Incapable Of Dating

[Misty Avich]

What discourages me a lot is that women in my area tend to marry early so it feels like the chances for me to meet single women are slim or nonexistent.

I just have so many questions and I get confused easily.

Don't worry, it doesn't mean there's no hope for you. Other autistic guys seem to be in successful relationships. I'm not sure if it's the same where you are but where I am a lot of people split up or divorce in their 40s so are available. I don't know how long marriages lasts where you are. And just because someone is divorced it doesn't mean they're a bad person or anything. My husband had two divorces before he met me but that doesn't make him a bad husband. He just seemed to meet the wrong women, which is why he's probably grateful to have met me because I'm loyal and very loving. So your best bet is to go for divorcees (often if you chat to someone and they point out that they're single it can be a good opportunity to hint that you'd like to date them).

 

[Misty Avich]

I try to use "they/them" rather than "he/she" because it applies to both genders. I hate when threads become a string of "women like this, women like that, don't say this to women, don't say that to women". It's all down to the person, not the gender. So my tips are just aimed at both genders rather than generalising what women want and don't want. It's as though women are sooo precious and entitled that there must be rules on how to approach us and what we like. But it's not like that. We're all different and what one woman likes from a man might not be what another woman likes from a man. But it can casually apply to both genders.

Just thought I'd point that out.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

I got approached by so many single women it was no funny before I meet my wife at bus shelters when I was raining park benches at work leaving notes in my locker in high school phone calls at home. I always wondered this makes no sense not how it is supposed to work, even in college they came on to me I could not afford to date. Believe me once they want something they will do what it takes and many want family.

 

[FayetheAspie]

My husband was reluctant of asking me out at first because he wasn't sure if it would be too forward. His reluctance made me think he might have been married or that maybe I was annoying him or something, so I tried to keep it very casual. Then one day he asked what my name was and I asked for his name. He seemed quite keen and I think I showed that I was keen too because that was when he gathered courage to ask me on a date.

Maybe it's a mutual theory of mind thing that is needed when it comes to dating? I don't lack theory of mind and I can read body language so that might have been why it was easier for me perhaps? But I don't know, so don't take that as a fact.

But usually dating very first begins with two people "getting chatting" to each other and then things just develop.

No is a convenient answer anytime asked out. Don't have to sort anything out or wonder what other people are thinking. If you did kinda like the person you can just cry a few times later when no one is around.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

Time is on your side just talked to my new daughter in law she wants a second child my son does not but he knows he can always change his mind when her window closes that's it for her. See my other thread with the DNA how messed up adoption can get for the child once an adult.

 

[Misty Avich]

No is a convenient answer anytime asked out. Don't have to sort anything out or wonder what other people are thinking. If you did kinda like the person you can just cry a few times later when no one is around.

Yes it is but I did like him to begin with, as in fancy him, so him asking me on a date was the best day of my life.

 

[FayetheAspie]

Yes it is but I did like him to begin with, as in fancy him, so him asking me on a date was the best day of my life.

When I like someone, often nobody ever knows. It's like some kind of anxiety disorder that I don't know a name for. Being asked out is humiliating. Sure, you might be thrilled for a second on the rare occasion that it is someone who you like but then your mind starts panicking about what if someone heard them ask what is everyone thinking. And if we didn't have the same hobbies and interests they would be to break up with anyway so better to not put myself through all that embarrassment for nothing.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

I knew my future wife liked me by asking her to come downstairs to join me in the private living area of my rooming house 3 story house their living room was a sun room.

 

[Misty Avich]

When I like someone, often nobody ever knows. It's like some kind of anxiety disorder that I don't know a name for. Being asked out is humiliating. Sure, you might be thrilled for a second on the rare occasion that it is someone who you like but then your mind starts panicking about what if someone heard them ask what is everyone thinking. And if we didn't have the same hobbies and interests they would be to break up with anyway so better to not put myself through all that embarrassment for nothing.

Strange because I used to worry about that before I met him but for some reason when I first met him something was telling me he was Mr Right for me and that it will become a successful forever type relationship. I don't know what or how but it did. I just swooned into the relationship completely knowing that I was doing the right thing. I know that makes me look vulnerable or naive but I had dumped men in the past (not proud of it but it's better than stringing them along, right?) so I do know what I want and a guy's intentions. I had made a silly mistake with a guy (before I met my husband), but I knew it was stupid and wrong but I still let him do it because I really did fancy him. I didn't do it out of oblivious naivety. But that's in the past.