@Markness, would you be able to pinpoint a few ways in which the forum has been helpful to you?
What has really helped you so far?
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My therapist told me there are still single women out there.
- Thread starter Markness
- Start date
What has really helped you so far?
I think I’m “different” from most guys. Without intimacy and a deep personal connection to the woman, I don’t even want the sex part. I’m more of the “girl” in the bedroom.
I don't think that makes you the "girl" in the bedroom. I would also say I don't think most guys place little value on the importance of connection in a relationship; I think most people in general, men and women combined value intimacy and deep personal connection in relation to a sexual relationship.
I'm just pointing out that that's not always the case. I think there could be many reasons why some people, perhaps only at a certain period or age of their lives or after certain traumatic experiences decide they're perfectly fine and happy to live their life solo with the only addition being occasional physical/sexual intimacy by way of sex work. If that works for them, it's their choice, it's consensual, legal, etc...then I have zero judgement toward that kind of scenario. It actually seems weird to me that others in society in general, with no involvement in such a person's life could or should think that they should be able to dictate, direct, pass judgement on, etc the person for their own individual choices related to the subject. To be clear, I'm in no way saying I think you're doing that, @AspieChris, I'm speaking in general terms.
I never thought there was an official word for it. But yes, that’s me.
@AspieChris
Needing an emotional connection is healthy, and definitely doesn't put you on the asexuality spectrum.
Actually the reverse (ignoring emotional connections) is a problem (though it seems hard to believe in these strange days):
Starting with sex without even knowing of you like each other is not healthy. OTS's are not healthy. Using artificial means (e.g. alcohol, but there are many non-chemical means) to lower inhibitions isn't healthy.
Note that these behaviors don't seem to be helping anyone. Most of the relevant statistics are getting worse, and the process has been accelerated since use of social media became widespread.
Needing an emotional connection is healthy, and definitely doesn't put you on the asexuality spectrum.
Actually the reverse (ignoring emotional connections) is a problem (though it seems hard to believe in these strange days):
Starting with sex without even knowing of you like each other is not healthy. OTS's are not healthy. Using artificial means (e.g. alcohol, but there are many non-chemical means) to lower inhibitions isn't healthy.
Note that these behaviors don't seem to be helping anyone. Most of the relevant statistics are getting worse, and the process has been accelerated since use of social media became widespread.
autism-and-autotune
A musical mind with recent revelations
This is actually a very wise question. But to be honest I too have struggled with letting the past affect my present; not anytime recently, but it was definitely how I used to be.
@Markness, any thoughts on this? I am very curious.
I am about to go to bed but I will mention a point before I do so. I get support without being judged most of the time here.
Thank you for telling me. I feel that I get that here, too.
Me too. Even when the advice doesn’t really help me, it always comes from a place of support and understanding. I didn’t realize it until I found this website, but I was completely alone my whole life. I don’t feel like that anymore.
I am 35 and I am still alone.Your situation isn't unusual.
You already know what to do, and that it's not a fast process. You need to get started.
Is it "One day ...", or "First day!!" ?
If it's "first day!" soon you're still ok. If it's still "one day ...", in 5 years or so the difficulty will start increasing quite quickly.
You're still in the very best range (31/32 to 35-37, depending on the individual).
Don't wait.
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Yes you are. And this is the age when a lot of women start understanding that good looks and a fast car are worthless in the long run. There’s a LOT of divorcées out there in their mid 30’s who now understand that a kind personality matters most and will look right past any of your faults.
My wife had just come out of an abusive marriage when we met. She watched me have a couple of meltdowns before we got engaged and she didn’t even flinch. By the time the first one happened, she had already seen what kind of person I really was on the inside. And because of her previous “partner” (who was pretty good looking and made lots of money) she didn’t care at all.
To your original post about whether there are single women still "out there". Not only are there, of course, but the number within the next decade is predicted to explode. I forget the estimated percentage, but if I recall correctly it's supposed to be something like 60% or more of women who are currently age 30 or younger will be single and alone in their middle age onward.
@Magna
I think you're probably right, but most of the statistics that get thrown around online are questionable.
Here are some facts that I found interesting, and came from a reasonably reliable source:
1. Marriages are way down in the US.
This is consistent with your "single woman" stat, but it's not clear what the consequences will be. I'm hoping that @AspieChris is right, and that women will somehow come to terms with the downsides of hypergamy. But TBH I'm not optimistic.
2. Among women who have children, the number of children per woman is about the same as in the past (think post WW2), but there are more women who never have children.
So the coming population collapse is due to fewer women following something like the historically "standard child-raising pattern".
3. The timing has changed.
The average age of the first child born to mothers is significantly later than in the near-past.
The started in the mid-1970's, almost certainly due to the hormonal contraceptives for women ("the pill").
I think there's a causal connection between (2) and (3).
(3) is why Markness's timing is still ok. If it was the 1970's, he'd be considered quite old to be looking for a Life Partner. In 2023 he's In the "sweet spot".
I think you're probably right, but most of the statistics that get thrown around online are questionable.
Here are some facts that I found interesting, and came from a reasonably reliable source:
1. Marriages are way down in the US.
This is consistent with your "single woman" stat, but it's not clear what the consequences will be. I'm hoping that @AspieChris is right, and that women will somehow come to terms with the downsides of hypergamy. But TBH I'm not optimistic.
2. Among women who have children, the number of children per woman is about the same as in the past (think post WW2), but there are more women who never have children.
So the coming population collapse is due to fewer women following something like the historically "standard child-raising pattern".
3. The timing has changed.
The average age of the first child born to mothers is significantly later than in the near-past.
The started in the mid-1970's, almost certainly due to the hormonal contraceptives for women ("the pill").
I think there's a causal connection between (2) and (3).
(3) is why Markness's timing is still ok. If it was the 1970's, he'd be considered quite old to be looking for a Life Partner. In 2023 he's In the "sweet spot".
Wow, deja vue all over again. We had harmonious interests and I found her in a place as far away from traditional dating as possible. I loved outdoor activities and got involved with outings groups where interest and helpfulness was rewarded. Then, I met my future spouse as a result of a national outing we both signed up for. I called her up to carpool and had few expectations since we lived 300 miles apart (Chicago - Detroit). we talked for over a month planning our road trip and talking about conditioning and gear. When we met IRL I was hoping to meet a woman who loved outdoor activities, and she was hoping to meet a man to do outdoor activities with. We made the long distance dating work, then I moved to Chicago and we prospered together.
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