If you are on the autistic spectrum, are you or have you been in a romantic relationship?

[vergil96]

You need a lot of "spoons" to be in a committed relationship.

A lot depends on the person. Some people aren't tiring and you don't have to pretend to be someone else around them, don't demand that you do.

 

[Steelbookcollector217]

the situationship i had with a woman in 2017, i feel was the the closest thing i ever had for a girlfriend, because she had a sexual side to her, she didn't have issues or problems, hang-ups around sex, my other partner did though.

 

[Jonn]

A lot depends on the person. Some people aren't tiring and you don't have to pretend to be someone else around them, don't demand that you do.

I'm the problem.
I have ADD and it is hard for me to focus on what other ppl want to do.

Also, I have been a lone wolf for almost all my life and it is difficult giving up the freedoms that come with that lifestyle.
In short, I am not BF material.

Spoiler

 

[Magna]

I've had a lot of romantic relationships in my life. A handful have been long term and the rest were short term or very short term (consisting of 1/365th of a year). I've been married now for 20+ years but I don't regret any of my previous experiences, regardless of duration, at all.

In my youth it was libertine all the way.

 

[avanaphia]

I've never been in a relationship before. I have no idea how to approach guys. I've been asked out before but nothing ever gets past the talking stage. I don't really have much of a desire to date either. I feel like I'm too socially awkward and feel unfomfortable at the idea of intimacy. Sometimes I wonder if I'm asexual.

 

[Jonn]

I've been married now for 20+ years but I don't regret any of my previous experiences, regardless of duration, at all.

I do.
I never want to loose another friend.

Though I gained considerable experience/insight about myself and interpersonal relationships, I would give it all up to still have the friendship.
I will never let that happen again.
Friends are are too precious.

 

[Jonn]

I've never been in a relationship before. I have no idea how to approach guys. I've been asked out before but nothing ever gets past the talking stage. I don't really have much of a desire to date either. I feel like I'm too socially awkward and feel unfomfortable at the idea of intimacy. Sometimes I wonder if I'm asexual.

I will never underestimate the value of a deep friendship.
People don't have to have a sexual relationship to find meaning/fulfillment, imo.

Personally speaking, a Platonic Love is head and shoulders more valuable.
I have reasons for thinking this, but feel no need to elaborate.

 

[WhitewaterWoman]

I will never underestimate the value of a deep friendship.
People don't have to have a sexual relationship to find meaning/fulfillment, imo.

Personally speaking, a Platonic Love is head and shoulders more valuable.
I have reasons for thinking this, but feel no need to elaborate.

I agree, but these are extremely hard to find. At least in my experience.

 

[Steelbookcollector217]

I've never been in a relationship before. I have no idea how to approach guys. I've been asked out before but nothing ever gets past the talking stage. I don't really have much of a desire to date either. I feel like I'm too socially awkward and feel unfomfortable at the idea of intimacy. Sometimes I wonder if I'm asexual.

a woman who has never dated, never had a boyfriend? or a gay man?

 

[Crossbreed]

Married for 41 years.
(Sadly, romantic for 23 [until she got depression].)
She seems to be neuro-diverse (ADHD, though, not ASD).

~~~​

"By all means, marry.
If you have a good marriage, you’ll become happy;
if you have a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher." – Socrates

 

[blitzkrieg]

I have had several experiences of short-term dating, leading to sex and a couple of long-distance relationships.

The first LD relationship lasted a year and a half approximately with a woman from Texas (I ended up meeting her in Texas...).

The second LD relationship was with someone I had been friends with for several years beforehand and that lasted about two years. Luckily I didn't have to travel that far to meet her. Even though we met online, she lived in the same country at least.

I also had a girlfriend who lived locally but that only lasted a matter of weeks... 4 weeks I think?

All of the partners I have had have either been neurodivergent in some way or mentally ill or a combination of both. I have never dated an NT.

 

[Steelbookcollector217]

As Misty said, i agree with her, over the years, on every autism forum or website for people with autism, the number of lonely single men wanting a girlfriend has always outnumbered by a huge margin, the number of lonely single woman wanting a boyfriend.

Reminds me, there is the popular TV show called Love on the Spectrum, there is this pattern me and lots of people have noticed about that series.

Most, not all, but most of the male/men members of that show, series, have either little to no dating/relationship experience at all, most of the men it seems have either never had a girlfriend before or just a short-term situation.

But its the opposite for the female/women members of the show, most of the women, not all, have dated and have had multiple boyfriends before, if not that, at least just 1 long-term boyfriend.

 

[Crossbreed]

But its the opposite for the female/women members of the show, most of the women, not all, have dated and have had multiple boyfriends before, if not that, at least just 1 long-term boyfriend.

That is because the NT convention is for the man to initiate the relationship. That is a tall order for gun-shy guys who do not read non-verbal cues very well.

In our relationship, my wife was more of the initiator. When she kissed me, I finally felt like it was okay to think of her in romantic terms. And her ADHD made her unconventional, too.

 

[Jonn]

As Misty said, i agree with her, over the years, on every autism forum or website for people with autism, the number of lonely single men wanting a girlfriend has always outnumbered by a huge margin, the number of lonely single woman wanting a boyfriend.

This has been my experience, also.

 

[Jonn]

That is because the NT convention is for the man to initiate the relationship. That is a tall order for gun-shy guys who do not read non-verbal cues very well.

It is easier to connect in a forum situation, though.

 

[grommet]

I'm waiting.

I have had several girlfriends. My last one we were together eight years. She is also autistic.

 

[Steelbookcollector217]

That is because the NT convention is for the man to initiate the relationship. That is a tall order for gun-shy guys who do not read non-verbal cues very well.

In our relationship, my wife was more of the initiator. When she kissed me, I finally felt like it was okay to think of her in romantic terms. And her ADHD made her unconventional, too.

interesting, did she ask you out first or was she the one to reach out to you first? start the initial interaction?

 

[Steelbookcollector217]

This has been my experience, also.

yes, but its also possible, men outnumber women by a huge margin on forums or websites like that

 

[Jonn]

yes, but its also possible, men outnumber women by a huge margin on forums or websites like that

So what are the gender numbers on this website?
There are quite a few here, and over "there".

 

[Crossbreed]

interesting, did she ask you out first or was she the one to reach out to you first? start the initial interaction?

We just hung out with other people from her church. (It was my church, too, while I was stationed there. )
I visited her at her family home, too.
We did not go on an actual date until after we got married.