If you were honest with yourselves, how many of you hate having this condition?

[Jonn]

From what I'm told, my great-grandmother "never had a day without pain in her life". Still, she was happy. When asked, "how do you feel", she would respond: "Thank G-d, I feel." This line was adopted by other relatives - my great-grandfather, grandfather, aunt, et al. Sometimes, I choose to say it, even though I'd rather be dead than to "feel".

Her life...
Her choice...

 

[Cutesie]

From what I'm told, my great-grandmother "never had a day without pain in her life". Still, she was happy. When asked, "how do you feel", she would respond: "Thank G-d, I feel." This line was adopted by other relatives - my great-grandfather, grandfather, aunt, et al. Sometimes, I choose to say it, even though I'd rather be dead than to "feel".

To clarify: There was no intent in my message to push a religious agenda. It is the idea that a person can use tools to find peace with the world. Believing in a Divine presence and plan is just one of those methods.

 

[avanaphia]

I can relate so much on this. I'm sorry that we share the experience of not liking our autism. It really sucks. I understand that some people might experience it differently but this condition can be so disabling.

For example some of the things I struggle with... Forming relationships is hard because I can't seem to connect with anyone. Because of this, I spend more of my time alone. Everyone sees me as weird and I never know why. Maintaining conversations is so difficult because I don't know whether I'm going to say the right thing or not. The worst thing is that since I obviously don't look autistic and that I'm low support needs, people just assume that I'm rude. Literally by doing normal life things like socializing, working, etc... makes me feel so burnt out.

 

[Jonn]

To clarify: There was no intent in my message to push a religious agenda. It is the idea that a person can use tools to find peace with the world. Believing in a Divine presence and plan is just one of those methods.

I have, through stoicism, primarily.

 

[Misty Avich]

I still often wonder if I am autistic at all but given my history I guess I can't deny it. I mean, even for an Aspie my social life was absolutely rock bottom when I was a teenager. It seems Aspie girls are more likely to have at least one friend at high school, maybe a best friend, or are accepted by a small group or clique, even if they do struggle or have some quirks that may sometimes interfere with their friendship.

But me, I didn't even have that. I had friends when I was a younger child, but I mean at high school I didn't get a best friend until I was 16, in my last year there. I had friends on and off through high school, but not enough to feel accepted. But I can't just blame them, it was my own stupid fault too. Maybe I should have made more of an effort myself. I was so immature and only chased after the familiar girls from my class because I knew them the longest and thought they were cool. They were cool, and I wanted to be part of their large group, but I knew they didn't want me there. I wasn't oblivious to the signs, but for some reason I still wanted to be in their group and kept getting rejected over and over again, until at last I had to admit defeat and go and find new friends.
But by then I was 14 and it was too late, everyone had found their groups and I just couldn't fit in anywhere. Having no interest in girly things or the latest pop music didn't help. I did find a group of outcasts like myself when I was 14-15 but even they kept being mean to me. I think it's because they had social issues themselves but tried to cover it up by being snidy and vicious. Socially awkward girls can be like that sometimes, where as socially awkward boys usually form a little group and admit to being wimps or geeks and they have each other as friends. I do wish girls could have been that much more honest.

 

[Jonn]

I can relate so much on this. I'm sorry that we share the experience of not liking our autism. It really sucks. I understand that some people might experience it differently but this condition can be so disabling.

It can be, yes.
It is a particular problem in early life, I have realised.

For example some of the things I struggle with... Forming relationships is hard because I can't seem to connect with anyone. Because of this, I spend more of my time alone. Everyone sees me as weird and I never know why. Maintaining conversations is so difficult because I don't know whether I'm going to say the right thing or not. The worst thing is that since I obviously don't look autistic and that I'm low support needs, people just assume that I'm rude. Literally by doing normal life things like socializing, working, etc... makes me feel so burnt out.

Autism is largely a social disability, imo.
On the other side of the neurological divide, ignorance is a big problem, especially for young ppl.
A lack of ND social acuity/acumen + NT ignorance = a difficult experience in our formative period.

 

[Boogs]

From a cognitive human's point of view:
Where there is sentient life, there is pain.

Clearly:
"Life is a suffering farm."

Pain is life. Or at least one of the most important biofeedback systems to promote survival and subsequent evolution.
Sentience doesn't come into it, apart from being able to appreciate your own suffering, but does that confer more suffering or less? Impossible to say, especially as suffering is relative.

Context, my friend.
From a human's point of view, life can be, and often is, extremely cruel.

That's exactly what I'm saying - context! Cruelty is only relevant in the context of human experience and cognition. But beyond that, it's meaningless. Where in the world is cruelty, except within ourselves only. indeed, one persons cruel act may be another's saving grace. If we performed cruel acts by coincidence and without knowledge or intent, would that still be cruel? If so, what of an injured and maddened bear attacking anything it can see, blindly killing and maiming - is that cruelty? If not how does it differ?

One that can be extremely distressing, or satisfying, depending on who is the giver, and who is the receiver.

Well naturally, if it meant nothing, it wouldn't be cruel!
Although the 'satisfying' bit sounds more like sadism, which can also be cruel, but again appears to be a very human condition?

 

[Slyfox]

I quite agree, but it is my experience that a great many people regardless of their flavour, will, shall we say, bend the truth a little in declaring how successful their lives are in the various areas that matter to them.

well id rather be able to get new gf in week then go my whole life alone as im doomed to. he has looks and social talent to attract women whether it works out or not, hes more likely to find a long lasting relationship then my 0% chance.

 

[Boogs]

well id rather be able to get new gf in week then go my whole life alone as im doomed to. he has looks and social talent to attract women whether it works out or not, hes more likely to find a long lasting relationship then my 0% chance.

I bet almost everyone wants something they don't have, and see everyone else as having it all. This is not true most times. Many people have miserable lives for many reasons and not just our flavour. Some are worse than autism, some are not so bad, though how you measure such things is another matter.
Harken to the words of Vladimir Bartol: "Nothing is an absolute reality; all is permitted"
In other words we make our own realities, with nothing to play with but the hand we were dealt.

hes more likely to find a long lasting relationship then my 0% chance.

Maybe he is, but you're not speaking objectively. If you were dead I'd be a little more inclined to agree with the 0% chance!
He may be more likely to keep finding new relationships, but how can you possibly know that only joy, not suffering, comes to him that way? You don't, you just think that's the case.

Did you know that heat can flow from something cold into something hot? It's highly unlikely to happen, but it's not impossible, reality isn't what we think it is in all sort of ways.

 

[Slyfox]

To clarify: There was no intent in my message to push a religious agenda. It is the idea that a person can use tools to find peace with the world. Believing in a Divine presence and plan is just one of those methods.

my religious beliefs is only reason i'm still here.

 

[Slyfox]

I can relate so much on this. I'm sorry that we share the experience of not liking our autism. It really sucks. I understand that some people might experience it differently but this condition can be so disabling.

For example some of the things I struggle with... Forming relationships is hard because I can't seem to connect with anyone. Because of this, I spend more of my time alone. Everyone sees me as weird and I never know why. Maintaining conversations is so difficult because I don't know whether I'm going to say the right thing or not. The worst thing is that since I obviously don't look autistic and that I'm low support needs, people just assume that I'm rude. Literally by doing normal life things like socializing, working, etc... makes me feel so burnt out.

people just think im loser. thought they'd think worse of me if they knew i was autistic, so i dont tell them otherewise. i am a loser though by society standards. just about evereyone at my work hangs out outside of work they never invite me. they come and make plans in front of me( talk about rude, i know not to do that to others)

 

[Cutesie]

my religious beliefs is only reason i'm still here.

Good for you. I support each person using what helps them to live and be happy.

 

[Slyfox]

I bet almost everyone wants something they don't have, and see everyone else as having it all. This is not true most times. Many people have miserable lives for many reasons and not just our flavour. Some are worse than autism, some are not so bad, though how you measure such things is another matter.
Harken to the words of Vladimir Bartol: "Nothing is an absolute reality; all is permitted"
In other words we make our own realities, with nothing to play with but the hand we were dealt.


Maybe he is, but you're not speaking objectively. If you were dead I'd be a little more inclined to agree with the 0% chance!
He may be more likely to keep finding new relationships, but how can you possibly know that only joy, not suffering, comes to him that way? You don't, you just think that's the case.

Did you know that heat can flow from something cold into something hot? It's highly unlikely to happen, but it's not impossible, reality isn't what we think it is in all sort of ways.

doesnt really matter to me that someone in some other nation has it worse no so then it would matter to someone in south africa that someone in somolia has it worse. limiting it to fellow people in my nation with our standards of living not many people have it worse then me. even my friend who complains about his high paying job and his gf and kids will admit that when compared to me hes has it good. he doesnt tell me that others have it worse then me.
sorry im never going be happy im alone for my entire life sentence to this horrible planet. i would welcome ww3 and nuclear war. i dont think humans as speicies should continue existing. the planet would heal, life in some form would develop. life and earth existed prior to humans and will after. humans have only been getting worse and more cruel towards each other as time goes on.

any suffering is worth the joys. theres always going be tough and bad times in any relationship but the good times outweigh that. people in relationships are more healty, science has proven the postives of human companionship and the health problems lack of it brings.

im 36 and still only able to work min wage jobs. most women see me as worthless. women my age want to settle down and have kids before its too late, society has told them that to do that they need guy with upper middle class income, car and house. add to that i've never had relationship and i've been told over and over " i dont want to be some guys first gf" or they want a guy with sexual experience. a guy whos my age and never had a relationship is giant red flag to avoid, they dont care to find out why.
my rapist, abusive child molesting bio dad isnt autistic, he can talk himself into relationship with just about any woman even ones who are young. they all fall for his lies. seems to reason if i hadn't got autisim from my moms side i would likely had better luck with women. im envious of my grandpa, when he was my age all that mattered for men was if they had a job any job didn't matter how much it paid.

 

[Slyfox]

Good for you. I support each person using what helps them to live and be happy.

god is cruel though. he made me defective but denys me exit. to torment me. clearly god hasnt changed since old testiment. though i still think it was gods intent i not exist and my life is punishment for doctors having hubious to challenge gods will. i was born dying i should have died and thus no room for me in gods plan, no soulmate for someone who shouldn't exist. its too bad I can't sue the doctors.

 

[Boogs]

doesnt really matter to me that someone in some other nation has it worse no so then it would matter to someone in south africa that someone in somolia has it worse. limiting it to fellow people in my nation with our standards of living not many people have it worse then me. even my friend who complains about his high paying job and his gf and kids will admit that when compared to me hes has it good. he doesnt tell me that others have it worse then me.
sorry im never going be happy im alone for my entire life sentence to this horrible planet. i would welcome ww3 and nuclear war. i dont think humans as speicies should continue existing. the planet would heal, life in some form would develop. life and earth existed prior to humans and will after. humans have only been getting worse and more cruel towards each other as time goes on.

any suffering is worth the joys. theres always going be tough and bad times in any relationship but the good times outweigh that. people in relationships are more healty, science has proven the postives of human companionship and the health problems lack of it brings.

im 36 and still only able to work min wage jobs. most women see me as worthless. women my age want to settle down and have kids before its too late, society has told them that to do that they need guy with upper middle class income, car and house. add to that i've never had relationship and i've been told over and over " i dont want to be some guys first gf" or they want a guy with sexual experience. a guy whos my age and never had a relationship is giant red flag to avoid, they dont care to find out why.
my rapist, abusive child molesting bio dad isnt autistic, he can talk himself into relationship with just about any woman even ones who are young. they all fall for his lies. seems to reason if i hadn't got autisim from my moms side i would likely had better luck with women. im envious of my grandpa, when he was my age all that mattered for men was if they had a job any job didn't matter how much it paid.

My point isn't to actually compare with others, in fact quite the opposite! We all cogitate in a 100% subjective fashion. Even what we think we see all around us isn't an accurate picture and that extends to pretty much everything. So we have the ability to see the same thing in different ways. From my view with a few failed relationships long behind me and the knowledge that that's a pleasure that's just not very likely to happen in my life, the idea of only being 36 and giving up on it seems to be a much more emotive view than an objective view.

That's understandable, in fact unlikely not to be the case, but if you think the rest of your life is determined by what you've experienced up to now, I think you're wrong, beyond making it so because that's the mindset you have. But mindsets can and do change, if the motivation is there. Success with relationships are also part chance, and that applies to all, even if the odd's differ and some have a better chance it's still a throw of the dice.
Am I explaining myself, does this make any sense at all to you? Fair enough if not, I'll shut my big gob!

 

[Slyfox]

im going work this job fore few more years, until it becomes too much to stay on ssdi then ill have to quit so then ill be worse off dating wise then i am now. I can't afford a car so i dont really get out much to meet people. dating sites aren't giving me any matches anymore. the only place i go out to is work and i can't meet women there since they all so attractive and young, not to mention all seem to hate me just for existing. doesn't help the 2 guys who are mean to me seem to spread made up bad stuff about me around. I don't see how I will ever meet some one who doesnt care that i'm permanently poor. then if that did happen they'd have to be willing to deal with disability. also theyd have to be willing to date guy with 0 experience who wants bunch of first experiences they had in their teens. whos not yet wanting to have kids but its already getting too late unless i dated someone younger.

 

[Boogs]

You're constructing your own future reality, and what-if's and may-be's are being taken as gospel, it seems.
I'll leave you be from now as you're not getting what I say or don't want to, but I can't deny that to me (not that I'm the best judge!) you seem to have decided this is how your life will be and why and are determined to stick with that and not even question it. I'm not sure anyone can give a better alternative to your world view if you don't want another one?
Maybe I'm being a bit brutal here in which case I can only apologise and say that that's one reason no-one would want to partner me!

 

[Slyfox]

im just going off of 20 years of experience and what i see and am told. I don't see way out given todays society.

 

[Boogs]

im just going off of 20 years of experience and what i see and am told. I don't see way out given todays society.

Exactly! But just because you can't see something doesn't mean it doesn't exist!

 

[Misty Avich]

For me employment is my biggest obstacle in life. Being under pressure, difficulty remembering rules, being unable to contain my anxiety, having a short attention span, and disliking routine and obligations - are my biggest life challenges. I'm caught in a trap because I'm too dumb to find a more suitable job for my overactive ADHD brain, so I'm just stuck in cleaning jobs forever, which I feel aren't for me. It's too much pressure, too repetitive, not challenging enough, too boring, and requires too much attention to detail which I can only do if I'm deep-cleaning one small space with plenty of time and no deadlines or stress.
I'm slow when being thorough but faster when I know I've got loads to do in a short amount of time, which leads me to miss the details, such as a little cobweb in a corner that all cleaning management fuss so much about.

Maybe I'll feel differently if I was in a job with completely different demands to cleaning. I might actually be able to cope with working. Maybe. I wouldn't know yet, because I've only ever been in cleaning jobs.

The government doesn't seem to understand that work can literally be too stressful for some people with neurological disabilities or mental health problems. Stress is a silent killer, yet employers seem to be allowed to put as much stress on their employees as possible. One guy I work with said that he used to work in a factory, not sure what it was he was doing but whatever it was he had to get 100 done each hour, when really the possible amount to do each hour was about 75, 80 at push, and even that's with fast hands. He found it very stressful to be under such pressure, that he had to leave. I don't blame him.

And the government wonders why some people shy away from employment. I don't criticise those people. I sympathise with them. Work can be so stressful, especially when you have ADHD, ASD and anxiety, where you're probably going to find anything stressful with those three conditions combined. I'd rather just be a housewife at home like I would have been in the early 20th century.

I would do a self-employed domestic cleaning job where I go to people's houses and clean, but there are two things that are bothering me about that. One is the fact that when you're self-employed you need your own transport and you need to work out your wages and advertising and stuff like that, which I'll find challenging, and also when going into other people's homes if they're not there there's a chance you'll get the blame if something goes missing, and I can't deal with that kind of accusation. Not all homes will have cameras in every room. That's what worries me.