try to be their friend. It goes a long way.

 

[Markness]

You frame your life experiences with
yourself as object, rather than actor.

How can I change this sort of thinking?

 

[tree]

How can I change this sort of thinking?

With conscious effort.

 

[Markness]

That's an interesting way of framing. Can you elaborate?

I mean, to some extent all of us are denied what we want to become. I'm not a billionaire, for instance.

I wanted to be accepted as a person and find what my niche or niches are in this life but I keep getting bullied, rejected, and talents never develop for me.

 

[Levitat0r]

I find that the talents I've dedicated myself to lifelong are not wanted, so they're easy to dismiss, and then the stuff I resort to to try to connect anyway feels totally hackish and terrible, and I never improve at it, because we're of that sort of vertical improvement mentality]. So what am I going to be good at if it's not what I dedicated myself to for decades?

 

[jsilver256]

I wanted to be accepted as a person and find what my niche or niches are in this life but I keep getting bullied, rejected, and talents never develop for me.

It seems to me that you are trapped in a cycle where you have decided your self-worth is largely in "successful" chance encounters with the opposite sex, something that is difficult for even NTs. So, you repeatedly fail at the high bar you've set for yourself, and you bring yourself lower.

It seems logical that the first one who will ever accept you, is you yourself. So that comes first before anyone else can enter the picture.

I can't offer you advice for how to develop talents or anything like that, but a common source of increased self-worth for many seems to be in improving physical fitness.

 

[Markness]

It seems to me that you are trapped in a cycle where you have decided your self-worth is largely in "successful" chance encounters with the opposite sex, something that is difficult for even NTs. So, you repeatedly fail at the high bar you've set for yourself, and you bring yourself lower.

It seems logical that the first one who will ever accept you, is you yourself. So that comes first before anyone else can enter the picture.

I can't offer you advice for how to develop talents or anything like that, but a common source of increased self-worth for many seems to be in improving physical fitness.

I’ve made attempts to improve my physical fitness but I apparently did everything wrong because I am still out of shape and have metabolic syndrome despite years of going to gyms.

 

[Levitat0r]

I'm really burnt out on this topic. If she only loves you for your physique, does she love you? That's fine rhetoric for the normies, but where are you at when absolutely nobody wants you around? I give up. I quit. I have no opinion. People get bored of hearing about faith as the catch-all. I also get bored have nothing left but faith because it takes so long to grow at it, and it feels so much further away than a flesh and blood person, but it's real, and it matters, and faith will love you back way more than the creatures down here do.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

I’ve made attempts to improve my physical fitness but I apparently did everything wrong because I am still out of shape and have metabolic syndrome despite years of going to gyms.

I'm out of shape too. Who cares I still do yoga. I still socaliable at my church and groups. Girls actually talk to me. Why? Because I no longer put myself down. I am no longer obsessed. I no longer look at my toxic friend who told me I was obsessed and could never get a girlfriend. I just talk to girls to be friendly.

 

[Levitat0r]

I'm out of shape too. Who cares I still do yoga. I still socaliable at my church and groups. Girls actually talk to me. Why? Because I no longer put myself down. I am no longer obsessed. I no longer look at my toxic friend who told me I was obsessed and could never get a girlfriend. I just talk to girls to be friendly.

The same thing doesn't work for everyone, and the entire problem here is that your normal person is wired in a well-ordered way, and but we came together kind of luck-of-the-draw, and you can succeed, while I can look like a creep to people, and you'll never finish analyzing the fine details that make up that difference.

 

[Hypnalis]

I wanted to be accepted as a person and find what my niche or niches are in this life but I keep getting bullied, rejected, and talents never develop for me.

You're born with talents. Interests come from within, and may or my not correspond to innate talents.
You work on your talents and your interests. There's no magical third party that does it for you.

"If you choose to be the victim, you become your own oppressor."

 

[tree]

I’ve made attempts to improve my physical fitness but I apparently did everything wrong because I am still out of shape and have metabolic syndrome despite years of going to gyms.

What you're not saying is:
*I have been working consistently to improve my physical well being.*

'making attempts' &'doing everything wrong' sounds like sporadic activity,
with no clear idea of how to gradually build strength/fitness/well being.

How recently have you asked your doctor for guidance regarding your
physical fitness?

 

[jsilver256]

I'm really burnt out on this topic. If she only loves you for your physique, does she love you? That's fine rhetoric for the normies, but where are you at when absolutely nobody wants you around? I give up. I quit. I have no opinion. People get bored of hearing about faith as the catch-all. I also get bored have nothing left but faith because it takes so long to grow at it, and it feels so much further away than a flesh and blood person, but it's real, and it matters, and faith will love you back way more than the creatures down here do.

You are completely right, but I was thinking about physical fitness goals as a way of building up self-worth, not as something to do to attract the opposite sex. I see a lot of former drug addicts on Tiktok who bootstrapped themselves through setting weight loss or fitness goals. Just a suggestion, there are other ways of course but this seems to be the most common.

 

[Markness]

What you're not saying is:
*I have been working consistently to improve my physical well being.*

'making attempts' &'doing everything wrong' sounds like sporadic activity,
with no clear idea of how to gradually build strength/fitness/well being.

How recently have you asked your doctor for guidance regarding your
physical fitness?

My doctor hasn’t talked to me since maybe 2022.

 

[tree]

My doctor hasn’t talked to me since maybe 2022.

You're saying you haven't initiated any conversation with your doctor
in a couple of years.

 

[Masked Man]

I see you are still very much a passive spectator in your life.

You stand by passively and wait for things to happen to you. And then are upset because they don't.

You've been "denied" things.

Your doctor hasn't contacted you.

Et Cetera

My god Mark - you have to play an active role in your life. This stuff takes actual and ongoing effort. Not showing up to the gym one day and never going again because you walked on the treadmill once but you're still fat.

How many times does it need to be said: YOU have to do this. No one is going to do anything for you.

Change takes effort. Actual work. It doesn't "just happen."

 

[Markness]

Not showing up to the gym one day and never going again because you walked on the treadmill once but you're still fat.

I didn’t go only once. In fact, I used the treadmill constantly and only stopped when I developed neuropathy in my feet.

 

[Masked Man]

I didn’t go only once. In fact, I used the treadmill constantly and only stopped when I developed neuropathy in my feet.

But you didn't make any changes to your diet, did you?

You've got neuropathy in your feet because you are probably diabetic, which is primarily caused by you being overweight. You could likely reverse your diabetes and, therefore, your neuropathy by reducing your weight, which does not necessarily require exercise. It requires you controlling your daily caloric intake - by stopping eating junk food, drinking high calorie drinks, and so forth.

My point is: these things aren't just "happening" to you because you're unlucky. They have a cause. The cause is your poor choices and lack of effort.

At some point if you want things to change you are going to have to seriously develop some self-awareness and stop being a passive bystander waiting for these things to happen for you.