Incapable Of Dating

[Mary Terry]

Elliot Rodger couldn't get a girlfriend and it drove him completely crazy so you can see what many years of lack of sex and intimacy and constant rejection from women can do to a male's mind, changing him from a completely innocent and good person into a remorseless killer.

Whoever Elliot Rodger is or was, he is/was a very sick, mentally ill person. Being horny and lonely does not turn healthy people into a "remorseless killer". Ugh. You really should re-think the cause for Elliot Rodger's despicable behavior. He never was a "completely innocent and good person".

 

[Markness]

Whoever Elliot Rodger is or was, he is/was a very sick, mentally ill person. Being horny and lonely does not turn healthy people into a "remorseless killer". Ugh. You really should re-think the cause for Elliot Rodger's despicable behavior. He never was a "completely innocent and good person".

From what I've read of him, he was extremely vain and grew up in a very unhealthy celebrity culture. I definitely don't think he was a good kid gone bad. Turns out it was the same for Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold. They were bad kids gone worse.

 

[Misty Avich]

Yes, I think saying this guy was a good guy that became bad due to society, is not helping anybody really - though the poster who posted that obviously wasn't aiming that at anyone here and we shouldn't shame him or her, but at the same time reading things like that might make some good members here feel worse about themselves. Killing people is a big deal and I think the majority of people in the world are hardwired to resist deliberately killing people (self-defence or being extremely brainwashed by a dangerous cult doesn't count), so to go out on an angry murderous rampage is something that only an evil psychopathic person would do. People here like Markness, Tony, and the others here who are struggling with dating women, aren't evil or psychopathic at all so I know they'd never do such a thing.

Remember, feelings are fine. It's how you act on them that could be a problem. Feeling angry with women for not dating you is fine, but killing women for not dating you isn't. I think everyone on this forum instinctively know that and wouldn't do such a thing.

 

[Steelbookcollector217]

I don't empathize with the killing either. Those incidents have set back progress instead of helping it.

yes but its difficult to not feel their pains of loneliness, at the same time, its a reminder that society will always sympathize with lonely women more than lonely men, or womens problems matter more than mens problems, to sum it up, its a fact that men get far less sympathy and emotional support than women do.

 

[Markness]

Yes, I think saying this guy was a good guy that became bad due to society, is not helping anybody really - though the poster who posted that obviously wasn't aiming that at anyone here and we shouldn't shame him or her, but at the same time reading things like that might make some good members here feel worse about themselves. Killing people is a big deal and I think the majority of people in the world are hardwired to resist deliberately killing people (self-defence or being extremely brainwashed by a dangerous cult doesn't count), so to go out on an angry murderous rampage is something that only an evil psychopathic person would do. People here like Markness, Tony, and the others here who are struggling with dating women, aren't evil or psychopathic at all so I know they'd never do such a thing.

Remember, feelings are fine. It's how you act on them that could be a problem. Feeling angry with women for not dating you is fine, but killing women for not dating you isn't. I think everyone on this forum instinctively know that and wouldn't do such a thing.

I agree that the last thing we should do is shame anyone. We already got that enough from outside this community. The majority of autistic men who struggle with romance are definitely not violent. I’ve seen angry NT men react hostility much more so. My cousin who is a cop is a good example. He’s not autistic at all and he’s extremely sociopathic. I don’t even want to be in the same room with him nor even accept calls from him.

 

[thejuice]

Yes, I think saying this guy was a good guy that became bad due to society, is not helping anybody really - though the poster who posted that obviously wasn't aiming that at anyone here and we shouldn't shame him or her, but at the same time reading things like that might make some good members here feel worse about themselves. Killing people is a big deal and I think the majority of people in the world are hardwired to resist deliberately killing people (self-defence or being extremely brainwashed by a dangerous cult doesn't count), so to go out on an angry murderous rampage is something that only an evil psychopathic person would do. People here like Markness, Tony, and the others here who are struggling with dating women, aren't evil or psychopathic at all so I know they'd never do such a thing.

Remember, feelings are fine. It's how you act on them that could be a problem. Feeling angry with women for not dating you is fine, but killing women for not dating you isn't. I think everyone on this forum instinctively know that and wouldn't do such a thing.

I agree, being angry and being involuntarily asexual does not equal a human predator or terrorist. There would need to be a very severe, untreated personality disorder in the mix.

 

[FeatherBird]

This is a topic I been trying to keep wraps for a every long time and still don’t feel uncomfortable revealing

Do I lack emotional awareness? Am I not as intelligent as I thought?

As I start to ask those difficult questions, self doubt starts creeping in

I know I’m very capable and a very good person when I’m myself, when I’m relaxed but the public perception combined with ableism is slowly eroding my mind

I’m socially awkward, don’t like interacting with others. I also don’t like to put myself out there. Selling my soul is something I refuse to do

Prolonged isolation doesn’t help my mental health but I can’t really connect with others

It’s easy to befriend someone but it’s hard to be intimate

I don’t think I have the capacity of going on dates, or maybe I’m selling myself short

According to the counselor I went to this past summer, even though the man isn't expected to make the move in 100% of cases (like we were 2 generations ago), he'd estimate the woman still expects us to make the first move in at least 85% of cases.

In other words (in 85+% of cases at least), the woman might throw "ask me out" signals at us, yet she's not going to officially ask us out herself. It's on us to read/act on the signals.

The fact the man is required to read/act on the signals in the vast majority of cases puts a socially stunted man in a uniquely unfortunate position (and it really shouldn't be controversial to say this, nor does this mean a socially stunted woman doesn't struggle in other ways; all it means is the specific struggle of having to read/act on a potential partner's signals is something that disproportionately impacts men)

 

[Shamar]

According to the counselor I went to this past summer, even though the man isn't expected to make the move in 100% of cases (like we were 2 generations ago), he'd estimate the woman still expects us to make the first move in at least 85% of cases.

In other words (in 85+% of cases at least), the woman might throw "ask me out" signals at us, yet she's not going to officially ask us out herself. It's on us to read/act on the signals.

The fact the man is required to read/act on the signals in the vast majority of cases puts a socially stunted man in a uniquely unfortunate position (and it really shouldn't be controversial to say this, nor does this mean a socially stunted woman doesn't struggle in other ways; all it means is the specific struggle of having to read/act on a potential partner's signals is something that disproportionately impacts men)

I have stated a number of times here that I am blind to these signals, with one (or maybe two) exceptions. Once I saw a woman who appeared to be staring and smiling at me. I went to another side of the room, and she was still staring and smiling. I went to the opposite side and she was STILL staring and smiling. I had to conclude it was me she was staring at. It took everything I had to go up and say hello. We ended up dating for six months. The only other time I figured it out was at a party and I had no idea she was coming on to me, until she sat on my lap, put her lips to mine, and tried to suck my teeth out. THEN I figured it out.

 

[Steelbookcollector217]

I have stated a number of times here that I am blind to these signals, with one (or maybe two) exceptions. Once I saw a woman who appeared to be staring and smiling at me. I went to another side of the room, and she was still staring and smiling. I went to the opposite side and she was STILL staring and smiling. I had to conclude it was me she was staring at. It took everything I had to go up and say hello. We ended up dating for six months. The only other time I figured it out was at a party and I had no idea she was coming on to me, until she sat on my lap, put her lips to mine, and tried to suck my teeth out. THEN I figured it out.

also a broken record on this and im sure men will always be stuck with that, hence why the forever alone community will always be male-dominated

 

[FeatherBird]

I have stated a number of times here that I am blind to these signals, with one (or maybe two) exceptions. Once I saw a woman who appeared to be staring and smiling at me. I went to another side of the room, and she was still staring and smiling. I went to the opposite side and she was STILL staring and smiling. I had to conclude it was me she was staring at. It took everything I had to go up and say hello. We ended up dating for six months. The only other time I figured it out was at a party and I had no idea she was coming on to me, until she sat on my lap, put her lips to mine, and tried to suck my teeth out. THEN I figured it out.

Every single time I've expressed interest in a girl/woman based on what I thought were signals, I've gotten rejected.

As a result, it's reached the point where I've stopped making moves on a woman based on perceived signals. After all, insanity is doing the same thing over and over again (but expecting different results). If I've never gotten it right before (when it comes to reading signals), I'd be insane to continue doing askouts based on perceived signals.

Like you, a woman would have to make the move on me (like the example where a woman sat on your lap and kissed you) for me to figure it out.

Interestingly, I have no problem flirting with a woman. I just can't bring myself to escalate beyond flirting.