Welcome to Autism Forums, a friendly forum to discuss Aspergers Syndrome, Autism, High Functioning Autism and related conditions.
Your voice is missing! You will need to register to get access to the following site features:We hope to see you as a part of our community soon! Please also check us out @ https://www.twitter.com/aspiescentral
I am 100% sure that any specifics would lead to an unconstructive discussion, but @Neonatal RRT and @Outdated have both made a lot of observations in a way better than I can and anyone serious about understanding the gap ca look up their prior posts.And what are those differences?
Rather than hunting for their posts, could you tell us what they have said?
C'mon, man, just let it go. It looks like you're itching for the fight they're trying to avoid.
Yes, I am looking for a fight with jsilver.
>no one gives a damn about me
Wow. Just wow. Your post deserves so much more than just a thumbs-up, but a thumbs-up is all I am able to give you. Excellent distillation (I am also Gen X).Well, now that my name has been brought into this discussion, rather late, I might add.
@Jonn, I will first preface this with I have no full comprehension of what some men now-a-days are going through when it comes to dating and finding that special person who will be your life partner. I am Gen X, so it was a totally different world with regards to this topic. We simply had to meet people face-to-face and take our chances with multiple rejections. It happened so many times that we (most young men) never gave it much thought and quickly moved onto our next opportunity. It was what it was. That said, my autism experience (I didn't know I was autistic) was somewhat different in that my own insecurities led me down the path to athletics, football, weightlifting, etc. I was a very lean, very muscular guy. I also had the intellect for school and was always labelled the "smart guy". I was also rather shy and awkward around girls. However, because I was also the strongest athlete in the school, and everyone knew it, I had the respect of others and a level of confidence in myself. I didn't have to deal with bullies. So, I suspect, that I attracted a certain kind of girl. That is, the kind of girl that was attracted to the "strong silent type". I always had a girl or girls interested in me in high school, but if there was any failing on my part, was the social aspect that once we actually went out on a date, I just didn't have the conversational and social skills to keep her interested. When I went off to the university, it was my wife that did the initiation and had to grab my attention because I was so overwhelmed with the environment that I really didn't know what to do with myself except study and workout at the field house. I wasn't pursuing anyone, even while immersed in a mass of potentially available young women. So, I tend to think that she found me and did all the initiation, for I was pretty much clueless during that time. Her father and brothers, all ended up being engineers. Myself, my father, my brother, all of a mechanical, engineering mindset. Our two sons, engineers. My wife was attracted to a "type".
I am a rather positive and confident person, almost to a fault. I do deal with an underlying depression and have my ups and downs. I am not immune to this aspect of the autism experience. My parents instilled in me a sense of personal responsibility. If bad things happened, it was at the very least, partially my fault. If I needed anything, I had to get it. Don't rely upon others. If you have dreams and long-term goals, and its important enough, figure out your path and do it. No one plans to fail, but many fail to plan. I wake up with some purpose. What am I going to do this day? So, when it comes to maintaining a relationship, now some 40 years, it comes down to a combination of things.
1. Learning how to communicate with each other. Direct vs. indirect. Sort it out. My "love language" is different than hers. Each need to learn to recognize it. Never assume. If you don't know, then ask. Express some intellectual curiosity.
2. Be responsible. Don't spend money you don't have. If you don't have and need, then you do what is needed to get it. If you have a wife and children that are in need and depending upon you, you are responsible for that. Get to it. Feelings are irrelevant when it comes to this.
3. Do not be afraid of mistakes and failures. They will happen. Learning experiences. You gain wisdom. It's a real character builder getting knocked down. The key here is to get your butt back up, brush it off, and keep moving forward. This happens in life and in relationships.
4. No one wants to be around a "negative Nancy". This pushes people away. If you are an autistic that is dealing with a lot of underlying anger and frustration issues, others will read this and just steer clear of you to begin with. They will never give you the opportunity to meet them in the first place.
5. Make yourself available to people. If you are self-isolating for one reason or another, no one can find you. If you do manage to find someone, they don't want to be around someone who hides away from people. This is often a deal breaker.
6. This is the brutal reality. Not everyone gets to mate. Not everyone has something that someone wants. I heard a quote, and I don't know if this is accurate, but "10% of the men get 90% of the women". Which means a lot of women are sharing the same man, and there are a lot men that will never have a woman. Not a good situation. If you dig down deep and ask yourself the difficult questions, "Why would anyone want me?" "What do I bring to the relationship that someone would want?" If you can honestly come up with a list of things that answer those questions, you're in a pretty good position. If you can't, then is there anything that would change that? There's being true to yourself, and then there are habits you have that might be adaptable and have the ability to change for the better.
With regards to dating now-a-days, I have seen this toxic transition occur within the feminist movement. My wife is an "old school" feminist, all for independence and doing things herself. She is successful in her own right, and frankly, doesn't "need" me at all. The door is open for her to leave, but she makes a conscious decision to stay. This is how I know she loves me. However, the past 20-30 years, especially with the introduction of social media, many young women have become rather brainwashed, thinking that somehow they know men and what they want, when in fact, they are completely delusional and being reinforced with a lot of harmful disinformation. It has spread like wildfire. Female psychologists have zero idea and are simply talking out their rear end, spreading horribly wrong information about men. Then women are getting angry and frustrated when they can't "find a good man", but at the same time get put off by "a good man" when they finally encounter one. Some women have figured out, and I've heard this more than once, "There are men you have sex with, and there are men you marry." The toxic, but exciting "bad boy" versus the kind and respectable "good man". All one has to do is go onto YouTube, Instagram, TikTok, etc. and view some of these delusional women, I can see where men are simply fed up and would rather abstain from all the toxicity. Women tend to be emotional and social creatures. It's difficult to deal with for any man, but especially if you have an autism condition. If the woman has children, her hormones change, and she becomes a different person. I call it "mom brain", and her focus turns away from the man, to her children. "Who is this woman and where is my wife?" Everything revolves around the children. It's a risky time in any relationship. She becomes critical of the man, and becomes unhappy. Nothing he does meets her wants. He might even seek an affair with another woman because of her. She literally drove him into the arms of another woman. It's not the man, it's her, but she doesn't realize it until the divorce, which financially and emotionally devastates the man. Now she's an unhappy single mom. That's better (sarcasm). Let's say you survive that, then later, in her 40's and 50's, hormones change again, and her sex drive drops even further, and all you are left with is a life partner that is your best friend, unless of course, she finds herself unhappy, and wants a divorce. Now, you are in your 50's and she completely wipes you out, taking everything including your purpose to live, hence the suicide rate. So, yeah, the risks involved with entering a relationship with a woman in 2024 are almost prohibitive. The modern, toxic version of the feminist movement has created a lot of unhappy men and women, but ironically, more unhappy women. Damned if you do, damned if you don't. If you're a lucky survivor, like me, you've got a story to tell.
Agreed. This is a guy that both men and women want to hang out with. This is a guy who's interesting, who's uplifting, who's done some extraordinary things, who's got a wide range of opinions on a variety of topics.
you no longer do yoga?
No am I am never going to it was a damn complete waste of my time. I am tired of hearing BS stories about peoples damn lives there going there wasting my time all the old farts there in the morning traveling. The damn teachers going on about there husbands and boyfriends and travels. The few young snob women who most of the time were different women of the week ignoring my ass causing more PTSD. I am done, done.
