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I messed up again

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I’m also assuming the approach was with the intent to speak to them. I was not aware a cafe was a place where that would be welcomed. My understanding of social etiquette is that you always take a free table when one is available.
 
jsilver256 said:
I’m also assuming the approach was with the intent to speak to them. I was not aware a cafe was a place where that would be welcomed. My understanding of social etiquette is that you always take a free table when one is available.
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Right unless you know a group of people VERY well and even then you only join AFTER they have invited you.
 
jsilver256 said:
I’m also assuming the approach was with the intent to speak to them. I was not aware a cafe was a place where that would be welcomed. My understanding of social etiquette is that you always take a free table when one is available.
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No it was not. I was minding my business. Again blame he victim
 
Tony Ramirez said:
No it was not. I was minding my business. Again blame he victim
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So you're assuming they moved because of you. Why would you think that? How would you know that?

The answer is that you don't. And you're blaming people you don't even know for "ignoring" you when they were minding their own business.
 
jsilver256 said:
If neither party made contact nor intended to make contact, then how did rejection happen? Why is there a victim at all in this scenario?
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I take your point.

However, :p
There are occasions where it looks suspiciously like a deliberate escape manoeuvre, especially to someone hypersensitive to rejection.
The "trick" is not to put yourself in that position to begin with. :cool:

I thought better of making a joke here. :p
 
Jonn said:
However, :p
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As an aside, and not related to any poster, this is where I get a bit confused on how to deal with rejection sensitivity, particularly in scenarios where it is illogical that rejection could have occurred.

If I empathize with someone suffering from rejection sensitivity, then I am implicitly opening the possibility that, yes, rejection did occur and they are validated in thinking the worst of themselves.

If I frame it as something that is solvable or, in this scenario, near-impossible to have occurred under the claimed facts, the logical solution, then that is objectively much better news - they’re not horrible people, etc.

It is like the difference between telling someone "yes, you are an awful driver, I'm sorry you totaled your car, and you have to spend a lot of money to buy a new one, or maybe you should never drive again" versus "no, your car isn't broken, you just ran out of gas."

Being told you didn't break the car disabuses the self-perception as a horrible person. But, somehow, it seems that telling a person they're not an inherently hopeless driver and there's real steps they can take and fix the car results in intensified feelings of rejection. So, either the rejection is validated or the rejection is intensified. It's an insidious trap and my heart goes out to those caught in it.
 
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jsilver256 said:
As an aside, and not related to any poster, this is where I get a bit confused on how to deal with rejection sensitivity, particularly in scenarios where it is illogical that rejection could have occurred.
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I have been rejected all my life by self-righteous ignoramuses.
I got used to it.
Self-esteem and a stoic philosophy were ultimately the answer for me.

jsilver256 said:
If I empathize with someone suffering from rejection sensitivity, then I am implicitly opening the possibility that, yes, rejection did occur and they are validated in thinking the worst of themselves.
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We will have to agree to disagree.

We can sometimes be rejected, but not because we did something to initiate that rejection.
The fault can be (and has been in my experience) the result of presumption due to a toxic/unrealistic mindset.
These misunderstandings are inevitable, from time to time.
Experience has taught me that.
 
jsilver256 said:
As far as I know, there is nothing against quoting someone and expressing disagreement in a polite way.

I have not seen anyone say that they do not want you to have a girlfriend, so I'm quite curious.
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'quoting someone and expressing disagreement in a polite way' differs from 'shaming' them,
it seems to me.

Markness says that some people in real life have told him that he's not ready for a relationship.
I think some may have expressed a similar thought here, the idea being that his
perfectionism & negativity are holding him back.
 
tree said:
How does this thought help you, in your day to day approach to life?
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Agreed.

Personally speaking, I think Markness has a false perception that:
My detractors think it’s horrible that I want a girlfriend.
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This is a negative internal dialogue, I am guessing, and I have seen no evidence of this from others here on AF.
Regardless, it is an absurd suggestion that can't be defended/validated by any "detractor".
 
tree said:
Markness says that some people in real life have told him that he's not ready for a relationship.
I think some may have expressed a similar thought here, the idea being that his
perfectionism & negativity are holding him back.
Click to expand...
But this doesn't "jell", imo, with the statement that:
My detractors think it’s horrible that I want a girlfriend.
Click to expand...
 
Hai new here...read through the post and dont worry too much about it, infact ya tried that is amazing in itself. Youll find a girlfriend in no time, so take the W of trying, or as my therapist put it "Show yourself some grace". Tho the inner humanitarian in me is saying dont shame or anything people are "People" youll meet stupid, ignorant, smart, kind and the ever so bitter toxic. -shrugs- Dont give up hope basically~
 
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