Ladies: What is Your Definition of a "Nice" Guy?

[Mia]

What I'd really like is a man who wants to do renovations all the time. Only when I'm not around I'd like to come home and find the entire house completely self-sufficient and off grid.

 

[WereBear]

Sees me as a person.

 

[StephF]

Someone who doesn't make assumptions, someone with manners. Someone I can feel comfortable chatting with, preferably intelligent.

 

[Catlover614]

This is probably absurd to many, but in addition to what I stated earlier, I'd like to add something else that I should've included before. Mr. Right would be a strong,yet sensitive man who wouldn't mind canceling his plans to be by my side if I needed him. And, he must certainly pass the cat test because my cats mean the world to me. They NEED me and I need to be needed. I didn't get nurtured as a kid and now, I have this deep need to nurture and kiss and hug another and my cats are always there for me...never complaining or criticizing....just loving.

 

[clg114]

My wife says that I am a nice guy and it only took 70 years to figure it out. What? Wait. That's not a compliment!

 

[WereBear]

And, he must certainly pass the cat test because my cats mean the world to me.

Just as "how he treats the wait staff" is an important clue to his character, how a Significant Other treats the other person's pets is an important indicator to me, as well. I adore my own cats and I've heard of power plays where someone gets involved and then is told they have to get rid of their pets.

To me that is sick stuff and a real red flag.

 

[Tom]

Not addicted to anything cuts out a bunch of potentials. Everyone has their weaknesses.

 

[Catlover614]

Not addicted to anything cuts out a bunch of potentials. Everyone has their weaknesses.

Absolutely Tom, I confess my addiction to coffee, the internet, and tobacco.

 

[Shiznown]

 

[Shiznown]

For me, a nice guy is calm, gentle, patient, calm, honest, affectionate, calm, responsible, empathetic, calm,
reliable, flexible, calm....
.... laid-back, low energy, easygoing, tranquil, sedate, .... well, okay, c-a-l-m.

I can no longer read, or hear "Low-energy" and not think of Jeb Bush.

 

[Shiznown]

Nice guys are all over the place, it's just that a lot of women want a Nice Guy+, so to speak. They want them to be nice and also have all these other qualities, whereas a lot of guys will even reform their own opinions just to be with a woman. I have done this and I have witnessed this. Also a guy will deal with sexual frustration(not getting sex as much as he wants) in order to stay with a woman. I'm not saying a man should stay with a woman purely for sex, however sexual satisfaction is very important in a relationship for both partners. Men who are nice to women are a lot easier to find than a lot of women realize. You can find a nice guy, but maybe he doesn't drive and that turns you off. You can find a nice guy, but maybe he lives with his parents and that turns you off. You can find a nice guy but maybe he doesn't have a job and that turns you off. You can find a nice guy but he's socially awkward and that turns you off. There are SO many things women will nitpick. See, men will nitpick too BUT usually it has to do with appearance; with women it's usually everything but appearance. Most guys are not going to care if a woman has a job, lives with her parents, has a car(unless they don't), or even if she's socially awkward. They will care if she's fat, if she smells and if she's snobby. Also having things in common helps, but sometimes even that isn't important to a man when dating.

 

[Cali Cat]

There are SO many things women will nitpick. See, men will nitpick too BUT usually it has to do with appearance; with women it's usually everything but appearance. Most guys are not going to care if a woman has a job, lives with her parents, has a car(unless they don't), or even if she's socially awkward. They will care if she's fat, if she smells and if she's snobby. Also having things in common helps, but sometimes even that isn't important to a man when dating.

This is what you call a "cosmic joke."

 

[Cosmophylla]

Not addicted to anything cuts out a bunch of potentials. Everyone has their weaknesses.

Sure, but after being with several people (including my present husband) with major addictions this is now a big deal for me. Coffee addiction I can deal with.

Addiction itself is a deep problem.

 

[Shiznown]

Sure, but after being with several people (including my present husband) with major addictions this is now a big deal for me. Coffee addiction I can deal with.

Addiction itself is a deep problem.

What about addiction to being healthy, or gaining knowledge?

 

[garnetflower13]

Just as "how he treats the wait staff" is an important clue to his character, how a Significant Other treats the other person's pets is an important indicator to me, as well. I adore my own cats and I've heard of power plays where someone gets involved and then is told they have to get rid of their pets.

To me that is sick stuff and a real red flag.

I knew my guy was a winner when we first started dating, because even though my cat hated him because she was jealous, he was patient and gentle with her. Now she is nuts about him and when the three of us sit on the couch, she always sits between us and places on paw one his leg. As for wait staff, he thinks it is awful when people don't leave tips and always leaves a tip in proportion to the total cost of the meal.

 

[Tom]

Sure, but after being with several people (including my present husband) with major addictions this is now a big deal for me. Coffee addiction I can deal with.

Addiction itself is a deep problem.

Yes it is, but often not a big one compared to many other issues. The thing is if it is something you can tolerate long term, keeping in mind there are likely things the other would have to accept in you.

Personnally the only true addictions I wouldn't want to live with are those that mess with people's personality, like drugs/alcohol. Most everything else I would be willing to work around assuming the basic love/relationship is strong.

 

[Cali Cat]

Just as "how he treats the wait staff" is an important clue to his character, how a Significant Other treats the other person's pets is an important indicator to me, as well. I adore my own cats and I've heard of power plays where someone gets involved and then is told they have to get rid of their pets.

To me that is sick stuff and a real red flag.

I watch men around my cats, and I can tell a lot about a guy by the way he interacts with them. If he treats them like an animal, he's right out. He won't last long because we don't share similar values. I believe animals should be treated as equal to humans, and I don't even care if that sounds absurd. Any man of mine must feel similarly.

If anybody told me to give up my cats, I'd kick him so far out the door he'd have to learn to speak a different language when he hit the ground.

 

[Cali Cat]

I confess my addiction to coffee, the internet, and tobacco.

All of the above, and cats too!

 

[Cali Cat]

I knew my guy was a winner when we first started dating, because even though my cat hated him because she was jealous, he was patient and gentle with her. Now she is nuts about him and when the three of us sit on the couch, she always sits between us and places on paw on his leg. As for wait staff, he thinks it is awful when people don't leave tips and always leaves a tip in proportion to the total cost of the meal.

My late husband was the best with our cats. He treated them just as gently as I do, and probably spoiled them even more.

He also insisted on tipping wait staff appropriately, and when we'd go to Asian restaurants, he always carried in his wallet tiny origami birds he'd folded and would leave one along with the tip. He had a huge amount of class.

 

[Cosmophylla]

Personnally the only true addictions I wouldn't want to live with are those that mess with people's personality, like drugs/alcohol.

Those are the sorts of addictions I refer to. Pornography, drugs (including alcohol)... These mess with people in a deep way, and are incredibly isolating. Having a husband addicted to alcohol is hard. My previous husband is addicted to pornography. I can do without the pain of these.

Depending on the relationship, some addictions can be a source of growth. You may be able to work together to move on from a food addiction, etc. However, the nature of addiction is that it isolates the addict and changes the addict's mind to place procuring the stimulus above many other things. The thought of being denied the stimulus is horrifying, and the threat of losing it isolates the addict even further. The other person comes second, or third, or fourth, and it becomes clear that this imbalance may never change. It's a painful place to be, and I wish to avoid it.

Let me put it like this: it is hard to watch someone you care about hurting themselves and know that no matter what you do or say, it's unlikely you will be able to help.