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Meetup.com needs to be banned.

Tony Ramirez said:
Asian countries, China and Japan.
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Good, okay. Anything specific about them? And what are your more “long-term” interests? What I mean is, what are some of the things that you really like talking about and thinking about and doing when you’re by yourself? Whatever they are, you should try to find a group that has to do with them. You’ll actually enjoy yourself when you’re with people who share your interests and you’ll be able to take part in conversations genuinely. And that includes conversations with women.
 
Kalinychta said:
Good, okay. Anything specific about them? And what are your more “long-term” interests? What I mean is, what are some of the things that you really like talking about and thinking about and doing when you’re by yourself? Whatever they are, you should try to find a group that has to do with them. You’ll actually enjoy yourself when you’re with people who share your interests and you’ll be able to take part in conversations genuinely. And that includes conversations with women.
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Having Asian friends especially now one really good one who is on the spectrum. I wondered why I clicked with him made me more interesting in Asian culture.
 
Tony Ramirez said:
Having Asian friends especially now one really good one who is on the spectrum. I wondered why I clicked with him made me more interesting in Asian culture.
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Tony Ramirez said:
Also, I do want to try art and stuff. Maybe even take an art class. I loved it in highschool.
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Do it! Take an art class. Look into it today. What sort of art did you like in high school? Painting? Ceramics?

Also think about which aspects of Asian culture you’d like to explore more,—or maybe you just like your friend who happens to be Asian? But you live in Brooklyn, so you have a world of lectures, symposiums, meet-ups, and all the rest of it before you if you’d like to learn more.
 
I was actually kicked out of that walking group today. The ones that risked my life. No I didn't go again. When I got the email earlier.

I was with my friend from Hope not the married one the other female friend yes female friend who was supportive and talked to me. Taking it slow as we were talking about looking at museums in the city. No plans. She wants to come to the Tuesday group hang I go too but I said they might not have it this week but I will let her know.
 
I understand your desire for deeper connections Tony, and we can tell when we feel undervalued. I get frustrated because I know I can hold my own in general society. But I tend to stick out in ways that most people don't like too. However, we always have the choice to walk away, look for other people to talk to, try to interrupt back a little (but not too much), etc. Take as many breaks as you need but don't give up. meetup.com, especially in a big city like yours, has vast number of groups. I would suggest looking for some autism specific for meetups as you're more likely to find more "Level 1s" as opposed to others who might be on "Level 3". Maybe some online autism support groups too- they do exist!
 
Tony Ramirez said:
They are saying horrible things about me.
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Outsider said:
My friend had plenty of college friends, whom i have never met because we went to different colleges. After the graduation he got a low-paying job and all his more successful friends ghosted him as an unsuccessful person. He was grateful to me for keeping our friendship alive despite my own success in work, although not in social life.

On the opposite end of success spectrum, one of my college friends ghosted me because I was making much more money than he was, although he was a PhD candidate. This was an interesting case of ghosting, i have never heard anything like that before.
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I sense that these (probably NT) women can tell you're off. and it's socially awkward. Maybe they get vibes that you want to hit on them and that you're not in their league, and they can sense that. And because they are mean and selfish, maybe they know some of the other people you've turned off too. This is women's way of protecting themselves so that they don't get harassed, and it can be too much.

You need to be able to not overgeneralize either though.


You need to be able to express to these women verbally that they need to stop bullying you and stop telling you about other guys on dating apps they are interested in, and then walk away. If you have meltdowns, this falls all on you unfortunately.
 
paloftoon said:
I sense that these (probably NT) women can tell you're off. and it's socially awkward. Maybe they get vibes that you want to hit on them and that you're not in their league, and they can sense that. And because they are mean and selfish, maybe they know some of the other people you've turned off too. This is women's way of protecting themselves so that they don't get harassed, and it can be too much.

You need to be able to not overgeneralize either though.


You need to be able to express to these women verbally that they need to stop bullying you and stop telling you about other guys on dating apps they are interested in, and then walk away. If you have meltdowns, this falls all on you unfortunately.
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I am NT, and I know NT women well. My problem is that I cannot keep my mouth shut when I chat with women other than my exes. That causes unwarranted jealousy and greatly complicates relationships. They see my innocent overtures as flirting. This is a case when a person's good communication skills serve against him.
I guess when women pay attention to me, which happens quite often, I get carried away instead of hitting the breaks. My female cousin told me that I'm too vain to change myself. I hope she's wrong about that.

The bottom line is that everyone has problems with the opposite sex. This applies to both autistic individuals and NTs. My brother is autistic, he never tried to date NT women, but he has a measure of success with autistic ones. Most autistic women are just as kind and caring as their NT counterparts, so I don't think that my brother is deprived of meaningful relations.

I tried to date someone whose condition is much worse than autism (that is arrested development), but things went downhill fast because she got jealous of my lady friend. However, in the future I don't mind dating an ASD 1. Actually I have someone in mind, but at the moment I'm not sure about her marital status (I know she's not officially married, but she might have a common law husband, as we call it in US).
 
Rodafina said:
@Steelbookcollector217 and @Tony Ramirez

Taking your own pain, frustration, and resentment out on women by making unkind comments because she mentions her boyfriend is a very unhealthy thing to do. This kind of behavior will contribute to women wanting nothing to do with you.

If you want to ever be in a relationship, you must stop talking about women in such a terrible way. Your own actions are what prevent you from getting what you want at this point.

Stop blaming women.
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There are plenty of men that abuse and treat women in an undignified manner, and these men are able to get whatever they want from women, whether it's through deceit or not.
 
Zain said:
There are plenty of men that abuse and treat women in an undignified manner, and these men are able to get whatever they want from women, whether it's through deceit or not.
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And your point is what?
 
Zain said:
There are plenty of men that abuse and treat women in an undignified manner, and these men are able to get whatever they want from women, whether it's through deceit or not.
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Reminds me of that proverb: "Two wrongs don't make a right."
 
tree said:
And your point is what?
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Seems obvious. She is saying that nice guys are the only type of guys that succeed with women. It's completely untrue. I'm warning others about her advice. She doesn't take this into account so there is something she is missing that can be answered elsewhere.
It it ironic that she later says that words have consequences.
 
I don't even want to begin to describe to you ladies how men talk about women when you aren't around.
 
Zain said:
Seems obvious. She is saying that nice guys are the only type of guys that succeed with women. It's completely untrue. I'm warning others about her advice. She doesn't take this into account so there is something she is missing that can be answered elsewhere.
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I said no such thing. It’s interesting that you interpreted it that way.
 
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