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I messed up again

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Misty Avich said:
Fun fact: I used to walk 2 miles to work, fast because I'm a fast walker. Then I done a very strenuous job carrying heavy buckets of water backwards and forwards and mopping a few dozen buses and coaches. I felt like I was burning like 1,000 calories doing that, yet I didn't lose a pound.
Then the covid lockdowns happened and I lost my confidence in going out, and I don't like exercising anyway. So I just dieted by counting my daily calorie intake and not having more than 1,500 each day, and guess what? I lost weight within a few weeks! I got back down to my default healthy slim body.

For, for some of us, for some weird reason, exercising is a total waste of time but dieting works wonders.
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I've read a science book on dieting that would 95% back up your experience. TV lied to us 😭
 
Hypnalis said:
Since we just talked about the importance of being considered safe in another thread, I'll extend that here, because it's relevant.

If an XY human doesn't look "safe and normal", they will never be approached by an XX.

We're all evolved to be in a kind of "trust but verify" mode, but XX's have more of that - with them there's what looks very like an evolved assumption of risk.
(I don't know if it's evolved, but it appears that way).

In simpler terms: for normal guys (> 80% of the total) the default XX reaction is "avoid".

In order to overcome that you must, at the very least, be physically relaxed (nothing in your body language that could indicate possible aggression), and have a "resting happy face" or a casual smile.

This doesn't come naturally to many Aspies. Our default body language is often "off" a little, and our default facial expressions tend towards all the "smiling muscles" being relaxed, with isn't welcoming to NTs.

Note that that's the absolute minimum to be considered. It's not sufficient by any means.
Just looking at someone for a second with the "wrong" expression, or moving in a way that suggests the "wrong" kind of muscle tension, and you're off the list anyway :)

BTW - an XX with a "caring personality" might approach someone who doesn't follow these rules exactly. E.g. "Relaxed but the right kind of unhappy" might reduce the "rejection threshold" for them.

A viable scenario in your case: perhaps you'd just come out of a Yoga class (Yoga is great for balancing and relaxing body muscles) and were wearing a happy smile due your feeling good about your new life and enjoying winding down from your Yoga class.

That combination would lower the "approach threshold" a lot.
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My current working theory is that being on my own all the time is an instant pass for a lot of women. Not all, there are honourable exceptions. I believe I have to try harder than most to not come over as threatening. :( I've seen pictures of me and I can see I'm not approachable. (That's just a fact. If you know, you know.) I'm a regular at my local cafe and no matter if I try to be smiley and chatty the women who work there will never greet me until I greet them first. I am a bit of an odd duck to say the least, going in there with my glasses, book and pencil! 🤓

So I need to change my operations 😂 I do like lone wolfing and being alone amongst others, because it's calming without the social strain. I would also like to join some groups for more natural ways to meet people etc. I've already made baby steps with volunteering.
 
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With regards to smiling I prefer to relax my face. I try to make sure I don't have tension in my face, so no furrowed brow and scowl of a caveman. But I don't usually smile unless I smile at someone.

I recently learned that having the corners of your mouth slightly raised uses the same number of muscles as having the corners down turned. I just need to get used to using those muscles. In theory
It shouldnt be any more strain to ever so slightly smile as default.
 
Interestingly when i borrowed my brother's friend's dog at the cafe everyone came up to me to pet it. He was my little wing man!
 
I used to donate my baking projects to social events, until one day I could not do any baking for a specific event, but showed up anyway. No one asked me how I was, but only "Where's the dessert?", as if that was the sole reason I was allowed to be there. I stopped baking for others after that. I also stopped attending certain social events.
 
Markness said:
I had to get some things from Walgreens and the person working the cash register was a pretty gothic lady. Unfortunately, since my social nerve is still damaged, I didn’t even try to make a conversation with her. I just simply greeted her, paid for my things, said farewell, and left. It wasn’t until I got back into my car that I realized that I dashed a social opportunity. I thought of going back in but didn’t and now I am beating myself up for not trying earlier.
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You’ll get plenty more social opportunities in your life.
 
I had a stroke lost the ability to walk twice in my life, yet know walk four kilometers per day refused to use a wheel chair while in hospital its all about mind set I refused to take government offer to modify my bath tub shower with hand supports. It's over it you do not do it by shear will. no one will do it for you.
 
Markness said:
I may have fallen for false hope once again in finding love and having a girlfriend come into my life.
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I'm so use to it myself it's no longer amusing but annoying every time it keeps happening which is been more frequent recently. Then seeing couples puts me more in a bad mood that takes a while to get out of.
 
Markness said:
I may have fallen for false hope once again in finding love and having a girlfriend come into my life.
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Tony Ramirez said:
I'm so use to it myself it's no longer amusing but annoying every time it keeps happening which is been more frequent recently. Then seeing couples puts me more in a bad mood that takes a while to get out of.
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There’s going to be a day where false hope is no longer false hope and we all reap the rewards.
 
I am wondering, not for the first time, how useful it is to you, @Markness,
to continually focus on "messing up." To perpetually reinforce negativity.
 
tree said:
I am wondering, not for the first time, how useful it is to you, @Markness,
to continually focus on "messing up." To perpetually reinforce negativity.
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A continuation of being a "self-fulfilling prophecy". Very efficient, and very self-destructive.
 
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