• Welcome to Autism Forums, a friendly forum to discuss Aspergers Syndrome, Autism, High Functioning Autism and related conditions.

    Your voice is missing! You will need to register to get access to the following site features:
    • Reply to discussions and create your own threads.
    • Our modern chat room. No add-ons or extensions required, just login and start chatting!
    • Private Member only forums for more serious discussions that you may wish to not have guests or search engines access to.
    • Your very own blog. Write about anything you like on your own individual blog.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon! Please also check us out @ https://www.twitter.com/aspiescentral

If you are on the autistic spectrum, are you or have you been in a romantic relationship?

If you are on the autistic spectrum, are you or have you been in a romantic relationship?

  • Yes.

    Votes: 54 77.1%

  • No

    Votes: 16 22.9%
  • Total voters
    70
Relationships have been all over the place for me. Some had no intimacy, but we were very close. Some were both. And some were only intimacy because l can be very non-committal. Just because relationships end doesn't mean l wasn't successful, they helped me along with my next relationship. I seem to draw too much attention from men, and will feel safer being with my partner who is moving in about two weeks. I was married 18 years. Most of my relationships last a year or longer. If l don't like the person, after dating them, l break it off quickly. I prefer effeminate men, l don't like NT men, and yes, l tend to be with bipolar, ADHD types. I have only dated one ASD and he was extremely handsome, but that ended two years ago.
 
Steelbookcollector217 said:
yeah i figure she doesn't need to worry since she's a woman, and for the most part, women by default always have options since they are the ones get that asked out and hit on
Click to expand...
While I agree with you that yes, women get asked out and hit on more often than men, have you ever thought that they wanted to be asked out in the first place?
 
honeytoast said:
While I agree with you that yes, women get asked out and hit on more often than men, have you ever thought that they wanted to be asked out in the first place?
Click to expand...

I assume you meant "have you ever thought if they wanted to be asked out in the first place"?

Certainly not all. But there is a seemingly endless trend on social media of women who make videos complaining that men don't ask women out anymore like they traditionally used to and for the women making the videos, it irritates and angers them highly.
 
A lot of you have had more experience than me and that's okay. I have had mutual crushes, but no serious relationships. And the guys I went on first date with, I regret because it wasn't right. These were guys that only wanted me for sex, and didn't see me as a real person type of thing. I just haven't really met very many men where we actually want to mutually date in a romantic way.
 
honeytoast said:
While I agree with you that yes, women get asked out and hit on more often than men, have you ever thought that they wanted to be asked out in the first place?
Click to expand...
yeah i made that comment because, a lot of people use that argument as to why they believe the average woman won't struggle to get into a relationship, because they believe women by default, on average, get more attention and have more options than men do in dating, women always constantly have opportunities because they have suitors, men don't.
 
DrBadStrings said:
I just had a recent relationship that I didn't mention above as I wasn't sure where things were going with it till just now. Actually my first sober dating in my adult life, recovering alcoholic. It was a very short 1 week fling and no sex was involved. We went on a few dates and things seemed to be going well but then she put the breaks on it. First she said she was just getting out of a hard relationship and wasn't ready for anything just yet. Which I respected. Only to find out a couple days later that she's back with the ex and blocked me on every communication front.

I was a little taken aback by the situation at first. Felt somehow like I had been used, or just a temporary stepping stone while she figured out she was better off with the ex. Truthfully I got a little angry mainly because I hadn't seen it coming, again, and it had me feeling a little insignificant. Then I realized that these things do happen and even if I was just a temporary fling, it was still a good week and those few dates will always be some good memories.

Relationships are hard and don't always make sense but I do feel they are worth the effort. As I mentioned above I don't actively pursue romantic relationships at this point but this fling just kinda happened.
Click to expand...
no sex at all either? reminds me of my last relationship, whom i feel reluctant to call an ex, will never forget a certain comment i heard from someone here.
 
I love how you (OP) hides things behind spoilers xD

Due to being reclusive, I did not date, and actually still have yet to date because my first relationship was... immediate and we never dated. I'll be honest, I would not struggle to find someone if I didn't have preferences. But my preference in attraction, I like androgyny and women. It kind of spices up my life with a challenge :)
 
Seeing as I haven't been screened for autism yet, I won't vote in the poll, but as someone who strongly suspects I am, I will still respond.

I have been in a grand total of one relationship (outside of a couple of online relationships, if they can even be called that. I couldn't take them seriously. The very first one back when I was a teen, maybe, kinda but the more recent one, no) and that was many years ago when I was just out of high school.

So, certainly something has held me back from finding love. There are a number of factors working against me... My reclusive nature, the fact that I "don't put myself out there" - there aren't many places for me to socialize and find people, my social awkwardness and lack of confidence, the fact that I so rarely fall for someone, the fact that I've only fallen for other women, the fact that I lived most of my life so far in a childlike frame of mind (trauma-related) and am just now learning to adult - including learning to drive and find an actual career, and me just being overall unattractive both in appearance and personality.

I have resigned to that. Fortunately, some of it I can change and am in the process of changing, but a lot of it can't be changed, I don't think. *sigh* We'll see. My life right now is in a brand new phase, a bit of a start over like I've never had before, as I have moved across the country to somewhere that I feel like I fit in a little more in.
 
even on reddit, it sadly does seem that reaching 30+ and having never dated or never been in a relationship before, is the norm for men on the autism spectrum, either just the norm or just common for men who fit that description.
 
Steelbookcollector217 said:
no sex at all either? reminds me of my last relationship, whom i feel reluctant to call an ex, will never forget a certain comment i heard from someone here.
Click to expand...
None in that last one but plenty in the other relationships and then a slew of one nighters in my 20's when I was really trying hard to be social and drinking and going to night clubs.
 
8398 said:
I love how you (OP) hides things behind spoilers xD
Click to expand...
Thank you. :cool:

8398 said:
But my preference in attraction, I like androgyny and women. It kind of spices up my life with a challenge :)
Click to expand...
Whatever floats your boat.
We all have preferences, even if we aren't supposed to, according to some ppl.
"You do you..." :cool:

Lets face it.
It's a damned free-for-all after all... :cool:
 
Harmonie said:
So, certainly something has held me back from finding love. There are a number of factors working against me... My reclusive nature, the fact that I "don't put myself out there" - there aren't many places for me to socialize and find people, my social awkwardness and lack of confidence, the fact that I so rarely fall for someone, the fact that I've only fallen for other women,
Click to expand...
Being in a romantic relationship is simply a social construct.
"You be you..."

the fact that I lived most of my life so far in a childlike frame of mind (trauma-related) and am just now learning to adult
Click to expand...

It isn't only trauma-related.

Ppl on the spectrum are known for being child-like (as opposed to childish).
Based on what I have researched, this is because a certain part of the neocortex hasn't developed in the way it does with NTs.

I am the same.
I find it ironic that some of my peers have a problem with my autistic-ness. :cool:
 
OP, were being serious or joking about being a bachelor? Or was it both? It seems you have a lot of wisdom and experience. Do you have any more helpful advice?
Does anyone here have any more helpful advice on this subject? Like article links, etc. Thanks, much appreciated. I know this is about past relationships. Does anyone want to try again?
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

New Threads

Top Bottom