I messed up again

[Tony Ramirez]

I'm so sick and tired of my life and people saying exactly that too me like my mother and some of my friends this week, I don't even care. I insult people just by opening my mouth now even though I don't mean it, but people have been treating me like crap all of my life but now the past few weeks it has even gotten worse that I have even gotten a warning letter from the owner of the yoga studio even though I helped them stay in business my one time atypical behavior ruined everything like it always does. I give up on ever having friends that I won't lose, you can forget about ever having a girlfriend or even a casual friend. I am garbage that you throw away, useless, and the world would be better off without me.

 

[Hypnalis]

I'm so sick and tired of my life and people saying exactly that too me like my mother and some of my friends this week, I don't even care. I insult people just by opening my mouth now even though I don't mean it, but people have been treating me like crap all of my life but now the past few weeks it has even gotten worse that I have even gotten a warning letter from the owner of the yoga studio even though I helped them stay in business my one time atypical behavior ruined everything like it always does. I give up on ever having friends that I won't lose, you can forget about ever having a girlfriend or even a casual friend. I am garbage that you throw away, useless, and the world would be better off without me.

I wrote a post for you about that "atypical behavior" a week or two ago, but may not have posted it. Either way, here's a short version:

You make posts like the one I quoted here every now and then. Each time it's clear (though unstated) that you've frightened people around you. Not with violence as such. But synthetic drama and unpredictability have much the same effect as threats.

It's highly unlikely that you don't know you're in that kind of mood. If you do know, stay home, don't send any texts, and don't call anyone except family and paid support people who are formally responsible for some aspect of your well-being. Wait it out.

If you literally don't know it's happening, you have a problem that cannot be talked away. Deal with it now.

 

[jsilver256]

I'm so sick and tired of my life and people saying exactly that too me like my mother and some of my friends this week, I don't even care. I insult people just by opening my mouth now even though I don't mean it, but people have been treating me like crap all of my life but now the past few weeks it has even gotten worse that I have even gotten a warning letter from the owner of the yoga studio even though I helped them stay in business my one time atypical behavior ruined everything like it always does. I give up on ever having friends that I won't lose, you can forget about ever having a girlfriend or even a casual friend. I am garbage that you throw away, useless, and the world would be better off without me.

Tony, may I respectfully suggest that you start keeping a daily journal of your moods and actions.

 

[Masked Man]

Doing yoga by joining the studio last year was one of the best decisions of my life. Now joining this new church is a new chapter so yes these are new things in my life I tried and will be doing.

That's great! One thing you can definitely start doing is to not talk about your troubles with strangers. When you meet someone new, you smile, say hello, say something noncommittal ("nice to meet you!"). And leave it at that.

Obviously the trauma dumping is not a good thing so time to stop doing that.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

It's highly unlikely that you don't know you're in that kind of mood. If you do know, stay home, don't send any texts, and don't call anyone except family and paid support people who are formally responsible for some aspect of your well-being. Wait it out.

I did not go to yoga last night and I am staying home this morning because I still feel edgy. I am going to stay home when I am in that mood even missing church especially mising church as it's the major trigger that started it all and it's much worse at my new church.

 

[Hypnalis]

I did not go to yoga last night and I am staying home this morning because I still feel edgy. I am going to stay home when I am in that mood even missing church especially mising church as it's the major trigger that started it all and it's much worse at my new church.

Great! If you like we could start talking a bit more about what to expect from different people you meet in these mixed "formal/functional" + social environments.
(that classification is intended to apply to both Church and Yoga).

I think you've noticed that there are a lot of different kinds of relationships, with different expectations, social protocols, and communication rules for each one. Naturally nobody here can be perfectly skilled at handling social interactions, but as a group I think AF has nearly complete coverage

I'd suggest that what you would gain most from now is knowing what not to do, and why. Luckily this is much easier than initiating and developing a potential romantic relationship, so it's more practical to cover it in a forum.

 

[Markness]

I thought by now I would be married or at least in a long term relationship. I’ve made attempts to get out of my rut as well as change course in my life but I still struggle socially and the years always end with me still lonely and unhappy.

 

[Cryptid]

You have opportunities to meet women, and you have received suggestions as to how to meet them.

What do you think the problem really is?

 

[Markness]

There isn’t just one single problem. There are multiple ones. The biggest would be that people in my area tend to date as well as marry early so the “scene” is very difficult to join, especially if you don’t fit in culturally. I am not religious and people who are non-Christian in their religious beliefs or don’t practice any religion are seen as “wrong” at best and “Satanic” at worst. Even when I used to call myself a Christian, that didn’t translate to romance because I was seen as the “silent introvert” while my older brother was the “cool extrovert.” He and his kind ruler the social scene and bullied people like me, both male and female.

I’ve lost female friends because when they get into relationships with men, they stopped being my friends because their dates/boyfriends would disallow them from having male friends. This really set me back socially. I also just don’t know if a lady is single or not so I am afraid of getting rejected and put on the spot because I would be a target for ridicule.

There’s more to my struggles but I have to get back to work.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

You have opportunities to meet women, and you have received suggestions as to how to meet them.

What do you think the problem really is?

Give him a damn break. He tried a lot. I tried a lot for 5 year. Latest failure is a coffee shop like Mark tried again women are snobs actually like Mark actually have the nerve to take all their crap and walk away from me when I am not even looking at them. Just read my post history, I am tired of typing this crap over and over again.

I feel like throwing away the towel. I am so tired of this crap. I am getting sick. I am losing weight now, the wrong way. My body is a mess. I have major insomnia. My family is majorly stressed. I could just imagine what Mark is going though. Really.

I also started to swear again, and you know I hate swearing. That is how stressed I have been being single.

 

[Markness]

My father and mother used to yell and scream at me for being depressed that I didn’t have a girlfriend. They didn’t even want to be grandparents though they are now.

 

[Cryptid]

There isn’t just one single problem. There are multiple ones. The biggest would be that people in my area tend to date as well as marry early so the “scene” is very difficult to join, especially if you don’t fit in culturally. I am not religious and people who are non-Christian in their religious beliefs or don’t practice any religion are seen as “wrong” at best and “Satanic” at worst. Even when I used to call myself a Christian, that didn’t translate to romance because I was seen as the “silent introvert” while my older brother was the “cool extrovert.” He and his kind ruler the social scene and bullied people like me, both male and female.

I’ve lost female friends because when they get into relationships with men, they stopped being my friends because their dates/boyfriends would disallow them from having male friends. This really set me back socially. I also just don’t know if a lady is single or not so I am afraid of getting rejected and put on the spot because I would be a target for ridicule.

There’s more to my struggles but I have to get back to work.

My father and mother used to yell and scream at me for being depressed that I didn’t have a girlfriend. They didn’t even want to be grandparents though they are now.

So . . . all your problems are everyone else's fault, am I right?

 

[Mary Terry]

Give him a damn break. He tried a lot. I tried a lot for 5 year. Latest failure is a coffee shop like Mark tried again women are snobs actually like Mark actually have the nerve to take all their crap and walk away from me when I am not even looking at them. Just read my post history, I am tired of typing this crap over and over again.

I feel like throwing away the towel. I am so tired of this crap. I am getting sick. I am losing weight now, the wrong way. My body is a mess. I have major insomnia. My family is majorly stressed. I could just imagine what Mark is going though. Really.

I also started to swear again, and you know I hate swearing. That is how stressed I have been being single.

Happy birthday, Tony. I hope you have a good day.

Why are you saying that "women are snobs"? Are all women supposed to fall at your feet in adoration of you the first time they meet you? You know or you should know that is totally unrealistic. Using hyperbole to describe your dating efforts is off-putting. I guess your exaggerated language makes you feel better because you use it to blame everyone but yourself for your dating failures. It does NOT charm women.

Please see a therapist about your feelings and thoughts. That would be the best ever birthday present to yourself.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

That textationship messed me up bad. I am still recovering from it. I went to game night. If you read my last posts I explained what happened. Thanks for my birthday.

 

[thejuice]

Mary you're being hyperbolic too. He wants to be treated like a human.

I hope you get well soon, stress illness is no joke, I hope you find a way to just take it easy, reducing your stress and getting healthy is most important. Everything else is the icing on the cake.

Meltdowns are more likely if you arent fueling your brain adequately

I'm glad games club did not treat you like a leper. That's good for your self esteem. They all look lovely there. I'm also impressed you are still socialising when you are unwell, that's resilience. I'm confident you're gonna come through this episode.

 

[Mary Terry]

Mary you're being hyperbolic too. He wants to be treated like a human.

I hope you get well soon, stress illness is no joke, I hope you find a way to just take it easy, reducing your stress and getting healthy is most important. Everything else is the icing on the cake.

Meltdowns are more likely if you arent fueling your brain adequately

I'm glad games club did not treat you like a leper. That's good for your self esteem. They all look lovely there. I'm also impressed you are still socialising when you are unwell, that's resilience. I'm confident you're gonna come through this episode.

I've tried for years to help Tony, longer than you have been a member here. Of course, I treat Tony as a human. I don't see anything "hyperbolic" in my comments.

 

[Masked Man]

I've tried for years to help Tony, longer than you have been a member here. Of course, I treat Tony as a human. I don't see anything "hyperbolic" in my comments.

I'm seeing nothing about Mary's comment being hyperbolic at all. What I do see is Tony catastrophizing, which I think is common in people with lower levels of self-esteem.

No the women not talking to you is not them "hating" you. No a woman not speaking to you in a cafe is not them "ignoring" you and no they're not being "snobs." No one is required to speak to anyone. That's just not a thing.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

Not speaking to me is one thing I can deal with. Purposely getting up and moving all your crap when I am just near them I can't deal with.

 

[tree]

@Tony Ramirez

You feel that is a rejection of you as a person.

A sort of condemnation of you.
Looks like that is what you're thinking.

 

[Masked Man]

Not speaking to me is one thing I can deal with. Purposely getting up and moving all your crap when I am just near them I can't deal with.

How do you know that your presence was the reason they got up and moved? Are you able to read minds? No. So unless there's more to this story, you are making an assumption.