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If you are on the autistic spectrum, are you or have you been in a romantic relationship?

If you are on the autistic spectrum, are you or have you been in a romantic relationship?

  • Yes.

    Votes: 54 77.1%

  • No

    Votes: 16 22.9%
  • Total voters
    70
I've long heard this is the narrative as to why people and society view it as a sign of weakness if a man doesn't approach a woman, "women know that men have to face potential, possible rejection by walking over and talking to them, introducing themselves, and women feel that if a man is unable to handle the possibility of being rejected by a woman after having an interaction with her or asking her out, how will he then be able to hand other rough things the world will throw his and her way?"
 
Steelbookcollector217 said:
I've long heard this is the narrative as to why people and society view it as a sign of weakness if a man doesn't approach a woman, "women know that men have to face potential, possible rejection by walking over and talking to them, introducing themselves, and women feel that if a man is unable to handle the possibility of being rejected by a woman after having an interaction with her or asking her out, how will he then be able to hand other rough things the world will throw his and her way?"
Click to expand...
The truth of the matter is that if we want something, it's likely that we will have to take a risk to aquire it; especially something within the social world. No risk, no potential to fail, but also little to no potential to gain. That is the same for men and women. Woman want relationships too, and there is more risk at being hurt, physically, or killed in one, than for men (at least that view is commonly held) but for men, the risk is often more along the psychological and emotional lines. Risks abound for humans. And relationships are a primary thing that many of us want. The key is learning that we are more emotionally resilient than we think we are, or if we find that we are not, then it behooves us to work on developing our emotional resilience.

The risk we are referring to here, is the risk of rejection and the resilience to withstand that rejection, in a way that isn't too detrimental. Men that proposition women more, are more likely to win dates, sex and/or relationships. They will also incur plenty of rejection, but these men believe that the pay off is worth the risk.

You, @Steelbookcollector217 , are expending a lot of energy resenting the status quo; the dominant paradigm that goes ~Men are the initiators, women are the recipients. It's a universal reality, that the masculine polarity is the initiator, the forward motion and the feminine polarity is the receptive.

If you really can't abide that then you would need to cultivate an effeminate masculinity (if possible, which I doubt, because you don't come across that way, at all) and be hanging around masculine, butch women (who are usually lesbians so that's not going to work, anyway), otherwise, it's going to be, potentially, more gainful, if you accept the masculine-feminine dynamic and just cultivate the go-getter attitude to just go ahead and ask women out and risk rejection. If you don't ask you won't get, you might not get, but at least you have a better chance, than by not asking.

Being autistic myself, I don't operate quite at stereotypically as most women, but, I am an exception, not the rule. Wanting women to fundamentally change the way they operate to ask you out, is a self defeatist approach. It's very unlikely that that will occur, because we are just not, generally, "wired" to be the initiator, and if we were, most men would find that quite emasculating, however, in the aspie world, there are, sometimes, exceptions, however, I think it is rare, quite rare.

The masculine/feminine polarity exists, regardless and won't change for anybody until we all become androgynous humans, which isn't likely to happen anytime soon.
 
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Neri said:
I've never been married though, and I suspect all three of my relationships were/are with Aspie guys. My now guy friend self identifies as one
Click to expand...

How do you cope with the emotional ups & downs in a relationship?
How do you cope with the need for space?
Do you have one?
 
Neri said:
Woman want relationships too, and there is more risk at being hurt, physically, or killed in one, than for men (at least that view is commonly held) but for men, the risk is often more along the psychological and emotional lines.
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That was the case for me.
After my first breakup, it took me 40 years to get that emotionally involved again.
 
I approached two women tenants in my rooming house one turned me down and the other said yes I joked with the first one last week as we are still friends. and she is still single
 
Neri said:
The truth of the matter is that if we want something, it's likely that we will have to take a risk to aquire it; especially something within the social world. No risk, no potential to fail, but also little to no potential to gain. That is the same for men and women. Woman want relationships too, and there is more risk at being hurt, physically, or killed in one, than for men (at least that view is commonly held) but for men, the risk is often more along the psychological and emotional lines. Risks abound for humans. And relationships are a primary thing that many of us want. The key is learning that we are more emotionally resilient than we think we are, or if we find that we are not, then it behooves us to work on developing our emotional resilience.

The risk we are referring to here, is the risk of rejection and the resilience to withstand that rejection, in a way that isn't too detrimental. Men that proposition women more, are more likely to win dates, sex and/or relationships. They will also incur plenty of rejection, but these men believe that the pay off is worth the risk.

You, @Steelbookcollector217 , are expending a lot of energy resenting the status quo; the dominant paradigm that goes ~Men are the initiators, women are the recipients. It's a universal reality, that the masculine polarity is the initiator, the forward motion and the feminine polarity is the receptive.

If you really can't abide that then you would need to cultivate an effeminate masculinity (if possible, which I doubt, because you don't come across that way, at all) and be hanging around masculine, butch women (who are usually lesbians so that's not going to work, anyway), otherwise, it's going to be, potentially, more gainful, if you accept the masculine-feminine dynamic and just cultivate the go-getter attitude to just go ahead and ask women out and risk rejection. If you don't ask you won't get, you might not get, but at least you have a better chance, than by not asking.

Being autistic myself, I don't operate quite at stereotypically as most women, but, I am an exception, not the rule. Wanting women to fundamentally change the way they operate to ask you out, is a self defeatist approach. It's very unlikely that that will occur, because we are just not, generally, "wired" to be the initiator, and if we were, most men would find that quite emasculating, however, in the aspie world, there are, sometimes, exceptions, however, I think it is rare, quite rare.

The masculine/feminine polarity exists, regardless and won't change for anybody until we all become androgynous humans, which isn't likely to happen anytime soon.
Click to expand...
yeah it won't surprise me if there have always been more male wizards than female wizards throughout history
 
Jonn said:
How do you cope with the emotional ups & downs in a relationship?
How do you cope with the need for space?
Do you have one?
Click to expand...
How do I cope with the emotional ups and downs in a relationship?
I turn to my heartself for guidance. I practise honest communication with my significant other. I have my own room to retreat to. I had a very emotional abusive prior relationship so I don't treat my "emotional flashbacks" as if they are relevant in the now (as quickly as I can recognise I'm reacting through one) and I take responsibility for my own emotional states. I let myself have meltdowns but I don't allow myself to be emotionally abusive and excuse myself when I'm in one.
I journal. I come here for support sometimes. I use plant medicine. I use music therapeutically. I have a therapist and support workers. I greatly limit my social exposure. I have long showers or baths sometimes and I sing in them.
I also have awesome divination tools to help me find my way, when I'm too "flooded". I constantly work on my trauma recovery, i.e. inner child work, breathwork, meditation, spiritual development, creative practice.

How do I cope with the need for space?
Have my own room.
Have the odd day to myself; if I'm lucky; space is one of my emotional food sources).

Do I need space?
More than the average human. I'm unable to work at the moment for need of it. I've had too many children; what with my diagnosis' and all.
 
Yes. Nothing has lasted more than 3.5 months, but I enjoyed the physical touching while it lasted.
 
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