Losing yet another friend?

[tree]

@Markness

The title of this thread ("Losing yet another friend?")
is misleading. The girl, Jennifer, wasn't an established
friend. She was a very recent acquaintance with whom
you associated for one evening.

You continue to mourn for her as if she'd been
your sweetheart. You point out additional 'friendships'
that you've lost or *messed up*, when in fact, the people
you are talking about are barely acquaintances, from the
sounds of it.

Instead of planning for future encounters, you keep focusing
on the past. By 'planning for future encounters' I mean you
could try imagining what you might say next time you see
the cashier at one of the stores you frequent.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

This reads like a plot to a 1980's romantic comedy.

Laugh. I use to think so but it actually works some times. I am living proof.

 

[Cryptid]

I tend to think those who used to post positively to me who now either are completely negative or don’t respond to me at all don’t want me to have a girlfriend.

Whether or not anyone wants you to have a girlfriend makes no difference. The only thing that matters is whether or not YOU want to have a girlfriend enough to do anything positive about it.

However, your posts seem to indicate that you are more focused on complaining about not having a girlfriend than in doing what it takes to attract a girlfriend.

People who used to post positively to you have likely grown tired of YOUR negativity. There is only so much negativity that other people can take.

 

[Markness]

I just mean, that many of us here have very similar experience of social situations and unstructured social interactions, as you do. It is the main and central way we are different from neurotypical people, I think.

We sometimes find helpful strategies, and may have some luck, and may try improving aspects of ourselves we can work on, and find our way through our lives. All of us here are trying out stuff and muddling through.

Maybe find something you can work on? I think you have made some progress with the book you've been studying, and perhaps you could join a group you have an interest in or do regular voluntary work, these things give us satisfaction and a better chance to be appreciated by others and befriended.

Volunteering has either been unproductive or a non-starter for me.

 

[Thinx]

What I think is quite hard for you to take in, @Markness , is that each of us has to make our own life different. We can get help, but we have to ask for it or start things off, ourself. What is your plan?

There's no one to complain to about our lives not being how we want them to be, except ourselves. I think it would be great if you got a girlfriend, but I don't think it will happen unless you take full responsibility for yourself and your progress. What might you do tomorrow or soon, to help with this situation?

 

[Markness]

You continue to mourn for her as if she'd been
your sweetheart. You point out additional 'friendships'
that you've lost or *messed up*, when in fact, the people
you are talking about are barely acquaintances, from the
sounds of it.

Two of my ex-friends I’ve mentioned here before weren’t mere acquaintances. In fact, I knew both of them for a number of years before they ended the friendships they had with me.

 

[Markness]

What I think is quite hard for you to take in, @Markness , is that each of us has to make our own life different. We can get help, but we have to ask for it or start things off, ourself. What is your plan?

There's no one to complain to about our lives not being how we want them to be, except ourselves. I think it would be great if you got a girlfriend, but I don't think it will happen unless you take full responsibility for yourself and your progress. What might you do tomorrow or soon, to help with this situation?

I honestly don’t have a plan. I struggle to formulate plans and even small goals.

 

[Thinx]

I honestly don’t have a plan. I struggle to formulate plans and even small goals.

There's your problem then. How will you tackle it?

 

[Markness]

There's your problem then. How will you tackle it?

Besides forcing myself to focus or attempting a new medication or treatment if such avenues are possible, I don’t know.

I wish those who don’t want me to have a girlfriend would stop taking jabs at me.

 

[tree]

Two of my ex-friends I’ve mentioned here before weren’t mere acquaintances. In fact, I knew both of them for a number of years before they ended the friendships they had with me.

Not the people I'm talking about.
It's these chance meetings with clerks
in stores that, when you don't have the
magical repartee, you beat yourself up
over it for weeks.

Those are the 'lost' and *messed up*
encounters I am thinking of.

 

[Cryptid]

I wish those who don’t want me to have a girlfriend would stop taking jabs at me.

Deflecting responsibility to other people does not help your situation. Accept the responsibility for yourself.

 

[Thinx]

Besides forcing myself to focus or attempting a new medication or treatment if such avenues are possible, I don’t know.

I wish those who don’t want me to have a girlfriend would stop taking jabs at me.

What sort of medication? How might it help? I'm guessing you mean for depression or anxiety?

I'm not sure who you think doesn't want you to have a girlfriend? Probably nobody except you would have a relevant opinion on that issue. It will distract you from your goal if you worry about that.

Something lucky or random could happen I guess, that would get you into a relationship, but I still think it would be best to make a plan of actions you could take that would lead in that direction, if that is what you want.

 

[Cryptid]

I'm not sure who you think doesn't want you to have a girlfriend? Probably nobody except you would have a relevant opinion on that issue. It will distract you from your goal if you worry about that.

As long as he continues to blame others for the choices he makes, he does not have to take responsibility for them.

Besides, there is a big difference between not wanting him to have a girlfriend and not caring if he gets a girlfriend.

Besides-besides, who would want to be the girlfriend of someone who can only express himself with negativity?

 

[tree]

I wish those who don’t want me to have a girlfriend would stop taking jabs at me.

What I wish is that you'd be able to recognize when people are trying to
be helpful & encouraging by sharing their experiences. Oftentimes you
decide that they are jabbing you, trying to humiliate you, when what
they are doing is the opposite, attempting to support you.

 

[Mary Terry]

Volunteering has either been unproductive or a non-starter for me.

Then do it again, using tips offered by people here. You quit everything at the first whiff of discouragement or potential failure. You must keep trying or you'll never succeed at anything.

 

[tree]

Volunteering has either been unproductive or a non-starter for me.

What places have you tried?
And when?

 

[Markness]

Then do it again, using tips offered by people here. You quit everything at the first whiff of discouragement or potential failure. You must keep trying or you'll never succeed at anything.

I don’t see any tips regarding volunteering. If anything, I’ve only seen people telling me not to interact socially because I am apparently “too messed up.”

 

[Mary Terry]

I don’t see any tips regarding volunteering. If anything, I’ve only seen people telling me not to interact socially because I am apparently “too messed up.”

I'm referring to tips about how to socially interact, not volunteering per se.

I've seen zero people telling you not to interact socially because you are apparently "too messed up". Not a single one.

 

[Markness]

What sort of medication? How might it help? I'm guessing you mean for depression or anxiety?

I'm not sure who you think doesn't want you to have a girlfriend? Probably nobody except you would have a relevant opinion on that issue. It will distract you from your goal if you worry about that.

Something lucky or random could happen I guess, that would get you into a relationship, but I still think it would be best to make a plan of actions you could take that would lead in that direction, if that is what you want.

I was thinking more about medicine or maybe vitamins for focus and concentration.

The ones who don’t want me to have a girlfriend take jabs at me and say that clinical depression makes me unqualified for a relationship.

 

[Thinx]

Research shows that depressed people who are in a relationship are likely to do better than those who are not. You have plenty to offer despite depression being an issue for you. But because it's quite hard for many auties to achieve a level of social mixing that allows them to meet potential partners, we often have to think about what would work for us, how can we be around others?

This is why you could find volunteering useful, or something else where you meet regularly, like a class or hobby group, writing group, film club, etc. Something you enjoy or are good at, and where you will want to attend. You have a better chance to meet someone that way. That should be part of your plan. You might also look into the medication for focusing idea, but also check out any side effects. However that might help, if your doctor agrees.