My therapist told me there are still single women out there.

[Masked Man]

1. Marriages are way down in the US.
This is consistent with your "single woman" stat, but it's not clear what the consequences will be. I'm hoping that @AspieChris is right, and that women will somehow come to terms with the downsides of hypergamy. But TBH I'm not optimistic.

It's not necessarily hypergamy, it's that those days of having the ability to support a family on one income are long gone and not coming back. Things are expensive - LIFE is expensive - these days. I think it's not that women are looking for a guy who out earns them - they want a guy who at least has his life together. I think it's been said before that Mark really needs to get himself independent. That would be an enormous accomplishment.

 

[Hypnalis]

@Masked Man

Just to set the scene:
If you go back to pre-Industrial Revolution times, the majority of marriages were between people working together in agricultural businesses, "cottage industries", etc.
It was different for rich people of course, but we have to be careful of the "Apex Fallacy".
:
:
The modern (21st century) story of marriage is 90% fake.

It's significantly cheaper for two adults to live together than for one. Pair-bonding itself is economically viable.

Paying for children isn't easy, but remember the other part of my post:
The low birth numbers are due to an increase in the number of women who have no children. Women who have children have, on aggregate, the same number of children as in the 1960's.

There's no simple explanation of course, and it's a moving target in a way (hard to separate out underlying causes from "noise").

It's not correct to say "It's all the fault of women", but it is correct to say that changes in life-choices made by women are a major contributing factor.

 

[Masked Man]

It's not correct to say "It's all the fault of women", but it is correct to say that changes in life-choices made by women are a major contributing factor.

Yes and the overarching truth in the 21st century is that many women are not going to be willing to settle for a man who is not able to behave like a full partner who can pull his own weight in a relationship. It's not right or wrong - it just is.

 

[AspieChris]

Yes and the overarching truth in the 21st century is that many women are not going to be willing to settle for a man who is not able to behave like a full partner who can pull his own weight in a relationship. It's not right or wrong - it just is.

Absolutely true. And thanks to the internet, both men and women feel like there’s always a better match for themselves out there somewhere. 30 years ago we were all basically limited to someone ’local’.

So today, if the first date doesn’t go perfectly…. I can just hit my favorite dating app while I’m pretending to go to the bathroom and find someone else who looks to be a better match for myself.

Solid relationships take time to build. Nobody is patient anymore.

 

[Masked Man]

Absolutely true. And thanks to the internet, both men and women feel like there’s always a better match for themselves out there somewhere. 30 years ago we were all basically limited to someone ’local’.

So today, if the first date doesn’t go perfectly…. I can just hit my favorite dating app while I’m pretending to go to the bathroom and find someone else who looks to be a better match for myself.

Solid relationships take time to build. Nobody is patient anymore.

I mean... is that a bad thing? Seems to me that men (speaking as one myself) seem to be just mad that women have more options - one of which is to just stay single and not waste time with someone they really don't like all that much.

 

[Hypnalis]

AFAIK there's nothing incorrect in the 3 posts above, but it's not a simple issue.

One example which is both relevant and neutral:

By far the largest cost of a mother staying at home with children is her "lost working years".
(or, in principle, a father, but why it's more likely to be the mother is a different discussion)

A few years away from of work during the "accepted child-bearing years" (by modern standards) has a very large negative effect on future lifetime earnings, because of lost opportunities for promotions compared to those who work continuously, "getting behind" on e.g. the latest tech and methods, loss of "networking", etc.

If society wanted to address this (it won't though /sigh) we'd need a system that removes that penalty. There are some obvious theoretical solutions, but IMO nothing practical IRL. Certainly nothing that's are likely to be implemented soon, if ever.

e.g. Banning 50% of working age people from working for 5 years between 25 and 35 would sort out the statistical problem /lol.

 

[Masked Man]

AFAIK there's nothing incorrect in the 3 posts above, but it's not a simple issue.

One example which is both relevant and neutral:

By far the largest cost of a mother staying at home with children is her "lost working years".
(or, in principle, a father, but why it's more likely to be the mother is a different discussion)

A few years away from of work during the "accepted child-bearing years" (by modern standards) has a very large negative effect on future lifetime earnings, because of lost opportunities for promotions compared to those who work continuously, "getting behind" on e.g. the latest tech and methods, loss of "networking", etc.

If society wanted to address this (it won't though /sigh) we'd need a system that removes that penalty. There are some obvious theoretical solutions, but IMO nothing practical IRL. Certainly nothing that's are likely to be implemented soon, if ever.

e.g. Banning 50% of working age people from working for 5 years between 25 and 35 would sort out the statistical problem /lol.

Absolutely correct, the problem is a much larger one that is unlikely to ever be solved (at least not in my lifetime lol).

In the US at least, as long as corporations hold the amount of influence it does over government, I can't see anything changing to a larger extent. But interesting to note, even in countries that have instituted mandated maternal/paternal leave policies, birth rates are still, overall, on a decline. So there's more to it than just that.

As you stated, it's not a simple issue.

 

[Markness]

When a patron at the library mentions having a boyfriend or husband/girlfriend or wife to me, it tends to fuel my fears that I won’t find someone special.

 

[tree]

Fueling the fire of your fears.....

Another one out of the gf pool, fewer left for you to
take a shot at.....and obviously it means that if they
have a mate, you're a total loser for not having one,
currently. And there's no hope.

That's what it looks like you're telling yourself.

 

[Markness]

Fueling the fire of your fears.....

Another one out of the gf pool, fewer left for you to
take a shot at.....and obviously it means that if they
have a bf/gf, you 're a total loser for not having one.

That's what it looks like you're telling yourself.

I can't have any emotions?

My detractors have often boasted to me that they are superior to me for having romantic relationships while I am single.

 

[MNAus]

I can’t have any emotions?

You appear to be taking fairly trivial situations and using them to draw pretty dire conclusions. Also, I'm not sure you REALLY think that tree is telling you you can't have emotions, are you? Perhaps you might reflect on why that seemed the logical reaction and how other ways of processing what was said might bring you better outcomes.

I think I said this to you before, but the idea that there is a group of women (or men) who become 'taken' is a simple but incorrect way of seeing things. Few people stay with their first partner for life. For some that might be one or two minor relationships before they find someone for longer term, for others they might have a much longer relationship before finding themselves single again. And yet pretty much all of those people, if they so choose, end up with someone else.

Think on all those songs, agony aunt columns, angry movies, etc that people relate to when they break up. There's an entire industry focused on soothing break-ups. Not wishing to sound mercenary, but that is the reality of relationships: people become open to new relationships on a regular basis.

 

[Masked Man]

My detractors have often boasted to me that they are superior to me for having romantic relationships while I am single.

"My detractors" : you don't have detractors.

"Have often boasted to me" : No one is boasting. They are sharing their experience.

"They are superior to me" : They are sharing what worked for them and also making suggestions on what might also work for you.

You have autism and your brain is doing that autistic thing where you interpret things incorrectly. Because you're depressed, you also have interpreted it as them being mean to you. It's an incorrect assumption.

 

[AspieChris]

When a patron at the library mentions having a boyfriend or husband/girlfriend or wife to me, it tends to fuel my fears that I won’t find someone special.

You’re just feeling desperate because you’re lonely. And sitting around feeling lonely just makes you feel more desperate. It’s like a nuclear reaction that fuels itself until it explodes. Even just having this conversation can be adding fuel to the fire.

I doubt that anyone is bragging that they have love in their life to make you feel like you’re losing at love. Happy people are just generally proud to be happy and they like to share that happiness with anyone that they can.

When you do find that special someone, you’ll want to shout it from the rooftops.