If you are on the autistic spectrum, are you or have you been in a romantic relationship?

[Jonn]

I have had several girlfriends. My last one we were together eight years. She is also autistic.

I have had only 3 serious girl friends but only one that I considered a true girlfriend experience.

 

[Steelbookcollector217]

We just hung out with other people from her church. (It was my church, too, while I was stationed there. )
I visited her at her family home, too.
We did not go on an actual date until after we got married.

how was she the initiator then?

 

[Crossbreed]

how was she the initiator then?

When we transitioned to kissing, she had to be a little more aggressive.
In the past (when I misread their signals), I was seen as a stalker or not interested enough. I saw my wife's romantic forwardness as an unmistakable invitation to go to the next level. She did not have to initiate every subsequent encounter, just the first one.

Also, she had many of the personality traits that I wanted in a wife. When previous women did not tick off some minimum boxes, I did not feel comfortable in getting more intimate/vulnerable with them.

 

[blue_bird]

No relationships whatsoever. I've had few crushes but the last one moved away a number of years ago. My intense fear of being judged negatively is heightened around women I like. So ironically the more I like someone, the less comfortable I feel around them and the more I expect rejection. I'm half sure that perhaps one of my crushes might have liked me back, but I guess it's of no consolation now.

Getting pets is a far easier solution to companionship for me since none of my emotional issues act as a barrier.

 

[Crossbreed]

When previous women did not tick off some minimum boxes,...

☑ Not ugly
☑ Close to same page, spiritually
☑ Funny
☑ Creative
☑ Spontaneous (probably from ADHD*)

I did not turn a blind eye to her faults.
(We all have them.**)
But I could live with "a little selfish with candy" better than
"unfaithful" or "misandry," for example.

*I am pretty sure that I married "my mother...!"
**If someone exhibits no faults, it is probably a façade.

 

[avanaphia]

a woman who has never dated, never had a boyfriend? or a gay man?

I'm a woman.

 

[Steelbookcollector217]

I'm a woman.

and you are 22, in your early 20s?

 

[avanaphia]

and you are 22, in your early 20s?

Yeah I'm 22.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

I've been married 44 years, have two adult children, and everything is going along swimmingl

I've been married 44 years, have two adult children, and everything is going along swimmingly.

I could have written this 44 years in October, two successful adult children.

 

[Jonn]

I saw my wife's romantic forwardness as an unmistakable invitation to go to the next level.

Directness is very important with those on the spectrum.
We are often clueless.
I speak from profound experience. lol

 

[Jonn]

So ironically the more I like someone, the less comfortable I feel around them and the more I expect rejection.

When I met my first to be GF, I had a defeatist attitude.
I remember when a romantic competitor become involved, I instantly bowed out of the game.
The woman that I was interested in saw my resignation of failure/defeat and vigorously pursued me.

The relationship lasted for 5 years.
It was then time to be devastated to the point of not wanting any meaningful relationship for decades.
But I survived...just.

Getting pets is a far easier solution to companionship for me since none of my emotional issues act as a barrier.

Never underestimate the benefit of pets.
Those on the spectrum are know for having a special affinity with non-human animals.

 

[Jonn]

☑ Not ugly
☑ Close to same page, spiritually
☑ Funny
☑ Creative
☑ Spontaneous (probably from ADHD*)

I tick every one of those boxes.
What now?

 

[Crossbreed]

Uh...

I am not available...?

Nobody's Perfect, Some Like It Hot (1959)

 

[Steelbookcollector217]

Yeah I'm 22.

well start worrying more if you pass your mid-20s, 30s or older and are still single like this

 

[honeytoast]

well start worrying more if you pass your mid-20s, 30s or older and are still single like this

She doesn't need to worry about anything. Trying to make someone anxious about being forever alone isn't good advice.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

IF she wants a family worrying is warranted.

 

[honeytoast]

IF she wants a family worrying is warranted.

OK but that's a hypothetical scenario not even mentioned.

 

[Rodafina]

IF she wants a family worrying is warranted.

Not really, from my perspective. If someone wants a family, small actions toward that goal are warranted.

Worry will not get someone a family if that is what they want.

 

[Steelbookcollector217]

She doesn't need to worry about anything. Trying to make someone anxious about being forever alone isn't good advice.

yeah i figure she doesn't need to worry since she's a woman, and for the most part, women by default always have options since they are the ones get that asked out and hit on

 

[DrBadStrings]

I just had a recent relationship that I didn't mention above as I wasn't sure where things were going with it till just now. Actually my first sober dating in my adult life, recovering alcoholic. It was a very short 1 week fling and no sex was involved. We went on a few dates and things seemed to be going well but then she put the breaks on it. First she said she was just getting out of a hard relationship and wasn't ready for anything just yet. Which I respected. Only to find out a couple days later that she's back with the ex and blocked me on every communication front.

I was a little taken aback by the situation at first. Felt somehow like I had been used, or just a temporary stepping stone while she figured out she was better off with the ex. Truthfully I got a little angry mainly because I hadn't seen it coming, again, and it had me feeling a little insignificant. Then I realized that these things do happen and even if I was just a temporary fling, it was still a good week and those few dates will always be some good memories.

Relationships are hard and don't always make sense but I do feel they are worth the effort. As I mentioned above I don't actively pursue romantic relationships at this point but this fling just kinda happened.