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My therapist told me there are still single women out there.

Tony Ramirez said:
That's the problem I have. I never experienced rejection from a woman. Of course I still never had a first date not even a coffee date.
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Let's see if I understand what you're saying.

You've never experienced rejection from a woman.
And you have never dated.

Does that mean you have yet to ask a female to do
something social with you? A movie? Prayer meeting?
Go to the Dairy Queen for an ice cream cone? Anything,
ever?

And no females have ever asked you to go for a walk
(in the park, to the store, whatever) with them ? Or anything?
 
A date needs not be formal. It’s really one on one time that really can’t be explained any other way.

This is the reason I refuse to spend any time around women other than my wife. Alone time with a lady can easily be misunderstood as ‘romantic’, and it’s a land mine I’d rather avoid.
 
tree said:
Let's see if I understand what you're saying.

You've never experienced rejection from a woman.
And you have never dated.

Does that mean you have yet to ask a female to do
something social with you? A movie? Prayer meeting?
Go to the Dairy Queen for an ice cream cone? Anything,
ever?

And no females have ever asked you to go for a walk
(in the park, to the store, whatever) with them ? Or anything?
Click to expand...
Exactly none of that has every happened to me. Never dated. Never asked a woman out. No woman asked me to go anywhere or do anything. But plenty of guys married or not have which is annoying as one yesterday married man I hanged out with.
 
Markness said:
I just recalled my therapist asking me “How long do you want your past to keep affecting you?” or something like that.
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So, what is your answer to this? Do you want to grow, or do you want to live while you're dead or die while you're living? We are all shuffling to the grave and I have fewer years ahead of me, but I want to thoroughly use myself up and go out living actively, so I have no more time for past resentment.
 
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AspieChris said:
Are you looking for “Mrs. Right”? Or “Miss Right now”?

If your goal is to find a lasting relationship with the right person for you, I have one bit of advice:

Men and women both tend to be single for short periods between bad relationships. Most of my experience has been that it’s really about being in the right place, at the right time, with the right person. It’s a total cliché but it totally fits… you’ll find her when you stop looking. And don’t just settle for a woman who doesn’t fit. The right woman would never consider an advance from a person who is in a relationship. Love is sacred to good people, and she would never want you to cheat.

Also….. go out and have fun doing whatever interests you. The gym, grocery store, etc. Approach her like you just want to be helpful and the date opportunity might be HER idea (you’ll still have to ask, but it’s easier if she was already thinking it because you’re AWESOME)The best partner would have the same interests. Women are usually attracted to someone who is happy, laughing, enjoying whatever it is that they’re doing. And it’s a hell of a lot easier to start a conversation when there’s something ‘real’ to talk about.

1 more: Don’t focus on looking in places where people usually go on dates. Concerts, restaurants, etc…. usually full of women who went there because a man took her on a date. I had a bad habit of dating women that I worked with (causes problems when there’s 3 ex’s sitting together judging my current girlfriend), but that’s where I met my wife. You could even go to a neighborhood bar and only order club soda. Get really good at darts or pool. After a while, all of the pretty ladies will be checking you out and fighting over you.
—————
If it’s “Mrs Right Now”, then a bar is usually a fantastic place to start. Watch as many romantic comedies as you can stomach and practice your opening lines in the mirror. And prepare yourself for lots of rejection. It’s painful but also just a fact of life.
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I agree @AspieChris . I was enjoying my skills in outdoor activities and hoping to meet a woman who would enjoy doing activities. Some I met feigned interest, but that was not them, or others were into organized team sports which bore me. A short term relationship ended and I was taking a break, then by happenstance I met a woman looking for a man to do outdoor activities with when I called her to car pool to a trail maintenance project and the rest is history. We still have adventures.
 
Tony Ramirez said:
Exactly none of that has every happened to me. Never dated. Never asked a woman out. No woman asked me to go anywhere or do anything. But plenty of guys married or not have which is annoying as one yesterday married man I hanged out with.
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Even today it is the man that has to make the approach, and you need to recognize that you must be vulnerable to a having your offer declined. It took me 3 tries for each date and I dated 10 women before running into my future spouse when I was not expecting much.
 
Gerald Wilgus said:
Even today it is the man that has to make the approach, and you need to recognize that you must be vulnerable to a having your offer declined. It took me 3 tries for each date and I dated 10 women before running into my future spouse when I was not expecting much.
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Hope for the best…. Prepare for the worst.

It’s really difficult to try with one lady, get ‘declined’, and then try with another in the same room when everyone watched you have a meltdown.
 
tree said:
What, if anything, did she suggest?
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She thinks I need to try getting out of my comfort zone at least once a day and to not get stuck in my “dorsal state.”

In the past, she’s told me that I am still young and that there really is no time.
 
Dropping the jargon (comfort zone, dorsal state) what does
the suggestion amount to, in practical terms?
 
Markness said:
I have a feeling that she said something else but I can’t recall it.
Click to expand...
This seems to be a common experience for you, not remembering
what your therapist says.

What can you do yourself to help you retain more of what
is happening during your sessions?
 
tree said:
This seems to be a common experience for you, not remembering
what your therapist says.

What can you do yourself to help you retain more of what
is happening during your sessions?
Click to expand...
I suppose I could take notes or ask her to repeat her advice.
 
AspieChris said:
Hope for the best…. Prepare for the worst.

It’s really difficult to try with one lady, get ‘declined’, and then try with another in the same room when everyone watched you have a meltdown.
Click to expand...
What meltdown? When somebody declined my offer of a date I would either think that it was good to know right then that we aren't compatible so I don't waste my time, or that they don't know what they are missing out on. Plus, after being hurt by people in the past I never asked anybody out so publicly.
 
I just wish the chronic loneliness and brief glimpses of hope that end up in disappointment (Such as the case with Jennifer.) would come to an end.
 
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