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My therapist told me there are still single women out there.

Markness

Markness

Young God
V.I.P Member
I met with my therapist yesterday and one of the things I told her was that nearly every woman at the music show I went to on Sunday had a guy standing with them. This is a common occurrence for me and it makes me feel worried that the number of women who are single is declining all the time. My therapist told me that there are still single women out there. Unfortunately, I can’t exactly recall what else she told me.
 
It is, indeed, a fact that there are still single women out there. It would be kind of strange if every single person on the planet had a significant other, because there are some people who have never dated before, and some other people who haven't had any luck dating either, or have been divorced, broken up with, etc.

There are also people who want to remain single, for many different reasons (including financial security, wanting to remain child-free, and having hobbies that would make being married difficult, like traveling constantly or being a full-time musician or writer) and there are people who are asexual/aromantic who may be averse to relationships.

Did you do the Google search I suggested?
 
@Markness

You are literally in the best age bracket (mid 30's) for males who want to find a long-term partner.

That doesn't mean it's objectively easy of course.
But it's probably true that it's never been easier for you, and that it will get progressively harder from here on.

Note that it's never going to be easy for men outside the "most attractive" 20% due to female hypergamy.
It makes finding a mate highly competitive even in your current age range.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hypergamy
 
I would like to refer you to your previous posts for tips to increase your chances at making a good and lasting connection with a women that might still be single.
Increase the odds in your favor. You will at least leave all the people that don`t behind.
 
My therapist says the same thing and I find it hard to believe too. When I go to places I find a guy attached to a girl almost everywhere and when I don't if I actually talk to then most of the time they end up having a boyfriend or a husband. So I completely understand where you are coming from @Markness and I am from New York which suppose to have more single women.
 
@Markness
Do you have any ideas on how you could possibly retain more information from a therapy session?

Like for me, I have to take notes. The notes probably wouldn’t make sense to others, but I write down things or even draw little pictures that will help me remember what’s going on and what things I need to follow up on. Sometimes I ask my therapist to pause so I can take a note and he understands.
 
Your therapist needs to help you develop your agency, to be able to see you advocate for yourself, being vulnerable to the possibility of being turned down. Right now I do not see you internally driven enough to try for connection as consistently as is needed because, let's face it, getting into a relationship with a compatible person is a numbers game. [It took me about 10 dates for two relationships with one not working out, and asking out about 3 women to get one date.]

I do not think you are resilient enough yet to go through that gauntlet or driven to listen to a positive internal voice, neglecting the negatives from people who really do not care about your satisfaction or happiness.
 
Markness said:
I met with my therapist yesterday and one of the things I told her was that nearly every woman at the music show I went to on Sunday had a guy standing with them. This is a common occurrence for me and it makes me feel worried that the number of women who are single is declining all the time. My therapist told me that there are still single women out there. Unfortunately, I can’t exactly recall what else she told me.
Click to expand...
The presence of females with males standing next to them didn't make you feel anything.

What you told yourself (*the number of women who are single is declining all the time*) and
your reaction to it (*oh no, I'll never get a partner/poor me* did.

Can't exactly recall what else your therapist told you?
Nothing?
 
tree said:
Can't exactly recall what else your therapist told you?
Nothing?
Click to expand...
Can't help but wonder it works the same way for Markness with his therapist as it works with people giving advice here. The actual advice requires work and self reflection. As soon as that is called upon it is being ignored and thus forgotten.
Have you told your therapist you hardly recall what is talked about in your sessions? He/She might think of ways to help you recall them better.
 
Last edited:
Hypnalis said:
@Markness

You are literally in the best age bracket (mid 30's) for males who want to find a long-term partner.

That doesn't mean it's objectively easy of course.
But it's probably true that it's never been easier for you, and that it will get progressively harder from here on.

Note that it's never going to be easy for men outside the "most attractive" 20% due to female hypergamy.
It makes finding a mate highly competitive even in your current age range.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hypergamy
Click to expand...
Thank you just upped my vocabulary by a couple of words similar to some chemistry terms. I like it.
 
kenaij said:
The actual advice requires work and self reflection.
Click to expand...
In spades! To be successful with Cognitive Processing Therapy, I had to dig deep into myself, remembering things that I would rather forget. Exposing the worst of onself was very hard and for a while my anger at life was increasing. But the eventual recognition that I am a flawed human, as are we all, let me work past barriers that prevented my taking responsibility for my feelings and reprogram my responses.
 
I just recalled my therapist asking me “How long do you want your past to keep affecting you?” or something like that.
 
tree said:
The presence of females with males standing next to them didn't make you feel anything.

What you told yourself (*the number of women who are single is declining all the time*) and
your reaction to it (*oh no, I'll never get a partner/poor me* did.

Can't exactly recall what else your therapist told you?
Nothing?
Click to expand...
I can recall some things but not perfectly.
 
Markness said:
I just recalled my therapist asking me “How long do you want your past to keep affecting you?” or something like that.
Click to expand...
That seems like a very valid question. And how did you answer it? If you can`t remember. How would you answer it now.
 
Luca said:
It is, indeed, a fact that there are still single women out there. It would be kind of strange if every single person on the planet had a significant other, because there are some people who have never dated before, and some other people who haven't had any luck dating either, or have been divorced, broken up with, etc.

There are also people who want to remain single, for many different reasons (including financial security, wanting to remain child-free, and having hobbies that would make being married difficult, like traveling constantly or being a full-time musician or writer) and there are people who are asexual/aromantic who may be averse to relationships.

Did you do the Google search I suggested?
Click to expand...
I did. There’s a lot to read. I just hope the ones that mention finding love in their mid-30’s can be replicated for my own life.
 
Are you looking for “Mrs. Right”? Or “Miss Right now”?

If your goal is to find a lasting relationship with the right person for you, I have one bit of advice:

Men and women both tend to be single for short periods between bad relationships. Most of my experience has been that it’s really about being in the right place, at the right time, with the right person. It’s a total cliché but it totally fits… you’ll find her when you stop looking. And don’t just settle for a woman who doesn’t fit. The right woman would never consider an advance from a person who is in a relationship. Love is sacred to good people, and she would never want you to cheat.

Also….. go out and have fun doing whatever interests you. The gym, grocery store, etc. Approach her like you just want to be helpful and the date opportunity might be HER idea (you’ll still have to ask, but it’s easier if she was already thinking it because you’re AWESOME)The best partner would have the same interests. Women are usually attracted to someone who is happy, laughing, enjoying whatever it is that they’re doing. And it’s a hell of a lot easier to start a conversation when there’s something ‘real’ to talk about.

1 more: Don’t focus on looking in places where people usually go on dates. Concerts, restaurants, etc…. usually full of women who went there because a man took her on a date. I had a bad habit of dating women that I worked with (causes problems when there’s 3 ex’s sitting together judging my current girlfriend), but that’s where I met my wife. You could even go to a neighborhood bar and only order club soda. Get really good at darts or pool. After a while, all of the pretty ladies will be checking you out and fighting over you.
—————
If it’s “Mrs Right Now”, then a bar is usually a fantastic place to start. Watch as many romantic comedies as you can stomach and practice your opening lines in the mirror. And prepare yourself for lots of rejection. It’s painful but also just a fact of life.
 
Tony Ramirez said:
That's the problem I have. I never experienced rejection from a woman. Of course I still never had a first date not even a coffee date.
Click to expand...
I’d rather have myself castrated with a rusty pair of scissors than to get turned down again. It feels like she’s calling me ugly, stupid, and short…. all in a single word.

It’s just an unfortunate reality that men are expected to initiate romance. But when we get it wrong, then we’re pigs. I get it wrong a lot.
 
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