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I messed up again

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@Markness

I think most gyms have personal trainers available to schedule a session with to learn how to use everything properly.

I think doing it for yourself rather than to impress anyone is good advice from @honeytoast.
 
Personally the very notion of attempting to "impress" a woman over courtship strikes me as a bad idea in general. Best to let her determine what she may like about you on her terms alone.
 
Rodafina said:
@Markness

I think most gyms have personal trainers available to schedule a session with to learn how to use everything properly.

I think doing it for yourself rather than to impress anyone is good advice from @honeytoast.
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I’ve been assigned a personal trainer before. But she wasn’t very helpful. She actually made me keep running on a treadmill even though I had neuropathy acting up in my feet and she gossiped about me to other people.
 
You really do have an excuse for everything. It sounds harsh but it's either we offer advice, you ignore it or offer an excuse. Then go back to another post to say something so people will try to respond with the same stuff and nothing changes.
 
Markness said:
I’ve been assigned a personal trainer before. But she wasn’t very helpful. She actually made me keep running on a treadmill even though I had neuropathy acting up in my feet and she gossiped about me to other people.
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Guess there's no hope, right?
Only just the one trainer in Texas.

A person would think there'd be more than one in a state that large.

😐
 
honeytoast said:
You really do have an excuse for everything. It sounds harsh but it's either we offer advice, you ignore it or offer an excuse. Then go back to another post to say something so people will try to respond with the same stuff and nothing changes.
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I’m only talking about what happened during a particular time.

I still went to a gym without a trainer and then couldn’t go for a long time because the city locked down in 2020. My older brother always got women’s attention when he went but not me.
 
tree said:
Guess there's no hope, right?
Only just the one trainer in Texas.

A person would think there'd be more than one in a state that large.

😐
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I never said she was the only trainer in Texas.

Part of my struggles with the gym was getting conflicting advice from people. Some told me I needed to work out every day or I wouldn’t gain anything. Others would say I needed to do it every other day or I would ruin my muscles.

I was told that women liked men who exercised and it was disappointing when I didn’t experience that.
 
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tree was just being sarcastic to make a point that one bad trainer wasn’t a reason to stop. Just pick another place with friendlier staff.
 
If I am apparently always making excuses, does that mean no one believes that I have been treated poorly and had unhappy social experiences?
 
Markness said:
I don’t detect sarcasm or joking very well.
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Apparently not.


Markness said:
I never said she was the only trainer in Texas.

Part of my struggles with the gym was getting conflicting advice from people. Some told me I needed to work out every day or I wouldn’t gain anything. Others would say I needed to do it every other day or I would ruin my muscles.

I was told that women liked men who exercised and it was disappointing when I didn’t experience that.
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You seem very uncertain.
People are always telling you things and you end up mystified.
 
@Markness


What I see is that you have an endless capacity to persist
at seeing things in the most negative light.

But next to no persistence at continuing on making incremental progress.

Notice the title of this thread.

If the effort isn't perfection, you chalk it up as a failure.

This is from a book I'm reading:

P. 61 You The Story, by R. Sepetys

"...an incident considered a failure by one person
might be declared an exploration by another, right?

What about you? Which do you cling to?
Failure or exploration?"
 
Markness said:
If I am apparently always making excuses, does that mean no one believes that I have been treated poorly and had unhappy social experiences?
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You very often misinterpret things. That's one of the biggest things I've noticed. What you think is "being treated poorly" is someone trying to help you. But you get offended and push them away and label them a "detractor."

This is not to say that you have not experienced bullying. But I suspect a lot of things you label "bullying,"... is not actually bullying.

Nothing will ever change until you see this. You are the one making things difficult for yourself.
 
Markness said:
Apparently I did everything wrong and it didn’t impress women.

I’ve actually done a lot of different things in attempting to get out of my rut.
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Me too. I learned it's all a big waste of time for people like us. I am going to not even try anymore. I am still going to do yoga just because I love doing it, but I know any female interactions are just going to be nice useless hellos that are going to lead nowhere because 99% of them have husbands/boyfriends or are feminist nuts who want to be single pretend to be your friend but never actually want to hang out with you ever solo and that goes for church, park, café coffee shop and any damn volunteer place too.
 
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Markness said:
If I am apparently always making excuses, does that mean no one believes that I have been treated poorly and had unhappy social experiences?
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It's not that no one believes that you have pain and tramas. We know you do. It's because you are making excuses to yourself, more than us, that somehow it's all bad, because past events dictate it to be so in your mind.

Whether it's worded the same way or not, you do cycle your issues. Trapping yourself in a hell of problems and realization, to only seek more problems that don't exist. Or the problems are not the mountains you make them out to be.

It's a hard trap to escape when you are use to doing it. But it takes recognition and accepting personal responsibility for your own actions and thoughts.
 
Xinyta said:
It's not that no one believes that you have pain and tramas. We know you do. It's because you are making excuses to yourself, more than us, that somehow it's all bad, because past events dictate it to be so in your mind.

Whether it's worded the same way or not, you do cycle your issues. Trapping yourself in a hell of problems and realization, to only seek more problems that don't exist. Or the problems are not the mountains you make them out to be.

It's a hard trap to escape when you are use to doing it. But it takes recognition and accepting personal responsibility for your own actions and thoughts.
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Give him a break. I tried as much as he has even more and still got mostly crap thrown at me for being so nice.i am sick of it so let him vet he deserves it
 
Tony Ramirez said:
Give him a break. I tried as much as he has even more and still got mostly crap thrown at me for being so nice.i am sick of it so let him vet he deserves it
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Perfectly fine. I'll refrain from posting a reply hence forth on this thread.
 
Not specific to any discussion on this thread, one of the biggest learnings I had about autism was the "low theory of mind" gives us a tendency to feel attacked.

How? We have low awareness that external, equally valid perspectives exist. Hence, when we encounter them, and subsequently fail to understand them, we can perceive it as an attack. Or even a betrayal.

Understanding this, contextualized a lot of my own bad behaviors in the past. If I feel attacked, I have to remind myself to stop thinking that, assume that I'm not actually being attacked, and try and reframe things in a way that assumes the other person is actually trying to help. Particularly true if the feedback given is pertinent to a scenario where I'm struggling in.
 
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