If you are on the autistic spectrum, are you or have you been in a romantic relationship?

[Kavigant]

No am I am never going to it was a damn complete waste of my time. I am tired of hearing BS stories about peoples damn lives there going there wasting my time all the old farts there in the morning traveling. The damn teachers going on about there husbands and boyfriends and travels. The few young snob women who most of the time were different women of the week ignoring my ass causing more PTSD. I am done, done.

I am actually going back to the gym were most wear headphones ignore everyone and dont BS about everyone else job, travel and damn relationship to my face. Another thing how many damn times do I have to unfollow this thread before it sticks.

Tony, you say that you are looking for a platonic (meaning non-sexual) relationship, but your angry rants seem to contradict that.
The key to yoga (or church, or any other activity) is to do it as its own reward, not as a way to obtain whatever it is that you are truly looking for.
If you are a big, socially-awkward man radiating need and hunger, you will be scary to many women (who have to be very careful to protect themselves from predators).
You must find peace without a partner in order to be the kind of person who will be a good partner. As paradoxical as that may sound.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

This is the last time I am trying to unfollow this thread. If it gets followed again I am going I am going to be pissed. I am sick of hearing this same stuff since coming here. I am a predator. Non-sexual, Own reward. Kind. I did all of this crap, I DID NOTHING DAMMIT.

 

[Magna]

You must find peace without a partner in order to be the kind of person who will be a good partner. As paradoxical as that may sound.

^ Sage advice for everyone.

 

[Kavigant]

This is the last time I am trying to unfollow this thread. If it gets followed again I am going I am going to be pissed. I am sick of hearing this same stuff since coming here. I am a predator. Non-sexual, Own reward. Kind. I did all of this crap, I DID NOTHING DAMMIT.

Tony, I'm genuinely sorry that this is all so confusing and frustrating for you. I can hear the pain that you're feeling.
I don't think that you're a predator. I think that you are lonely and frustrated, but the answers are not quick or easy.

 

[Steelbookcollector217]

yup, another reminder on how i hate nature for being what it is

 

[GrownupGirl]

I'm so sick of this. Every other post on this site and WP lately has been some incel-fueled "Wahhh, I'm in my 30s and I don't have a bf/gf it's because I'm autistic so I'm a complete loser at life and will never be happy, wahhhhh!" I couldn't care less if I die single and alone, I'm on the asexual spectrum, I don't need love or romance, human beings are idiots and it's just not worth it.

 

[Joshua the Writer]

I'm so sick of this. Every other post on this site and WP lately has been some incel-fueled "Wahhh, I'm in my 30s and I don't have a bf/gf it's because I'm autistic so I'm a complete loser at life and will never be happy, wahhhhh!" I couldn't care less if I die single and alone, I'm on the asexual spectrum, I don't need love or romance, human beings are idiots and it's just not worth it.

I often have to question if it really is just because they're Autistic or if it is actually just their personality being the issue. How they whine is pretty childish, so I'm pretty sure it is a them problem.

 

[Jonn]

I'm so sick of this. Every other post on this site and WP lately has been some incel-fueled "Wahhh, I'm in my 30s and I don't have a bf/gf it's because I'm autistic so I'm a complete loser at life and will never be happy, wahhhhh!" I couldn't care less if I die single and alone, I'm on the asexual spectrum, I don't need love or romance, human beings are idiots and it's just not worth it.

Spoiler

Don't hold back. Tell us what you really think! <joke>

 

[Jonn]

I often have to question if it really is just because they're Autistic or if it is actually just their personality being the issue. How they whine is pretty childish, so I'm pretty sure it is a them problem.

I can't recall seeing women talk like that.
I am guessing testosterone might have something to do with it.

In the dog "kingdom", it is said that male dogs suffer more than female dogs do when the female is in heat.
Perhaps male hormones make men crazy?

 

[FilterFreq]

Victim mentality is quite selfish at its core. It kind of perpetuates itself and isn't conducive to finding someone. We kind of have to look outside of ourselves to bring any kind of new relationship into our lives (even meaningful friendship), so if someone's only way of getting attention is through sympathy, it's no wonder they're having trouble in this department.

Being vulnerable can be powerful -- sucking the life out of others? Not so much.

Something strong eventually breaks that cycle, maybe. I hope. I want good things for others.

 

[WK6824Nine]

I'm so sick of this. Every other post on this site and WP lately has been some incel-fueled "Wahhh, I'm in my 30s and I don't have a bf/gf it's because I'm autistic so I'm a complete loser at life and will never be happy, wahhhhh!" I couldn't care less if I die single and alone, I'm on the asexual spectrum, I don't need love or romance, human beings are idiots and it's just not worth it.

Im aro-ace and personally ive always wanted to want someone but the desire is kind of not there. for me it was a reluctant acceptance of who i am despite reading and enjoying romance even erotic fiction.

 

[Magna]

Victim mentality is quite selfish at its core. It kind of perpetuates itself and isn't conducive to finding someone.

^ This is pervasive in society at large and extends to far more things than just related to dating so it's perhaps not surprising that "victim mentality" is also found among certain people related to dating.

 

[Magna]

I often have to question if it really is just because they're Autistic or if it is actually just their personality being the issue. How they whine is pretty childish, so I'm pretty sure it is a them problem.

No, it's not "just because" someone is autistic. There are autistic people that have relationships, marriages, etc. I'm one of those and there are also others here as well.

 

[jsilver256]

^ This is pervasive in society at large and extends to far more things than just related to dating so it's perhaps not surprising that "victim mentality" is also found among certain people related to dating.

Yeah, the reason I like this site a lot is because it is probably the only autism support site I’ve seen where victim mentality is not a majority mindset.

This isn’t unique to autism. It’s that way for a lot of disabilities.

I want to navigate the challenges of thriving with autism. Relationships, career, travel, etc. Sometimes these things are possible. Sometimes that’s not. But the idea here is self-actualization each to our own capabilities.

There are many times when bluntness is not helpful, but I refuse to be walk on eggshells out of fear of upsetting someone.

 

[honeytoast]

I'm so sick of this. Every other post on this site and WP lately has been some incel-fueled "Wahhh, I'm in my 30s and I don't have a bf/gf it's because I'm autistic so I'm a complete loser at life and will never be happy, wahhhhh!" I couldn't care less if I die single and alone, I'm on the asexual spectrum, I don't need love or romance, human beings are idiots and it's just not worth it.

Exactly. I feel a lot of autistic men buy into the incel ideology because they're looking for a reason why women do not go after them. They are trying to fit into a group, but just so happen to be fitting into a toxic group that thinks they deserve a woman because they are a man that exists.

No one is owed anything.

 

[Steelbookcollector217]

yeah, autism definetley does impact people socially, but in Tony's case, it won't surprise me if his attitude has always been an equally contributing problem over the decades for him, growing up in a dysfunctional family

 

[Kavigant]

It strikes me that "incel" and "slut" are related.
Women are shamed for having "too many" sexual partners and men are shamed for not having "enough" sexual partners. Both insults are rooted in the good social functioning of ancient societies.
But it is not currently acceptable to call a woman a slut, while incel is acceptable as a catch-all label for men struggling (for whatever reason) with rejection.

I'm old enough to remember, long before the internet, that women, when gathered together, would gripe about men's behavior. And men, when gathered together, would gripe about women's behavior.
The main difference was that the anger and bitterness that i see today wasn't there. Sure, there were always men who were TOO angry at women, and there were women who genuinely hated men. But overall, it was just a way for both of the genders to blow off steam about each other.
Men often have unrealistic expectations of women. And now, as men are falling behind in education, employment, self-esteem, and overall sense of purpose, it's not at all clear what women should expect of men anymore.
Men today are getting very confusing messages; don't be preoccupied with a woman's appearance, but don't be under 5'9"; be sensitive, but be strong; don't be afraid to date a woman who makes more money than you, but women won't date you unless you make a lot of money; don't "slut shame" women, but don't be involuntarily celibate.

I'm not excusing bad behavior on anyone's part, but let's have a little compassion for all the guys out there who have no clue how they are supposed to act while being unrelentingly demonized throughout the media

Edited to add: one thing men are "excelling" at today is suicide.

 

[jsilver256]

I'm not excusing bad behavior on anyone's part, but let's have a little compassion for all the guys out there who have no clue how they are supposed to act while being unrelentingly demonized throughout the media

Valid points. I think this thread is over-representing criticism of men because it tends to be a common way that victim mentality manifests in men. But in reality, women are just as affected, it just shows up differently especially in a society as you point out that is much more empathetic if not outright enabling of these faults in women.

One time, I was going through a poorly written technical document. I had no idea who wrote this document. I just went through it and made factual comments / corrections. Whether these were “polite” or not, I don’t know, but I stayed with the facts, and people here have seen my posting style enough to know how that might’ve went. Now, my name was not a giveaway of gender either - showed up as “jsilver.”

Next thing I knew, I got a very awkward HR call saying that I was under investigation for sexism, then had a meeting with the author - a woman who literally cried on the call and brought her boss into the call. She said I set women back 20 years by commenting what I did.

I asked, was I wrong? How could I have commented differently?

Never got an answer to that question. Just that I made her lose progress for days by her crying and her trauma.

Whatever.

 

[Judge]

No one is owed anything.

That's the truth of it all. This is where we must struggle to resist societal and religious insistence that everyone is expected- indeed demanded to somehow magically find someone to mate with for the purposes of procreation.

In a world where some of us simply never make that special connection with a special person or are unable to sustain it for any meaningful length of time. And it's not a crime if it happens.

Sometimes we must deal with the cards life dealt us and somehow come to terms with it. For me that came some nineteen years ago. I live with it, but I refuse to whine about. It is what it is.

 

[Jonn]

Sometimes these things are possible. Sometimes that’s not. But the idea here is self-actualization each to our own capabilities.

As the Buddhists say:
"If you are a frog, be the best frog you can be."