If you were honest with yourselves, how many of you hate having this condition?

[Misty Avich]

Also often autistics say that NTs are driven by emotion while autistics are driven by logic. I don't find that's true. I feel the NTs are driven by logic while I'm driven by emotion. For example, NTs (with no mental health conditions) can work full-time, as in up to 50 hours a week, and be able to cope with it because they know that they need to do it to earn a living. So they just shrug off their emotions and carry on getting up at the crack of dawn on frosty mornings and turning up for work because they know that it's what they need to do. That's logic: "I need the money so I have to work for it".
Me, however, can't think that way. All I can think of is how depressed and anxious I feel when leaving my bed, how panicky I feel of having to do the same thing 5 days a week 49 weeks a year, how challenging it is to get my brain into work mode, and counting down how many years of this I have to suffer then becoming frustrated and angry at the government for raising the pension age again and again.

 

[Cutesie]

I would do a self-employed domestic cleaning job where I go to people's houses and clean, but there are two things that are bothering me about that. One is the fact that when you're self-employed you need your own transport and you need to work out your wages and advertising and stuff like that, which I'll find challenging

Would you consider doing that kind of job as an employee? There are agencies that, in exchange for a share of the wages, will handle all of the administrative details.

 

[Misty Avich]

Would you consider doing that kind of job as an employee? There are agencies that, in exchange for a share of the wages, will handle all of the administrative details.

Yes but with that you'll probably be under pressure, where you're expected to clean way more homes than humanly possible in one day, and I'm no good with deadlines like that. I'd rather just get as many as I can do before I go home, not a targeted amount.

 

[Cutesie]

Yes but with that you'll probably be under pressure, where you're expected to clean way more homes than humanly possible in one day, and I'm no good with deadlines like that. I'd rather just get as many as I can do before I go home, not a targeted amount.

Got it, but keep two things in mind:

While it's true that self-employment (working as a contractor in this case) gives you the freedom to pick and choose which jobs to take on, it won't eliminate all expectations. Once you advertise yourself and hopefully make a positive impression, your clients will expect availability. They'll only use and recommend someone who can be counted on to be there when needed.

I've no experience with working through such an agency, but it's possible that you can work only as many hours and jobs as you are willing to commit yourself to.

The advice that I'm giving would be great for me to follow.

 

[Misty Avich]

Got it, but keep two things in mind:

While it's true that self-employment (working as a contractor in this case) gives you the freedom to pick and choose which jobs to take on, it won't eliminate all expectations. Once you advertise yourself and hopefully make a positive impression, your clients will expect availability. They'll only use and recommend someone who can be counted on to be there when needed.

I've no experience with working through such an agency, but it's possible that you can work only as many hours and jobs as you are willing to commit yourself to.

The advice that I'm giving would be great for me to follow.

It's not bad advice.

 

[ZebraAutismo]

There’s times I hate being autistic (today being one of them days) but for the most part know because it’s the only me I’ve ever known,

 

[Misty Avich]

I can remember being NT up until 4 years and 5 months. Then all of a sudden I went all Aspie. I heard of regressive autism but that was ridiculous. Literally overnight my brain rewired itself into this wreck.

 

[Markness]

I wouldn’t give up my interests but I honestly don’t like the social isolation I have to go through.

 

[NB79]

I believe those who 'like' this condition either won the 'trait lottery' or their autism is 'very light', idk, because it really can be a big pain having autism.

 

[Misty Avich]

I believe those who 'like' this condition either won the 'trait lottery' or their autism is 'very light', idk, because it really can be a big pain having autism.

The thing about having "very light" autism is that many of us can imagine ourselves without autism and how we'd be, while many autistics typically say they don't know at all how they'd be without autism and that autism is who they are and so on. It ain't who I am. It's just this thing that I've got, that doesn't define me.

I think people who have an easier time accepting their autism are probably the following:-
- Logical thinkers
- High IQ and ability to hyperfocus on special interests and learn logical facts (usually this aspect of autism makes people grateful they have it)
- Have close relatives with autism too so they weren't really "alone" growing up (alone as in "the only one")
- Lack imagination and lack ability to take an educated guess on how things would be if they were NT
- Got diagnosed in adulthood, where they got to have that "moment" where they receive a label that pieces everything together and is like having a new name or something
- Aren't too bothered about socialising or fitting in and are quite happy being in their own world

I have none of those qualities. For me it's just a nuisance thing, that's only mild yet always in the background and has left me so many bad, traumatic even, memories of when I was younger and what I missed out on and how I was treated by my peers, singled out and made to feel worthless. It's never done me any favours. Even if I pride myself with having empathy and kindness, people have to come along online and call me a narcissist and racist and homophobic and liar and bully and all these other names that are like bullets and leave me feeling even more resentful of myself.

Yes, I do hate myself, the way I'm scared of everything, the things that trigger me, the way I'm sensitive to other people's moods and emotions, the way I overthink and overanalyze stuff, the way I worry, worry, worry all the time. It's not a nice place inside my head.

 

[Neri]

Yes, I've had a pretty rough lot having the tisms, when I got diagnosed and told my oldest daughter (got diagnosed at 50) she said (not having thought too deeply about what she was saying, obviously) "Maybe you just think you have autism, because you've had a hard life" and I was like "No, I've had a hard life because I'm autistic".

I don't hate it though, because that just adds more suffering to an already really difficult situation. I'm currently homeless and that's not ideal, either, but, I'm choosing to take it at lightly as I can, because my life is hard enough, without me giving myself a harder time than I need to.

But yeah, heaps of things about being autistic, suck. For instance, I went to a dance class the other day, not realizing it was an actual dance class, I thought it was just dancing together (dumb me, I know) and I would've been scared off, had I have known it was choreographed dance class, because my lil autistic brain is really bad at following instructions. Anyway, I did it, everyone else could pick up the moves and I was so behind the eight ball. Meaning my brain messed it all up, consistantly. But, I still enjoyed failing and being bad at it, once I got over the humiliation of it all. But yeah, I watched all the other participants getting it, seemingly effortlessly, and my lil autistic brain, just couldn't, for the life of me. But, I felt really proud of myself that I tried. I still moved my body and felt good doing it, but, I also really felt and experienced very viserally, my disability. People were nice to me though, so that helped as well. It was a hip hop dance class and the moves were soooo cool.

Sigh. I wish I could be that cool, but, I'm a weird lil autist instead. Better I be kind to myself about it, though, than not

 

[Boogs]

I always thought the coolest of things and people are the unusual one's. The normal is so, well, normal, it's a little boring sometimes. Boring isn't very cool at all!

Maybe it's because I have a vested interest in thinking that, but imagine a world full of clones of the most average person there is, and nothing else? If that's not hell on Earth I don't know what is!
So here's to the weirdo's and outliers, the odd and rare, the one's who bring the most variety into this world!
They mostly have a price to pay for what they bring to the game, so I'll drink to them!

 

[thejuice]

The thing about having "very light" autism is that many of us can imagine ourselves without autism and how we'd be, while many autistics typically say they don't know at all how they'd be without autism and that autism is who they are and so on. It ain't who I am. It's just this thing that I've got, that doesn't define me.

I think people who have an easier time accepting their autism are probably the following:-
- Logical thinkers
- High IQ and ability to hyperfocus on special interests and learn logical facts (usually this aspect of autism makes people grateful they have it)
- Have close relatives with autism too so they weren't really "alone" growing up (alone as in "the only one")
- Lack imagination and lack ability to take an educated guess on how things would be if they were NT
- Got diagnosed in adulthood, where they got to have that "moment" where they receive a label that pieces everything together and is like having a new name or something
- Aren't too bothered about socialising or fitting in and are quite happy being in their own world

I have none of those qualities. For me it's just a nuisance thing, that's only mild yet always in the background and has left me so many bad, traumatic even, memories of when I was younger and what I missed out on and how I was treated by my peers, singled out and made to feel worthless. It's never done me any favours. Even if I pride myself with having empathy and kindness, people have to come along online and call me a narcissist and racist and homophobic and liar and bully and all these other names that are like bullets and leave me feeling even more resentful of myself.

Yes, I do hate myself, the way I'm scared of everything, the things that trigger me, the way I'm sensitive to other people's moods and emotions, the way I overthink and overanalyze stuff, the way I worry, worry, worry all the time. It's not a nice place inside my head.

Yes you're right I wouldn't trade logical thinking, i cherish it, it makes me sad when I upset people because of it. Oh well. There is just an incompatibility issue, it's not all my fault, although some emotional thinkers I get on with just fine.

 

[thejuice]

The thing about having "very light" autism is that many of us can imagine ourselves without autism and how we'd be, while many autistics typically say they don't know at all how they'd be without autism and that autism is who they are and so on. It ain't who I am. It's just this thing that I've got, that doesn't define me.

Yes I'm one of those people. What do you think life would be like without autism?

I think people who have an easier time accepting their autism are probably the following:-
- Logical thinkers
- High IQ and ability to hyperfocus on special interests and learn logical facts (usually this aspect of autism makes people grateful they have it)
- Have close relatives with autism too so they weren't really "alone" growing up (alone as in "the only one")
- Lack imagination and lack ability to take an educated guess on how things would be if they were NT
- Got diagnosed in adulthood, where they got to have that "moment" where they receive a label that pieces everything together and is like having a new name or something
- Aren't too bothered about socialising or fitting in and are quite happy being in their own world

I think you make some accurate assessments there, which shows your higher eq.

Even if I pride myself with having empathy and kindness, people have to come along online and call me a narcissist and racist and homophobic and liar and bully and all these other names that are like bullets and leave me feeling even more resentful of myself.

Ironically, that is actually quite narcissistic behaviour on their part. Quite the opposite of the empathic saints they think they are. Everyone knows Good Samaritans waste their free time on a toxic forum, slapping on pejorative labels, destroying reputations and mobbing people with chants of 'Shame!'. Of course, their carefully crafted image is more important than their actual competency and the forum remains a steady, effort free narc supply!

Yes, I do hate myself, the way I'm scared of everything, the things that trigger me, the way I'm sensitive to other people's moods and emotions, the way I overthink and overanalyze stuff, the way I worry, worry, worry all the time. It's not a nice place inside my head.

Yup I think there is a big overlap between autism and ruminanting.

 

[Boogs]

Acceptance of Autism = (Age x Experience x Level/Type of Autism) / Constant

Constant: All the ND and NT and any other factors that negatively bias everyone's perceptions.
Obviously this isn't actually math! The point is the factors that effect our own perceptions of our past experiences that have made us what we are in the present are not the result of one single factor - autism. And not all the multiple factors are directly related to autism.

Try swapping 'autism' for some other condition with negative life effects - how about extreme poverty? Are we so special above others just because we are autistic? How do we measure 'unfairness' and compare who's life is more unfair?
Someone with severe physical mobility issues would likely consider it grossly unfair they can't travel and visit people and places like 'normal' people due to the lack of adjustments to allow them to do so. That can impact the psyche in just as terrible a fashion as a cognitive condition can.

The world is unfair and however much we rail against it, nothing changes in that regard, it may even make it worse sometimes. The way I see it is we can learn from our past in the hope of change in the future, or accept our past as being our future and reject change. But only the individual can choose which way to view it. And not all even get the choice, so where we do have it we should treat it as something special.

 

[Rodafina]

To those that can see any glimmer of something different than hating and pitying themselves for being autistic, I would encourage you to have a little hope.

In your time of doubt, look to the people here on the forum who have made very good and decent lives for themselves. There are people right here among us who can say, “my life is pretty okay” and they do not dwell on misery. Does this mean that they have led easy lives? Oh no. It just means that they see the challenges before them as problems to solve and they know that life is tough for everyone, not just us. These are the forum folk who persevered through great hardship and did not get swallowed up by the notion that “life would be better if I was just someone wholly different than I am.”

Nobody in this life gets a free pass to feel happy and content all the time. We all must pass through difficult feelings. But focusing only on all the hurt allows us to forget about resilience, adaptability, and learning as we go.

Perhaps it will take leaning on some support, perhaps it will take an enormous change, but never give up on the notion that you can at the very least be at peace with yourself.

 

[Misty Avich]

It's more of an issue when I get reminded of having ASD, like if a child is born from an autistic family with autism-risk environmental factors (like the parents being older or drank during pregnancy or had birth complications, etc) yet the child turned out NT and got to live a normal social life with no learning difficulties. While I come from an NT family with a mum who never abused her body during pregnancy and there were no birth complications or anything. Just makes me wonder why I was so unlucky.

 

[Boogs]

I concur heartily with the whole message!

Perhaps it will take leaning on some support...

And it may be worth considering that many who have persevered have often needed help from others too.
I also believe, though I may have said this already, but the pleasures in life only have meaning when viewed with the context of suffering. If life is nothing but pleasure with no responsibility, there's nothing with which to learn and grow for, and become something more than what one is in the present. Without that, what point is there to carry on experiencing things?

Maybe some people can live a purely hedonistic life and enjoy it for that alone, so my views are likely jaundiced, but not necessarily irrelevant. To learn and grow, to gain in wisdom (Emanuel Kant wrote a great essay on enlightenment, well worth reading if interested in his view on what wisdom is), to change and understand, is to live.
To go through the motions of forever repeating what went before for the sake of reaching the next day when the same thing happens, doesn't seem like living to me.

But I can only speak from my own perceptions and experiences, but I find it hard to understand what I see as such a negative view, maybe it's just I'm old enough to have reached a more accepting attitude?

When it comes to these sort of things I think a lot of eastern philosophies are far more profound and worthwhile than most Western one's, which are too often poisoned by our damaging social drivers.

 

[WhitewaterWoman]

 

[Slyfox]

I believe those who 'like' this condition either won the 'trait lottery' or their autism is 'very light', idk, because it really can be a big pain having autism.

so true. I got all worse traits in one package.